by Lee, Corri
I swept my glass of red wine up in my hand and used it to muffle my response. “Isaac Alexander.”
“Oh, of course.” He slapped his head in realisation and nudged the dishwasher shut with his foot. His response was calmer than I’d anticipated- he clearly didn’t view Isaac as a threat. “I’ve seen him enough times. He’s been in the bistro nearly every day for the past week.”
“He has?” I blinked in surprise- the food was good in the bistro, but not good enough to justify daily visits. I immediately suspected an ulterior motive- I just couldn’t for one moment fathom what it could be.
Cole sat back down next to me and resumed clicking through the pictures. “You can tell you’re faking it with him though.” I couldn’t stop my laughter bursting from my mouth- the irony was divine. This man’s understanding of women was backwards. “I’m still not keen on the fact he had his lips on you though.”
I drained my glass and licked the residual red droplets from my cupid’s bow. “You know, if you weren’t so damn territorial, I’d be asking what your catch is. The whole experience lasted two minutes, maybe less. I didn’t enjoy a single second.” That was certainly no lie. The onslaught of his words still hung heavy over my head. My eyes cast down to Cole’s laptop and his rapid progression through the pictures. He didn’t seem even slightly interested in any image he couldn’t attack for its presence of Isaac. “Don’t you like them?”
“They’re fine.”
“ ‘Fine’? For god’s sake, who needs Nathaniel Alexander when I have a critic like you?” I winced as his name fell from my mouth and tightened my lips awkwardly. I had willingly wandered into another confrontation over my relationship with Nathaniel, or lack thereof. Or temporary presence- I couldn’t be sure.
Cole inhaled sharply and cupped his hands together, twiddling his thumbs. “Nathaniel has seen these?” And the live floor show.
“He was very complimentary. Like I said before, these are going to end up all over the city- if I look like crap it’s going to be an embarrassment to his company.” My defensiveness was doing little to protect neither Nathaniel nor myself from harsh judgment. Toting erotically natured pictures of me in the name of advertisement made him sound like my pimp.
“Is that what you want? Legions of yes-men telling you that you’re fabulous and throwing roses at your feet?”
I laughed breathily and shrugged, “I certainly wouldn’t complain.” My laughter ceased when I saw his bitter expression and furrowed brow. “Show me a woman who doesn’t want to be told she’s beautiful, Cole. A woman who doesn’t thrive on compliments.”
“You never used to.” My mouth dropped in horror as he stood again and pulled open his freezer. He was entirely right. “Ice cream?”
“No thanks, I need to start watching my weight.” The freezer door slammed shut behind me and Cole sighed harshly.
“Who the fuck are you?”
I spun around in my seat and scowled. “Excuse me?”
“What happened to the woman who didn’t give a crap about money and vanity, the one who was happy to slum it in catalogue seconds and have burping conversations with pensioners? I barely recognise you anymore between the wanderlust and screams for attention and approval.” His words cut deep and stung like kisses from a razor blade. Had I changed so much in such a short time and turned my back on so many values that I was unrecognisable?
I stumbled over my words and fought back tears of anger. “What about you, Mr I’m-going-to-make-you-fall-for-me? We’re less than three weeks into our relationship and we’ve done nothing but bloody argue because you’re completely obsessed with Nathaniel. Maybe you’re in love with him, is that it? Are you gay?”
We glared at each other hostilely for a moment before we simultaneously burst into laughter. The mutual realisation that we had both lost our way and that neither of us had done enough to make our relationship function normally passed between us in an instant. He had focused too hard on marking his territory before he owned it, and I had done little to offer myself up exclusively as his.
“I waited damn near sixteen months to get that hot, retiring little English rose that wanted nothing more than intellectual stimulation, Cecelia. I don’t want anything other than my woman with needs.”
I held out my hands for him to hoist me to my feet and hooked my arms around his neck. “I have needs. Specifically ice cream and Italian gangsters.” Gripping the nape of his neck, I pushed up onto my tiptoes and pulled his face down to mine. “No matter how much time I spend with Nathaniel, I always come back to you. Don’t you understand that? I’m yours.”
And in a spectacular eureka moment, I was his. His lips wrapped around mine and there was something there. A glimmer of hope. Where the line between Cecelia Douglas- author and Cecelia Douglas- barmaid was drawn, there was only Cole. Not fireworks, but a distant popping.
Chapter Twenty-One
Cole dropped me off at home just in time to share a coffee with Bethany before she set off to work for the day. Our night had been a comfortable few hours of Italian mob movies to poke fun at his ludicrous behaviour and more ice cream between us than could be deemed healthy. I had fallen asleep draped in his heavy olive skinned limbs and woken up to his smile. No sexual advances were made- I suspected that he didn’t want to push his luck- and the evening had been just as it should.
He had massaged my feet while I spent an hour or so applying the appropriate changes to my novel, and any mention of Nathaniel he took on the chin. I was there with him after all, not Nathaniel. My ability to verbalise my heartache waned as I warmed to my significant man and slipped on a pair of rose tinted spectacles.
I’d watched in awe as he dressed for work, my penchant for men in suits satisfied by his black tie and ocre shirt. He made me promise never to pounce on him at the college again, as the ribbing from his students had yet to cease, but encouraged future visits for lunch. A ‘proper’ lunch, I was reminded.
His arms wrapped around my waist on the pavement outside my front door. The feeling of being wrapped up in him had become a drug in just twelve hours, and I knew that I’d miss it when he was at work. Once I was willing, I had fallen hard and fast, and unlike what I’d felt for Nathaniel, this was all the better for being permitted. Nathaniel was almost a distant memory after a night of drinking in Mr Cole Machismo Fiore.
“Umm, photographers at two o’clock.”
Cole pulled back from our kiss just slightly and scanned the landscape. “Your two or my two?”
“My two.” He turned and we both waved politely to the photographers before committing ourselves to a deeper kiss. There could be no mistaking that we were completely captivated and lost in each other. The media stalkers were becoming an integral part of my routine, and Cole too was beginning to take it in his stride.
“I probably should have mentioned,” he murmured against my lips, “that it’s my birthday on Friday.”
I leaned back in surprise and shoved his shoulder. “You should have said, I’ll have to go shopping.”
“Don’t.” He leaned his forehead against mine and splayed his hands out across my back. “You hand in your final draft and I get my girl’s full attention. That’s the best gift I could ask for.”
“Hmm.” I pulled him up to my front door by the hand and fished my keys from my pocket. “We’ll see about that. I can’t be getting a reputation as a tight fisted girlfriend.”
Bethany gaped in astonishment as Cole and I stumbled through the door, inseparable by at least two points of contact. My hands were in his hair and his on my hips as I tripped and fell backwards onto the couch. He laughed against my face and adjusted his trousers as he pulled away from me. “Aww.”
“I have to go to work- some suckers don’t dictate their own hours like you can.” I pouted, already feeling the effects of withdrawal from his touch. “Don’t look at me like that. Why don’t we all go to dinner tonight? Us three, Adam and-…” He took a breath and exhaled slowly, “… the Alexander’s.”
“You wan
t me to invite three billionaires to dinner?”
“Sure. They’re getting my girl famous, seems like the least I can do. And let’s face it, Isaac will be there anyway.”
“Okay…” I nodded slowly, “I’ll call Lobke- get her to put it in their diary.”
“No need, I’ll call the publishing house on my lunch break.” I raised an eyebrow at him warily and pursed my lips. “No concrete boots or Cuban cigars, I promise.” He glanced up at the time and pulled a face. “I’m going to be late.” He spared me one last kiss before he fled through the door. “Ciao, bella!”
I sighed dreamily, resting my head back on the cushions of the couch and throwing my arm over my face dramatically. My mind swam with visions of our intimate meal in the company of those closest to my heart and what I planned for the aftermath. My arm shifted just fractionally, enough to see Bethany staring down at me with one hand on her hip and the other offering me a mug. “Explain.”
“Doubt that the stars are fire, doubt that the Sun doth move his aides. Doubt truth to be a liar, but never doubt I love.” I twisted around to sit straight and took the mug from her hand with a shrug. “It just clicked last night. Everything finally fell into place for both of us. I’m smitten.”
“You were tragically in love with Nathaniel yesterday.” Tragic was right.
I waved a hand dismissively and sipped at the coffee. “Misplaced emotions in the absence of common sense and romance. I’m over it.”
“Just like that?” I nodded and smiled, curling my legs around me like a cat and flicking on the television to the music channels. For the first time since I could remember, I was content and placid. Nothing could possibly fish me from the sea of calm that lapped at my toes and washed me clean of sin. “Hmm, okay. Are you coming into the publishing house later?”
“Maybe, I think Nathaniel is going to be pretty busy cementing the deal with whatever hot rock star he’s been planning on extending the Alexander genealogy with. I doubt he’ll come for dinner actually.”
“So come in for lunch?” I held up a hand to seal the arrangement with a high five and waved as she strolled out wearing a pair of shoes she had borrowed from me. How life had changed.
Cole and I hit the gossip columns within an hour, and by ten o’clock, the internet was rife with pictures of us kissing and the prominent headline, Beauty over Brains? I read multiple versions of the same sentiment, and each tickled my funny bone.
Does beauty prevail over brains? The woman caught between two men- college lecturer Cole Fiore, 25 and Nathaniel Alexander, 23- appears to have made a choice, publicly and blatantly, on the doorstep of her humble home.
Sources confirmed that the woman, named only as Cecelia, is the author of Alexander’s alleged ‘next bestseller’ The Price Of Success, after witnessing her successfully negotiating for the majority of the royalties accrued from book sales to be donated to GOSH during a game of croquet at Isaac Alexander’s annual exclusive charity event. Those who witnessed the game describe her as fearless, sincerely beautiful and pure hearted.
So, posed with the choice, why has our new-age Mother Theresa chosen rags over riches? Considering her charitable nature and violent outbursts, we can come to only one conclusion.
Britain’s next face of literature is a little bit shallow.
I cackled at the article’s implication that Cole was better looking than Nathaniel, and was mulling over the idea of leaving an anonymous comment, when the door rapped loudly and forced me to tear myself away from the hilarity to face a disgruntled looking courier who looked barely ready to be out of bed. He sneered at me disapprovingly as I signed for the thin loosely wrapped package in his hand and grunted his thanks while he skulked down the steps. No points for enthusiasm, I thought, retreating into the house and regarding the package with utmost curiosity.
I recognised the scrawl that had marked my address on the brown paper. Nathaniel appeared to have cut his budget on extravagance. Brown tape fastened a simple brown tag to the package and it read but one word.
Wrath.
Curiosity piqued, I tore through the paper and stared at the contents with confusion. There was nothing but a thin black folder and one single white lily. A symbol of death.
My fingers ran over the spine of the folder for a moment before I dared to look inside. My gut told me that I wouldn’t like what lurked beyond, my head told me not to look, and my heart told me that looking was imperative to my novel’s completion. When caught in an emotional trinity such as this, I had always instinctively chosen my heart. It was a method of determination that I seriously had to reconsider.
The leather bound cover fell open on a document that threw fresh serum-flecked meat to my bloodlust. Wrath he hoped to evoke, and wrath he would suffer. He had taken the one aspect of me that I had insisted wasn’t for negotiation and torn it asunder without my knowledge or permission. He had taken the legacy. He had taken my identity.
He had taken my name.
The document grinned up at me with devilish delight and razzed in my face.
Declaration Of Change Of Name
Cecelia Dolores DOUGLAS
Now
Cecelia Dolores ALEXANDER
Witnessed by Isaac M. Alexander
Like the insult hadn’t stung enough, he had traded my name for one I craved to be free from. To some effect, this made me his possession. I was not.
I crumpled the lily in my fist and was out through the door- keys and folder in hand- faster than I knew I could move. The chill in the wind whipped my face as I flew through the streets at a pace barely less than a gallop, icy drops of solid rain smarting my skin and fuelling my venom.
I raised a furious hand of acknowledgment to Bethany as I stormed across the office floor to the lift, offering no pause for explanation. My vision was tunnelled and focused on one destination, and when I reach it, my arrival couldn’t be missed.
I threw the folder at Nathaniel’s face and slammed my palms down on his desk. “What the fuck is this?” He smirked smugly and kicked his legs up onto the desk, folding his hands into his lap. “Stop smiling, you dick! Where the fuck do you get off changing my name?”
“I told you, Cecelia,” my mouth twitched to suppress the smile that his voice always provoked, “Douglas lacks sophistication. You need a little pretention in your life.”
“ ‘A little pretention’?” I hissed, “I have a lot of pretention in my life,” my shoulders hunched to lower my face closer to his, “and I’m looking right at it.”
His tongue ran between the gap of his perfectly white teeth and settled in his cheek- a gesture of arrogance that set only to worsen my rage. “I’m merely controlling my universe, Cecelia.”
“We had this conversation on Saturday when you acted like a prat with Lobke-the people in your universe are not yours to control. Just because you’re richer than us doesn’t make our souls free for purchase. We’re not marionettes- our strings do not twitch when you will it. I am not yours to control.”
“You could be.” I pushed his legs off the desk and bared my teeth. He continued to smile and my blood began to evaporate in my veins.
“You have your significant woman, fucking control her instead. Go and change the name of your Catherine wheels to Alexander wheels and keep your narcissism limited to the comfort of your own life, butting the hell out of mine.”
“One problem with my significant woman, Cecelia.” Nathaniel finally rose to his feet and leaned over the desk to match my stance. “She’s stubborn and bad tempered. Did it hurt?”
My eyes narrowed. “Did what hurt?”
“The major brain trauma that caused your massive affliction of blissful ignorance. I don’t know how I possibly could have been more embarrassingly obvious if I’d tried. I told you I’d get my girl today, and I’m looking right at her. Staring into the platinum eyes that stole my heart.”
I shook my head slowly and stepped back from the table. “No.” My blissful bubble of serenity and newfound love burst around m
e spectacularly and showered me in a cascade of rainbow droplets- enough to drown my spirit. “No, you’re too late. I just got my head straight and heard the distant popping of fireworks with the man who would commit a crime of passion with the meagre appearance of flowers.”
“Bullshit.” I glared and rolled my hands up into fists. “I heard everything Isaac said to you yesterday. I saw the look of pain in your eyes when he said you’d never have me.” His jaw clenched and eyes flared with momentary ire. “I drove myself crazy watching my brother touch you in ways you wouldn’t permit me to do because you’re so stringently attached to your bloody morals that you wouldn’t let yourself touch a man in love.” He shook his head and straightened his back. “I control you more than you’d care to admit, Cecelia, and the control you have over me is equal. I controlled you by bringing you here with wrath, and you control me by telling me I can’t have you.”
“You can’t have me.” I shook my head once and whimpered slightly when I found my back against the wall. “Whether I’m your significant woman or not, I’m in love with Cole. If you’d said something earlier, this would have been different. Maybe.”
“I said plenty, you just twisted every hint to the advantage of an invisible woman.” Nathaniel walked up to me and blocked my exit with an arm at either side of me. “Your love for me had you drugging yourself to seek numbness on Saturday night. Being around me had your soul begging for mercy and everyone could see it in those otherworldly eyes that trap me in an instant. That kind of passion isn’t ephemeral.”
“Yes it is,” I breathed heavily, “I love Cole.”
“Tell me that you don’t love me.”
My voice stalled and betrayed me. “I don’t-… I d-…”
“It’s easier to lie and say you do, than to lie and say you don’t, isn’t it?” I dug down and searched for the hidden strength within me to escape the cage of his arms.