I could no longer deny that he was rushing towards his own death. Something had changed in him, something had broken. He’d claimed it was my fault that he could no longer feel any joy from killing the innocent and perhaps it was, or, maybe he had just found a connection to the world that he could no longer shut off.
He’d found it and it scared him. So, in response, he had decided to run as far from it as he could and that was straight towards his death. He wanted to die, but couldn’t take his own life so instead, he leapt into every dangerous situation he could and yet somehow, he survived.
“You should go to him.”
I didn’t need to turn my head to see him, lurking there in the shadows behind me. I’d heard his stealthy approach but if he had been a threat then Jinx would have let me know.
“Why would I do that?” I asked. “He has made his choice.”
“He doesn’t know what he wants,” Samuel said. “But even if he did, he can’t truly make a choice without knowing all of the facts.”
“It wouldn’t make a difference.”
“He does love you.”
“I know.”
“But he doesn’t know it, not really.”
Samuel took another step forward so that he stood beside me. His hand hovered near Jinx as she bared her teeth for just a moment before turning and licking his hand, giving him permission to scratch behind her ears.
I smiled and wiped at my eyes. That was a ringing endorsement of the man if anything was. She was a good judge of character after all.
“He will return.”
There was the unwavering truth of a true believer in his voice as he said that and I shook my head softly. I forgot sometimes how much of a zealot he was.
“Of that, I have no doubt,” I agreed. “He always has. But one day… one day soon, he will find a threat even he can’t defeat and die trying. I honestly don’t think he cares about that though.”
“You’re wrong.”
I glanced over at the tall man and my lips twisted into a bitter smile.
“Of course. Sorry, I forgot you believe that he is actually, Death incarnate.”
“I’m not a fool,” he replied calmly as he turned to look me in the eye. “I know this form he wears can be destroyed.”
This form, I held in a sigh.
“He allowed me to build this… belief, around him, because it was useful. But he doesn’t believe it himself. He doesn’t have to. I believe it and his followers believe in him. Because he doesn’t believe though, he will always put himself first.”
“As he does with everyone.”
“Except you.”
I raised my eyebrows at that. Of all the foolish things he might believe, that was the most foolish of all.
“He does,” Samuel insisted. “Why do you think he does all of this?”
“Because he enjoys killing,” I said without thinking and stopped, mouth hanging open as I cursed myself for revealing that.
“That is no secret,” he said and I breathed a sigh of relief. “But the world is infested with the Scourge and the Damned alike. He could spend his life wandering wherever he pleased, killing and never tire of it. He doesn’t though.”
“Because he can kill them here just as easily.”
“No, because you are here.” His lips curled into a smile at my look of confusion and he nodded gently. “He brought us to Glasgow because he knew you would eventually be there. He remained because he was saving all those people for you. He came to this island because you believe in what they are doing.”
I wiped at my eyes, a shiver running through my body as his words hit home.
“No matter what you may believe, young lady. He directs his energies into the very things that you believe in. If that doesn’t show you his love for you then I don’t know what does.”
“Perhaps you’re right,” I admitted softly. “It doesn’t mean that he has any less desire to court his own death.”
“I think that you might be surprised at that. While it is clear that he enjoys the risk and the… excitement of the fight. He very much intends to return to you each time he leaves.”
“He said it himself,” I replied, shaking my head stubbornly. “Too dangerous for anyone not willing to die. His exact words.”
Samuels laughter was low and full of genuine mirth.
“You don’t truly believe that he was speaking of himself then do you?”
“Well… of course.”
“I may not have known him as long as you have, but I have fought beside him and served him faithfully. He knows that no matter what mission he may leave on that it will be dangerous. He also knows that anyone who follows him could die. But at no point does he really consider that he will be one of them.”
“But…”
“There is a reason we believe as we do. The fact that no matter how dangerous things are, he returns to us, is one of them. I very much doubt that he even considers that fact that he will not return to be with you once more.”
I wiped once more at my eyes, hating the tears that stained my cheeks. He was right and I shouldn’t have needed him to spell it out for me as he had. My mind had been fogged of late and those doubts I carried with me always, had been particularly noticeable.
“Damn, I’m a fool.”
“Perhaps you should go and say your goodbyes before the ship leaves,” Samuel said gently.
“Thank you,” I said, reaching out and touching his arm gently. It trembled beneath my fingers and I looked into his eyes. “You are a good man.”
“Not good enough to save my wife and child,” he said in a tone that threatened to break my heart in two. “But thank you, none the less.”
I crossed the distance between us and wrapped my arms around his neck, holding him for a moment. The man had lost so much and still found the time to offer advice to me.
“Thank you,” I repeated as I stepped back.
“Perhaps now would not be the best time to tell him everything though.”
“What do you mean?”
I held my breath, fearing the answer and yet hopeful too for it would make it real. He smiled once more and bowed his head towards me in farewell before turning and walking away. It didn’t take long for him to vanish from my sight, his dark clothing blending into the deep shadows.
“Come on then,” I said to Jinx. “Let’s get this over with.”
Two black-garbed acolytes were reaching down to pull up the gangplank as I jogged along the dock, Jinx running at my heels. They caught sight of me and stopped, one of them turning back to say something to another man.
He ran off and moments later, Ryan was at the rail. His cocked an eyebrow, a confused smile on his face as I stopped at the bottom of the gangplank. He trotted down as I sucked in breaths of air, cursing my lack of energy.
“I didn’t think I would see you.”
“Yeah, well, I was wrong,” I said. “I can admit that.”
“Why were you wrong?”
I gave him a hard look, searching his face for any sign of mockery and as usual, I found none. He truly didn’t understand why I’d been upset with him. I shook my head, aware of the smile on my face as I reached for him.
My tears ran down the leather jacket and I inhaled his scent. That smell that was uniquely his. I could draw strength from just being held by him and just then, I very badly needed that.
“Come back to me,” I whispered, body shaking as he held me close.
“Always,” he replied.
I could hear the confusion in his voice and my sobs turned to hiccupping laughter. He was so clueless at times and I couldn’t love him more because of it. I pressed one hand against his chest and looked up, into his eyes.
“Promise me,” I said, knowing it was wrong of me to ask, but very much needing to hear him say it. “Promise you’ll come back. I know you never break a promise.”
“Of course,” he said. “I will return to you.”
“Good. When you do… we need to talk.”
“Later,” I said, seeing once more the confusion on his face. “When you return.”
“Okay.”
His lips met mine as I drew him to me, the kiss deep and full of passion. I very much wanted him to realise how much he meant to me. I wanted him to know he had a reason to return home, to fight all the harder.
I released my hold on him and stepped back. He gave me one last confused look and gently patted Jinx before turning and trotting back up the gangplank. He stood on the deck as the gangplank was raised and I raised one hand in farewell as the ship pulled away.
My hand pressed against my churning stomach and I took a moment to messily vomit over the side of the dock, into the dark waters below. I wiped at my mouth and grimaced at the sour taste of bile, before steeling myself.
By the time he returned, I wanted to have answers to what was happening on the island. I looked down at Jinx and tossed my head, hair whipping around my face. Together we set off back towards the sports centre. Determination filling me.
I had work to do.
Chapter 8
The captain of the ship knew his business and the travel time to Oban was less than fifteen hours, though not much less. I didn’t know much about the town other than the fact it had been flagged up by Samuel as a potential target for supplies should the need arise.
Since the need had definitely arisen, I had made sure to include one of the former residents in my group. She had been particularly helpful with the basics, but less so beyond that. No matter, I would figure things out on the fly.
“Less than ten thousand lived there, I’m sure of it.”
Her voice was melodic and it was easy to believe her claim that she had been a choral singer back in her old life. I glanced at her and she visibly held herself to attention as my gaze settled on hers.
Stringy blonde hair whipped around in the wind. Soaked with the sea spray, it stuck to her face but she refused to move to brush it away, so determined was she to stay at attention. I almost smiled at that. I didn’t know who had started that nonsense, but I couldn’t care less whether they stood straight or lounged around.
“We can come in, over the bay, like, and straight into the port.”
“That would not necessarily be the best idea, would it?”
Heat coloured her cheeks and she blinked the sea spray from her eyes as she nodded.
“There are a few private jetties that might fit this boat. The waters are deep enough.”
“Good. You can tell the captain about them when we approach. What about the landscape?”
“My Lord Death?”
I held back a sigh and reminded myself she was young and still fairly new to my group. While she had proven herself in combat, she was still inexperienced. That would change of course, but it was a chore none the less.
“Hills, fields, wide open plains? Are we going to have to trek through overgrown forests to reach our targets?”
“Ah, sorry, I mean, forgive me, My Lord Death.”
That was really beginning to irritate me.
“The hills rise up above the bay and the town goes with it, all the way to McCaig’s Tower at the top. All the main businesses are up there.”
“Who’s tower?”
“Some old rich guy from a century or more ago. It’s a big old stone thing, has a pretty garden in the middle now.”
“Right. Okay. So, the town stretches around the bay and rises up into the hills.”
“Aye.”
“Great.”
A lot of walking then with the undead clustered around the lower part of the town near the shore. That would make landing awkward at best and a death-trap at worst. The undead weren’t particularly fond of climbing hills and had a definite fear of the sea, so they would be stuck between the two.
“One final question, Jenny.”
“My Lord Death?”
“Where, do you think, would the warehouses be?”
“Ah, at the top of the hills, past the tower.”
“As I suspected,” I said with a sigh.
I waved my hand dismissively and she pressed her fist to her chest before hurrying away towards the central cabin where the captain piloted the boat. She pulled her shroud on as she went and I turned back to watching the waves.
Tactically, it was a pain. We would have to fight our way through the packed undead and up to the warehouses. Then, if they were still well stocked, we would have to transport everything down the hill back to the ships. Without a truck.
It would require a lot of effort and while I was sure I would enjoy the fight, if there was anything remotely like a Reaper in the town, we would have trouble.
I stared across the rough waters, the salt tang of the sea on my lips. There was something about the sea that appealed to me. Those dark waters crashing against the shore, heavy waves reaching up towards you hungrily as the water itself seemed to want to pull you down beneath those waves. I enjoyed it.
Even as the ship rocked, buffeted by the rough sea, I sat beside the rail and stared out over the water. My minions left me alone, perhaps sensing my need for solitude. Or, more likely, they were too afraid to approach.
For months now, my minions had been growing in number. For every one that died, it seemed two more broken and scarred people would seek to join their ranks. As those numbers had grown, so too had the legend surrounding me.
The newest ones, those whose numbers made up the group I had chosen to bring with me, were the most awestruck around me. They had only heard the legend and not seen me as the man I was.
I cast my gaze around the deck, taking a moment to watch them as they loitered in small groups, talking amongst themselves. They each wore their hoods, as they should around those who were of the Living, and they carried their weapons on their belts.
Now and then, one or more would look my way. They would see me watching and quickly lower their gaze as though afraid to meet my eyes. I had come a long way from the man who Lily had first met all those months ago.
Back then, the people we met would sense something different about me and react with fear and anger. It had been a different kind of fear though. The primal fear you feel when you are in the presence of a predator, a killer. With my minions, it was a fear of disappointing me, of not being good enough to serve me. I had to admit, that amused me a great deal.
Many of those on the boat would die for me. Some, I was sure, would kill themselves at a command from me if I gave it, yet I found no pleasure in that fact. I found little real pleasure in anything if I were to be honest.
I had the need to kill, but even with the mission I had taken upon myself, I found the desire to continue, fading. I still felt that intense pleasure from killing those who threatened the people Lily would consider innocent, but there was something lacking. I just didn’t know what.
Perhaps, I thought, it was because I didn’t truly believe as my minions did. The fable Samuel had weaved of darkness spreading across the land as the Scourge sought to devour the last of mankind. That battle of good versus evil that motivated my minions, the story of Death taking human form to save them all.
It didn’t mean anything to me, because I knew it to be a lie. There was no good nor evil, just human needs and desires. I allowed him to continue with his stories because it kept the minions in line and allowed me to keep killing, but I stood amongst them and felt the lack.
Like an atheist standing in a church surrounding by true believers, I was alone. I played along because it gave me what I wanted, even to some extent, what I needed. But that wasn’t enough. I needed something more.
Not the belief, for I was neither fool nor sheep like my minions. I had no need to believe some fable to motivate me, but, I did need something more than just the joy of killing. It wasn’t just me either.
Lily believed in what she was doing, saving the last remnants of humanity and rebuilding a society that would work. I didn’t care about rebuilding anything, but I cared about her so I wo
uld do my part.
Gregg, too, had his beliefs. He and his sister had their faith and each other. They worked to make a home that was safe to raise her daughter, his niece. After Pat’s death, Gregg had decided that he would ensure his daughter heard all about the man he was.
The Admiral had a driving urge to save as many people as he could. Samuel had a need to believe in me. The new government, each of them had their own personal mission driving them along. It was just me, it seemed, that was adrift, clinging to my need to kill and love of Lily. The only two things I seemed to care about.
I breathed a heavy sigh and shook my head, clearing my mind of those dismal thoughts. It wouldn’t be long before we reached the town and once we did, I would lose myself in the pleasure of killing as many of the undead as I could. It would help keep those thoughts at bay, for a little while at least.
“My Lor…”
The minion fell silent at a glance from me, his eyes widening behind his hood and he took a step back. I forced my face to stillness, not sure what he had seen in my eyes but banishing it as I gestured for him to speak.
“There is a problem.”
“What is it?”
“Jack, he… well, he only joined us a short while ago.”
“And?”
“He’s, well, he’s tried to take advantage of Abi.”
I stared him in the eye and remained silent, waiting for him to elaborate as the anger began to grow within me. We had few rules, but I enforced them strictly.
“She’s young, only sixteen…”
“Speak clearly and quickly.”
“It was a couple of nights ago. She didn’t want to, but he insisted.”
“Why did she not speak to Samuel about this?”
“She was scared. He, well, he threatened her. Told her that she would be punished if she didn’t do what he said.”
“So, she slept with him? Then kept quiet, but told you?”
“I found her… crying, she didn’t want to tell me at first but I think she needed to because he’s been trying to get her alone.”
He flinched away from my gaze and I unclenched my fists. The anger that had been growing inside of me was a white-hot rage that burned away all thought, but one.
Killing the Dead (Book 13): War of the Dead Page 6