What would Lady Catherine say of my blatantly disregarding her sage and beneficent advice? he thought, How could Charlotte have arranged a card party of all things, here at the Parsonage when she was being taken firmly in hand and knows that she is doing wrong? Whatever am I to do? He blindly followed his guests into the dining room where he was pleasantly surprised to find the table was spread with an excellent collation of cold meats, pickled vegetables, fruit, and hot potatoes.
A thought that was echoed by Mr Abbot, “Mr Collins, your wife has done you proud indeed, what an excellent spread!”
“Oh Yes Mr Collins, excellent.” Agreed his wife.
They were all seated and Charlotte was glad that she was at the opposite end of the table to her husband and that an elegant display of fruit in the centre obscured his vision of her and enabled her to avoid his eyes a little.
Now he was seated his gaze never left her.
What is she about, he thought, surely she knows this will result in even more severe consequences? What am I to do with her, indeed I do not know. He took his wine glass and quenched his abnormally dry throat all the while keeping his eyes firmly on Charlotte. He placed the glass back on the table and Mrs Higgs immediately refilled it without his notice.
Charlotte of course could feel her husband’s stare, boring its way into her flesh. She had to fight the urge to shout for him to stop it. She grew more and more uncomfortable with every passing moment, however this was not missed by their guests, except perhaps Louisa and Mr Simmons who seemed to be attempting to avoid looking at each other and failing dismally to do so.
Mr Abbot stood and tapped his glass with his knife, “Ladies and gentlemen may I have your attention.”
A hush descended punctuated with giggles from the ladies.
“How formal Mr Abbot!”
“Indeed Mrs Brown, indeed. Will you all join me in a toast?” He raised his glass and everyone joined him, “To Mr Collins,” Mr Collins' head snapped round to look at Mr Abbot with wide-eyed astonishment, “and his most delightful and charming wife Mrs Collins!”
“Mr and Mrs Collins!” chorused the whole room, Charlotte blushed and she was glad to notice so did her husband.
Nevertheless, Mr Abbot was not done, “Mr Collins, you are one of the most fortunate men in all of England, sir!”
Mr Collins blushed and mumbled something no one understood.
“You have had the hand of providence upon you indeed, when The Almighty led you to meet with Mrs Collins.”
Mr Collins looked shocked and angry that his wayward wife should be being praised and toasted under his own roof and that he should be the recipient of such a speech.
Nevertheless, Mr Abbot continued in his praise, “She is a delightful creature; she is intelligent, witty, very caring, and highly prudent. She is a wonderful friend, a marvellous hostess and I am sure you must be greatly proud of her, especially tonight after honouring you so with this gathering, eh?”
Mr Collins swallowed hard and took another gulp of his wine, what was the meaning of this? He was sensible of all eyes being upon him and all nodding in agreement.
“Yes Mr Collins, indeed in Mrs Collins you have found someone you can depend upon to always do what is right, respectable, honourable and prudent. I applaud you sir.” Again, Mr Abbot bid the room to toast to Mr and Mrs Collins.
Charlotte smiled down at her plate, not daring to look up at the reaction of her husband. Mr Abbot was clapping him on the back and pouring more praise on his head as he took his seat again and the conversation resumed but Charlotte focussed her attention on what Mr Abbot was still saying to her husband. He was telling him how glad he must be and relieved to find such a wife. To her amazement, Mr Collins blushed, laughed, but repeatedly muttered “yes”.
Mrs Higgs continued to ply Mr Collins with wine until he became sufficiently merry, relaxed and his tongue was loosened. As the party repaired to the sitting room once more and the cards were being shuffled, Mr Collins opted to sit out and Mr Abbot obligingly joined him on the sofa.
Mrs Brown, Mrs Thomas, Louisa, and Mr Simmons made up a four and began a rubber of whist, greatly enjoying themselves, as their laughter was proof. Louisa and Mr Simmons sat opposite each other and it was obvious to all who knew their story that the affection between them had never changed and it wanted only a mere push in the right direction for things to begin well again there.
Charlotte was pleased for Louisa and hoped to bring the pair into each other’s company as often as propriety allowed. She and Mrs Abbot seated themselves next to the fire but close enough to Mr Collins and Mr Abbot to hear their conversation. However, that was unnecessary since, as the wine had loosened Mr Collins’ tongue so it had also increased the intensity of his voice.
“I must say Mr Abbot that I was completely taken by surprise by tonight’s little soiree.” he said as Mrs Higgs brought port for the gentlemen, and tea for the ladies. Mr Abbot for appearance' sake merely sipped his port to encourage Mr Collins to drink of his own, talk more freely and perhaps, he hoped, be willing to be talked to.
“Indeed I am sure there must have been some mistake.”
“Whatever do you mean Reverend?”
“Well,” Mr Collins leaned in towards Mr Abbot conspiratorially despite his voice being far from a whisper, “I am not supposed to be talking to my wife, sir!”
Mr Abbot feigned to look confused, “Again, I do not take your meaning.”
Mr Collins shifted in his seat to move even closer to Mr Abbot. Had that gentleman not wished to have a private conversation with Mr Collins he would have been mortified at their close proximity, as it was he bore it remarkably well and with good grace.
Charlotte and Mrs Abbot upon observing this looked at each other and giggled. Charlotte rose and handed the tea to those who wanted it, her attention all the while on Mr Collins' conversation.
“Do you recollect a week or two past when you made an offer of discount to Charlotte and Miss Thomas?” He continued.
“Indeed I do. I firmly believe I am blessed to be a blessing to others, I was glad of the opportunity to do so.”
“Well, you might think so, indeed you might. But you were wrong; very wrong to be sure Mr Abbot.”
The said gentleman had to use all his control not to be angered by such a blatant insult. He was acutely aware that as the alcohol had loosened Mr Collins' tongue it had also removed his sense of propriety.
“I was?” he meekly re-joined.
“Oh undeniably sir. You cannot begin to imagine the grief, distress and mischief such an action has caused.”
“How so Mr Collins?”
“Well, it is her Ladyship, is it not?”
“Is it Mr Collins? How so? How can it affect her?”
“Ah, you see Mr Abbot. Lady Catherine is my patroness. And I must obey her every word”
“I still do not understand Mr Collins. Her Ladyship has merely provided you with the living, given you a job so to speak, how does that make her every whim your command? You are not her servant, are you?”
“Indeed I am not Mr Abbot! I am a gentleman, the son of a gentleman and one day I will inherit an estate of my own.” Here he endeavoured to bring his voice down to a whisper, “although we do not speak of that as it would be indelicate, owing to the fact that the present occupant would have to go to meet the maker for me to inherit.”
Charlotte looked at Mrs Abbot in shame and embarrassment but the older lady continued to drink her tea without any indication she had even overheard such a speech.
“So then Mr Collins,” Mr Abbot continued trying to match Mr Collins’ whisper. “Why do you feel that you are subservient to Lady Catherine and must obey her every word? And what has this to do with my gift to Mrs Collins?”
“Oh yes, I am forgetting myself. Lady Catherine has within her power the ability to make my burden heavy or light, you see? When she gives her opinion or advice she will not brook opposition, indeed she will not as Charlotte is seeing first hand.” When
Mr Abbot did not respond, Mr Collins continued. “You see, your offer to Charlotte went expressly against the wishes of Lady Catherine herself. She was most vexed and put out, I assure you she was.”
Mr Collins shuddered at the memory of the scolding her received at her Ladyship’s hand and swigged back some more port. Mr Abbot picked up the decanter and refilled their glasses.
Mr Collins continued unabated, “Lady Catherine had advised, or perhaps I should say; told, Charlotte to only patronise one particular milliner in London. One that her Ladyship herself patronises.”
“Indeed?”
“Oh indeed Mr Abbot. So you may well understand her Ladyship’s consternation at Charlotte disobeying her.”
Mr Abbot merely replied, “Hmm.”
“Charlotte ought not to have insulted her Ladyship thus and I feel she will endure her castigation indefinitely unless she recants and sees the error of such a course of action as the one she took.”
“Castigation Mr Collins?” asked Mr Abbot.
“Ay, she is to be punished by our not speaking to her and her not enjoying our company whatsoever.”
He laughed at such a scheme and Mr Abbot smiled wondering if Mr Collins realised he was in his wife’s company at that present time.
He was brought out of his reverie when Mr Collins continued his discourse, “Of course the punishment was not designed to harm Charlotte but to gently reprimand her.”
“Do you think it is working Reverend?”
“Well, I confess, I am feeling it keenly so indeed Charlotte must also. To be deprived of Lady Catherine’s company is something that can hardly be borne.”
“Really?”
“Yes really.”
“Do you think this is wise? What I mean to say is, do you think that this punishment is necessary and, dare I say, fits the crime?”
“Mr Abbot, whatever do you mean? We are talking of The Right Honourable Lady Catherine de Bourgh. Her deference, by us, is most important. We must endeavour to do our duty to her at all times.”
“Well, I cannot argue with that Mr Collins.” The said gentleman was pleased with such a statement and nodded happily to himself. “However,” continued Mr Abbot, “I cannot see why Mrs Collins choosing her own milliner could be called duty. And why Mrs Collins ought to be punished for such an act, to be sure, such punishment is petty and childish, would you not say?”
Mr Collins looked shocked at such an opinion as this but Mr Abbot continued before he could interrupt, “Surely Reverend you can see that your wife had her reasons. Only think of the expense of travelling into London. Then, how much more inflated London prices are, not to mention how much such an elegant fashionable milliner would price his wares. In addition, I dare say such a shop would not be as diverse as to stock bolts of material and many other haberdashers’ items too. Therefore, Mrs Collins would have then to patronise yet another shop. Indeed, I can think only that perhaps Mrs Collins was in fact thinking of the limits of her own purse, Reverend.”
“Well, I… hmm.” Was all the reply he received.
“I dare say Reverend, in this light; the punishment does not fit the crime, eh?”
Mr Abbot stood up and walked to Mrs Collins to ask if there was any tea remaining, there was, and Charlotte obligingly poured him some.
Mr Collins however was left stupefied and staring into space at Mr Abbot’s quite logical appraisal of the events. He fought within himself. On the one hand, Lady Catherine could not be disobeyed, but on the other hand, what Charlotte had done was neither indeed too terrible nor improper. In fact, the more he dwelt upon the matter the more he realised the verity of Mr Abbot’s words and the foolishness of such punishment. However, his obsequiousness to Lady Catherine would not be quashed so easily and fought back in his mind. He therefore continued in such a position for the remainder of the evening, emptying and refilling his port glass until the decanter ran dry.
The rest of the evening passed jovially and Mr Abbot told them a few wild stories of his travels to the continent with Mrs Abbot. The card tables were cleared away and a game of charades was suggested. Mr Abbot took the first go as and as the game progressed Charlotte felt she had never laughed so much in all her life. She had pains in her sides and her face hurt from smiling. Mrs Brown then suggested word puzzles so that they might recover from the previous game.
As their guests were leaving Mr Collins revived himself to see them on very unsteady legs to the door. Charlotte was pleased with this turn of events, but perhaps was more pleased that he was not angry and more specifically, not angry with her.
As he bid adieu to Mr Abbot he said, “Thank you Mr Abbot, I enjoyed our repartee.”
“As did I Reverend. We should do this again sometime.” he paused to gauge Mr Collins reaction but he was again lost in his thoughts. “Perhaps I might call on you in a day or two Reverend, or maybe you’d like to have luncheon with us after services tomorrow?”
Seeing there was no reaction still from Mr Collins, Mr Abbot turned his question to Charlotte who had been standing close enough to her husband as to overhear every word, “Mrs Collins?”
“Indeed Mr Abbot, I am sure my husband and I would be delighted.”
“Excellent!”
Mrs Abbot then leant out of the carriage and joined in, “Then do come home with us straight after the service, we will bring the carriage my dear.”
Charlotte thanked them both on behalf of herself and her husband who remained standing deep in thought and staring at nothing in particular.
She bid her guests adieu and noticed that Mr Simmons was the last to leave. “Mr Simmons, may I thank you heartily for coming this evening, it has been a pleasure.”
“Mrs Collins, it is I who must thank you. It has been a pleasure that I for one hope to repeat in the future and frequently.”
“Indeed I hope so.” She smiled knowingly at him. He mounted his horse and rode off down the lane. Charlotte made to return to the house, and noticed Mr Collins was still in the same position as before, “My dear, will you not come in from the cold?”
“Hmm?” his reverie interrupted he stumbled back into the parsonage, embarrassed and awkward in her presence.
“My dear, you look exhausted. Why do you not take yourself off to bed? Mrs Higgs and I can clear up down here.”
He merely replied, “Yes, yes.” in agreement and mounted the stairs slowly still obviously in thought.
Charlotte was joined by Mrs Higgs, “Well, ma’am, a good night’s work I think.”
Charlotte smiled at her, “Yes, I believe so.”
Mrs Higgs then laughed as she and Charlotte began clearing up the sitting room, “Despite the monster of a headache he’ll wake up with on the morrow!”
15
Mr Collins’ sermon the following morning was lacklustre and his voice muted owing to the pounding of cannon fire in his head. He fought as best he could to look at the sea of faces attending him but found the sunlight too hard on his eyes.
Therefore, he paid little attention to his congregants, winced his way through the hymns, especially in the rousing choruses, and wished he had chosen more sedate ones that morning. He dared not look in Lady Catherine’s direction and focussed on the papers in front of him instead. The sermon seemed interminably long and he desired only to be free from the church and to sleep more.
However, they were engaged to dine with the Abbots, which he vaguely recalled from the previous night. His mind and conscience were in turmoil of the events of the night before and he knew not what to do or to think about it. He was mightily glad that Lady Catherine and her daughter departed first from the church and did not see Charlotte and himself enter the Abbot’s carriage. He did not wish to endure a scene or her ladyship’s wrath that morning with him feeling so delicate.
Every jolt of the carriage on the road jarred his head and he was glad in a way of the punishment, whatever had induced him to drink so heavily? Moreover, how would he ever explain himself to Lady Catherine?
As th
ey descended from the carriage at the Abbot’s home Charlotte was thankful that she had been seen in public with her husband, and knew it would not be long before Hunsford's wagging tongues were silenced but on the other hand, she also wondered how long this event would take to reach the ears of Rosings. That was something to which she did not look forward. How is Lady Catherine to be worked on? she wondered, and how can it be done with no harm to Mr Collins' living? She suddenly felt remorseful and regretted the card party; she all of a sudden saw the folly of going against their patroness and knew there could be dire consequences. She mentally shook herself and set aside such thoughts as Mrs Abbot greeted them and welcomed them into her home.
During the meal Mr Collins hardly ate a thing, owing to the fact that his stomach did not know which way was up and which was down. Instead, he rearranged the food on his plate and his fellow diners smiled at him with barely hidden amusement. They did however; accord him the courtesy of keeping their voices low so as not to worsen the crippling headache he was suffering.
Charlotte was feeling relieved despite her concerns of having gone too far against her Ladyship. She knew this was not yet over and that as soon as Lady Catherine heard of Mr Collins’ defection that she would again see red and goodness knows what would befall her then. She took comfort in the presence of her new dear friends and enjoyed their company more than ever.
Once they had returned to the sitting room Mr Collins promptly fell asleep in an easy chair and remained so, snoring gently until it was time for them to leave.
Charlotte on the other hand, enjoyed quiet conversation with the Abbots and together they planned the return dinner invitation at the parsonage in three days’ time. She just hoped to keep their intentions away from Lady Catherine’s hearing as long as possible.
Nevertheless, as Charlotte climbed into the carriage to be driven back home she realised that three days were a long time and a lot could happen in-between time. She bit her lip with worry and wondered if she should simply go and apologise after all.
Charlotte - Pride and Prejudice Continues Page 9