Feeling as if he’d gotten a blow to the gut, Walker bent over to loosen the fastenings on his chaps.
Gulch was right, he hadn’t ridden like that in years, and he’d done it then with the help of a couple pints of brain anesthetic. He hadn’t ridden like that since the last time Kalli had walked out of his life.
Two days, she’d said. Two days she’d be away.
Two days as the start of forever.
What he’d feared all along, rushing at him...not someday, but now.
Well, he’d survived it before, he’d survive it again. And just like last time, when she was gone, what he would have left would be rodeo.
“God, what a ride, Walker!”
Walker straightened and looked into the admiration-bright eyes of Matt Halderman, and felt like an ass.
Avoiding Gulch’s I-told -you-so look, he swore under his breath, then gave a succinct description of the ride, elaborated only by a few trenchant, profane adjectives, and watched Matt’s expression turn thoughtful.
“And if I ever catch you riding like that, Halderman, you won’t be back in rodeo anytime soon, you hear?”
“Yes, sir.”
Walker’s mouth twisted in grim humor. So, it really had come to the point of being called “sir.” Well, he just hoped he’d been listening to his own advice.
* * *
“GOT A SURPRISE for you.”
The opening of the office door hadn’t drawn Kalli’s concentration from the computer, but Walker’s voice did. The smile on his face wiped away any lingering interest in the machine. There hadn’t been so many smiles between them lately that she would ignore one.
“A surprise?” It was afternoon, way too early to know the ticket count, so it couldn’t be that.
“Uh-huh.” He swung the door wide, following it in with a flourish, and there on the steps were Jeff and Mary.
“Jeff! Mary! You’re here! When did you get here? Why—I mean how long will you—?”
“I think that about covers all the questions I asked, too,” Walker said, grinning. “They said they’d answer when they had us together so they’d only answer once.”
Jeff got around well with a quad-cane, but he gave a little sigh when he settled into a chair. Mary took Kalli’s chair, darting interested looks at the computer, while Kalli drew up a folding chair and Walker levered himself to a seat on the counter.
“Now,” Kalli demanded, “answer the questions.”
“Doctor said yesterday that Jeff could take a little overnight visit if he wanted.”
“Field trip,” Jeff said, with a grin.
“We drove down from Billings this morning and—”
“But why didn’t you tell us? We could have gotten everything ready for you,” Kalli interrupted.
“We didn’t know for sure until this morning. Had to see how Jeff felt after yesterday’s session. We went to the ranch first thing, had lunch and a rest. As for getting ready, the house looked fine. In fact, it didn’t look like anybody’d been living there much."
Kalli flashed a look at Walker, and if Mary and Jeff caught the heat of his return look, they had confirmation of what they clearly suspected. “I, uh, haven’t spent much time there.”
“Figured.” Kalli had to fight to keep her jaw from dropping when Mary said no more on the topic. “So, we looked around, checked in with the hands and caught up on news. We thought we’d stop by for a little talk now, then come back later to watch the rodeo. We’ll stay at home tonight and head back to Alice’s tomorrow.”
“Everyone will he thrilled to see you. We’ll have to make sure you don’t get trampled by the hordes,” Kalli said.
“What sort of little talk, Mary?” Walker asked. “You said you wanted to stop by for a little talk. What about?”
Jeff tipped his head toward Walker and Kalli as he said to Mary, “Tell ’em."
When Mary hesitated, dread whispered across Kalli’s mind. Was Jeff not recovering as well as they thought? He looked so much better, but... “Tell us what?”
Mary gave her a sharp look. “Now, don’t go leaping to worries and churning up your insides. There’s nothing wrong. We’ve been talking, Jeff and me, and it’s time to let the two of you know what we’re thinking.” Mary sat forward. “A thing like this gets you thinking.”
“Stroke,” Jeff clarified.
Mary nodded. “Makes you realize your time’s not unlimited. And you want to start making plans. Now, don’t get that look, Walker.” She returned frown for frown. “This has got to be said. We want it to be said.”
Kalli shot a look at Walker and he gave a palms-up gesture of acquiescence—with no promises of liking it.
“Some plans we want to make for while we’re still living.” Mary exchanged a look with her husband. “Some are for after we’re gone. We’re not going to talk of funerals and cemeteries and all. We’re settling that ourselves so nobody else will carry the burden.”
Tears and a smile surfaced together in Kalli — It was so typical of the Jeffrieses’ practical compassion.
“But some things can’t be settled that way. The two of you—” Mary looked from one to the other with such clearsighted love that Kalli felt the tears press harder. “—are the children we never expected once we knew... We’ve loved you most of your lives, and what we have, we want to pass on to you.”
‘‘Mary, that’s—’’
“You hush, Walker,” she scolded, then repeated more softly, “just hush. We worried about it until this summer, but with you two, uh...”
“Mending fences,” Jeff offered into a silence as Kalli carefully avoided looking in Walker’s direction.
“Yes. Well, now we’ve got it settled. Most of the land will go to Walker. It’ll match up with your place real well. And the house, Kalli, will go to you.”
She opened her mouth and got no further.
“Now, don’t you start,” Mary ordered her. “Walker doesn’t need a house, he’s got one, and you need a place to get away to. So you’ll always have the house, if we’re here or not. With a bit of land so you don’t feel closed in.
Kalli guessed Mary and Jeff’s idea of “a bit of land” would make her a real estate mogul in most eastern states. But there was no arguing with them; they so clearly had it arranged to their satisfaction. Besides, from Mary’s expression, that had been the easy part. Now came the hard.
“But the rodeo’s not so easy to divide up.”
“Still ours.” Jeff’s expression of fierce determination eased when he caught Mary’s look. “Partly.”
His wife nodded. “You two got thrown in this year. But it’s not like this, not most years. We want you both to see what it’s like in a regular season. To see if it’s something you could like...” Mary looked from one to the other again. “So, we’re hoping you two might come back to run the rodeo next summer. With us. All four of us working together.”
Dead silence.
Kalli turned to Walker for his reaction, but he stared straight ahead, at a blank section of wall.
“Walker? What do you think?”
Kalli held her breath at Mary’s question, fearing he would say there might not be a rodeo to come back to. Mary and Jeff had given them a vote of confidence and, at least for now, she wanted to believe they were right.
“Kalli’s got a life in New York. You can’t expect her to drop that.”
His harshness surprised everyone. Kalli watched Jeff’s eyes narrow and Mary’s mouth tighten.
“I could—” She stopped, then regrouped and tried again. “I might be able to work something out.”
“Like what?” Beyond challenging, Walker’s tone dripped with disbelief.
His reaction seemed so strange. He certainly wasn’t thrilled with the suggestion that would bring them together another summer. Maybe he wanted to be free to resume competing full-time. Or maybe he didn’t want to be tied to a permanent relationship between them. Even the kind where the rodeo tied them together. Much less the kind she’d foolish
ly allowed to creep into her dreams.
‘‘Like summers.”
The words came so quickly, they must have been brewing in her head for some time. It might work. She could live in New York nine months and spend the summers in Wyoming.
And it might not make Walker feel crowded by her.
“Summers,” he repeated in an odd, flat voice.
“So many people go out of the city it can be virtually impossible to finalize deal until September. I might need to get back now and then during the summer, but...”
“That’s the idea,” said Jeff, approving. “All of us working, everybody’d have time off. Mary and I could kick up our heels, Kalli tend to business. You could rodeo.”
Kalli shot a look at Walker, to see if that resolved his problems with the proposal. Apparently not, judging by his scowl.
“Well, we’ll let you think about it,” Mary said after a thoughtful look at Walker. She laid a calming hand on her husband’s arm when he would have pursued the subject. “We know you’re not ready to give up the circuit, Walker, and Kalli would want to work it into her career. We thought, this way, you could both get to know the business better before you had to be making decisions of a more permanent nature. So just think about it, that’s all.”
Kalli said she would. With all eyes on him, Walker gave a short nod.
* * *
THAT EVENING, SHE watched Walker accompany Jeff and Mary to the press box, above the Buzzards’ Roost, where they would watch the rodeo.
Word was out in town that the Jeffries would be here, so Gulch would stand at the door of the press box and keep the flood of people wanting to say hello to a manageable flow.
Walker insisted on getting them settled himself. He angled a shoulder, unobtrusively warding off over-exuberant greetings to Jeff, and Kalli felt something swell and lift inside her.
For the first time, she faced the prospect of returning for good to New York after the season ended—leaving Wyoming, leaving the ranch, leaving Walker.
Jeff and Mary’s offer provided an alternative, but was it one she could accept?
Could they part, then come back together next June and pick up where they’d left off—emotionally and physically as well as professionally? How could she adjust to being without him for nine months, then adjust to being with him again? And what if she came back but he chose not to? Could she survive that?
* * *
JEFF’S HAND CAUGHT Walker’s sleeve as he started to turn away after getting them seated. Reluctantly, Walker met his uncle’s look. Only then did Jeff speak.
“One thing I learned with this— Don’t waste the time you’ve been given.”
Jeff’s blue eyes, faded, but no longer with the lost, unfocused look they’d held in the hospital, bored into Walker’s for an instant, then his uncle released him—hand and look—and turned to greet Jasper Lodge.
“I heard you and Mary were here,” Jasper said, beaming. He tried unsuccessfully to frown at Walker. “And you tell that Kalli Evans of yours that I did buy a ticket. In fact, I bought two. Esther’ll be along any minute.”
Walker manufactured a smile. “Sure, I’ll tell her.” Then he made his escape.
His Kalli Evans? Not for long—if she was his at all.
Jeff had said to make the most of the time he’d been given, but that time would run out in twelve days. And she’d already promised two days of that to someone else.
She’d give her time to that boss back in New York, and she’d give her summers to Jeff and Mary, but what about him?
He didn’t know if he could take having her only summers. He wanted all of her, all the time. If he couldn’t have that, would he be better off with none?
* * *
“WALKER? WALKER, ARE you in there?”
Kalli could hear sounds from inside that might have drowned out her voice. Still, she hesitated before knocking on the camper’s door. She’d stayed away from it so carefully, so long, it seemed strange to go there of her own volition with only seven nights of the season left.
The summer, which had stretched so long and forbidding ahead of her when Tom Nathan told her the committee insisted she work with Walker, had nearly run its course.
Today was Sunday, and the last rodeo would be Saturday. She would leave in the morning for New York and the two days she’d promised Jerry, then return to get ready for the championship rounds Friday and Saturday, the end of the season.
Then what?
She pounded on the door.
“Hey!” Walker’s voice protested from inside. “Don’t knock it down— It’s open. C’mon in.”
She swung the door open and stepped in. Walker, turning from the tiny sink where he’d just washed his face and hands, stared at her an instant, obviously surprised to see her. Then he started forward.
“Kalli? Something wrong?”
“No, something’s right!” She put her arms around his neck to kiss him. “We did it, Walker! We did it!”
Though clearly puzzled, he scooped her into his arms.
“Tina and I just finished double-checking the whole season’s tickets,” she said. “And as of tonight, we’ll top last year’s attendance!”
The half grin that had become as dear to her as the full smile she’d once loved lit his face as he lifted her off her feet and spun her around.
“Hot damn! We did it!”
“We sure did.” She punctuated the agreement by tightening her arms around his neck and kissing him emphatically.
The kiss ended only when a breathlessness that started as exuberance and transformed to something more intimate demanded an infusion of oxygen. But their arms remained locked around each other.
“So the Jeffries Company will be running the Park Rodeo again next year. How about that? There’ll be some fine partying tonight, Kalli. Nothing like a little job security to bring out the wild in folks.”
She laughed, even as she considered that job security didn’t necessarily go all the way to the top. Would she or Walker help run the rodeo for the Jeffries Company next season? They’d carefully avoided that topic.
“Have you told Jeff and Mary yet?” Walker asked.
“No, I wanted to tell you first.”
His hold tightened fractionally. “We could tell them when they come for the final.”
“We could... No, I think maybe we should call beforehand. There’s going to be so much excitement for Jeff, he should have a chance to assimilate this.”
“You’re right.” With a final kiss—quick, yet conveying promises of more leisurely kisses to come—he released her and turned to the bunk, unbuttoning his shirt as he went. A satchel sat there. Through its gaping zippered opening, she saw the tapes, bandages and ropes, chaps, gloves and spurs he used when he rode bulls. A clean shirt, hat and one of his championship belts sat beside it. “I’ll finish getting my rigging set, then we can call them.”
“Your rigging? But you’re not going to compete now.”
He stilled, then straightened and pivoted slowly. “Why wouldn’t I? I’m entered. Folks who bought tickets tonight are expecting to see me. The other riders are hoping to beat me. Paying my entry fee’s a promise to all those folks, and I’m keeping it. I’m riding.”
Keeping his word.
She couldn’t win against that, but she tried.
“You don’t have to compete. The rodeo’s secure. We don’t have to sell a ticket the whole last week and we’d still have the rodeo back next year for Jeff. And the last week’s usually one of the best, so there’s absolutely no need for you to ride now.”
“Maybe not to save the rodeo or for Jeff. But there’s still a need—for me. I need it, Kalli. I love it.”
Suddenly, she was more frightened than she’d ever been. Even more frightened than when she’d seen Cory lying so still in the arena. She’d been horrified then, but she hadn’t known how much pain would follow. She hadn’t known what it could feel like to lose Walker, too. Now she did.
“And me? Walker, i
f you care for me at all, please—”
“Don’t do this, Kalli.” His voice sounded raw. “Care for you? I love you. I want us to have a life together. The rest of our lives together.”
He said it so simply. Not as if he’d spent days, weeks, months wondering if he truly felt what he thought he felt, as she had. He said it as if saying the words, acknowledging the emotion was the most natural thing in the world.
I love you.
Looking at him, she knew it was true. He loved her.
She looked away.
He let out a long breath. Neither moved for a moment, then she heard the soft swish of material that said he was taking off his shirt, sliding into the clean one...continuing his preparations.
Staring at the bunk, her gaze latched on to the length of leather lying there, one end carrying a sparkling emblem of what he’d achieved.
Too buffeted by emotions to demand, she asked, “Is it for the glory, the gold buckles, the championships? Is that why you ride?”
“No.”
“The thrill?”
Make me understand, Walker.
‘‘Some.”
He reached out for the belt, and her eyes stayed on the buckle as he threaded the leather through the loops on his jeans. When he finished, his hands went to his hips, and he let out another sigh, shifting the buckle to cast a metallic light.
“It’s like I said that day with the TV interview. It’s not for the glory. It’s not for anything but the doing of it, Kalli. To enjoy those seconds that seem to swell up with life like a balloon pumped full of water.”
She looked at him, not sure why she couldn’t accept it.
“Are you trying to kill yourself?”
“No.” He returned her gaze steadily. “I’m trying to live.”
“And you can’t live without it.”
Her tone made it an accusation.
He shook his head. Hands still on his hips, he turned half away from her. His frustration seemed tangible.
“Yeah, I could live without rodeo. Someday soon I’m going to have to. At least the part in the ring. But until I have to...Why would you want me to? That’s what I don’t understand. Why would you want me to live without it when it’s something I love?”
Rodeo Nights Page 19