by Zoey Oliver
I wish she hadn't said that. Acid sloshes through my mouth as I think about those horrible girls.
“Yeah, I know it,” I growl, finding myself gripping the edge of the counter. “I don't think you should go back there.”
Her eyebrows go up in two perfect curves. Slowly she sets the fork down and then drops her hands into her lap.
“Excuse me?”
I don't know how to talk to her. There are about thirty things that I want to say to her all at once, but I'm instantly too angry to say them at all. But, what do I care? She's not my responsibility. And she's looking at me like it's not my business.
She's right about that.
“Kita, do you know how you ended up here?”
And she blushes. This rosy hue shoots up from her collarbones all the way up to the tops of her cheeks in three seconds. It makes her freckles glow. Her lips open slightly as she breathes in and I hear her respiration increase.
Oh my God, it's one of the prettiest things I have ever seen.
“But we didn't… I know we didn't,” she objects. The words tumble urgently from her mouth. “I don't drink. I don't know what happened!”
“No, it's all right… nothing happened. That’s not what I’m saying,” I explain to her, feeling like a dirty old man who just got caught thinking dirty old man thoughts. But I didn't do anything.
I have nothing to feel bad about.
Other than a few thoughts. Just a few. Which I’m going to stop having immediately.
She shifts back and forth in her seat, staring at the few pieces of pancake left on her plate. After the kettle boils, I pour the water over the Italian coffee brown to the timer for 3 1/2 minutes. Come to think of it, coffee really does smell good.
“So, are you telling me that you live at the sorority house? While you are a pledge?”
She stares at me curiously. “Yeah, I know it’s usually just full members, but they kind of bent that rule for me. Lizzie said… why are you making a face?”
I realize I am making a face. I can't help it. Just the mention of Lizzie's name aggravates me. The last three years, she's been in charge of the bake sale. She's the one who turned it from an actual bake sale with cakes and pies and maybe a little bit of flirtation — okay, a lot of flirtation and maybe a fair amount of exploitation — into something that was just 100% exploitation. She's unrepentantly using these girls. And she cackles about it, because she thinks it's funny too.
But I don't want to say that out loud. Instead, I ask her, “How much do you know about your friend Lizzie?”
Kita shrugs one shoulder, dislodging the shirt slightly and exposing a couple more inches of smooth, touchable shoulder. A shiver runs up my thighs.
“Only a little, I guess. Just since school started. Her mom knows my foster mom, and there was a spot open in the house. She says I’m a shoo-in for membership so they let me have the room. I just got lucky.”
“Foster mom?” I say, repeating the obvious thing.
But when her eyes flicker down I realize she doesn’t feel entirely good about this. She probably thinks being at the sorority is moving up in the world. She's probably running away from something that legitimately she needs to escape from.
The timer goes off and I depress the plunger in the coffee pot, then place it on the counter next to a large mug for her. I don’t have half-and-half, but I do have whipping cream. As she takes the carton from me, my hand brushes against her tiny fingers and seems to spark. I almost expect to see it light up or something.
She feels it too, and her lips part in a perfect, pale pink oval. I pull my hand back reflexively, and try to think of something else to do. I should be getting busy cleaning up the kitchen. Anything to keep my mind occupied, keep my eyes from wandering over her.
I know I'm inspecting her too closely. I know how ridiculous this is. I just need to get her out of here and back into her own life before I do something stupid.
But somehow, I can't help myself. “Kita...” I start. “We should talk a little bit more about last night.”
“What's your name?” she asks me suddenly from behind her coffee cup.
“Oh,” I say, slightly speechless. How could I be so rude? “I’m Daniel. Daniel Lockwood.”
She nods slowly as though finding the sound of my name acceptable.
“What do you remember about last night?” I begin again, more gently.
She presses her lips together. “Um, not a lot. I usually don't drink. I guess somebody put something in my Diet Coke?” She chuckles nervously.
“Do you remember anything that happened?”
She bites her lower lip, drawing it in between her perfect white teeth.
“I remember arriving. I remember standing with the other pledges in the middle of the room. It was really hot. Like, really hot. There was music that seemed to be so loud I could feel it through the floor. Oh! Wait, I also remember… no, that can't be right.”
Her voice drifts off as her expression clouds. Did she just remember something disturbing?
“Kita, what is it?”
“It's just, well, I must've met you there, right? What did you see?”
I'm not sure what to tell her. “Kita, it's not that I saw anything that you did or said. I don't want you to think that. I’m not suggesting you did anything wrong. But I've seen the bake sale before and —”
She frowns slightly. “Okay, so what is this about? If you didn't see anything —”
“No, when I arrived it was my intention to stop the event.”
“Wait, what? You just decided… you just stopped it? Daniel, that event is for charity —”
“That's a lie.”
Her eyes open wide, her lips pressed together so tight they almost disappear into a line. I watch her small hands ball into fists on the counter.
“Those are my friends, Daniel. It is for charity. It's an event that's been around forever.”
“Kita, let me ask you something. Did you see any actual baked goods?”
She shifts in her seat, casting her eyes to the side. “You know what, I don't think you know what you are talking about. I think that maybe you should just take me back now. Please.”
I can see I’ve upset her, but I really think she needs to know. If I don’t tell her, how else is she going to find out? I try to keep my voice quiet to keep from escalating the conversation.
“I’ve never seen any baked goods. What they usually do is offer the cherry pie. And that's just a joke. The cherry pie is you, Kita. The pledges. Your… innocence. Your beauty. They make like it's all for show, but that hasn't been the way things have actually gone.”
She edges off her seat, and I can see her eyebrows crinkle in the middle as she scowls. Why doesn’t she believe me?
“This is what they do, Kita. They get the girls drunk. They get the guys worked up, suggesting that their donation is really going to get them one of these girls. They make the girls dance, do suggestive things…”
“I didn't do any of that,” she insists.
“You don't remember doing any of that,” I counter. I'm being far too aggressive about this, but why won't she listen to me? “This is a real thing. I don't care what Lizzie told you. She's not your friend. She's not.”
She looks up at me, her eyes blazing. I feel so bad about making her angry that I want to take everything back. I want to pet her hair, to comfort her. The trouble is, I'm the one who's upsetting her. She doesn’t seem to remember anything about last night at all.
“Mr. Lockwood,” she says calmly, but with an edge in her voice, “I don't think you know what you're talking about. I'd like to go back to the sorority house now. And if you won't take me, I'll find another way.”
And I can tell she's completely serious. There's no way I am going to get through to her. Who am I anyway? Just some old man who basically kidnapped her and now is yelling at her in his kitchen. I can kind of see myself from her point of view, and it is simply ridiculous. What am I doing?
She's
got me. I can't just keep her here. I'm going to have to let her go, and hopefully stopping the event last night was enough. Maybe she'll be able to forget all about it.
“All right, I'm sorry I've upset you,” I tell her in a hoarse whisper. “Just let me go get a jacket, and I'll drive you back now.”
Chapter 5
Kita
I tug the hem of his shirt as close to my knees as I can while Daniel drives me back to the sorority house. I don't even want to talk to him, though some part of me can't help but watch him. He's holding so much in, I wonder what else he wants to say. But the stuff he already told me is completely ridiculous. Still, the way that he's practically mangling the steering wheel in his big hands, there is obviously a lot more on his mind.
But I don't want to hear it. I do not want to hear any more of this nonsense.
What does he even think he can get from all of this? Just flat-out lying about the sisters of Chi Rho Pi? Everybody knows the stuff that they do in the community is generous and vitally important. In fact, I remember going to a house sponsored picnic when I was 16, back when I'd only been in the foster system for a couple of months. It was terrific.
It was just a simple picnic at a park a few blocks from my house. I happened to walk by it and see the banners and balloons. There was a barbecue, a bouncy castle, kids running around on the swing set. And all these beautiful sorority girls, ladling out scoops of potato salad and handing hot dogs to little kids. One of them saw me staring and beckoned me over.
They didn't even ask me if I belonged there. They didn't even ask me for anything. I just ended up hanging out with a few really nice college girls for a couple hours, seeing what life would be like in their shoes. They were so happy, so carefree, living lives with purpose and promise. College students with futures. It was like some kind of fairytale, to me.
So where does this guy get off, just slinging mud at them?
He pulls to the curb in front of the house, and I start to get out, then turn back to him. His expression is so strange, like he's sad. Like he's sorry for the things that he said, sort of wounded. I feel bad for him and almost want to reach out and touch him or something. He raises his hand, holding up a key.
“Kita, I want you to take this.”
I cringe back a little bit. What is he talking about? His dark eyes are serious and steely.
“I know this is going to sound strange, and I totally understand why you feel the way you feel. But it's my job to know things, you might say. About people. And I know a few things about Lizzie and the sorority house. So if you ever need a place to stay, someplace safe —”
“I have a place to say,” I remind him.
He softens slightly, his broad shoulders slumping just a little bit. Why do I feel like I'm sad?
“I know you do,” he says softly. He reaches forward and presses the key into my palm, then folds my fingers over it. “Take it. Throw it away when you get inside, I don't care. But just take it. I promise you there's nothing weird about it… there are no strings attached… but I would just feel a million times better knowing you have options. Okay?”
I pull my hand back away from him, feeling the impression of his fingers over mine. For a few long seconds, we sit without saying anything else. Then I get out of the car, fully intending to throw the key in the bushes on my way in the front door. But somehow, instead, I just hold it tightly, squeezing it until I can feel the ridges pressing themselves into my skin.
When I get in the front door, Lizzie and Claudia stand up suddenly, snapping a laptop closed. Their cheeks are flushed and their mouths hang open, as though I caught them in the middle of laughing.
“Hey, hi guys,” I mumble awkwardly, wrapping my arms around myself and remembering that I'm wearing someone else's shirt.
Claudia raises her eyebrows and rakes me over with her eyes, sucking in her cheeks judgmentally.
“Oh,” she purrs. “Looks like somebody had a good night. Did your daddy loan you that shirt?”
I rock back and forth a little, feeling suddenly woozy again. “Um, no… he's not my… I just —”
Lizzie sucks her teeth in disgust. “Your daddy owes me $400.”
“He what?” I gasp.
But they don't answer me. They tilt their heads toward each other, laughing as though sharing a joke between them.
“What are you guys talking about?”
They don't look at me for a few seconds, and I can feel myself getting red. I don't like to be angry. I don't like to speak out, but this is a little ridiculous, I think.
Lizzie starts laughing out loud again, staring up at the ceiling with her mouth open so wide I can see her molars. “Oh my God, you know what's really funny? I didn't even think you had a daddy. You been holding out on us, little innocent Kita?”
“That's not a nice thing to say,” I mumble under my breath, but I don't even think they hear me. They just hold each other as they laugh, doubling over and running out of breath over and over again.
Honestly. It really isn't very nice.
I back out of the room and head upstairs. Emma sees me on the stairs and almost stops in her tracks, her mouth falling open slightly. Then she gathers herself and raises her eyebrows, smirking.
“Oh, good morning, Emma.”
She doesn't say anything as she passes me. On my way to my room, I see Lonnie and Babs in their room, and they seem to cut off in the middle of saying something as soon as they see me. Then they raise their hands in cutesy little waves with their fingertips.
I need to get out of Daniel’s shirt. I think everybody thinks I slept with him or something. They're all laughing at me, and I hate that. Especially since I didn't. I've never slept with anybody, not that I go around flaunting that information or anything. But I don't like people thinking they know something, when obviously they don't know anything.
As I walk into my room, I feel someone slipping behind me. It's Serena. She looks pissed, then relieved, then pissed again. It's not that unusual for Serena. She is sort of a dark person.
Without a word, she walks past me into my own room and opens the laptop on my desk. She taps the screen.
“Password,” she barks.
“I'm sorry, what?”
“Fine, enter your own password. I need show you something, Kita. Right now.”
I really want to get a shower, get into my own clothes, but the way she's looking at me I can tell she means business. Normally I wouldn't oblige her sort of rude command, but something tells me she won't leave this room until I do.
I slide in next to her at the desk and enter my password. She takes over the keyboard immediately, bringing up YouTube and a video with the Chi Rho Pi logo on it. The video loads a close up on Lizzie's face, then the interior of the bar. The camera is kind of shaky, and I see Claudia pointing toward the dance floor and the three podiums.
“Turn it up. What is she saying?”
That's me, next to Claudia. I'm standing there with my arms over my head, grinning like some kind of idiot. My shirt barely covers my breasts. Lizzie moves the camera back to her own face.
“This year we have a really creamy crop of newbies, if you know what I mean. Kita here is our very own Russian spy doll. Her mom is in jail right now!”
I gasp, my fingers flying up to cover my mouth. Serena snorts sympathetically.
“We’re not sure she’s a spy, but she’s definitely jailbait! She really needs to be taught a lesson… A little light spanking should do the trick! Bet she’ll just tell you all her secrets!”
I shake my head. This isn’t happening. Lizzie said this? Posted the video? It’s already got twenty-thousand hits and the comments say things like:
Loved my cherry pie last year. Ur the best Lizzie!
Bake sale is a classic! So sorry I missed getting that sweet tight ass this year!
The camera focuses on my face again, and I don't look right. My eyes are almost closed, and I'm smiling, sort of, but lopsided. My arms are still over my head.
&nb
sp; “Do that dance again, Kita!”
I shake my head, to slowly, but continue to sway.
“Mike… Doug... come over here and show Kita a good time, would you?”
A couple of men rush into the frame, making weird hand gestures and grinning with their tongues lolling out. Lizzie drapes an arm around each of them, pouting suggestively.
“What do you guys think of our little Russian spy baby? What do you think she's worth?”
The first guy rolls his eyes, and then he puts out his hand and slides it up my thigh, up into my skirt. I shudder, watching this. I have no recollection of this at all, and it's sort of like he's touching a mannequin or something, but at the same time that's me. That man was touching me.
I feel like I’m going to be sick.
“Hey, Mike, don’t spoil the merchandise!” Lizzie crows from out of frame.
“You know, how am I supposed to know the goods are really fresh, Lizzie?”
He leers at the camera with his hand still hidden beneath my skirt. I reflexively crush my knees together and snap the laptop closed.
“I don’t want to see anymore,” I mutter.
Serena huffs through her nose. “You need to see this, Kita. You need to see what they did. And all of it is on video… all of it. This is bullshit. I'm out of here.”
“Wh-what do you mean?”
“I mean fuck this stupid sorority bullshit!” she hisses, furious. “I’m moving back into the dorms. These girls are messed up!”
My mouth falls open as I stare at her. I don't know what to say. I don’t know what to say at all.
But I do know Daniel was right.
“The rest of the video,” I whisper, my voice hoarse and far away. “What’s on it? There was a man… did you see —”
“Oh yeah, there was a man all right,” she scoffs. She's breathing fast and rough, like she's barely holding herself together. Serena is usually pretty short tempered, but I've never seen her like this. “Fricking Guardian Angel, if you ask me. Is he really your dad?”
“My — oh, no. What? They’re really saying that? He is definitely not my dad,” I reply awkwardly, not really wanting to explain that I don't actually have one of those as far as I know. And if I did, he wouldn’t keep popping into my head the way he is, all strong and handsome and...