“Oh, this bath will be a surprise,” he grinned at her with the devil in his eyes. Oh boy, she thought.
xxx
“I feel like putty,” Bree said. “My body feels thoroughly used.”
“Ditto,” Todd grinned back. He was grinning so much that his cheeks were starting to ache.
“That was amazing. I don’t think I’ll ever see a bath or full body massage in quite the same light again. “You’ve corrupted me.”
“I don’t know about that,” challenged Todd, “what you can do with a towel astonishes me.”
He let his fingers trail along her body, the gentle caress of loving and tenderness, not lust. His hands came to tiny bump between her waste and he splayed his fingers across it, wondering at the miracle she’d carried within for months that had turned into such a vivacious, precious girl.
Bree gently moved his hand away. “Why do you keep doing that?” he questioned. “Whenever I touch your stomach, you move my hand away.”
She grimaced, “It’s my ‘mummy tummy’.” At his confused silence, she explained, “It’s a bump, i.e. it’s not flat and sexy. It’s flabby.”
Todd sat up and like a typical guy, had a closer look. “What flab?” He asked, prodding at her stomach with concentration. “There’s nothing flabby about it.”
“You’re being nice and that’s sweet,” Bree turned around onto her stomach to look at him and hide the offending part of her body away from his curiosity. “I’ve had a child and most women who do have ‘mummy tummies’.”
“So?” he inquired.
“So, it’s not exactly sexy,” she replied, embarrassed and hiding her face in the pillow. Of all things to chat about during ‘pillow talk’, how had they ended up discussing her ‘mummy tummy’?
Realization dawned to the mental fog created by repeatedly satiated lust. “You’re insecure about your body.”
“Not my body,” she mumbled into the pillow, “just my stomach. Like I said, it’s not sexy. When you touch it, it reminds me of how it looks and I wonder how it must feel to you. When you touch the rest of my body, I feel sexy and wanted, but when you touch my tummy, I feel self-conscious and gross because you must think it’s gross. Heck, I think it’s gross. It’s like a big sign to me that I’ve let myself go. I’ve tried to fix it. I’ve done those stupid tummy crunches, exercises, and everything. Then I read an article by a plastic surgeon and he said that what happens when a woman is pregnant is that the muscles of the stomach, also known as the six-pack, expand and pull apart and the only way to get rid of a ‘mummy tummy’ is to pull them back together with surgery or a tummy tuck. Even if I had the money for plastic surgery though, I don’t know if I’d do it and one day, when I have more kids, it’ll happen again anyway, so I have to live with it. I heard a mom in one of those antenatal classes speak of her pregnancy ‘war scars’ and how she’s proud of it. Well, I’m proud of Amber, but that’s one thing I’m not proud of - my tummy. I’ve let myself go and I’m only twenty-six years old.”
He was astounded. For such an intelligent woman, she was sprouting a load of garbage. He didn’t claim to understand what a woman went through during or after pregnancy, but her argument just didn’t make sense to him. It defied logic. “Bree, look at me,” Todd tugged at her.
Waving her arm at him to ward him off, she said, “no."
“Come on,” he continued to tug, “look at me. I’ve already seen all of you, anyway, including your stomach. Come on,” he repeated.
“Fine,” she blurted out, then turned around and pulled the sheet up over her breasts feeling extremely self-conscious.
Todd shook his head then gently pulled the sheet down, exposing her stomach. He leaned down and kissed it, then laid his head on it and looked up at her. She seemed so insecure and vulnerable he wanted to scoop her up into his arms and comfort her. He’d do that but for now, he had to make a point.
“You turn me on,” he stated.
“I get that,” she rolled her eyes. “We’ve had sex four times in a few hours. That’s pretty solid evidence of that.”
“Good,” he nodded, “we agree on that. What if I told you that all of you turns me on?”
“I’d say that you’re lying through your teeth to be kind to me because the rest of me turns you on and you want to keep on having it.”
“Jeesh, you never used to be such a moron,” he groaned in frustration. “Pigheaded - yes, you’ve been that, but you weren't a pigheaded moron.”
Bree narrowed her eyes at him and tried to kick him off her. “No wait,” he stopped her holding her legs still with one arm. “You’re a moron to think that every part of your body isn’t a huge turn-on to me.” When her legs stilled, he ventured on, “Do you know what turns me on the most?”
“What?” she asked.
“This,” he said, leaning over to kiss her breasts, softly, tenderly.
Bree rolled her eyes again, “Go figure.”
“And this,” he went back to her stomach and kissed that too, softly, tenderly. At her skeptic stare, he continued, “Those are things on your body that have changed in the last seven years. I’m fascinated by them. They’re signs of the miracle we created, of the miracle you carried and bore, the miracle that’s our daughter.” He looked at her stomach reverently, kissing it worshipfully. “And I think that’s helluva sexy.”
“You do?” Bree asked, voice small and eyes wide and filled with unshed tears.
“I do,” Todd stated solemnly. “Let me show you just how much.” He went on to do just that, lavishing attention on her breasts and stomach, lathing and licking them with devoted attention and showing her how much it turned him on until she started to relax and enjoy his administrations. Once she did, he made love to her, effectively wiping away her physical insecurities.
xxx
Bree’s rumbling stomach stirred her from sleep. She was sprawled over Todd in the exact same position as when she’d first fallen asleep after his therapeutic lovemaking session. Slowly sliding out of the bed, she searched for the sweater she’d taken out of his closet drawer earlier before she’d become completely side-swept.
Sliding it over her head, she noted that the clock indicated nine in the morning though outside was still pitch dark. Amber would be awake now, as would her grandparents - time to call and check on them then make some breakfast. Tip-toeing around the clothes and sheets scattered over the floor so as to not wake him, she made her way down the stairs to the kitchen. After a hunt in the dark, she grinned at her foolishness and put the light on - he wouldn’t wake up from the light down here when he was upstairs in bed. Shaking her head at herself, she acknowledged that she was more tired than she thought, but the activity to blame for her lack of sleep had been worth it.
Locating the phone, she made a quick call to the farm and spoke to her grandmother and Amber. Satisfied that they were okay and that Amber was well on her way to recovering from her nasty cold, Bree explained her sleep-over at Todd’s. Her grandmother was embarrassed and mortified that she’d locked her granddaughter out the house and apologized profusely. She explained that Todd was still asleep and that he’d run her home later. As it was a Sunday, there wasn’t any rush to do anything; it was the one day that things were kept laid-back in terms of farm chores so she didn’t feel guilty about it. She felt a bit embarrassed chatting to her grandmother about a sleepover at a guy’s place - even though the locked farmhouse gave her an excuse, so she was immensely relieved when no further questions were asked. Amber also seemed okay with it - assuming that a sleepover between her mother and father was natural.
Satisfied with the status quo, Bree replaced the phone on its stand and set about hunting around the kitchen to prepare breakfast. She found ingredients for a Spanish omelet. The man evidently liked his food. His fridge was stocked with a variety of ingredients not carried by the local stores. Like his coffee, he must’ve flown them in from Fairbanks, the largest metropolis near to them. Bree grabbed the eggs from the fridge and added them
to the list of ingredients on the island countertop. The quiet of the winter morning lent itself to accentuating sounds around you so she was very much aware of Todd stirring, moving around the room, and turning the water on in the shower. She’d woken up to a few sensational surprises from him throughout the night, so she’d give him one this morning - one she felt very comfortable providing - a hot, filling, and tasty breakfast.
The mindless task of beating the eggs into a fluffy golden froth allowed her thoughts to wander. The night before had been sensational. She couldn’t recall sex like that during their earlier courtship. The closest it came to was the last night they’d been together, the night she got pregnant.
Oh, God, she thought. What had she done? Accidentally burning her arm against the pan she was pouring the egg mixture into, she pulled back and knocked the pan straight off the stove. Stupefied by her realization, she watched in shock as the pan fell to the ground, spilling a mixture of egg, chorizo, and vegetables over the floor.
Cursing, she knelt down and started scraping the ingredients back into the pan, fumbling because she’d begun to shake. What the hell had she done?
“Bree,” Todd called out from upstairs, “Are you okay?”
Bree heard his voice, but still numb, didn’t respond. She didn’t need to speak to him now, she needed time to think. Operating on auto-pilot, she managed to scoop the mixture off the floor and into the pan, and then dumped it next to the sink so she could run the burnt area on her arm under cold water.
“Bree?” Todd’s voice broke through her reflections, startling her. Jumping in surprise, Bree knocked the pan to the ground and the ingredients spilled onto the floor again. She was going to dump them into the bin anyway, but the twice-spilled ingredients, a twice-made mistake, hit her hard. Sinking to the ground next to it, she sank down next to it, bursting into tears.
“What’s wrong honey?” Todd asked, kneeling in front of her.
“We had sex, Todd,” she bawled.
“I think we’ve ascertained that, Bree,” Todd replied indulgently.
“No, that’s not what I meant,” she gasped in between sobs.
“What is it, Bree?” Todd inquired more firmly. The last time he’d seen her was a few hours ago and she’d seemed content. Now, he walks down to the kitchen to find her in pieces.
“We had sex,” she reiterated.
“And?” he probed.
“And sex leads to complications and that’s not something I was looking for?”
“Wait a minute,” he said. “What complications? I’m not sure I’m on the same page with you.”
“Complications that lead to the kind of life I was hoping to not have here in Devil’s Peak. The kind of life that gets someone hurt. Amber,” she blurted out. “Amber can’t get hurt by this.”
“Why would Amber get hurt by this?” he asked, confusion having replaced his own contentment.
“If we have a relationship and we break up, she’ll be shattered,” Bree explained. “We can’t do that to her.”
“What do you mean, ‘if we have a relationship’? We are in a relationship. Not only are we her parents but we just made love - a number of times.” Suddenly weary, Todd’s voice held steel.
“We had sex, Todd,’ Bree corrected. “Something only we know about. Let’s keep it that way and not do it again.”
For the second time since her return to Devil’s Peak, Todd felt sucker-punched. Reeling from the shock due to the unexpected turn of events, he sat back and looked at her. She was a mess, shaking and sobbing as though her heart were breaking. “What’s changed in the three hours since we made love to now?”
“Everything,” Bree responded, unable to find the words to explain the many emotions flitting through her. With regret she realized that she’d found the man, she loved again and had to end it - for the sake of her daughter and herself.
“That’s cold, Bree,” Todd replied. “I realize that what we do can’t impact Amber’s happiness and I realize that she needs a stable home with both parents.” He sighed in frustration, dragging his hands through his hair. Taking a breath, he confessed, “I planned to ask you to marry me. I can see a future with you and Amber here, in this house.”
“So you want to marry me to have a whole and happy family,” Bree caught on.
Todd flinched, confirming her suspicions. Infuriated, Bree bit out, “You sit there and admonish me for being concerned about the complications of sex when you used me, used sex for your own personal gain. You thought that if I slept with you, I’d marry you, didn’t you?”
“It’s not what you think,” he interjected.
“No?” she cocked a brow at him. “Then what is it?” When he remained silent, she continued, “Do you love me Todd?”
“Of course, I love you,” he responded. “We’ve known each other since we were kids. Except for the past seven years, you’ve always been a part of my life. And now, you’re the mother of my child. That I love you is a given.”
“That’s not what I asked,” Bree shook her head. “I asked if you loved me - me being Bree not me the mother of your child.”
“Hell,” Todd cursed. “I just answered the question.” Todd had a bad feeling about where this was going, but just didn’t get what she was going on about.
“No you didn’t,” Bree argued. “You said that you love me as a friend and as the mother of your child. I get that. I appreciate that. But, you didn’t say that you love me for me. You love me as Bree regardless of everything that’s happened in our past and present. I saw the crappy relationship my parents had - cold, distant familiarity bonded together by their warped sense of morality. That’s what you’re offering. We need to get married because we have a child and it’s expected. That living together without love is okay because we’re raising Amber together.” Bree was panting from emotional frustration, shouting the words out at him. “Well, I want more than that. I deserve more than that. I want a man to love me, accept me, and cherish me - for me! A man who searches the room for me when he enters it, who feels the loss of my company when I’m not around - I need a man who cannot bear the thought of not having me in his life. Are you that man, Todd?”
He stared at her wordlessly. Bree waited a moment, and then got up. “That answers my question. I’m going to shower, and then I’d appreciate it if you took me home.”
He watched her get up and walk out of the kitchen. Rage replaced the shock and he roared, “That’s fine. Walk away. Run away from the situation instead of facing it like an adult. Do what you did when you were pregnant with Amber. It’s easier for you to be a coward.”
“I’m not a coward,” she turned back and yelled. “I’m not the one who left me. You did. You did it first. I was pregnant, hopeful that you’d come back from wherever and whatever it was that you were doing. That you’d come back and hold me, tell me things were going to be okay and that we’d get through it, but you didn’t. I waited for you, Todd. I waited and hoped and you didn’t come back. You’re the coward.”
“I didn’t leave you,” he argued. “You knew where I was going and what I was doing. For Pete’s sake, I had just lost my father and gained the responsibility of looking after my siblings - financially and emotionally. I needed to make a plan and I was doing that while I was away. I wasn’t doing drugs, living up life with whores on the dock. I wasn’t doing anything but work, to save money to put food in my brother and sister’s mouths!” He glared at her, angry that she’d judge him, hurt that she’d demand with so little empathy and understanding. “You’re the one who left without saying a word. The first place I went to when I got back was the farmhouse. Did you know that?” At her flinch, he nodded. “I didn’t think so. I came to you before I even said hello to my own brother and sister who I also hadn’t seen for months. But, I didn’t find you because you’d run away from facing me. I hadn’t heard from you in years, not months - years,” he repeated. “Then you walk back into my life, turn it upside down and just when I think we’ve worked things out,
you want to walk out again.”
“We didn’t work a thing out,” Bree countered. “We had sex, Todd, that’s all. Hot sex but it was just sex nonetheless. That does not mean we’re in a relationship. It does not mean that we’ve overcome our differences and it does not mean that I’ll marry you so that you can fulfill your childhood fantasy of being part of a big, happy family.”
Todd looked at her as though she’d slapped him. “You’re right,” he agreed in a cold voice. “There’s nothing for us to talk about. Go,” he pointed to the staircase, “go have your shower, and then I’ll take you home. Running away seems to suit you better than I do.”
Chapter 11
Bree sat by the lake, watching the activity around her. It was the first Sunday of summer and the place was teaming with people. Mothers sat on large, colorful picnic blankets, guarding the food against bugs and other critters nature had to offer. Ready to hand out sustenance to little fingers that needed it in between play. Fathers taught their children how to play catch, fly a kite, or swim in the expansive blue waters. The hollers, squeals, and laughter of children mingled lyrically with the sound of birdsong as nature had intended it to be.
Amber was playing with friends from school that she’d bumped into when they had arrived. Bree had diplomatically declined the invitations from the parents to sit with them, saying that she wanted to sit back and watch. That she needed the time to process the delights of her first summer back in Alaska. She knew that neither the words nor how she looked were convincing, but they would have to do. The last thing she felt like was being sociable.
Ever since the big argument with Todd, she’d felt lethargic and solitary, feelings reinforced by a deeper ache that seemed to permanently reside in her chest. If they’d truly loved each other, if they’d been a couple, she would’ve thought that her heart was breaking. But, her heart had already been broken once, when she’d fled Devil’s Peak - pregnant and in disgrace, with no hope of seeing her lover again. She’d broken down and cried then; felt the pain of her heart ripping into pieces as the cold, harsh reality of teenage love gone wrong, sank in.
Home for Love (An Adult Contemporary Romance) Page 10