The Future Homemakers of America

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The Future Homemakers of America Page 18

by Laurie Graham


  I was the only one from the old crowd could be there. Betty sent an Avon gift-casket. Kath sent pillowcases. Audrey sent a five-section hors-d'oeuvre tray in stainless steel.

  Lois just said, ‘Uh-oh. If the end of the world is at hand, I think I should stay home with my loved ones. Give her a hug from me. Give her a smack if you think she's making a big mistake.’

  I couldn't say I did think that. He was so nice with her and she was a picture of happiness.

  Gayle said, ‘You know what we're gonna do, Peg? We are gonna get a truck with a side that lets down and we're going out on the road, taking the Lord to the people.’

  I said, ‘Honey, I didn't even know you believed in the Lord.’

  ‘Sometimes I did, sometimes I didn't,’ she said. ‘But turns out he's believed in me all along.’

  She wanted me for her maid of honour, but I didn't see how I could, if I was already her wedding-organiser. Besides, she had two of her sisters coming, and her mom. First time I'd ever seen their faces, all the years I'd known Gayle. I think they smelled money. In the end, she had all three of us, sister Pattie, sister Kaye and me, all in a darker shade of lilac, with elbow-length gloves and velveteen bows in our hair.

  Betty said, ‘I got Gayle's wedding pictures. He looks a fine figure of a man.’

  I said, ‘You see what she made me wear? I felt like mutton dressed up as lamb.’

  She never contradicted me. She just said, ‘Well, you put duty first, and that's what matters. And what church is it, where he's pastor?’

  I wasn't exactly sure of that myself. It was the Lemarr Passy Sidewalk Ministry, but he didn't have a actual church. ‘Wherever the Lord is needed,’ he'd said. ‘Wherever the devil has pitched his tent, we pitch right next door.’

  I said, ‘I don't know, Betty, but ask anybody in Whiteville and they've heard of him. He's even probably getting his own radio show.’

  She said, ‘He do healing?’

  I said, ‘I wouldn't be surprised, the way he looks into a person's eyes.’

  The news from Converse was, Carla had graduated Third-Ranking Honor Student, Deana's dizzy turns had gotten so bad Ace Hardware had had to let her go after her first week, and Delta had won her heat of the Eastern Texas Junior Beauty Pageant.

  I said, ‘Jeez, Betty, leave you alone for five minutes! What's new with Slick? And Sherry?’

  ‘Enough about me,’ she said. ‘You heard from Crystal?’

  I hadn't. Every night I prayed she'd come back. Trouble with my praying was, I didn't really believe anybody was listening.

  62

  Kath used to write me every month. She always claimed she had nothing to tell me.

  ‘15 August 1968. Same old boring thing?,’ she wrote.

  I've got a lady going up for her test, six times she's failed. It's the reversing flummoxes her. She just can't seem to get the hang of it. If she doesn't pass this time, I shan't take any more money from her. Some people are safer kept off the roads. It's a pity because she's a nice person. Her sister married a GI, lives in Pike, Pennsylvania, so I don't suppose you'd know her.

  Me and May Gotobed have started drinking in public houses. We only drink shandy, but we get our Sunday dinner. No slaving over a hot stove and all the washing-up afterwards and having to eat it cold on Monday. You can have a roast with all the trimmings, or a cheese-and-pickle ploughman's, or scampi in a basket with tartare sauce. Do you remember the Flying Dutchman, used to be the doctor's surgery? You wouldn't know it now. They've ripped it all out and done it up. Fitted carpets. Course, the old boys don't like it, now the women have started going.

  Well, now, what about this man on the moon? Isn't that a marvellous thing? I've been following it on the telly, then I go outside and look up, see if I can see anything.

  I know it must be a worry to you, your Crystal acting up, but I don't think you should fret. What I seen of her, she's a champion girl and you've raised her right. She's probably just got swept along with all this hippy-hippy-shake business. It's the same over here. They're all wearing white lipstick and having sit-ins. It's just a fad.

  They had the Mersey Blue Jeans come to Norwich and Dennis Jex had to go for a steward. He's with the St John Ambulance. He reckoned they had girls fainting and screaming till they made theirselves sick, some of them only fourteen. So it's not you, Peg. It's the whole world gone mad. Makes me glad I'm just a poor old maid.

  Christmas Eve I got a collect call from California. It was Crystal. She said, I just thought of you. You okay?’

  I said, ‘Are you coming home?’ My hopes soared, but not very high.

  ‘No,’ she said ‘I'm travelling.’

  I said, ‘Give me your number. Give me your address.’

  ‘I told you,’ she said, ‘I'm travelling. Don't lay this family scene on me.’

  ‘I said, “Will you call me again?’

  ‘Sure,’ she said. ‘Stay cool.’ Then she was gone.

  I went to my bed and cried till I fell asleep.

  63

  Nineteen sixty-nine, things really took off for me. I was doing wed-dings with all the trimmings: showers, bridesmaids’ luncheons, rehearsal dinners – and everything themed. I loved it, but the way things were shaping up in the fall I knew I'd be needing an extra pair of hands, and in March 1970 Grice Terry came to work for me. It was a unusual line of work for a boy but, soon as I met him, I knew he was the one to hire, he was so darling arid polite. I knew he'd have all those brides’ mothers eating outta his hand. Also, he had a very good feel for colour.

  ‘Mrs Tate,’ he'd say, ‘those harvest hues are lovely, but they can be hard on a girl's complexion. Can I just ask you to reconsider blush pink?’

  We worked so hard. Easter through Labor Day we didn't take a weekend off.

  ‘My brides,’ he called them. And nothing was too much trouble.

  We were just finishing up one night, been checking things off for the Carlyle-Colquhoun bridesmaids’ luncheon, when the door opened a crack and somebody threw in a crochet hat, flowers stitched all over it. Then Crystal peeped round.

  ‘Hi,’ she said, ‘This the Prodigal Child Department?’

  She allowed me to give her a kiss. She always was given to squirming somewhat. But she whispered in my ear, ‘Sorry, Mom,’ and that ache lifted from my heart, first time in more than two years.

  We all went to Duke's Surf ‘n’ Turf to celebrate. Grice was for leaving the pair of us to it, but I wanted him along. Tell the truth, I felt kinda awkward around her, it'd been so long.

  She wouldn't have ribs. Looked like she hadn't ate red meat in a long time, she was so washed out. ‘It's okay, Mom,’ she said. ‘You can have them kill the fatted shrimp instead.’

  Grice went to the bathroom. Crystal said, ‘He's cute.’

  I said, ‘I interviewed twenty girls and not one of them had the right touch. Then Grice come along.’

  ‘Cool,’ she said. ‘Well, I have some news for you. I have good news and I have bad news. Which do you want first?’

  First bombshell she dropped was, she got married. His name was Trent Weaver. I'd met him one time when she first started associating with beatniks and Communists. He had a long thin neck and a big beaky nose, looked more like a game bird than a human being.

  ‘Then there's the good news,’ she said. ‘We're divorced.’

  I said, ‘Whatever were you thinking of?’

  ‘Search me,’ she said. ‘I guess we must have been stoned.’

  My child, raised to know right from wrong, had been smoking herbal cigarettes.

  I ordered more drinks. I said, ‘Your father know about this?’

  ‘He's my next call,’ she said. ‘Him and Trent wouldn't have hit it off, Dad being a capitalist an’ all. You realise I'm probably near enough a worm heiress these days?’

  Grice looked at me. I said, ‘My ex-husband. I don't talk about it. And Crystal, would you kindly keep your voice down? I have a certain image in this town.’

  She said, ‘I'm so
rry. I didn't mean to yell it out so loud about Daddy being a worm farmer.’

  ‘Enjoying the shrimp?’ Grice said.

  I said, ‘Now, what about your education?’

  ‘Well,’ she said, ‘I guess I still have it, somewhere in the back of my mind.’

  She was commencing to look for work, something in the veterinary ‘line.

  She said, ‘You look great, Mom. I've been missing you. Wondering if I dared show my face.’

  I said, ‘You idiot girl. I missed you so much.’

  Grice had to wipe a tear.

  I said, ‘You need a place to stay?’

  ‘Hey,’ she said, ‘I didn't say I was missing you that much.’

  We shared a plate of Floating Islands Dessert, between three.

  ‘Oh yeah,’ she said. ‘One more thing I ought to confess. When we got married … I didn't like to come to Bloomie's with our gift list, let you see the kind of low-rent stuff we were hoping for, so … me and Trent … we registered at Wal-Mart.’

  64

  ‘Never suspected a thing,’ Vern said. ‘First I knew it was all over, same as you. You ever meet him?’

  I said, ‘I believe I did. He was a long streak of nothing, hair he could nearly sit on. I never figured on getting him as a son-in-law. I thought we'd raised her to have more sense.’

  ‘Well,’ he said, ‘I guess we had a lucky escape. She coulda turned up married to a coloured. She coulda turned up with a child and no husband.’

  I said, ‘Vern. You better quit talking like that and catch up. The world's changing.’

  ‘Not here it ain't,’ he said. ‘How're you?’

  I told him about the business. Course, Vern didn't really want to hear about bridal matters. He was just being polite till it was his turn.

  ‘Yup,’ he said, ‘we're doing great. We just launched our Weekender Bait Bucket. You get a one-gallon bucket, with a hundred worms and a pack of worm feed. Comes with a illustrated instruction sheet and, provided you don't park it next to the furnace, you've got a shelf-life of six to eight weeks. Makes a nice gift for a fisherman.’

  I said, ‘I'll make a note.’

  ‘We're thinking of branching out, as well,’ he said. ‘Breeding redworms for people want to aerate their garden, or make their own compost. Redworm consumes half his own body weight in garbage every twenty-four hours.’

  Sounded like Deana Gillis.

  ‘And they're breed real good, too.’

  Sounded even more like Deana.

  ‘Yup,’ he said. ‘It'll be a nice little sideline for Martine. Leave me and Eugene to carry on with the bait side of the business.’ He said Martine was well, and Mom Dewey was doing good too, for seventy, and Martine's boy, Eugene, was dating a girl, but by correspondence. It was some kinda pen-pal arrangement.

  Crystal said, ‘I hope he's not using any of that Bait Farm scented writing paper.’

  She had got a job in Fort Worth at a beauty parlour for dogs.

  I said, ‘I thought you wanted to cure the sick? All those insides you used to study up on?’

  ‘Mm,’ she said, T could still do that. But right now I'm studying the owners. I mean, I could understand a person spending big bucks to save the life of their pet, stop it suffering! Pet is like a child to some people. But you should see what they spend just to stop a dog smelling like a dog. We get poodles looked every week. Shampoo and clip.’

  Mondays she'd usually come over and we'd’ go someplace for dinner. Grice too, if he was free. They had really hit it off right from the start and it was nice they could entertain each other. Sometimes, after a big wedding, I was so tired I hardly, could talk. The only thing was, if Grice and Crystal were to get more than friendly, if they were to start dating or something, I didn't want pleasure to interfere with business. Grice was such an asset to me, I didn't want any complications.

  One Monday when he had to visit his friend Tucker and couldn't join us, I took the opportunity to say something about it.

  I said, ‘I don't know what I'd do without Grice. I'd sure hate to lose him.’

  ‘Why?’ she said. ‘Somebody trying to lure him away?’

  I said, ‘No. But when you have staff, you can't take things for granted.’

  She said, ‘From where I'm looking, you've got Grice for life.’

  I said, ‘Well, circumstances can change. A person might move away. They get their heart broken. Feel they have to start over. Or he might meet somebody, from out of state. He's still young. He could decide to up sticks and go. My only hope is, I don't think Grice is the marrying kind.’

  ‘No shit, Sherlock,’ she said. That was the kinda language she had picked up being married to Trent Weaver for five minutes.

  ‘Well,’ she said, changing the subject, ‘I found Sherry.’

  She had been trying to track down Sherry Gillis, the two of them having been so close at one time, keeping the whole house awake with their giggling while she was staying with us. Betty had given her a number in Culver City, LA, but Sherry never seemed to be home.

  I said, ‘And? She still in show business?’

  ‘Kind of,’ she said. ‘She was just up in Fresno at the Home Show. She was demonstrating a gadget cuts up potatoes and stuff into fancy shapes.’

  I said, ‘She tell you she was on TV, as a tomato? She got a thing about vegetables?’

  She was laughing. ‘More'n you know,’ she said. ‘Matter of fact, I think she's moved in with one. His name's Justin and he drinks his own urine.’

  She swore that was what Sherry had told her. Said it keeps you eternally young. I tried it out on Lois next time we spoke.

  ‘Yeah,’ she said, ‘I think I heard of that. I think I read it in a magazine. He take it on the rocks? Twist of orange and a little grenadine, maybe? Tell you what, get Betty to try it out. If it works for her, I'll cancel getting my neck ironed. Hey, you get the Rudman Team Photo?’

  As usual, Audrey's Christmas card had a family photo on the front and a newsletter inside, covering the past year.

  Lo said, ‘Talk about their royal majesties. I'm predicting next year's card, they'll be sitting on thrones.’

  I said, ‘Well, Audrey always was destined for great things.’

  ‘And what about those boys?’ she said. ‘You ever hear of a thing called body language? I got a book you should read. It's for if you're in business and you want to know if somebody's jerking you around.’

  I said, ‘Lo, I deal with people in a very happy situation. They don't jerk me around.’

  ‘Okay,’ she said. ‘But in my business we have a saying: buyers are liars.’

  Lois had taken the tests, got her real estate salesman's licence. Soon as Kirk was through with school she wanted to move to New York and take the broker's test.

  ‘I tell you,’ she said, ‘I'm gonna go far. Anyway, you could still read this book. Then you'd understand, those Rudman boys are standing there, dressed up like a pair of crown princes, but what their body language is saying is GET ME THE FUCK OUTTA HERE.’ They just looked to me like nice clean-cut boys. According to Audrey's update, Mikey was all set for the Air Force Academy, Colorado Springs, and Lance Jnr was aiming for the Brigade of Midshipmen at Annapolis, following in his grampa's footsteps.

  ‘Another hectic year,’ she wrote.

  The OWC has kept me busy most days with fund-raisers and my volunteer hours at the thrift shop on base. Also, I must admit I'm now hooked on mah-jongg and try to play two or three times a week. We vacationed in Yosemite National Park this year, a great adventure for all. Saw bluebirds, chipmunk, black bear. As usual, I took along my paints but never got around to using them. One of these days! Unfortunately Lance put his back out unfurling the awning on the camper so he wasn't able to join us on all of our hikes. He's now recovered, thanks to an excellent chiropractor, so we're planning a romantic trip to Hawaii for our up-coming twentieth anniversary.

  ‘That's just Christmas-card talk,’ Lois said. ‘Those boys are ready to eee-rupt. The Big One! Comi
ng soon to a perfect family of your acquaintance. You heard it here.’

  I thought that was pretty rich coming from Lois Moon. I thought she had some nerve. Last I had heard, she wasn't even allowed in to change Kirk's sheets. What Sandie had told me that time, Kirk's room hadn't been picked up in years.

  65

  ‘We're going to Spain,’ Kath wrote, ‘me and May. It's called a package tour. £20 all-in, and they reckon it gets so hot you can't walk on the sands in your bare feet.’

  I called her.

  I said, ‘I was hoping you'd be coming out here again.’

  She said, ‘I'd love to, Peg, I really would. But see, that's a question of the time. I can take a week off, go to Spain and come back with a bit of a suntan. But I can't come to you for a week. By the time I got there it'd be time to turn round and come back.’

  That was the hole we were all digging for ourselves. For years we had time and no money. Now we had money and no time.

  She said, ‘Then Audrey invited me as well, said they had plenty of room. So that'd be another week. I looked on the map, see where California is. I tell you, Peggy, that's such a big country. You could take a lifetime and never see half of it. I mean, I haven't hardly seen what we've got here, but I don't even know if I want to any more. I went to Great Yarmouth with May, on her Women's Fellowship outing, and that did nothing but blow and rain. Sitting in a wet mac all day, keep looking at your watch, hoping it's time to go home. I said to May, I can stop in Lynn and get rained on. Least I wouldn't get thrown all over place by a loopy charabanc-driver. The way he kept stamping on his brakes, that was terrible. So then May fetched the brochure about Spain, and that's where we're off to. You should see the pictures. Beautiful blue skies, smart hotels. Flamingo dancing. I don't know how they do it for the money. Hilda Jex says you wouldn't catch her going. All that oily food, and getting the runs. Course, Hilda always was a worry-guts. She'd get the runs sitting looking at her own four walls. Anyway, Peg, how're you?’

 

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