He rested his head on the wheel. Ending things with Izzy the day before had been sickeningly painful. Only losing Charlie had hurt as much. And it didn’t make sense for it to hurt like this, he had only known Izzy for a few weeks – but he knew he loved her with everything he had. He stood by his decision though. It was agony for him but it was the best thing for Izzy.
He got out the car and let Psycho out the back. Psycho bounded towards the office door enthusiastically as Ethan dragged his feet.
He opened the door and Izzy looked up to at him with pure venom in her eyes. Ok this was good. He could cope with anger, he couldn’t cope with her tears. If she started crying his firm resolve would crumble in seconds.
‘Hi,’ he said.
He let Psycho go and the dog immediately ran round the desk to greet Izzy, laying his great head in her lap. Ethan wished he could do the same. Izzy stroked Psycho though she didn’t take her furious gaze from Ethan.
Eventually she tore her eyes from him and returned her attention to the computer. Silent treatment. That was even better. If this was how it was going to be for the next few days, he might not go insane before she left. He just had to be strong for a few more days, after she had gone he could fall apart then.
‘How’s the diary looking this week?’ he asked, hoping they could at least be civil to each other. He took his coat off and headed towards the kitchen.
She ignored him but as he passed her, he saw her hands were shaking as she typed on the keyboard. He quickened his step into the kitchen. He couldn’t see her upset, it would tear him apart.
He boiled the kettle and surreptitiously peered round the door to look at her. She had her back to him but he watched as she wiped a tear from her cheek. Shit. Shit. Shit. He couldn’t hurt her like this. He couldn’t lose her either. But he absolutely would not let her be dragged down amongst the shit like him and the rest of his family, nor would he let her cancel her trip to Australia because of him.
He took his time making them both a tea, hoping that by the time he went back out into the office she would have composed herself.
He placed the tea on the desk and was gutted to see she was still crying, even though she was furiously trying to stop herself. She didn’t even look at him, she just stared at the screen, clearly hoping he would go away.
‘Izzy, I…’ He had no words with which to make this better.
She span round to face him, her eyes flashing with fire.
‘You’re a coward, Ethan Chase.’ She stood up and poked him hard in the chest. ‘I know why you broke up with me. You got scared. I drunkenly told you I wanted to get married and have lots of babies and you freaked out, just like when that gypsy woman predicted out first child was going to be an Olympic swimmer.’
‘I broke up with you because you don’t trust me. It took you seeing me talking to one woman for a few minutes and you jumped to completely the wrong conclusion. I had been kissing you moments before. I turned up at your friend’s wedding because I knew you were upset and I wanted to be there for you. But in the end you decided to listen to rumours and gossip instead of your heart. The one person I thought I could trust to see past all that and you’re just like all the rest.’
‘That’s ridiculous,’ she shouted, her pale cheeks colouring pink in anger. ‘You know I was in a state, I was emotional and vulnerable and…’
‘That’s no excuse.’
Her anger faded. ‘No it’s not and I’m sorry. But we can’t let this come between us. Why are you so quick to throw away what we have? If you loved me, you’d fight for us, not just give it up.’
This was horrendous. And of course she was right, but he stood by his decision. He stared down at the floor, not even wanting to look at her because he knew he would weaken.
‘Do you love me?’ she asked quietly.
He wouldn’t lie to her, not about that, but he couldn’t encourage her either. He turned away from her, distracting himself with stroking Psycho, but he could feel her staring at him, waiting for his answer.
‘Do you love me?’ her voice was choked now, panic starting to filter in. He still couldn’t answer. The pain in his chest was unbearable. ‘Oh god. You don’t love me.’
He looked over at her as tears filled her eyes.
‘You never loved me? I’ve been so stupid. I fell head over heels in love with you and you never felt that way, not for one second. I’ve done it again, haven’t I? I mistook the need for sex for love, just like I did with Alex.’
She took a step away from him in shock.
‘Look I don’t want this to be awkward between us…’
‘Well I’ll make it really easy for you. I’m leaving now and you’ll never see me again.’
Tears coursing down her cheeks, she grabbed her coat and walked out.
As soon as the door was closed, Ethan sat down at his desk and wept.
*
Ninety-one hours. Ninety-one hours and thirty-six minutes ago, Izzy had been sitting on Ethan’s lap, kissing him, safe in the knowledge that everything was right in the world. She’d had time to work it out over the last few days, how long it had been since her heart was irrevocably broken. Since walking out on her job, she had barely moved from her bed, only occasionally swapping her duvet for her blanket on the sofa. It was pathetic, she knew that. It was ridiculous to fall in love with him when she had barely known him for a few weeks, and it was beyond stupid to expect him to reciprocate. Rejection coursed through her. She had thought that maybe she had something special to hold his attention for so long. But clearly there was nothing special about her at all. What was worse was she could only assume that everything between her and Ethan had been a lie. Because if he didn’t love her, if she wasn’t worth fighting for, then what they had resulted in nothing more than just sex. She remembered back to what Bex had said about the women he dated, that he pretended to be interested in them. ‘He lays on all the charm, wines and dines them and they’re putty in his hands. Then he shags them and never speaks to them again.’ And now she had fallen for his charm too, hook, line and sinker. Had he really laid on all the charm just so he could have her in his bed on a regular basis?
She knew she had hurt him by not trusting him, but surely, if he truly loved her he wouldn’t walk away from them over something so small, especially when he knew that she had been drunk and emotional.
Her trip to Australia couldn’t come soon enough now. And one thing was for sure, she was never coming back. With Bex gone, her family scattered to the furthest corners of the world, there was nothing for her here anymore. Just three more nights and she would be leaving this dreary little island forever.
There was a knock on her door and her heart leapt and then sank a second later. It wouldn’t be Ethan. She hadn’t seen or heard from him since she walked out on Monday morning. If she thought that he might cool off and change his mind after a few days, the window of opportunity for that had sadly closed.
She rolled off the sofa, not caring that she looked a state. She opened the door and saw Kyle standing awkwardly on her doorstep. He recoiled slightly when he saw the mess she was in – her hair, no doubt, resembled a bush and in her oversized pyjamas and hoodie she certainly wasn’t winning any awards for best groomed or best dressed. Izzy had no energy to even care.
‘Hi, can I come in?’ Kyle asked.
Izzy nodded and shuffled back to let him in. She scooped up Fang and sat on the sofa with the cat on her lap. Kyle closed the door softly behind him and sat down next to her.
‘I’m not going to beat around the bush here, Izzy, you look a mess.’
‘Thanks.’
‘But Ethan looks worse.’
‘I doubt that.’
‘He hasn’t shaved, he hasn’t slept, he’s not eating. He has come to work in the same clothes for the last three days. He wasn’t even this bad when Charlie died.’
‘He broke up with me, not the other way round. He has no right to be hurt over this.’
‘The man is an ass
.’
She sighed, because even now she wanted to jump to his defence. She stroked Fang behind the ears as she thought. ‘I think he’s not ready for another relationship yet and he’s using me not trusting him as an excuse to end it. I think he’s still in love with Charlie.’
‘He didn’t love Charlie, not in the end.’
She stared at him. ‘What?’
‘They were childhood friends who just sort of got together. She was there for him a lot when he came out the army with his injury and the friendship developed very quickly after that. They were very much in love and he absolutely adored her. They got married and almost straight away she became pregnant. But four months down the line, when they had already found out it was a little girl and had bought several tiny pink items of clothes, she miscarried.’
Izzy’s heart broke for him, she knew how hard that must have been for him.
‘Ethan was devastated, I think he had already got it in his head about being a dad and he was really looking forward to it.’
‘They stayed together though, after the baby died?’
‘Yes for five years. But she blamed him for the baby’s death.’
‘What, no! How was it Ethan’s fault?’
‘Well it wasn’t, but Ethan still didn’t have a job – what with all the physio he had to have after the accident. So she was working all hours, doing lots of overtime to try to support them. She said the exhaustion was what killed the baby.’
‘Oh god!’ Izzy let her head fall in her hands. Ethan must have been destroyed by those comments, not being able to support his family and knowing Charlie blamed him for that. Suddenly a comment Ethan had made a few weeks before slammed into her brain. ‘I’m never letting anyone get close enough to hurt me again.’ She had thought he meant the grief he felt for Charlie dying but now she realised he meant this. Charlie had wounded him with her hurtful comments. Even Tia had tried to warn Izzy. Tia said that Charlie had messed him up spectacularly. Tia hadn’t meant her death, she’d meant this.
‘As time went on you could see the cracks starting to show – they would bicker constantly, mainly about money. They had none. Ethan was trying to get work and he did odd jobs here and there, mainly labouring, building work, decorating… but nothing substantial, and Charlie’s salary wasn’t going far. When he started the KMW business, every penny that Charlie earned was poured into that and she hated that, she wanted to go on holiday and treat herself but Ethan always persuaded her not to. He kept saying that if they worked hard at the business, then one day they could do all these wonderful things she wanted to do. The bickering turned into full blown arguments. She wanted to leave him, they even spoke about getting a divorce. Then he got the compensation from the army and it was a lot. I think she thought she could give up work or at least go part time. They wanted to try again for a baby but she always said that with the hours she did, there wasn’t time to raise a child too. Ethan bought a new house for Gizmo, bought a house for himself and Charlie and the one next door for me, so he could keep an eye on me.’ Kyle rolled his eyes. ‘And poured thousands into renovating Oakwood House. He was trying to build this future for them, but Charlie didn’t see it like that. One day they had a blazing row, probably the worst they’d ever had, I could hear them through the walls and there were lots of plates and cups being smashed, she had a terrible temper.’
‘Worse than Ethan?’
‘Oh much worse, anyway she stormed out and two minutes down the road, her car collided with a truck and she was killed instantly. Ethan blames himself entirely and has had to live with the guilt of that ever since.’
Izzy shook her head with confusion. ‘None of that explains why he’s dumped me. Everything was perfect between us.’
‘I’m not sure why he broke up with you, he won’t talk to me about it. All he keeps saying is that it’s for the best, but I do know that when he was with you, he was the happiest I’ve seen him. Ever.’
Izzy stared at the chair on the other side of the room, where she and Ethan had made love for the last time on Friday night. Every look, every touch had been from a man that was completely and utterly in love with her, that’s why it made no sense that he would be so keen to walk away from her.
‘Why are you telling me this? I’ve apologised, I’ve tried to talk to him, he doesn’t want to know. I’m not sure what else I can do?’
‘I don’t know either, but he’s miserable.’
‘Of his own making Kyle, he broke my heart.’
‘I know. Maybe he’s too stubborn and proud to change his mind. Would you forgive him if he came back to you now?’
‘In a heartbeat. Stupidly, I’ve fallen in love with the grumpy bastard. But this has to come from him now. He’s walked away from me three times, I can’t take a fourth.’
‘I’ll talk to him.’ He stood up and handed her a thick envelope.
‘What’s this?’
‘Your wages, Ethan sent me round.’
This punched Izzy in the gut. ‘So he really doesn’t want to see me.’
‘He said I should come because he couldn’t bear to see you cry again.’
‘I just don’t get him.’
He shook his head. ‘Me neither. Take care of yourself Izzy.’
He kissed her on the cheek and walked out.
*
Ethan sat at the desk with his head in his hands. It had been four days since Izzy had walked out and no matter what he did, he couldn’t get that last image of her out of his mind. If anyone ever said that a broken heart didn’t physically hurt, they just had to look at Izzy when she’d thought he didn’t love her and they’d know how much pain she was in. He had tried to protect her from being dragged down and getting hurt by the malicious rumours that surrounded his family and he had been the one to hurt her the most. And in twenty-four hours she would be gone and he knew in his heart, he would never see her again.
The pain was unbearable.
The door opened and he peered through his fingers to see his mum standing there, pulling off her gloves and hanging her coat on the hook, then she sat down opposite him, her lips pursed angrily.
He hadn’t really spoken to her since the whole palaver over Izzy the week before, but surely she must have heard through the grapevine by now that it was over.
He put his hands down and faced his mum across the desk.
‘Ethan Chase, you disappoint me.’
He sighed. ‘I’m sure I’m disappointing everyone this week.’
‘You have always listened to me, always done as you were told. Sure, there were times when you were growing up that you were a bit rebellious, but I could always count on you to do the right thing. Last week was the first time you’ve ever defied me…’
‘Mum…’
‘Let me finish. I was stunned but then I went away and thought about it and I only came to one conclusion. You’re in love with that girl and that changes things.’
‘We broke up.’
‘I know, that’s why I’m here.’
‘You know? Surely you should be doing cartwheels around the room.’
‘Because my son has a broken heart, I don’t think so. It kills me to see you like this. I’m hoping this wasn’t to do with me.’
He shook his head.
‘So you want to tell me what’s going on?’
Ethan had never managed to lie to his mum and he wasn’t about to start now.
‘You know all those disgusting rumours about us, the drugs, the mafia, the thievery?’
‘She believed those rumours and broke it off?’
‘No, I did. I didn’t want her to be dragged down with us.’
‘That’s ridiculous.’
‘You know how hard it is for us to get a job round here, with all the prejudice surrounding us. I didn’t want her to experience the same thing. I went to her friend’s wedding on Saturday and people were saying some vile things about her just because she’s with me. She’s really intelligent, this job is never going to be a long ter
m thing for her. What if she tries to get a job somewhere else and can’t because of her association with me? I can’t ruin the rest of her life.’
Beatrice sighed, heavily. ‘There’s nothing we can do about those rumours, they will continue to follow us around for the rest of our lives and I understand that you want to protect her from that. But she strikes me as a strong woman. That’s the sort of thing that she should decide for herself.’
‘She’s in love with me, I don’t think she’s thinking straight. She was going to cancel her trip to Australia just so she could stay with me.’
‘And you’ve pushed away the woman you love, just to protect her from silly rumours. I don’t think you’re thinking straight either.’
‘I’m trying to do what’s best for her.’
‘By all accounts you’ve broken the poor girl’s heart. That’s something you never get over.’
‘What are you saying, that I’ve made a mistake? This was the woman that you forbade me from seeing last week.’
‘Jack Blake came to see me.’
Ethan felt his eyebrows shoot up.
‘He made me see what an idiot I’ve been. If someone makes you that happy when you’re with them and this miserable when you’re not, then you grab hold of them and never let them go, regardless of what anyone says, including your silly old mother. I’m not saying it will be easy but you at least give her all the facts and then if she decides to stay with you, you weather the storms together.’ He watched his mum pull on her coat and gloves. ‘I want you to be happy Ethan, you deserve to be. Don’t throw away your chance.’
She walked out and closed the door behind her and he resumed his position with his head in his hands.
His mum was wrong. This was the best thing for Izzy.
Wasn’t it?
*
Izzy lingered near the security gate at the airport. She had waited there as long as she could. Because if this was a film or a TV programme, this would be the moment that Ethan would suddenly catch up with her and declare his undying love. But as the time for her to depart drew nearer, she knew he wasn’t coming. With tears burning her eyes and the pain of supressed emotion deep in her throat, she turned her back on England for the final time and walked towards the plane that would take her to her new life.
Tied up With Love Page 27