by Jillian Neal
“Dan?” A nasally, flirtatious, female drawl reached him, and he panicked. Oh shit! He spun and tried not to glance towards the Expedition. He was in plain view of the large windows. Fionna could see everything, but he had no hope of seeing her reaction.
“Bridgette,” his head sank in defeat. This was going to be a disaster.
He retreated several steps, but she advanced.
“You look even sexier than the last time I saw you.”
Dan fought not to vomit. He caught her hand as she reached to run it down his chest. “Don’t touch me.”
“Playing coy now? I know what you like. Let’s get out of here and make up for lost time.” She’d slid her left hand up his bicep and squeezed. Dan shuddered and jerked away from her roving hands. He’d released her right to escape her left, and she’d continued her progress until he was backed up to a booth by the windows.
“Bridgette, we are done. Turn around and walk away. I don’t ever want to see you again.”
With a dismissive scoff, as if his disinterest was somehow unfathomable, she reached and managed to press her greatly enhanced cleavage against him.
He grasped her shoulders and edged her away. As he pushed her back, she brought her hands back up to his chest and pawed at him. He lamented his long-standing policy of never laying a hand on a woman.
“Baby, we were good together. I know you miss me.”
Dan noted that she was still wearing a Tantra waitressing uniform, such as it was. Clearly her employers hadn’t given much thought to her prostitution charge.
“Bridgette, get the hell away from me.”
In the next horrifying second, Dan’s world effectively fell apart. A woman behind the counter called, “Order 162”, Fionna burst into the restaurant with a white-hot storm of fury burning in her eyes, and in Dan’s distraction, Bridgette managed to slip her hand down his zipper line.
Fionna gasped audibly. Panic seared through Dan’s veins. With the shrill, echoing sounds of loss reverberating against his skull, he knew what had to happen. Members of the Interfeci occupied seats at the Tantra Gentlemen’s Club every single day. Bridgette danced for them, served their drinks, and, for a fee, listened in on their conversations. The fatal flaw in his brilliant plan was that Bridgette wanted him. If she knew what Fionna meant to him, she would turn on him just for revenge.
Repulsed by what he was about to do, Dan spun away from Bridgette. He ignored Fionna completely. “That’s mine,” he moved to the counter. The words choked on the devastation that obstructed his throat. He picked up the bags of food and proceeded to abandon the love of his life in a low-end, seedy, hole-in-the-wall, beside the woman he’d banged without any care at all for several months before he’d met Fionna.
The bitter cold stung his eyes, already burning with the finality of what he’d just done. It was the coldest winter Virginia had experienced in over a decade. The biting, glacial wind was nothing compared to the numbing cold that took up residence in his soul.
Certain that Bridgette had paid no attention to which car Fionna had exited, as she’d only had eyes for his crotch, Dan set the food on the floorboard, seated himself, and felt his heart shatter as he cranked the car and backed out of the parking space.
Fionna’s mouth hung open in shock as she watched him abandon her.
Lost and Abandoned
Certain that he had never hated himself more, Dan circled behind the restaurant and hid the car in an employee parking space. He could see Bridgette’s car from his vantage point, and he had a profile shot of both women. With a fervent prayer for help, he texted Fionna and tried desperately to explain. Bridgette’s order was called, and she made her exit without ever exchanging words with Fionna.
She refused to answer his texts. As soon as the exhaust billowed from Bridgette’s broken-down car, he called.
“This is Fionna. Leave me a message. Aloha!” He heard the message three times before he debated putting his fist through one of the windows.
On the fifth call, she answered.
“Fi, please don’t hang up. I’m here. I just… I just couldn’t let her know. Please. I know you hate me. Just come outside. Turn left out of the door. You’ll see me. I would never have really left you.”
She said nothing. Air seized in his lungs. Acid burned his throat. His body rejected the loss. “Please, baby, please. Let me explain. I’ll take you back to your house, or to Garrett’s, or to your parents, just please, please let me explain. I won’t touch you… just please.”
His heart managed a few irregular, burdened beats when she stormed out of the restaurant. He saw the plate glass windows that constructed the restaurant shake as she slammed the door behind her. Refusing to meet his terrified eyes, she climbed into the car, folded her arms over her chest, and remained as far away from him as she could manage.
The black asphalt adhered to the dark, moonless night. Dan couldn’t see either. His eyes only managed to see the oddly motionless black of his future. The weight in his chest made his breaths staggered and anxious. “I’m sorry,” he choked.
She shot him an infuriated glare and moved so close to the door he was afraid she was going to try and leap out of the car.
With a half nod, he accepted his fate. He couldn’t have her. He should never have tried. He’d never deserve something so perfect.
“Where do you want me to take you? I can call Garrett, or just take you to his apartment, or the farm.”
His shield was so weighted with guilt and terrorizing fear that she lost some of her unmitigated wrath when she finally allowed herself to feel his emotions.
“Why did you leave me there?” her voice broke. She turned her face away. She didn’t want him to see her cry. He wished she’d just backhand him. That couldn’t have hurt as badly as the crippling blow of her refusing him her tears.
“Please, baby, look at me.” Dan checked his rearview mirrors and pulled off of the road into an old, abandoned gas station parking lot.
Utter devastation ravaged her eyes as she spun around and stared him down.
“Fi, Bridgette works with Wretchkinsides’ men every single day. Remember, I told you that’s why I dated her in the first place. I only wanted the information she could get me. I also told you I was an asshole, and I apparently just proved that, but baby, I swear I did it to try to keep you safe. If she knew about us, and it pissed her off enough, she could go straight to Nic. I’m so sorry. If I’d shown her what you mean to me, Fionna, he’d never let you live.” Any steadying calm eluded him. She shook in her heavy coat. Her tears jolted through her body and became sobs.
Unable to sit there and do nothing, he reached out for her, but she threw herself backwards and away from him.
Hot tears, that refused to obey, escaped his eyes. He managed a nod. “I’ll, uh… I’ll take you to Garrett’s.” His own voice sounded fractured and distant. He didn’t want her to be alone. He needed to know that she was safe and that someone was taking care of her. He pulled back onto the road and headed towards downtown D.C. Garrett owned an apartment near the Pentagon.
“I don’t want to go to Garrett’s,” shrieked from her a few minutes later.
Confusion added itself to the volatile cocktail of desperation and casualty that existed in his gut. “I want to go home.” With a great deal of effort, she forced her voice to calm.
Dan nodded and tried not to imagine where she was going to sleep in her old house. There was virtually no furniture left. “Uh, Fi, why don’t you just stay at my house tonight? Please. I’ll go back to the office.”
“What? Where else would I stay? Why would you go back to the office? What is wrong with you?”
With his mind in anarchy, from somewhere hope gave another hesitant show in his shield.
“I was trying to give you some space. I’ll do anything you want.”
“I want to go to our house!”
Dan tried to swallow down that damned hope all over again. She probably wants to pack. He slowly drove home, delayi
ng the death that was certain to overtake him when he got her home.
As he shifted into park, she stormed up the walkway, used her own key to open the door, and then slammed it promptly in his face.
She didn’t lock it. He stood and stared at the door. It was over and he was going to be sick. The alarms began blaring. She still didn’t know how to turn them off, so he eased inside after her.
What he found, once he stepped inside, astounded him. There were at least a dozen beautifully wrapped packages under the tree, stockings hung from the mantle, the entire house glowed from being scrubbed and polished, the smell of freshly baked cookies infused the air, the carpets were vacuumed, and Fionna was lying face down on the couch sobbing onto her folded arms.
The sight was more than he could bear. He quickly turned off the alarms before every Iodex officer on the force was in the front lawn. He set his keys on the antique washstand that had come from her home, and moved to the floor beside her.
“Baby, please, please don’t cry. I’m so sorry. She meant absolutely nothing to me, and you mean absolutely everything to me. I had to leave you there. I had to. I’m so, so sorry.” He brushed her hair away from her face and wiped away the steadily flowing tears. “Please believe me.” It was such a stupid and selfish request. How could he sit there and ask her for more after what he’d just done to her?
“I do.” She scrubbed her hands over her face and curled up in her ball in the corner of the couch.
“Can I sit beside you?” He would take nothing for granted, and he wasn’t certain he could survive her jerking away from him again. That was too much.
She gave a slight nod, and he eased himself beside her, still giving her space between them.
“I’m so sorry, Fionna.” He’d say it until the end of time. If she was about to walk out, he hoped that the end of time came that night.
“I know.” She fussed pitifully. Then, it seemed, to spite herself, she fell forward on his chest, and his entire being rejoiced as he held her.
“You don’t know. You have no idea how hard it was to walk out of there. You have no idea what that did to me. I can’t tell you how sorry I am.”
Suddenly, she erupted, this time perhaps worse than the last. She shoved him away. “Ugh! I could feel it! I can feel everything! I could feel everything you felt and everything about her! How could you have dated someone like that? She is awful! Her energy is horrible!” Renewed tears, momentarily burned away by her fury, spilled from her eyes. Her hands impacted with his chest again. He did nothing to stop her from hitting him.
Dan had no idea what to say. He didn’t understand. “Baby, she’s not Gifted. She doesn’t have energy.”
“Everyone has energy, Dan. You can’t feel it.” This seemed to deeply irritate her.
“Okay, I do know how powerful you are, Fi, but what do you mean everyone has energy?”
She wiped away her tears again and managed a convulsive breath.
“Not energy like we have, that you can access and do stuff with. It’s just that everyone has a spirit. How they act, and think, and the things they do, it all affects their spirit. Hers is just,” Fionna clenched her jaw and tried to think of a word to describe Bridgette, “yucky!”
In absolute shock that he was grinning, Dan nodded his agreement. “I’m sorry; I can’t feel that like you can, but please listen to me. I never really paid her enough attention to have felt anything from her at all. I used her Fionna, and she used me. That was fine with me. That’s how far I had fallen from the man I should be. I told you I don’t deserve you. I’ll never deserve you.”
Still pouting, though she seemed to have stopped the tears falling from her eyes, she shook her head. “I don’t hate you. I could never hate you. Stop thinking that. It hurts me.” She held out her hand and summoned. The brilliant purple hues of her Receiver’s cast danced in her hand. Dan studied them. The bands were tensing in fractured rhythms. He tried to regulate his emotions by strength of determined will.
“Not all Receivers can feel it either, but Emily can, a little.”
As he began to understand more, Dan gently moved her closer to him. Her extraordinary gifts left her feeling out of place. He had no idea that anyone could pick up on the energy of a Non-Gifted person, but all that he longed to do was help her. Being a double predilect was fairly rare, and though it certainly helped him in his job, he’d often felt that even his closest friends didn’t understand how he did some of the things he was able to do.
“Sweetheart, I am so sorry for what I put you through. I’m ashamed, Fionna. I am ashamed of the man I was before you took me home and gave me the life I’ve always wanted but was too damn terrified to work towards. I doubt you would like any of the energy of any of the women I went out with before I met you. And, baby, you are so extraordinary, please don’t ever be ashamed of the woman that you are. I’m so proud of you and so thankful for you. I don’t think anyone else could ever have saved me from myself; no one but you.”
She lifted her tear-stained face, and he stared into the crystal depths of her misty eyes.
“Thank you.” She shivered against him. Her chin still trembled, effectively shattering through what was left of his heart.
“Can I cast you, sweetheart, please?” He wasn’t certain she would let him in. He couldn’t blame her. To exist inside his shield, to let him hold her so intimately, might’ve been more than she could bear considering the course of their night. But if she would let him shield her, she could feel his love, his adoration, his pride, his desperation to keep her safe. He could calm her heart and her mind. Because they’d existed together as one, he could cast her and restore her soul.
With the draw of another uneven breath, she nodded. His shield spilled from his pores. He filled it with tangible heat and ethereal, calming love. A full minute passed before she relaxed against him. The tears that his angel had cried finally dried. She seemed to be able to push the abhorrent reality of what had happened that night outside of his shield. Without dinner or a bed, she fell asleep in his arms, exhausted from all the work she’d done and all that he’d put her through.
Christmas Eve
At noon the next day, Dan seated himself on the bed beside her sleeping form, holding a mug of coffee prepared just the way she preferred.
She’d slept on Dan the evening before, for only an hour. Terrified to do more than recline them on the couch, Dan watched over her as she slept. Just before he carried her up to their bed for the night, she sat up and rubbed her eyes.
He’d offered to indulge her in a Sex and the City marathon, still trying to undo even a modicum of the damage he’d inflicted. They ate cold chow mein, cuddled on the couch, and watched until late in the night.
He wondered if he should let her sleep on. They were due at his parents’ house in a few hours, and, truthfully, he just wanted to hear her voice and see her smile.
“I made you coffee, baby doll, and I miss you.” That dizzying grin appeared on her face as she forced herself to awaken. Dan had been up for hours. Trying to gain himself the balance Governor Haydenshire had encouraged him to find, he’d slipped from the bed, careful not to awaken her, and had run several miles. He’d stalked around the house, arranged her Christmas presents under the tree, and tried to keep quiet. He wanted his baby to sleep.
While eyeing several of the gifts under the tree with his name on the tags, he’d ordered himself not to shake them or move them at all. He wasn’t a kid anymore, but something about having a real Christmas with her touched those places inside of him that had been dead and gone.
That evening, Dan tied and then retied his tie in the bathroom mirror while Fionna flipped through an entire closet full of her clothes and declared that she had nothing to wear.
Having no real desire to take Fionna back for another round of Vindico family dynamics, the Christmas edition, he smiled.
“If we stay home, you don’t have to wear anything at all.”
Fionna giggled as she stalked into the
bathroom with her hair rolled in large loops and pinned in metal slip clasps.
“Daniel,” she drawled sassily.
“Uh oh.”
“Would you please behave?” Her delighted grin thrilled him.
He feigned consideration. “Probably not.”
“Then I will have to punish you.” She lifted her eyebrows in challenge.
Dan groaned, reached over, and slapped her backside through her jeans. He’d been thoroughly enjoying the show of her walking around in nothing but a hot pink bra and tight blue jeans.
“Yet another reason we should just stay home.”
She giggled but then changed flow. “I know we aren’t opening our presents until tomorrow morning, but I have one I want you to open tonight.”
Dan smirked. “There is one incredibly beautiful present I plan to open tonight, baby doll.” He waggled his eyebrows and gestured to her crotch.
“Are you planning on behaving this way at your parent’s home this evening, Officer Vindico?”
“Says the girl, who didn’t wear panties when she took me to meet her folks.”
Heat worked up from her abdomen and settled in her cheeks just before she cracked up.
After running a brush through his hair and spritzing on cologne that he knew Fionna liked, Dan reclined on the bed and flipped on the TV. He pulled his phone from his pocket.
Fionna finished putting on her makeup and released the pins from her hair. He watched as it fell in rolling waves that dripped down her back. She kicked off her jeans, and he wolf whistled.
She shook her head at him and moved back to the closet. “What are you doing?” She emerged with several hangers full of clothing.
“Looking for restaurants that are open on Christmas Eve.”
She changed out of the matching hot pink thong she was wearing and pulled on a white lace one. His mouth watered. He stared at her, distracted from his task at once.
“But we’re eating at your parents?”