by Virlyce
“Are the reports about the undead true?” the king asked. “They really don’t kill?”
“From what I’ve seen, it’s true. The Corrupted One doesn’t want to establish hostilities with any of the nations,” Gale said. “I’ve also seen many human and demon villagers migrating to the undead kingdom. The border villages that I passed through are devoid of people and livestock.”
The king frowned. “That is unacceptable. Simply unacceptable.”
Gale lowered his head. “Forgive me for my impudence, but I think a few policies need to be changed in order to keep our people from leaving. The undead are offering food and shelter to the people at the cost of mana. The people no longer need to work for gold or food. A few low ranking adventurers have defected because of this.”
The king’s eyebrows knit together. “Our policy has worked for hundreds of years. Even when the villagers and serfs rose up in rebellion, we were able to continue without changing anything. We’ll just have to post guards at the borders and prevent the undead from coming in and the people from leaving.”
Gale continued to stare at the floor. “Times are changing, Your Highness,” he said. “The undead are a new faction that have the power to support a rebellion. Posting guards won’t work against an enemy that doesn’t need to sleep or eat.”
The king glared at Gale. “Are you questioning my judgment?”
“No, Your Highness,” Gale said as a bead of sweat rolled down the side of his head. “I am only speaking from my experience. Forgive me.”
The king nodded. “Very well. I’ll stay my hand,” he said. “Tomorrow, the court will convene and we will discuss the best method to deal with this problem.”
***
“We should crush them, Your Highness,” a man said. “Overwhelm them with military force.” He was the leader of the reinforcements that was stripped by the undead army. He sat at a round table with a dozen other men, including the king and Gale. His head was bald, but he had a black goatee.
“I disagree,” Gale said. “Recklessly attacking them won’t benefit us in anyway.”
“What do you know?” the man asked as he slammed his fist against the table and stood up. “You’re just a turncoat who lived with those damned skeletons.”
“Geralt,” the king said. “Calm down.”
Geralt glared at Gale and sat back in his chair. A thin man with a white beard and blue wizard robes cleared his throat. “Gale’s right you know,” he said. “If we attack the undead, what’s stopping the demons from attacking us? We’re in the same situation as before, but this time, the undead and demons will be colluding against us.”
“Oh? Then what do you suggest?” Geralt asked and snorted.
The man smiled as he stroked his beard. “It’s simple. We also become allies with the undead. Not only do we remove the threat of invasion, we will benefit from trade. A three-way trade can definitely be prosperous for our nation. Think of all the items that we had to send adventurers into the wilderness for that we could obtain through trade: magical beasts, rare herbs, water from the Fountain of Youth, maybe even phoenix downs.” The man’s eyes twinkled. He sighed. “It’s a shame the Tree of Knowledge no longer exists.”
“But what can we offer them?” the king asked. “I imagine they don’t need any of our resources.”
The wizard laughed. “Knowledge,” he said. “Everybody loves knowledge.”
Geralt rolled his eyes. “You think they need your stinking knowledge, old man?” he asked. “They’re over hundreds of years old.”
The wizard’s mouth dropped open. “You’re right!” he said and turned to the king. “Quickly, establish an alliance with them. Think of everything we could learn! Just throw gold and silver at them. Money’s useless anyway.”
“If you think it’s going to be that easy, then go do it yourself,” Geralt said and crossed his arms. “I still say we annihilate every last one of them.”
The wizard asked the king, “Can I?”
The king’s eyebrows knit together. “I mean if you think you can—”
“Thank you, Your Highness,” the wizard said. “Leave it to me!” He stood up and spread his arms to the side. Wind rushed through the windows and circled around him, causing his robes to flutter. A second later, a white light flashed and he disappeared, leaving behind a blue robe.
The remaining men stared at the space he had occupied and shook their heads.
***
A skeleton stood over a naked man lying prone on the ground. It was patrolling the fields outside of the undead kingdom when the naked man fell out of the sky and landed in front of it. The skeleton took a few steps forward and prodded the man with its axe handle. There was no response. It shrugged and stepped around the body.
“Wait!” the naked wizard said as he crawled onto his knees. “Take me to your leader!”
The skeleton paused. “You are seeking the meaning of life?” it asked. “Come with me. I’ll enlighten you.”
The wizard’s mouth fell open, and he jumped to his feet while grabbing the skeleton’s skull. “You can really speak?! Just what level of necromancy has your master achieved? What’s one plus one?” he asked as he peered at its throat and body.
The skeleton coughed. “It’s rude to grab my head, you know?” it asked. “And one plus one is two. Hey! What are you doing?”
The wizard poked his fingers through the skeleton’s eye sockets and pulled out a piece of paper. “What’s this? Is this the source?” he asked as he opened it.
“No, that’s—”
“Five ways to achieve immortality through daily prayers?” the wizard mumbled to himself. “I’ve never heard of these methods before. Coming here was definitely the right choice.” He nodded at the skeleton. “Tell your master that the human kingdom sent an envoy to discuss our future alliance.”
“Oh? Will the envoy be arriving soon?”
“I’m the envoy. Me!” the wizard said and stuck his chest out.
“Okay, I’ll let her know,” the skeleton said and nodded. “Definitely. How about you come with me for a walk first as I tell you about our lord and resurrector?”
***
Lindyss stood by her window, searching for any signs of Tafel’s arrival.
“Rest assured,” the undead leader said. “That was one of our best men sent to retrieve Tafel. He wouldn’t fail.”
Lindyss sighed and nodded. “Alright, let me know when she arrives. I’ll accompany Vur until then,” she said as her eyes passed over the wizard and skeleton in the distance. Her brow furrowed. “And stop stripping people. You’ll scare away potential inhabitants.”
18
Celia sat next to a green sprout that had two leaves poking out of the top. It was eight inches tall, and the stem pulsed with a golden glow. She was reading a book out loud with her wooden spear on the grass beside her. She wore leather breeches with a green cotton halter top. Her gold hair cascaded down to her lower back.
A shadow fell over the glade, causing Celia to stiffen. She snapped her book shut and grabbed her spear as she rose to her feet. Two dragons, one black and one red, were circling above her.
“This should be the spot, right?” Prika asked while squinting at the ground.
“Yeah, look,” Grimmy said and pointed. “You can see the crybaby down there.”
“Who’s a crybaby!?” Celia shouted as her right eye twitched. She shook her spear at the two dragons. A second later, she knelt on the grass as her face paled. “I mean, greetings, Grimmoldesser, Pyrrhicandra.”
Prika and Grimmy landed in front of Celia who lowered her head even further and gulped. Grimmy snorted. “This is the new Tree of Knowledge?” he asked. “Isn’t it too tiny?”
It’s your faults! Celia thought but said, “Yes, it has only sprouted recently.”
Prika nodded and grinned. “And you elves are bound to protect this, right?”
Sweat formed on Celia’s brow. “That’s correct,” she said. “Is there anything I can help
you with?”
“You’ve probably heard of the new kingdom that Lindyss founded right?” Grimmy asked as he flapped his wings before pressing them against his sides.
Celia’s face contorted. “The Corrupted One? We’ve received reports about it but decided it would be best not to interfere with her actions.”
Grimmy slammed his paw in front of Celia, causing her to fall over backwards. “Don’t call her that,” he said with his teeth bared. He snorted and raked back his claws, leaving fissures in the earth.
“U-understood,” Celia said as her eyes grew hot. Her vision blurred. “I-it won’t happen again.”
Prika cleared her throat. “Anyways, about that new kingdom. The skeletons are numerous, but they really can’t stop a wave of high-ranked adventurers without abandoning the city in a siege,” she said. “We’d like the elves to help out.” She stepped forward and sniffed the new Tree of Knowledge.
Celia frowned. “I’d have to ask the elders. I don’t control our policies,” she said as she sat up and wiped her eyes with the back of her hands.
“Oh, don’t worry. The elders will agree,” Prika said and smiled.
Celia tilted her head. “Why do the dragons care about the undead kingdom?”
“It’s going to be Vur’s playground,” Prika said. “And quite frankly, I’m bored. It’s been a while since I’ve done anything entertaining. Wouldn’t it be fun to rule over a kingdom in the shadows?”
Celia stared at Prika. “I-I guess?” she said. Her eyes widened at Grimmy. “Hey! What are you doing!?”
Grimmy was using his claws to dig away the dirt surrounding the Tree of Knowledge. “Digging,” he said and lifted the chunk of soil carrying the sprout’s roots.
“You can’t do that!” Celia said. “This is the holy land!” She reached for the sprout in Grimmy’s claw.
Grimmy laughed. “No, no. That’s where you’re wrong,” he said as he lifted his paw above Celia’s head, keeping the sprout out of reach. “The tree wasn’t planted here because the land is holy. The land is holy because the tree was planted here, you see?” He grinned before flapping his wings and leaping into the air.
Prika winked at Celia. “I told you the elders would agree,” she said and flew after Grimmy.
Celia’s shoulders hunched forward as the two dragons got smaller and smaller. She turned her head towards the hole in the ground and sighed. She picked up her book and trudged out of the glade. What would the elders think?
***
“Is that a dragon?” the naked wizard asked, his mouth open and eyes on the sky. “Is that two dragons!?” He was standing in the middle of the street with a skeleton. The people in the streets glanced up at the sky before continuing what they were doing.
“Quick, let’s go after them,” the wizard said as he grabbed the skeleton’s arm and pulled it with him.
“Isn’t that Exzenter?” a man on the street asked the woman beside him. They stared at the naked man pulling the skeleton while running through the streets of the undead kingdom. The woman’s face turned red as she turned her head away.
“What’s the number one time mage doing here?” the man asked out loud and scratched his head. He shrugged and turned back to face the woman as Exzenter got further and further away.
Exzenter stopped running and smacked his forehead. “Why am I running?” he asked and spread his arms open. Wind swirled around him, and he disappeared along with the skeleton in a flash of light.
***
Lindyss sat underneath a tree on a hill, reading while waiting for Prika and Grimmy. She was wearing a green robe, and her hair was wrapped in a bun behind her head. The ground shook, and Lindyss stood up. She frowned as cracks spread beneath her. She stepped to the side, and a moment later, a hand broke through the earth. Lindyss tilted her head as another hand shot out of the ground and proceeded to dig a hole into the surrounding dirt. A face with a white beard popped out of the earth and looked up at her. Lindyss stared back.
“Help?” Exzenter asked as his hands flailed above him.
Lindyss took a step back and coughed. She turned her head away, admiring the approaching dragons in the distance.
“Please don’t act like you didn’t see me,” Exzenter said as he spat out a clump of dirt. He wrinkled his nose and muttered, “Stupid elevation teleporting nonsense.”
Lindyss’ brow furrowed at the man. She knelt to the ground, scooped up a handful of dirt, and placed it on Exzenter’s forehead. “I’ll be sure to bury you properly,” she said and nodded. “May your soul rest in peace.”
“No, no, no, no,” Exzenter said as he shook off the dirt from his head. “Wrong kind of help. Dig me out?”
A skeletal hand popped out of the ground next to Exzenter. Another hand popped out, and a skeleton slid out of the earth. “Oh. Greetings to the lord,” the skeleton said and nodded at Lindyss.
Lindyss pointed at Exzenter. “What is this thing? And why can it speak?”
The skeleton clawed away the dirt in its eye sockets. “Oh, that’s just a crazy man. He fell from the sky. I think he was seeking salvation.”
“How rude. My name is Exzenter,” Exzenter said and pouted. “I’m the envoy sent to establish a relationship with the kingdom of Konigreich. The human kingdom sends its regards.”
Lindyss raised an eyebrow. “Is he serious?”
“I think everything he says can be taken with a grain of salt,” the skeleton said and nodded.
“No, no. I’m really—oh, they’re here!” Exzenter said with wide eyes as he twisted his neck to look behind himself like an owl. Lindyss turned away and shielded her eyes as Prika and Grimmy landed, causing a gust of wind to blow outwards.
“We got it,” Grimmy said and grinned as he held out the sprout towards Lindyss.
“What’s this?” Prika asked, blinking at Exzenter’s face. She poked his forehead with the tip of her claw, causing him to yelp. Prika turned towards Lindyss and clicked her tongue. “You should really stop planting such strange things. This is why you haven’t gotten married yet.”
Lindyss’ right eye twitched, and she threw a thunderbolt at the cheeky dragon.
Prika swatted it towards Exzenter with her claw. “Violent tendencies too,” Prika said as she shook her head. “Tsk, tsk.”
Exzenter coughed out smoke through his frizzled beard.
“Should we plant it here?” Grimmy asked as he sniffed Exzenter’s head.
“No,” Lindyss said and dusted off her hands. “The nutrients in this soil will make the tree stupid. We should go somewhere else.”
Grimmy nodded and lifted Lindyss onto his head. His wings flapped, and he jumped into the air. Prika shrugged at Exzenter before taking off.
“Wait!” Exzenter shouted. “Let me study you!” The figure of the dragons got smaller and smaller as they flew away. Exzenter’s eyes shifted towards the skeleton. “Help?”
“Have you tried praying?” the skeleton asked. “When everything seems to be going wrong in life and you just can’t seem to get free, a prayer can heal your soul.”
***
“We’re actually fighting chamber pots…,” Lamach said as a bronze cauldron floated in front of him. He was with Gabriel in the third room of Niffle’s mana source. The walls pulsed with a white glow, illuminating floating cauldrons and bath towels. Gabriel lowered his morning star mace as a bath towel folded itself into a crane.
“From slimes, to utensils, to outhouse supplies,” Gabriel said. He shook his head. “Well, it doesn’t matter. Experience is experience.” Gabriel wore steel chainmail and gauntlets. His two horns grew an inch past his ears, their silver color standing out against the black of his hair.
Lamach nodded. He tightened his grip on his spear and stepped forward. He wore black leather armor, and his horns curled forward like a ram’s. He jabbed the bottom of the floating bronze chamber pot, causing sparks to fly. The chamber pot tilted towards Lamach, and a pair of eyes opened on the side of the rim furthest from him. The eyes
squinted and a rumbling sound rang out. The chamber pot flew towards Lamach.
Gabriel stepped forward and bashed it with his shield before it reached his brother. He swung his mace down and knocked the chamber pot to the ground. Tears sprang from the chamber pot’s eyes, and a high-pitched ringing noise assaulted Lamach’s and Gabriel’s ears. Gabriel gritted his teeth and stomped on the rim with his heel as Lamach stabbed one of its eyes.
The chamber pot rolled onto its side, its opening facing the two brothers. It shut its one good eye and made squelching noises. Lamach lunged forward with his spear. Gabriel opened his mouth. “Wai—”
A fountain of brown liquid shot out of the chamber pot and covered the brothers. Lamach’s eyes watered as he pierced through the center of the pot with his spear. He fell onto his knees and clutched his stomach as he threw up on the floor. Tears streamed out of Gabriel’s eyes as he vomited in rapid succession.
After they finished hurling and crying, they stripped off their armor and wiped away the brown stains with their undergarments. They looked each other in the eye. “This never happened,” Gabriel said. The two were dressed in only their boxers.
Lamach nodded as he frowned at the pile of clothes and armor on the floor. They headed back towards the second room with the utensils. They killed their way through and made it back to the slimes.
“Lamach! Gabriel!” Doofus said. “Your sister’s been kidnapped and—. Why are you almost naked?” He sniffed the air and winced. “Did you guys go to the third room?”
“What happened to Tafel?” Lamach asked, ignoring Doofus’ question.
Doofus frowned. “I don’t know the exact details, but I know your father mobilized the army,” he said. “I’ll tell you everything as we head back to the castle. The royal family requested me to escort you two back in case you’re also targeted.” The trio walked through the first room, gathering the rest of the students. Doofus ordered them to return to the academy and brought Gabriel and Lamach to the nearest street to hail a carriage.
“It happened during your sister’s birthday party,” Doofus said as he sighed and boarded the carriage. “A messenger from Konigreich came. He delivered a message to your father and kidnapped Tafel right in front of your parents’ eyes.”