by Burkey, Dana
“Thanks.” I didn’t look at him while I spoke, feeling too embarrassed at my lack of focus so far.
“I didn’t tumble for a year and a half a while ago,” he said, his voice quiet over the sounds of other athletes practicing in the gym.
“What?” I asked, not sure I had heard him right. I turned to look at him, but he was looking at the cap of his water bottle while opening and closing the lid repeatedly.
“I couldn’t tumble,” he said again. “I was on a junior 4 team, and the gym I was at kept talking about trying a junior 5 team for the new season. So I started practicing my fulls all the time, coming in to the gym early and working at home. Then one day I was in the gym and I went to throw my pass and nothing happened. Literally nothing. I went from throwing whips through to full in the foam pit, to having even a round off leaving me shaky all of a sudden. It was in the middle of the season too so I had to just stand in the back and wait during tumbling every time we performed. When the new season started I was put on junior 2 and had to watch all my friends move to the new junior 5 team.”
“But you can tumble now,” I said, my words sounding like a question.
“Well yeah, but it took a long time,” he nodded, only then making eye contact with me. “I blamed my gym and begged my parents to let me move to a new program. That was when we went to EAST instead. They placed me on a junior 4 since I could still base, but I didn’t tumble my whole first season there.”
“How did you get it back?”
“I don’t know.” Jackson shrugged, giving me a bit of a crooked smile at the same time. “I would try to tumble every now and then but nothing ever worked. Then one day I was staying late after practice and when I tried a pass it worked. I did a standing back handspring whip like it was no problem. Just like that. I had my full on the spring-loaded mat in less than a week.”
“Now you have your double full and almost your kick double full,” I reminded him.
“Exactly,” he said simply. “While I was struggling I never would have imagined I would have ended up on a senior level 5 team just two years later. But once I stopped stressing as much, I was able to just do it. I just got on the mat and threw the skills like it was nothing. As much as I hated that whole time, it was what made me move to EAST. Then, since I was at EAST, I got to see TNT Force a lot and knew I wanted to be a part of the gym. So, in a way, the mental block was a good thing since, in the long run, it got me here. And I know your stunting block isn’t exactly the same, but I guess I just wanted to let you know that I understand what you’re going through.”
“It’s not a stunting block,” I said, instantly kicking myself for doing so.
“If it’s not a block then what is it?” he asked, looking genuinely confused.
In that moment, part of me felt like just admitting that I had a crush on him. But, at the same time, even telling Lexi and Halley had been way too weird. Liking a boy like this was just so girly. Especially if it was affecting my cheerleading, something that was literally the center of my life.
“I just don’t feel as confident,” I finally answered. “My ankle is getting used to everything still, and between that and the new season I’m just a little off my game.”
Jackson seemed to think about my answer for a second, clearly processing all I had just said. When he finally answered, I couldn’t help but smile, his words making my feelings for him grow in a heartbeat. “You showed everyone at Worlds that there’s nothing you can’t do. And I’ll be at the gym every spare second I can to make sure you’re ready to show everyone how amazing you are this season too. I may still be getting to know you, but it’s pretty clear to me you’re not someone who accepts failure as an option. It’s one of the things that’s so great about you.”
“Do you think you’re packing enough bows?” my dad asked Friday afternoon from the door of my bedroom.
“We were told to bring at least two bows with us that weren’t our favorites,” I explained, tossing another one into my bag. “Emma also hinted that if people have extra bows they were okay with giving away we could bring more. Juleah says she thinks it’s going to be a bow exchange or something.”
“Okay,” my dad slowly. “I think I understood some of that.”
“I’ll be ready to leave in a few minutes,” I said with a bit of a laugh. “I just need to get my uniform bag and makeup.”
With a nod, my dad headed toward the kitchen where I knew he was packing up all the food items he had gathered and prepared for camp. Much like my second year at camp, he was going to be there for most of the weekend helping as needed. Even my first year he volunteered during our Saturday night carnival, although it only made him want to help out more and more.
Walking back into my closet, I pulled my uniform bag off its hook on the wall next to my cheer medals and trophies. Then, I grabbed my newest Nitro performance bow and left my closet for good. Tossing the bow in my bag I zipped it up and walking toward the kitchen, taking a quick detour to get my makeup from my bathroom along the way.
“I should be good now,” I announced, dropping my sparkly duffle bag on the ground next to my glittery backpack currently filled with my other items for camp.
“You’re sure you have everything?” my dad asked. He was standing in the middle of the kitchen holding Thunder and giving him lots of scratches behind his ears. I could hear my cat purring from all the way across the room.
“I packed half my closet, so I should be okay,” I assured him, then picked up everything again to begin loading the car.
After helping my dad load our trunk with late night snacks and items for what I assumed was a taco dinner, we made the quick drive across town to the gym. We were early, since my dad had a lot to set up. So, I checked in and put all my stuff away before opening the bag of goodies that went with camp for the weekend. As usual, there were wristbands of different colors and a paper number I was told to put on the back of my shirt. They would all tie in to games, so I put them on as best I could on my own. Thankfully that was when Halley joined me and helped safety pin the paper in place.
“So, are you excited for a whole weekend with Jackson?” my best friend asked after checking to make sure no one was within earshot of us.
“Nope,” I said honestly. “I basically can’t focus around him at all, and my stunts are suffering. He’s messaged me a bunch on Instagram since Wednesday’s practice but I’ve only replied once or twice. I just don’t want to lose my focus any more than I already have.”
Nitro practice on Wednesday went okay compared to the previous attempts at stunts. I was averaging a little more time in the air, but was more distracted than ever before. This was mostly because Jackson would simply tell me “I believe in you,” at the beginning of every stunt. I knew it was supposed to be a confidence booster, but instead it just made me feel even more out of sorts. It was like every word, touch, and look from him was my cheerleading downfall.
“Well, hopefully you can pull it together for Sunday,” she reminded me.
“Speaking of which, are you excited to get your rings?”
While Halley gushed about her feelings over getting her second Summit ring and we both chatted about seeing Detonators get their Worlds rings, I began to notice the gym was filling up. With the addition of Glow and the two new competition prep teams, the gym was a lot fuller than usual. The difference even 50 athletes could make was a bit shocking at first. Thankfully everyone’s arrival meant I got to see friends I hadn't seen in a while. Namely, Gwen.
“How’s the ankle holding up?” Gwen asked me as she sat on the mat with Halley, Lexi, Emma, and myself.
“Good,” I replied, not wanting to go into my current stunting issue. “How’s Bomb Squad practices? I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever.”
“They’re super exhausting,” she said with a sigh as she brushed a stray strand of long brown hair out of her face. “We have our whole routine already, now we just need to clean things up and get skills to hit.”
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��That’s amazing,” Emma said in shock.
“It’s all about redemption for us this season,” Gwen explained. “Missing out on finals last year at Worlds was all the fuel we need to crush this whole season.”
We all continued to chat, catching each other up on the teams and routines that were coming together over the summer. The cheer season was just beginning but a lot of progress had been made to make sure it was going to be one to remember. The showcase on Sunday would be our first chance to show everyone, both in our gym and around the world, just what we could do. Not to mention it was the moment Detonators had been waiting for since Worlds ended. They would finally be getting their championship rings. It was the first time any team at the TNT Force gym would get that honor, so to say it was a big deal was an understatement.
“So where’s that new guy on your team?” Gwen asked, leaning closer to ask both Emma and myself. “I heard he’s super hot.”
“Yeah, he is,” Emma laughed, then looked around the room.
“I haven’t seen him yet today,” I added, not bothering to look for him. Mostly since I had been keeping an eye on the door while we chatted. Even without meaning to, I was on the lookout for Jackson.
“Well, he should be here soon,” Emma shrugged. “Everything’s about to start.”
As if on cue, super loud music began pumping out of the speakers around the room. It was a high energy song that I recognized instantly from the gym as well as at competitions. I even found myself singing along as we all moved to the two mats closest to the doors of the gym. Like both years prior, Tonya and TJ were standing up on a stack of mats so they could see across the group of athletes gathered. Not bothering to welcome anyone or go over what the weekend would hold they started leading us all in the dance sequence for the year. It was ten 8 counts that everyone was encouraged to learn before camp ended on Sunday. Knowing that dancing was my weakest area in cheer, I put thoughts of Jackson aside and focused on following Tonya as she gave us the first three 8 counts. Camp had officially started, and I didn’t want to get left behind too soon.
The first night of cheer camp passed by quickly. After learning the first half of the dance for the weekend we played some silly games inside the gym before moving outside for team comps. Teams were chosen ahead of time by the gym staff, and it was clearly the goal to have younger athletes and older athletes together for more bonding opportunities. It meant I was one of only three senior level athletes on my team of 15 people. Thankfully we still managed to win one of the games, finding all of our team’s colored stars that were hidden inside the gym, around the outside and around the block as well. From there, we got filled in on what was one of the awesome new additions to the camp weekend.
“I’m sure most of you are wondering why you needed to bring bows this year.” Tonya spoke to us from the same platform where she had shown us the dance. “We’re going to be doing a fun bow exchange all weekend. Over the next three days we want everyone to wear two bows, one on each wrist.” She held up her arms for emphasis, both with a bow sparkling from her wrists. “If you want to trade bows with someone at any point, simply walk up and ask to make the trade. And any time you are asked, you need to trade. The only times you can’t trade are during team practices, and any activities that take us off of the gym property. Also, boys will be joining in on the fun, although if you don’t want to keep your bows after the weekend is over we understand.”
“What if we don’t have bows?” I heard someone call out.
“That’s a great question,” Tonya continued. “If anyone brought extra bows those can be placed on the green table outside of the office. You can also give them to friends you know who might not have their own bows. The bows on the table aren’t just free to take if you already have two bows, but can be traded for if you would like.”
“The only bows you can’t trade are your current team bows,” Nicole added from where she was standing next to the stack of mats.
After a few more questions were answered, the gym was dismissed for team practice. While the rest of the gym headed outside to work on designing and decorating the shirts they would be wearing for the showcase, the three Worlds teams began practice. With Detonators getting their rings on Sunday, the decision had been made for all three Worlds teams to wear their uniforms as well. I knew it would also likely mean we had to pose for a lot of photos after the performances were over, but tried not to focus on it as Nitro took the mat for our first practice of the weekend.
“So, can I snag an extra bow or two from you for the weekend Max?” Jackson asked, taking a seat next to me to stretch before practice officially started.
“Of course,” I nodded, feeling a little flustered as he flashed me a big smile. “I think I have about a dozen extras in my gym bag.”
“Yeah, I saw your post,” he replied, referring to the photo I posted on Snap Chat while I was waiting for my friends to arrive at the gym earlier. “I also liked that throwback kitten picture last night you posted on Instagram. Those two sure have grown.”
Before I could respond to the comment about Thunder and Lightning, TJ called out for everyone to get in lines to start conditioning. As we began our jumping jacks, kicks, pushups, and other workout pieces, I was replaying Jackson’s comment over and over in my head. Sure, we chatted through social apps pretty often, but the fact that he remembered my posts enough to bring them up was strangely exciting. I knew I needed to focus though, and did my best to clear those thoughts from my mind as we warmed up elements in the routine before running full outs.
“You’re doing a lot better Max,” I heard TJ call out as I managed to stay in the air for the whole stunt sequence leading into our running tumbling. I skipped the tick tock and didn’t get my needle as straight as I knew I could manage, but it was still progress.
“That was awesome,” Juleah also commented as I ended the stunts and landed back on the ground. “Keep it up.”
The mat talk helped motivate me, mostly since I knew my favorite part of the routine was coming next. Standing in the front right corner of the mat I counted the beats out until I took off running, throwing a punch front followed by an Arabian. When my feet hit the ground I went right into a round off, which was also being performed by three other girls that now joined me in the tumbling pass. We performed the round off in unison, then quickly followed it with a back hand spring, a whip, and finally with a full. By the time competition season rolled around, myself and at least one or two of the girls would be doing double fulls, but I was saving my energy for my next pass. Jogging to the corner of the mat, I reached my hand up to give Connor a high five before taking a second to catch my breath.
“You look really great today,” Connor said, then quickly added. “Your flying was the best I’ve seen it in a while.”
“Thanks,” I said with a long exhale. “You ready for this?”
“Of course,” he grinned, his dimples and smile lighting up his whole face.
We counted down, then both took off running at the same time. Once again, the sequence of tumbling moves began with a punch front. Pushing off the mat we both twisted and spun our bodies around in an Arabian so we were ready to go straight into both a round off and a whip in fast succession. Getting as much height off the whip as possible I flipped around in a full while beside me Connor performed a double full. As our feet hit the mat we didn’t stop there, instead we flipped forward continuing the pass. With the power from the many skills wearing thin, I struggled to keep the pass moving. So much so I had to run forward a few steps while Connor did a round off and whip next to me. I performed a round off to get back in sync with him just in the nick of time. Then, just as we reached the center of the mat, we kicked our legs up in unison. The plan was for both us of to perform a kick double. But knowing I didn’t have the same power and height as usual thanks to the skipped skills, I made a quick modification. I performed a kick full instead, only performing one of the planned two rotations. Even with the watered-down skill, I landed with less
balance than I would have liked, instantly stepping backwards and right into the arms of Jackson.
“I got you,” he said into my ear, his arms staying wrapped around me an extra second or two than seemed necessary as I regained my balance.
“Thanks,” I mumbled in reply, feeling my face heat up instantly.
The moment lasted less than a few seconds, but was all it took. My focus had again shifted, and I found myself struggling to make it through the rest of the team practice. Something that clearly didn’t go unnoticed by my coach. His eyes were trained on me for the rest of our full outs, making me all but squirm under his gaze.
“Alright everyone, get some water and cool off for a bit,” TJ called out as practice finally reached a close. “Max, I need to see you in my office.”
“Do you need ice or anything?” TJ asked as we took a seat in his office. Despite the large desk and office chair, we sat on two arm-chairs that were angled toward one another.
“No,” I assured him. “My ankle’s doing great.’
“So what exactly isn’t doing so great?” he challenged me.
“What do you mean?”
“Your stunting,” he reminded me, the look on his face a mix of concern and frustration. “You were doing such a good job of getting it back on track this summer. I saw you and Connor working together and things were coming along nicely. But over the last two weeks it’s like you’ve hit a stumbling block.”
“Yeah,” I said simply with a nod.
“Don’t get me wrong,” TJ continued. “I don’t want to push you back into something you can’t do. The last thing we need is for you to get hurt again. I would rather go the slow and steady route for sure. But it looked like you were on track to perform full out this weekend and then this backslide happened. I just need to know how I can help. So, to start, we need to get to the bottom of what this is all about.”