by Burkey, Dana
“That’s okay,” I shrugged, although I felt like all the air was leaking out of my lungs. “I just wanted to let you know.”
Before he could say anything else, I turned and headed off the mat. The idea of standing there and having the first guy I ever had a stupid crush on me let me know how stupid I was for my stupid crush wasn’t my idea of a good time. I felt like leaving before the final blow was the only smart move on my part. I could hear Jackson call after me at least once, but I was focused on leaving the gym and finding my friends. Lexi and Halley were in a sea of people plating up fruit salad, pizza, and other items covering the tables set up in the parking lot.
“Are you okay?” Lexi asked after taking one look at me.
“Fine,” I replied, although I knew she saw right through me.
“Get your food and we can go to Tonya’s office,” she offered, then turned to find Tonya for permission to use the space. I knew permission would be given, so I did as my friend said and loaded up a plate before walking into the gym. Thankfully, between the parking lot and the offices I didn’t run into Jackson. A small piece of luck despite everything I had just been through.
After explaining everything to Lexi, Halley, and of course Tonya, they were shocked at how put together I was. Apparently, the fact that I wasn’t crying was a miracle, even if I wasn’t someone who cried very often. Either way, my eyes were dry despite feeling deflated after my conversation with Jackson. But, as everyone pointed out, by leaving when I did I didn’t exactly get a real reply or answer from him.
“Maybe he was about to confess his undying love for you,” Halley joked.
“Or that he only doesn't like you because he has a girlfriend back home,” Lexi added, clearly trying not to build up my hopes unnecessarily.
“Either way, leaving was the best option,” I shrugged. “He didn’t look happy when I told him, so this way I can worry about it later.”
“You mean it’s not going to stress you out during the whole showcase?” Lexi asked in shock.
“No more than it has the last few weeks,” I said simply.
“Well, this might help,” Tonya offered, pulling a Ziploc bag of chocolate out of the bottom drawer of her desk.
“You had a bag of chocolate in here this whole time?”
“Of course,” Tonya replied to me with a bit of a laugh. “I have to keep the drawer locked so TJ doesn't raid it all the time. But every now and then we just need something sweet and chocolatey to get us through a long week. Or even a long day.”
“Works for me,” I grinned, then moved to stand next to Tonya so I could go through and pull a few treats from the bag. “So, do you think we can stay in here until the showcase begins?”
As if in reply, Emma knocked on the door. Even before she opened it I knew she was about to tell me I needed to go change. This was obvious since she was in her uniform and had her new cheer bow on display for everyone to see around a mass of curled hair.
“TJ wants everyone dressed before families start to arrive,” she said simply. “Also, Jackson is looking for you.”
“I’ll talk to him later,” I shrugged, although I hoped I wouldn’t need to in the end. “I still need to do my makeup too, so he can wait.”
I popped one last piece of candy into my mouth then stood up to walk out into the gym. But before I made it all the way out of the office, I turned around and moved to hug Lexi, Halley, and Tonya. I also said a quick thanks to each of them, since just getting to talk things over with them had helped. Sure, I would need to face Jackson a second time eventually, but I still managed to avoid him for a little while and also get some chocolate out of the deal. Not a bad way to end what was one of the most embarrassing and uncomfortable conversations I had ever had with a boy up to that point in my life.
“So are you feeling any better about marking the stunts?” Emma asked me as we headed to the bathroom where my uniform and makeup was waiting.
“Kind of,” I said, knowing it would hide what was really causing me stress. “I’m glad I get to do at least a little bit of pyramid and then most baskets. I feel like I can hit the kick-kick fine, but if I fight with TJ too much he might take away the little bit I actually get to perform. Better to do the kick double then nothing.”
“You know he would never take something out for a reason like that,” she reminded me, having been coached by TJ two years before I was on Nitro.
“I know,” I said with an attempt at a laugh. “Hopefully this will be the last time all season I have to water anything down or mark any skills.”
“Hopefully,” she agreed easily.
Our conversation ended as we walked into the bathroom. I got to work re-straightening any hair that had gotten out of place during practice, then added what felt like a gallon of hairspray to keep it all looking perfect. I had the front of my half pony in a French braid that led to the poof of hair that stuck up behind and around the cheer bow I slipped into place. It was a new bow made just for the showcase, a white glittery ribbon featuring a center mounted bomb in black, green, and teal. The bow matched our uniforms perfectly, the bomb image on the left hip of the skirt identical to the bow.
Walking into one of the open bathroom stalls, I quickly slipped on the uniform, and realized it was the first time I had done so since Worlds. There had been plans to don the teal and lime green uniforms for photos during the week that followed Worlds, but since Detonators were getting rings we wanted to wait to celebrate with them. Once I changed I walked out of the stall and took a look at myself in the mirrors above the sinks. I needed makeup still, but other than that I looked just like I did in all the photos from the last time I performed. The teal NITRO letters across my chest, the rhinestone covered straps on my shoulders and around my neck, and even the highlight of lime green making appearances down the sleeves all made me feel like I was back where I belonged. Even if I wasn’t performing to my full potential, knowing I was about to be on the mat cheering once again made me feel instantly overwhelmed with joy.
“If you don’t stop staring at yourself you won't be ready in time,” Gwen reminded me with a laugh. She was applying a final layer of mascara at the mirrors, her pink uniform standing out in the sea of teal around the bathroom.
“Yeah, I know,” I said in reply, then got to work putting on my own makeup.
What was once a long and drawn out process had become rather easy and quick thanks to my time on the injured list. Even with doing stretches and about a million crunches over the summer, I also used some of the time to work on makeup. Not because I loved putting it on, but because I wanted to finally be able to put on my eyeliner without getting help from a friend. I could even finish my makeup routine in about half as much time as the season before, although I was in no rush to be ready for the showcase. Knowing Jackson likely wanted a chance to finish the conversation I walked out on, I took my time on each step of getting ready, all but putting glitter in place one sparkly fleck at a time.
“Doors open in ten minutes,” a girl in a green uniform called into the bathroom just as I was adding on the final touches of eyeliner after I applied my false eyelashes. They were a new addition for the upcoming season, which also helped in taking up more precious time.
“Dang Max,” Emma said to me as she packed up her curling iron and bronzer.
“What?” I spun around to face her, worried I had messed up my hair or something in the process of getting my makeup finished.
“Your makeup just looks amazing,” she grinned. “I know you still don’t love all the girly stuff, but you’re getting so good at it even I’m doubting you’re still a tomboy.”
“Trust me,” I replied, turning to face the mirror and finish the final sweeps of eyeliner. “As nice as all of this looks right now, I already can’t wait to take it all off and sit around in my basketball shorts playing video games later.”
Emma laughed, then turned and walked out of the bathroom. Packing up my makeup for good, I looked into the mirror one last time and hones
tly had to agree that I didn’t look much like the girl that first walked into the TNT Force gym just over two years prior. On top of that, I found myself wondering if Jackson would notice the extra time and care I put into getting ready. It was a thought I quickly threw out, knowing that after our conversation earlier even hoping he would notice me was a bit of a moot point. So, with a bit of a sigh, I headed out of the bathroom ready to face everyone, including Jackson, once again.
Much to my amazement, and also delight, the arrival of friends and family gave me a perfect way to avoid Jackson a little longer. The gym was a flurry of activity as athletes ran around to get pictures with people arriving to watch the showcase, while also allowing those visitors to find spots to sit and enjoy the performances. I stayed near the bathroom in case I needed to dart inside to hide, until I looked toward the door and spotted a familiar face.
“Matthew!” I yelled as I took off at a run, dodging people left and right to reach my former stunt partner. Emma had been holding his hand and standing next to him but quickly stepped aside as I leapt into Matthew’s open arms for a massive hug complete with both my arms and legs wrapped around him. “Why didn’t you tell me you were coming?”
“Because of this,” he laughed, giving me a final squeeze before setting me down. “The look on your face running toward me was totally worth it. So, how’s the ankle?”
“Okay,” I shrugged, knowing he would see me marking my skills soon enough. “Are you here just for the day?”
“Not even close,” Emma assured me. “We get him all week.”
“Yeah, I have two days off of cheer practice so I get to stay until Wednesday morning,” he explained. “I was hoping to come sooner but TJ was worried I would be a distraction during camp.”
I had to laugh at that one. Not only because it was true, but also because I had enough distractions to fight through. Although, having one of my former teammates there might have helped me to focus on cheer a little more. Emma, on the other hand, would have been rather distracted in my place. Matthew was cheering at his college in Kentucky, and thanks to football games being a big part of their cheer performances, he had to leave mid-summer to get his apartment set up and everything all moved in before practices started. It meant weeks had gone by since anyone, Emma included, had any time to hang out with him.
The longer Matthew stood and chatted with Emma and I, the more athletes came over to welcome him as well. After spending so many years at the TNT Force gym, Matthew leaving for college was a sad event for a lot of people. So, of course, seeing him once again was cause for immediate celebration. Enough so that for a moment I didn’t realize when my dad walked in with both Peter and Kyle.
“Uniform looks even better than I remember,” my dad grinned, giving me a big hug.
“Thanks Dad,” I said, hugging him back before giving my neighbors both a high five. “We’re getting ice cream after this, right?”
“Of course,” he laughed. “I’m shocked you had to even ask.”
“I just wanted to make sure,” I explained. “I don’t get to throw all my skills today and I’m not exactly excited about it.”
“I know, TJ mentioned the options to me yesterday,” he admitted, much to my shock and horror. “He didn’t give me all the details, but just said that if you were still having a hard time hitting everything then he was going to have you mark things.”
“That’s all he said?” I asked, nervous that Jackson might have been brought up.
“That’s it,” my dad nodded. “He thought that if I was worried about your reaction then I could talk to you first. But I know you Max. You always do what’s best for the team. So I told him that I knew you understood that staying out of the air might not be your favorite, but if it makes the routine run better then it will help celebrate Nitro and everything to come. A lot of errors would make people worried for the season.”
“Yeah, that’s true,” I shrugged, walking with my dad to find a seat.
“Not to mention you falling might cause a lot of attention to land on you,” he continued. “I explained to him that you know today is about the whole gym, not just Nitro. Not to mention it’s also about honoring the accomplishments of the Detonators with their win at Worlds. TJ was thankful you saw it that way, even if it was a hard decision to make on his part.”
I knew what my dad was doing, and had to admit it worked like a charm. Rather than remind me of how I needed to be a good sport, he turned it around and made it sound like it was my idea. Whether he did it because Peter and Kyle were there, or if it was just his way of not rubbing salt in my wounds, I wasn’t sure. Whatever the case, I let what he said really sink in and tried to apply it to my attitude. It didn’t do much to help make up for my conversation with Jackson, or the fact that Jackson was the real reason I couldn’t hit my flying skills. But it was still nice to pass a few minutes chatting with my neighbors before heading to find a seat with the other athletes while we waited for the showcase to begin.
“It is just me or are there a lot more people here than usual?” Connor asked, taking a seat next to me. We were on one of the center mats in the room, facing the area where each team would soon be performing for the people who came for the showcase.
“Yeah,” I agreed. “Between the new teams this season and the hype around the Detonators, there are so many more people than last year.”
“So, did TJ say anything about your tumbling?” Connor motioned to my ankle for emphasis. I was wearing the black brace I still wore every time I took the mat.
“Nope,” I grinned “Which means I can basically go full out on tumbling. It shouldn’t affect my baskets or the few stunts I still get to perform.”
“Does that mean the stunting issue isn’t just from you being rusty?” he asked, one eyebrow raised.
“Not really,” I replied slowly. “I’m just having a hard time with the new stunt group. But hopefully I can get over it and finally start hitting things soon.”
Connor nodded as Nicole got up in front of the room and began welcoming everyone to the gym. As she spoke through the microphone, people quieted down around the room, ending my conversation with Connor. Which was more than welcomed. It wasn’t that I liked keeping secrets from my best friend, but knowing that Jackson clearly had no interest in me made it a thing of the past. Sure, it was the rather recent past, but I was hoping as more time went by I could put the feelings I had aside and just do what I was really there to do anyways: cheer.
The showcase passed quickly as team after team took the mat to perform. I focused all of my energy on keeping a smile on my face, while also avoiding Jackson. The second one was hard while we were on the mat to perform, but I managed to keep anything more than basic mat talk from occurring between us. Thankfully, it worked. I made it through the whole two and a half minutes with a smile on my face, making everyone watching think I was totally okay with the performance I gave. As Nitro finished our routine and we headed off the mat, the real show began.
“And now, we are proud to introduce your World Champion medium coed level 5 squad Detonators!”
The announcements were all being done by Mr. Brath, a past TNT Force parent that always came back to help during showcase. His voice sounded so much like the announcer at Worlds that I got chills as the lime green team took the floor. And the feeling stayed. I cheered and screamed as the team performed the routine they hoped would give them a chance to repeat as Worlds champions. It had areas to improve upon, spots where skills would be made harder, and even sections that looked a little rough thanks to a few bobbles. But, all in all, they looked like the champions we all knew they were, and it was time to prove it.
Once they were finished, all the members of Detonators who had been on the team the year before stayed on the mat, while all the new members took a seat to the side with the rest of the squads. They made room for the 10 athletes that had been a part of the winning team and had either changed teams or aged out of the gym. But, their uniforms didn’t show any sign of
that. All 30 athletes were wearing their lime green uniforms that had a small pop of hot pink to tie in to the ladies of Bomb Squad. Uniforms that were soon made complete with a ring as well. It was a moment filled with tears, hugs, and lot of camera flashes from the parents in the crowd. Some of the photos included all of the members of both Bomb Squad and Nitro joining Detonators as well, then a whole gym photo was taken to finally end the showcase once and for all.
“Awesome job today,” a voice said to me, mere seconds after Nicole once again thanked everyone for coming to the gym to watch the performances. Even before I turned I knew it was Jackson. “Your tumbling was perfect.”
“Thanks,” I replied simply, not sure what else to say.
“Before you leave, can we chat for a minute?”
“Okay,” I said, knowing I needed to stop delaying the inevitable. “We can chat now I guess.”
With a nod, Jackson led me off the mat, pausing along the way to congratulate people or give hugs. I did the same, flocked by a lot of younger athletes that wanted a photo with me in my uniform. I did my best to smile and thank everyone who complimented me, but I could feel my stress levels rising by the second. By the time we were off the mats and near the tumbling track my heart was all but beating out of my chest as my nerves reached a fever pitch.
“Can I start by saying I’m sorry,” Jackson began after finally turning to face me.
“You don’t have to-”
“I’m not done,” he said, cutting me off. “I just really want to make sure I get to say everything since last time I didn’t.”
“Oh, okay,” I nodded, then did my best to fight my urge to speak at all.
“Thanks.” Jackson took in and let out a long breath before beginning again. “I wanted to say that I’m sorry if I made you upset this morning. When you told me what you told me, I was just not expecting that at all, so I didn’t really know what to say or even how to say it. Which clearly wasn’t what you were expecting. Not to mention it obviously gave you the wrong impression. I guess it was just because I was so confused. I mean, usually when a girl likes me I can kind of tell, but I had no idea that you felt that way about me. If I had I would have tried to tell you I liked you a whole lot sooner too.”