by R. J. Sable
“What the fuck are you doing?” The voice barked.
Ian. He’s either going to murder me or give me the same treatment he gave Jake.
“I... I’m sorry, I was just trying to-” I began, stepping out of the cubicle but keeping my eyes on the floor.
“You’re going to make things ten times worse with those,” he grabbed the nail scissors out of my hand and cast them aside onto the sink.
I watched as he pulled a Swiss army knife out of the back pocket of his cargo trousers and cut Jake free in one quick, easy movement.
Jake breathed a sigh of relief and bolted for the toilet, emptying his bladder with little regard for the fact that Ian and I were both in the room. I turned away, blushing and walking back into the bedroom to give him some privacy. Ian followed me and I felt my body tense, sensing that he was less than pleased with me.
“I’m sorry,” I said quietly, my eyes on my feet as I twisted my fingers idly. “I couldn’t just leave him like that.”
“It wasn’t your place, Jelly,” Ian said calmly, too calmly.
I knew that if I looked up at his face it’d be expressionless and it would terrify me so I kept my eyes on my feet.
“If I’d wanted him released I would have released him,” he continued.
“I’m sorry, sir,” I apologised again.
I saw him move quickly and before I knew it I was pinned face down against the bed with my arms twisted painfully behind my back. Ian stood beside me, holding me in place.
“Why’d you do it, Jelly?” He asked calmly.
I found it hard to get the words out with the pain shooting through my shoulders. His fingers dug into my wrists and the pain made it hard to concentrate. He pushed my arms further up my back as a reminder to answer his question.
“I couldn’t just leave him there,” I cried, my arms burning. “I’m, sorry sir, please don’t be mad at me.”
“You always have to be difficult, Jelly,” Ian sighed, sitting down next to me on the bed on the side I wasn’t facing. He held both my wrists in one hand with sufficient force that I couldn’t move.
“I’m sorry, sir,” I apologised again. I knew I was repeating myself and that it was probably pissing him off, but what else could I say?
“Don’t defy me again, Jelly,” he warned, finally releasing my arms.
I nodded glumly and began rolling my shoulders and flexing my wrists, trying to get some of the feeling back into them.
A small part of me was furious. The part that remembered that Ian had almost killed Jason. The part that thought what they’d done to Jake was beyond contempt. The part that resented being pinned down and made to stipulate to their demands. This part of me wanted to kick, and scream, and hurt Ian. The much larger part of me that knew what Ian and the others had sacrificed for me and how much they cared for me, that part wanted to mentally kick itself for pissing Ian off yet again.
The larger part won out. Instead of lashing out, I unwillingly felt my body begin to tremble. Huge unrelenting waves of anguish rocked through me. I felt myself curl up into the foetal position on the bed to ride it out. These weren’t the normal tears that I was always trying to bite back. This was something else entirely.
I couldn’t stop thinking how pathetic it was that I was crying like this. Four months ago, I’d been living at home and I’d never have reacted like this. All Ian had done was pin me down for doing something that I’d known I shouldn’t. I should have been thanking my lucky stars that I wasn’t nursing sore ribs. Instead, I was crying like a baby. The small angry part of me knew what Jason’s reaction would have been if he’d witnessed what Ian had done. He’d have been furious and tried to force Ian off me regardless of the consequences.
Jason was much stronger than I was. Thinking about him under the circumstances just made the ripples of grief more violent and painful. I felt an inexplicable need for him to hold me in that moment but I knew it wasn’t possible.
Ian was watching me silently. I suspected he was probably furious at me for crying my eyes out like a little kid. When the tears subsided a little, I chanced a glance up at him to gauge how bad his reaction would be.
Instead of standing there with his soldier stance, or looking angry, he looked completely confused. He held himself awkwardly, looking down at me as though he wasn’t entirely sure how to react.
“I’m sorry,” I sniffled, wiping my face on my t-shirt and sitting up with my legs crossed, my eyes in my lap.
“Jelly, I…” Ian started, sitting down on the bed next to me with his feet on the floor. He was silent a second or two before turning his head to look at me.
“What’s wrong?” He asked gently.
Good question. I wasn’t entirely sure I had an answer. It felt like there were lots of little things that were getting to me and I couldn’t pinpoint just one of them.
“I couldn’t leave him like that,” I sniffed, choosing the problem that was closest at hand. I could hear Jake in the shower and was imagining how much the water must be stinging his sore skin. “I can’t believe you would have left him like that. He looked so uncomfortable.”
“Jelly, I was coming to let him down,” Ian assured me. “It’s tradition.”
“I knew you’d be mad but I couldn’t just leave him there,” I shook my head and then swallowed because I knew what I was saying was probably a mistake. “It hurts that you were annoyed at me just for trying to help Jake.” I swallowed again and kept my eyes on my lap, studying the stitching on the cover beneath me.
“Okay,” Ian nodded.
Is that all he has to say? No explanation, no admonishment, no lecture about how ungrateful I am? I looked up at Ian to see his face soft and warm. He bent over and kissed the top of my head gently, which just confused me even more.
“Aren’t… Aren’t I in trouble?” I asked tentatively, already mentally kicking myself. Why didn’t I just keep my mouth shut?
“No, Jelly,” Ian chuckled, standing up. “Why would you be in trouble for speaking out?”
“I usually am,” I grumbled, yet again cursing my current inability to engage my brain-to-mouth filter.
“You think so?” Ian frowned.
I didn’t respond, but instead returned my gaze to my lap.
“You get in trouble when you fuck up, Jelly. When you mouth off, or neglect to show respect. You don’t get in trouble when you stand up for yourself with good reason. You stand up for yourself too little,” he chided.
Too little? How am I supposed to stand up for myself more when I never know if I’m going to get in trouble for it? I opened my mouth to voice this but Ian cut me off.
“Sometimes that’s a good thing,” he reassured me. “It means that when you do stand up for yourself, it’s because it’s important to you. Like with Jason, or because you don’t want Jacob to get hurt.”
I nodded slowly, his words sinking in. I thought back to the day I’d stood up to Ian about the way they were torturing Jason. I’d called them all assholes and they’d let it slide. I’d been pleasantly surprised but not dwelled on it too much.
“Don’t use this as an excuse to start kicking up a fuss about everything,” he teased, pulling me up to standing with both hands.
“I won’t,” I said quietly, shaking my head.
Ian pulled me into a hug before turning to leave via the door between our adjoining rooms.
“Remember, breakfast downstairs at eight,” he nodded to me before disappearing.
I sat down on the bed, thinking back through our words as I listened to the water still running in the shower. One of the reasons I’d gotten so upset was because I felt like my brothers never cared what I wanted or how I felt. They always made me do what they wanted regardless. Ian implied it was my own fault because I never stood up for myself. But the reason I never stood up for myself was because it usually just got me in trouble. He’s so confusing.
I let my body flop down on the bed in reflection of my frustration but quickly pulled myself up again when I felt my back land o
n something hard. I twisted over to see what had pushed into my already bruised back.
My phone! I grinned with glee. This must have been Ian’s version of an apology, or perhaps an olive branch. I switched it on and waited anxiously for it to come to life. I had tonnes of missed text messages, all from Jason in various stages of worry and panic. I checked the time, 06:54. Is it too early to call? I wasn’t sure but I had a feeling Jason would rather I woke him up than wait until later.
“Jamie!” He answered almost immediately.
“Hi, Jason,” I said quietly, smiling at the sound of his voice even though he sounded both irritated and relieved.
“Christ, I was worried about you. You weren’t answering your phone.”
“I know, I’m sorry,” I gushed. “Ian had my phone.”
“I know,” he sighed. “Craig text me last night.”
Oh, that was nice of him. At least Jason had known why I wasn’t answering and didn’t think I was ignoring him on purpose.
“I miss you,” I pouted, wishing I could reach down the phone and wrap myself around him.
“I miss you too, little squirrel,” he soothed. “Did you have a fun day yesterday at least?”
I thought about it. Aside from a few hitches, it had been pretty awesome.
“Yeah,” I said happily. “It was fun. Are you and Ben having a good time?”
“Of course,” he answered and I could practically see his million dollar smile in front of me. “We’ve talked about some stuff.”
“Oh?” I prompted.
“Yep, I’ll tell you about it later,” he said. His tone of voice told me that he wasn’t hiding anything from me and was fully intending to fill me in and that made me smile. I hoped it was part of his promise to open up to me.
“Awesome,” I grinned.
“When can I see you?” He asked.
“I’m not sure,” I pouted. “I’ll text you or call you as soon as I know more.”
I spotted Craig coming through the bedroom door and gave him a small wave.
“I have to go, Jason,” I apologised. “I love you.”
“Okay, baby. I love you too. See you soon.”
Chapter 17
Sunday, 27th January 2013
I grinned as I hung up and looked up at Craig. He’d already pulled his sweaty t-shirt off and was just wearing his baggy shorts.
“Good workout?” I asked with a smile.
“Good enough,” he shrugged. “Who’s in the shower?”
“The same person you left in there earlier,” I frowned.
I expected him to look a little guilty but instead he just grinned.
“Thanks for texting Jason,” I said appreciatively, choosing to be nice rather than give him a lecture about leaving Jake like that.
“No worries,” he smiled, pulling his trainers and socks off. “He called me about a million times and I had to shut him up somehow.”
“Sorry,” I grinned, thinking it was cute how much Jason cared about me.
“He’s whipped, that’s for sure,” Craig grinned.
I shook my head in amusement. I thought he had it the wrong way round. I’d do anything for Jason.
I looked up as I heard movement in the bathroom. Jake stepped out with a hotel towel around his waist. I lowered my eyes to the floor and waited for him to leave. I watched his feet move towards the adjoining door and heard him mutter “asshole” to Craig as he walked by.
“What the fuck did you say?” Craig scowled, shoving Jake back away from the door.
“You heard me,” Jake scowled.
I watched anxiously as the two of them squared up to each other, their eyes locked in a furious staring match.
“Say it again,” Craig dared Jake.
“I said, you’re a fucking asshole,” he growled at Craig.
I was in a state of pure disbelief, what the hell is Jake thinking? He was fast but he was also hung over and sleep deprived. He could normally dodge Craig and maybe even get in a couple of blows if he was lucky but he didn’t stand a chance right now.
Craig shoved Jake hard and I felt myself push up to my feet and dash over to them. Craig took a swing at Jake and he ducked. Without thinking, I put myself between the two of them, facing Craig.
“Move, Jelly,” Craig snarled with a look that told me he’d go through me if he had to.
“Craig, it’s his birthday weekend,” I tried to calm him down, resting my hands on his chest and pushing gently.
“I don’t give a shit. The little bastard called me an asshole,” Craig growled, his eyes still on Jake behind me.
“You were an asshole,” I said calmly, still pushing on his chest.
“You what?” Craig recoiled, his eyes on me. He looked both furious and shocked.
I was glad that his focus was away from Jake but a little less happy that it was now on me. Again with the saying stupid things, I scolded myself.
“You left him in there,” I reprimanded.
“So what?” He shrugged, pushing my hands away from him.
“What do you mean so what? How could you just leave him there like that? Couldn’t you see how uncomfortable he was?” I continued, questioning whether or not I could be classed as a masochist for provoking him like this.
“Watch it, Jelly,” he warned with a growl. “I gave him his fucking insulin.”
“Oh, well, that makes it okay then,” I snapped angrily. “Doesn’t matter if he’s tied to the shower as long as his blood sugar is okay!” I was shouting now and I saw the rage flicker across Craig’s face. That was stupid.
He grabbed me and span me around, putting me in a loose reverse choke hold. I hate these. No matter how many times Jason tried to help me, I never seemed to be able to get out of them properly.
It felt more than hopeless with Craig holding me. If I couldn’t get out of this hold with one of the MMA guys from Leeds, there was no way I could get out of it if Craig was holding me. That didn’t mean I wasn’t going to try though. He was holding me tight but not so tight that I couldn’t breath. He used his spare hand to dig his finger in between my ribs and I squirmed uncomfortably.
“Let go!” I demanded, beating my fists against his forearm.
“You need to watch your mouth,” Craig whispered in my ear, digging his finger in again.
I was stood facing Jake now and could see him stood staring at us gormlessly. I let my elbow smash back into Craig’s chest but I knew I’d barely made an impact. He didn’t even flinch.
“Let me go!” I demanded again.
His response was to dig his knuckles in harder and I squealed from the pain and frustration. That’s enough of that. I swung my leg backwards quickly and felt my foot make contact with his groin.
He wasn’t expecting that. I almost grinned as he released me but I knew I didn’t have long to react. Craig cradled his battered genitalia and fell to the floor and I dodged behind him, putting my knee on his back and holding him in position the way Jason had shown me.
“What the hell are you doing, Jelly?” Craig coughed, wriggling a little to test how well I was holding him.
“I’m sorry,” I cried, realising that there was probably no good way out of this situation.
“Get off me,” he said calmly, removing the hand that was cupping his balls and trying to use it to push up from the floor.
“No,” I shook my head. “Not unless you promise not to hurt us,” I pleaded, my voice a little shaky.
“Jelly,” he said with a wicked grin. “I’m not gonna warn you again.”
I didn’t move, I just kept a firm grip on his arm and thumb with both my hands.
“Fine,” he sighed. He moved quickly and flipped me off him – I had no idea how he did it, but I guess I should have expected it. He quickly reversed the situation and I mentally cursed myself for not just apologising whilst he had me in the choke hold. “You are hilarious,” he laughed, holding me in place so that my face was mushed against the floor.
“I’m sorry,” I apo
logised, knowing it was too late but finding I didn’t have too many options.
To my surprise, Craig just chuckled and let me go, pushing himself up from the floor and pulling me up with him.
“I’m assuming Jason taught you that?” He said wryly, turning me round to face him once more.
I nodded uncertainly, trying to figure out his mood. He seemed genuinely amused, which was somehow ten times worse. I’d rather he was furious than find my defence attempts laughable.
“I’ll kick his arse for teaching you that next time I see him,” Craig grinned.
I scowled and took a step back, bunching my fists by my side. “Yeah, because it was wrong of him to make sure I could try and defend myself if somebody tries to rape me again,” I retorted.
I watched the happiness disappear from Craig’s face and snapped my eyes and mouth shut firmly, already hating myself. That was such an insensitive thing to say. It would have been bad enough if I’d just said it to Craig but Jake was in the room too and that made it even worse.
I heard Jake thundering past me and the door slamming behind him. I sank to the floor and rested my head in my hands. Great. Any good I might have done by freeing him had just been completely undone.
Craig must have slipped past as well because I heard the shower turn on. I mentally kicked myself a few more times just for good measure and decided to get changed and slip down to the lobby so I wouldn’t have to face either of them on my own for a while.
The lobby was busier than it had been the previous evening, people were happily bustling around and going about their business. I sat on one of the brightly coloured sofas and waited patiently for my brothers to show up.
“Hi, Jelly,” a soft female voice said from behind me.
“Elise?” I span around to see if I was imagining things. I wasn’t, she was stood right behind me. I jumped up and gave her a hug. “What are you doing here?” I grinned.
“Thought I’d surprise you all. I just got here,” she smiled. “Where are your brothers?”
“They’re around here somewhere, we’re meant to be meeting here in fifteen minutes,” I explained.
“Okay,” she nodded and took the seat next to me. “Did you guys have fun yesterday?”