by Carter Ashby
In a split second his world turned to fire and pain. When it ended, he was face down in the gravel getting his hands cuffed behind his back. The other deputy was pocketing his taser. Rye wanted to scream in rage, but a pair of blue eyes arrested his attention.
“Brother, just breathe,” Cash said. “Just calm yourself down.”
Rye was huffing through his teeth like an angry bull, but the sound and sight of Cash anchored him.
“I’ll take care of this, you just cooperate, okay? Be nice and don’t make this worse. Okay?”
Rye thought he said ‘okay’ but only a snarl came out.
“I’m going to get Adam, see if he can’t help.”
From somewhere behind him, Les Dunigan laughed. “Good luck with that. He’s the one told us about you and Davis.”
“Les, shut up,” said the horse-faced deputy.
Rye kept his eyes on Cash whose expression morphed from anger to sadness to cold, miserable acceptance. “I’ll get you some help. Just be calm.”
Rye managed to nod. He was hauled to his feet and promptly shoved in the back of the car next to Eddie. Les, finally cuffed, was shoved in next to him. Fortunately, the ride to the station didn’t last long. And, fortunately, the cops gave him a private cell rather than locking him in with Les and Eddie.
Help took a little longer coming than Rye would have liked. It came in the form of Kyle, the Sheriff, trailed by Cash, Cora, and the guy from the bakery…Marshall, Rye thought his name was. The older brother of Les and Eddie.
“All right, boys, what seems to be the problem?” Kyle asked, looking awfully world-weary for such a young man. His question was directed toward Les and Eddie, so Rye stayed quiet.
“This asshole punched me in the face for no good reason,” Les said.
“Really?” Marshall stepped in and asked. “No good reason?”
Les seemed to shrink back. “That’s right.”
“So you weren’t harassing him over the thing with Davis?”
“Yeah…I mean no…I mean…”
“Let me ask you this,” Marshall said, as he gripped the bars and leaned against them. “How come when Davis got beat up three years ago, you didn’t go looking for the guy who done it?”
Les shrugged.
“It’s because you don’t give a shit about Davis. But you do like trouble, don’t you asshole? Any excuse for a fight, am I right?”
“Fuck you, Marshall.”
Marshall laughed and stepped back. He turned to Kyle. “They’re dropping the charges. You can let him go.”
“Hey, I am not!” Les shouted.
“Yeah, you are. ‘Cause you may or may not do time for this little stunt, but you’d sure as hell go to prison if Kyle, here, knew what I knew about how you spent your time two weeks ago.”
Whatever Marshall had on Les must have been good because Les went pale and shrank back. He glanced over at Rye, back to Marshall, and finally to Kyle. “Fine,” he said. “I’ll drop the charges. Just a misunderstanding is all.”
“Great,” Marshall said. He stepped back and exchanged nods with Kyle. When he started to walk away, Les surged for the bars.
“Hey!” Les shouted. “You just gonna leave us here?”
“I’m sure you won’t get more than a year,” Marshall said over his shoulder. “See you when you get out.”
As he left, Les and Eddie shouted curses at him.
“Now,” Kyle said, “unfortunately, we still have ‘assaulting a police officer’ to deal with.”
Rye threw his hands up. “Your asshole deputy was threatening unreasonable force.”
“Hey Jep,” Kyle called. “You come on back here.”
A moment later, the horse-faced deputy strolled down the corridor. “Now that we got Cash’s story, and Les has dropped the charges, what do you say? Can we cut him loose?”
Kyle must have had a conversation with Jep already because the deputy appeared fully contrite. His eyes were downcast as he shuffled his feet and shrugged. “I guess I could have handled it differently.”
“So…no charges?”
Jep shrugged. “No, charges.”
“Good.” Kyle pulled out a key ring and unlocked Rye’s cell. “You’re free to go, Mr. Holcomb.”
He stepped out of the cell and faced off with Kyle. “This was bullshit,” he said.
“Rye,” Cash warned.
Kyle nodded. “I understand. But if we let this go, it’ll be better for everyone, don’t you think?”
Rye gritted his teeth. “Wouldn’t want me making trouble for your department, huh?”
“Rye, he’s helping us,” Cash said.
“He’s helping himself!” Rye turned back to Kyle. “I won’t make trouble. We both know I’d lose if I tried.”
“Mr. Holcomb, it doesn’t have to be like that—”
Rye laughed. “Sure it does. It’s the same in all these shit towns. Nothing but crooked law enforcement and redneck low-lifes. Fuck it all. Come on, Cash, let’s go.”
He walked past his brother and Cora, pointedly ignoring her. Cora was meant for pure goodness and pleasure. He couldn’t look at her while he was filled with anger and resentment.
He heard Cash apologizing to Kyle as he left the building. Cora caught up to him in the parking lot. She grabbed his wrist just before he reached Cash’s truck. He stopped and turned to her, forcing himself to meet her eyes.
“I know you’re angry—”
“Adam did this. I fucking hate this place, Cora.”
“I know, Rye. I know, and I’m sorry.”
“Can you just go?” he asked. “I can’t talk about this with you right now.”
Her brow furrowed. “I’d like to be there for you. For support.”
“Well, I don’t want that right now. Go on. I’ll call you later, okay?”
She was stepping back slowly, hugging her purse to her stomach. “I love you, Rye.”
His second time hearing those words. For some reason, their warmth wasn’t enough to overpower the cold anger in his heart. He could have returned the sentiment, but he didn’t want to say ‘I love you’ out of reassurance. He wanted those words to be sacred and pure, to only be said when their meaning was fully realized.
So he nodded, turned, and climbed in Cash’s truck.
Sunday it rained. The perfect reflection of the despair in Adam’s soul. He sat in his favorite chair half the day wondering why Cash hadn’t called like he said he would. He was supposed to have gotten home yesterday and come over to spend the night. Instead, Adam had received nothing but silence.
He picked up his phone several times over the course of the day, trying to make himself hit the call button. For some reason, he couldn’t do it. A voice in his head told him it was guilt over what he’d done, looking into Cash’s past and then possibly causing trouble for his present. But Adam didn’t like what that voice had to say, so he chose to ignore it.
Late in the afternoon, he decided to drive to Cash’s apartment and ask him to dinner. He only made it as far as his front door. When he opened it, he nearly squeaked in fright. Cash was standing there, soaking wet. Adam laughed in relief, grabbed Cash’s shirt-front and pulled him inside.
“How long have you been standing there?” he asked. Not waiting for an answer, Adam kissed Cash, lapping up the rainwater off his lips.
He felt Cash’s hands fist in his hair, and his kiss deepen and progress. Adam pulled back enough to hum in pleasure. “Let’s get you out of these wet clothes.” He ran his hands beneath Cash’s shirt to those abs he loved so much.
Cash cupped his face. Adam looked up and felt his happiness die. There was so much hurt and sadness in Cash’s eyes, Adam couldn’t help but feel his pain. “This is over,” Cash said.
Adam’s hands dropped to his sides. He took a step backward, all emotion draining, leaving him cold and in shock. “Because of Rye?”
“Those Dunigan brothers showed up with a few of their friends and a baseball bat.”
A wave of
nausea rose in Adam’s throat. “I did not mean for that to happen.”
“You’re supposed to ask if Rye’s okay. If I’m okay.”
Adam shook himself. “Are you? Is he?”
“We’re fine. Physically fine, anyway. You might want to call your best friend. She’s been trying to call Rye, but he’s too busy torturing himself and looking for jobs in big, far away cities to give her comfort. I think she’s pretty distraught.”
“How’s that my fault?”
Cash laughed bitterly and shook his head. “So you didn’t mean for this to happen. What did you mean to happen when you told those guys about Rye and Davis?”
“I was just talking to Jack and Roux. They overheard; that’s all.”
Cash nodded. “Next question: How’d you find out about Rye and Davis?”
“It’s public record—”
“But not current. No reason for it to have come up in casual conversation. You went digging, didn’t you?”
Adam didn’t deny it.
“So you know,” Cash said. “You know what happened to me even though I told you I wasn’t ready to talk about it. You know, and your reaction was to make even more hell for my brother?”
Adam choked down his emotions. The cold of shock left, replaced by awareness. Full awareness of what he’d done and what he was losing. “I thought if he left maybe things would be better for you and me.”
Cash frowned and nodded.
“What you went through,” Adam said, “no one could blame you for idolizing your brother. He saved your life. But he’s not a good person, Cash—”
Cash laughed again. “No, you’re not a good person, Adam. What did he do? I mean, you go on and on about how you hate the way he treats women. But hasn’t he changed? So what is it you hate so much?”
“Cash, can’t we just start over? Let me start over. You mean so much to me.”
“What is your issue with my brother? What is it?”
Adam’s body was trembling. “Please—”
“Answer the goddamn question!”
“He messed with my life, okay!” Adam shouted, shocking even himself with the words. “He waltzed in here and suddenly my best friend starts putting on high heels and earrings. He changed her. And he was so damn cocky about it. I hated seeing her pine over an asshole who didn’t even care about her. She used to play pool with me. Have beers with me. Go on dates with me. Now she’s even invited him to her mom’s birthday party, which I always go to with her. It’s…it’s…” he trailed off.
Cash’s mouth hung open. Slowly, his lips curved upward, but the smile was one of bitter amazement. “You know, Rye’s got this trigger…this sensitive spot, and it has to do with not belonging. He’s always so cool and collected, but the minute someone starts treating him like an outsider, he freaks out and goes on and on about how he hates small towns. How the people act so righteous, but the minute an outsider shakes up their lives, they close ranks and cast him out. I never paid much attention to his rantings, but now I see it. He’s describing you. How fucking petty, Adam!”
Tears left hot tracks down Adam’s cheeks. He had no defense. Petty was exactly the right word, and now that he’d finally articulated what it was he hated so much about Rye, it was like a light flooding a dark room. He suddenly saw everything clearly.
Only the light had come on a little too late.
“Cash—”
“Goodbye, Adam.” Cash walked out the door, in spite of Adam’s calls.
Adam ended up standing on his porch in the rain watching the best lover of his life drive away.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
AFTER SEVERAL FAILED attempts to contact Rye, Cora decided to back off. Her heart hurt. She wanted to dissolve into tears. But she held it back. He needed time, and she would give it to him.
At work, she peeked into his office to say hello. He smiled and chatted casually. Then she left to go to her office and didn’t hear from him anymore. That went on for three days so that she was numb from the pain in her soul when he knocked on her door.
She was sitting at her desk about to wrap up her workday. “Come in,” she said, without looking up from her computer. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw him and smiled. End of the day. He must want a beer at Darcy’s. That would be fine with her.
He sat in the chair across from her desk, his legs splayed in front of him, one elbow casually draped over the back of the chair next to him. Cora finally looked at him and felt her smile die. He looked exactly as he had the day he’d come in for an interview. That same closed, I-don’t-give-a-shit expression on his face. “What’s up?” she asked.
Rye shrugged and glanced around the room. “Cash and Adam broke up.”
“I heard. I’m sorry about that.”
Rye shrugged again.
“Do you wanna maybe go somewhere and talk about it?” she asked.
He finally met her eyes. “I sent you an email a few minutes ago. Did you get it?”
“I hadn’t checked. Let me look.” She opened her email. Opened Rye’s email. His two week’s notice. She blinked, hoping she wasn’t seeing this. As she stared at the screen, she said, “You’ll never find a home if you don’t stay long enough to forgive people.”
“Oh, really? That’s how it works? I forgive them? You don’t get it, Cora. Once you see that side of people, it’s not about forgiveness. It’s about trust. Cash needs to be somewhere he feels safe. And I need to be somewhere where I can look at my neighbors without wanting to punch them. God, it’s like everywhere I go, all I find are these hate-filled, evil people hidden behind smiling masks of righteousness and morality. I hate it. There has to be somewhere where people are real and honest and true.”
Cora turned her tear-filled eyes to meet his. “There’s nowhere that doesn’t have some bad people and some good people. There’s nowhere like that.”
“I don’t care if they’re bad; I just want them to be fucking honest about it.”
“Lots of people don’t know themselves well enough. Don’t understand themselves enough to be honest with others.”
Rye’s frown deepened slightly.
Cora swallowed. “There are always some, though, who are honest and real. Aren’t I? Haven’t I been real for you, Rye?”
His Adam’s apple bobbed. “You’ve been the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”
“Then you won’t find better, no matter where you go.”
“I can’t stay here. I can’t walk around here knowing behind all those nice smiles, people are judging me and distrusting me and hating me.”
“Not all of them, Rye.”
“It’s better in a city. Everyone minds their own business. That’s where I’m going next. St. Louis or Chicago. No more of these towns full of hypocrites and hicks.”
Her chest tightened, and as much as she fought, she couldn’t keep the tears from trickling out. “You said you loved me. Doesn’t that mean anything?”
“Of course it does.” His eyes were wet, too. His jaw clenched tight.
“Then stay for me.”
He breathed deeply for a moment, tension rolling off of him. “I’m too angry,” he said through his teeth. “I can’t stay here. Come with me.”
A laugh escaped her lips. “Come with you? Do you realize what you’re asking?”
He didn’t answer.
Angry, he’d said. He was angry? Well, she was angry, too. “You’re selfish,” she said. She gasped in shock at the truth of it and the fact that she’d said it out loud. But once she started, she couldn’t stop. “You’re so fucking selfish! You come here, and you talk to me like I’ve never been talked to before, and you touch me in ways I never imagined possible…you take me to the point that I offer my heart up to you…trust? You wanna talk about trust? That was trust! Falling in love with you was trust. I didn’t expect you to abandon me for no good reason!” She was on her feet.
Rye jumped to his feet and leaned forward onto her desk. “You feel let down? That’s how I feel all
the time! People let you down and it fucking sucks, doesn’t it? Kind of breaks your heart doesn’t it?”
She was sobbing now. “Don’t do this. Please don’t do this.”
“The absolute last thing I want in this world is to hurt you, but if I don’t get out of this goddamn town right now I’m going to go crazy. I’m terrified for my brother. I’m angry at everyone. Even you, though there’s no reason for it. I just can’t be here anymore. I’m so sorry.”
“I hate you,” she said, all sense of reason abandoning her. “I hate you for doing this to me, for making me love you and then taking it away.”
A tear streaked down his left cheek. “I’m sorry.”
“You’re selfish. Adam was right. Maybe you changed and stopped sleeping around, but you’re still selfish, and I’m the one getting hurt because of it.”
His brow furrowed in confusion.
“Go,” she said, falling back into her chair. “If we’re done here, then go. I’ll put out ads for your replacement immediately.”
He cleared his throat and stepped backward. “I can stay on and train the new guy.”
“That’s the least you can do.”
“Cora, I’m so sorry.”
She glared at him until he finally turned around and left. She hurried to her door and locked it so she could cry without fear of interruption.
Friday night she went to Adam’s apartment. After two days, she figured she’d cried out all her tears. At least she hoped so.
Adam opened the door, looking like how she felt, pale and miserable. He smiled sadly, stepped to the side, and invited her in. “I called Franny,” Cora said. “She’ll be over in a few minutes.”
“You invited Franny to my apartment?”
“I needed to be with my best friends.”
“Yeah, I get it. It’s just that Franny’s been the voice of reason lately, and I’m just not sure I’m ready for that tonight.”
Cora laughed as she collapsed on Adam’s couch. He brought her a beer and reclined into his chair. “So it’s over with you and Rye?” he asked.