She felt a wave of anger wash over her, remembering the pretty twenty-something woman who had given the babies a look of horror and exclaimed that she’d rather have no kids at all than three so close together. The woman had laughed as she said it, but Rose hadn’t found it amusing at all.
For her, babies had always been a given, a step along the way, a box to be checked when the time was right. Now that having children was in the same realm of possibility as being hit by lightning, Rose couldn’t laugh at the idea of rejecting babies, no matter how many came at one time. There was nothing worse than someone throwing away the thing you wanted most.
There was a bright side to the casually insulting attitudes, though. All the negative comments and wide-eyed looks made Rose appreciate the little community of friends in By the Book. Bix and Ruby treated Alice like their own daughter, and clearly embraced their grandparent status. Charlie treated Aurora like a baby sister, taking her on walks and bringing her little gifts like a toy laptop that lit up. Blue always made time for the girls, and even when he said he was just passing through, he seemed to end up holding one of the babies or sitting with Aurora in the play kitchen for a few minutes.
Rose grinned, thinking of the previous afternoon when she’d glimpsed Blue accepting a fake plastic chicken and pretending to devour it. Aurora had watched him with a serious expression on her face, and when he’d finished, demanded payment of one hundred dollars. Blue had protested, saying the chicken was overpriced, especially since he’d found bones in it. Aurora reminded him that chickens came with bones and he was welcome to eat them, too.
Rose’s smile faded from her face. It had been four days since that kiss on the bench. She’d seen him morning and night, sometimes at noon. He always greeted her with a light arm around her shoulders, or a quick touch of his hand on hers. He’d brought her a mocha and a beignet from Sunshine Bakery yesterday. But they hadn’t ever been alone. He wasn’t avoiding her, not at all, but just maybe he was making sure they always had observers. She’d tried to puzzle out his feelings for her, but he seemed just the same as he had before the kiss. Like a grain of sand in an oyster, the situation rubbed and irritated her heart in a way she found hard to pinpoint.
Emily Jane let out a shaky sigh in her sleep and grimaced. Rose wondered if the baby was dreaming. Rose had been having terrible dreams, night after night. Sometimes she was at a dinner with beautiful people she had never met and spent the dream trying to figure out how their random strings of words fit into a conversation. Sometimes she dreamed of Richard and he looked just like the picture she’d kept on her desk at the firm: leaning back on the deck of his father’s boat, shirt open to the sun, laughing into the camera. In her dream, Richard never said anything at all but the picture would pan out until she could see a beautiful woman next to him.
But mostly, Rose dreamed of Blue. Once she dreamed he was walking ahead of her on the sidewalk and she couldn’t ever quite catch up, no matter how hard she ran. Another time she dreamed they were on the bench in the sun, but instead of a kiss, he’d demanded to know the whole, terrible story that she’d hidden from him. Even the dreams that started out sweetly, his arms wrapped around her, ended with her sitting up in bed, her heart pounding in fear.
She walked toward the window and stared out at the river. She had to admit that her head was trying to tell her something. If her fear came from the threat of losing new friends then Alice would show up as often. If it was echoes of the loss she’d caused, then Aurora and the babies would be in her nightmares, too. But the dreams were almost always about Blue.
The sunlight reflected off the river down below and Rose leaned her forehead against the glass. Her sister had once told Rose that she was really smart, but “not intrapersonally”. Rose had rolled her eyes and gone back to work on her cases, but those words had echoed inside. She had to admit that her feelings sometimes surprised herself, that she would fight and fight for control over an emotion instead of spending the time to figure out why she was feeling it.
She liked Blue. Really liked him. She looked forward to seeing him every day, thought about him constantly, reveled in his hugs, and hung on his every word. She liked the way he said things that she’d be embarrassed to say and because he wasn’t shy about it, she didn’t have to be, either. She liked the way he held a book with one hand, the way his smile was a little bit crooked, the way he could always tell if she was lost in a bad memory. Despite all the annoying hints and match making and her own broken heart, she liked him.
Rose closed her eyes and sighed. It was clear she wanted more. She wanted that moment on the bench again. She’d made a huge mess of it when she’d agreed to their pretend relationship. As usual, just as her sister said, Rose was a mystery to herself. As smart as she was, she wasn’t smart enough to figure out was going on inside until it was too late.
“Stupid fake relationship. Stupid kiss,” she whispered. “Stupid, stupid heart.”
Chapter Thirteen
“Lost, yesterday, somewhere between sunrise and sunset,
two golden hours, each set with sixty diamond minutes.
No reward is offered for they are gone forever.”
― Horace Mann
Blue straightened his tie for the third time and stepped up to Rose’s apartment door. He’d seen her just a few hours ago but they’d been surrounded by kids and customers, as always. Earlier that morning, Bix had pulled Blue aside on his way to the office and given him a talk about treating Rose “like a lady”, which had been simultaneously aggravating and endearing. Blue didn’t bother to tell Bix it was nearly impossible to get Rose alone so his concerns were unfounded. His own father hadn’t ever offered anything but crude and useless advice, so having Bix give him a man to man speech made him feel a bit emotional.
“Girls don’t want to hear about your hobbies or what you’ve been reading. And don’t talk politics. Women ain’t got the brains for it. Ask her what she likes to cook. Girls love to show off in the kitchen.”
He pushed the long ago echo of his father’s words out his head. He hadn’t heard from him in a week, and he had no idea what he was planning. There was no worrying about it but whenever the man crossed Blue’s mind, he felt his blood pressure rise. Their little showdown at the river was just the beginning, he was sure of it.
Yesterday his Aunt Bernice had grilled him on whether he’d given Rose any gifts yet, and offered to help him pick out a nice piece of jewelry. He’d deflected the conversation onto some other topic but the offer made him want to hug her. As bossy as she was, Aunt Bernice was always looking out for him. There was no way he could buy Rose jewelry without it being awkward, but Aunt Bernice had given him an idea.
Blue raised a hand and knocked lightly.
Footsteps approached, then she was swinging open the door, a look of surprise flashing in her brown eyes. She brushed back her curls, as if checking to make sure they weren’t out of control, which they were, as always. The nervous gesture made him feel better about how long it had taken him to get up the courage to knock.
“Hey, Rose. I asked Alice if she had that Allen Eskins novel that everybody is raving about and she said you’d borrowed it last week. I was wondering if you’d read it.”
“Oh, sure, come on in.” She waved him inside. “Alice is so sweet to let us borrow anything we like.”
“Yep,” he said, stepping inside.
She turned giving him a sharp look. “You don’t think it’s nice of her?”
“Of course I do,” he said, confused.
“You sounded like you were lying.” She hadn’t gone any further and her hands went to her hips.
Blue glanced around, hoping to distract her. The twins were sleeping in the bassinet and he immediately lowered his voice. “You should have told me.”
“Alice wants them to learn how to sleep with background noise,” she said, but for some reason lowered her voice in response. “And you didn’t answer.”
He cleared his throat. “I buy my books.�
�
Her cheeks went pink and her hands dropped to her sides. “Oh, of course. That’s just like Alice to let me borrow books instead of pay for them. And now you’ll pay full price for a used book.”
“As long as you didn’t spill sweet tea on it or get jam on the cover, I’ll be perfectly happy to pay full price. But to be honest, Alice will try to force it on me for free. She really treats that store like a library, anyway. Unless it’s something really rare, she’s just excited that people have found books.”
“She’s probably one of the nicest people I’ve ever met,” Rose said. “They should be nominating her for sainthood any day now.”
She seemed perfectly serious and Blue had to smile. “Just wait until she gets on her soapbox about how technology is ruining our culture. Not many saints start smoking at the ears when they get angry.”
“Not even Joan of Arc?”
“Touché,” he said, laughing at her slightly twisted sense of humor. He walked toward the bassinets and peered in at the girls, first Elizabeth and then Emily Jane. “I’m glad I didn’t wake them up when I knocked.”
“Me, too. I would have told you I lost the book,” she said.
“That’s just cruel.”
“Now you know,” she said, walking into the hallway.
He followed her, then realized too late she was going to her bedroom and not the kitchen. He backpedaled quickly, trying not to attract her attention, irritated with himself. Nobody kept books in the kitchen.
She glanced back. “You don’t have to wait in the living room. Come on in. I made my bed this morning.”
He hesitated for just a moment. Bix’s talk went through his mind and he felt his face go hot. To cover his reaction, he asked, “Actually, can I grab some water?”
“Sure. There’s a pitcher of cold water in the fridge. There’s also Coke and apple juice. Or tea and coffee.”
He turned and found his way into the kitchen, gritting his teeth all the way. He’d pour himself a glass, wait a few moments for his blush to fade and then follow her back. And not think about Bix and his helpful advice.
A few moments later he walked into Rose’s bedroom and stopped short.
“Need help?”
Rose was half under the heavy roll top desk in the corner. Her voice came out muffled. “I put it on the top and it fell behind. I think it’s wedged.”
He leaned over the top of the desk, pressing his cheek against the wall. “You’re right. I can see it. If you come on out, I can shift it.” He opened a drawer and ran his fingers around the edge of the desk, looking for purchase.
“No, this old desk must be a hundred years old, at least. Dovetail on the drawers, that inlay on the edge. I don’t think we should try to move it.” She sounded irritated even from under the desk. He could see her fingers wiggling just inches from the book.
“Can you reach it with a ruler?”
He heard a snort. “You carry a ruler?”
“Not since grade school.” He looked around. “Maybe a hanger?”
“Closet,” she said and he saw a hand pointing toward the little space that served for closets in the old apartments.
Blue stepped back and crossed to the closet, noting how the room was almost bare of personal items. She seemed settled and happy as the nanny, but maybe she wasn’t as committed to staying as he thought. The closet was half-full, which was a feat considering the size. A suitcase was pushed to the back and there were two pairs of shoes. For the first time, he wondered if Rose had left everything behind when she’d been convicted of the DUI. This was not the closet of a woman who wanted to remember the past. He glanced around the room, searching in earnest now for something personal. There was nothing. Not a picture or a pile of mail or an ipod or a phone.
“If you don’t have a family name, nobody cares about you. That’s just the way it is.”
“But Mama, I really like her. She’s smart, funny, beautiful. I think you’ll take to her if you’d just have her over for dinner.”
“Blue, I’m not having anybody in this house who doesn’t come from a good family. Who knows who her people are? Nobody. A bunch of nobodys. She doesn’t have roots. She’ll just move on when she feels like it. I’m savin’ you from heartache, son.”
“Anything?” Her muffled voice brought him back to the present.
“Yeah, I found one.” He grabbed a hanger and came back. “You want to try to push it from the bottom? Or I can from the top.”
“How about you try from there.”
He slid the coat hanger into the gap and poked at the book. It was a thick one, as most modern thrillers were. He wondered if Alice was going to be mad that her book was bent, then figured Alice would be happy they hadn’t left it behind the desk for the rest of eternity.
“No, it’s too far from me. These old desks are made to withstand floods, quakes, and coat hangers, apparently.”
He could her Rose’s throaty laugh from under the desk. “Pass it over, then.” A hand tapped at his pant leg and he placed the hanger in her palm.
A few moments later, she let out a grunt of frustration. “We may have to try and move it after all.” Then a few more seconds of scraping and suddenly she cried out. “Got it!”
He stepped back and watched her back out, book in one hand and hanger in the other. Her face was red, sweat beaded on her forehead, and her hair was twice the size it had been when she answered the door. He reached out to help her up and she grabbed his hand.
They were face to face and he couldn’t help grinning. Life was never dull with Rose. She made the smallest situations seem entertaining. He reached out with his other hand and wiped a smear of dust from her cheek. And in that moment, things changed, although he couldn’t say later how or why.
She stepped forward, or maybe he did, and she lifted her face to his. He’d hated the timing of the kiss on the bench, and he was thankful for this moment, alone. There was no family drama, no ugly scene, no talk of her fiancé or broken engagements. They weren’t pretending to have a coffee date or sitting together to throw off nosy friends. She was holding his hand because she wanted to and he was pulling her close for the same reason.
He lowered his head and saw her eyes fall closed. He wished he could freeze the moment and simply gaze at her, drink in the pink flush of her cheeks and the way light freckles were scattered across the bridge of her nose. He loved the way her curly hair framed her face and the way her brows were only a few shades darker. And her mouth. How he loved her mouth.
Just as he reached it, she murmured, “Is this a bad idea?”
He used all the willpower he possessed to move back a fraction of an inch. “I don’t know. Is it?”
“It doesn’t feel like a bad idea,” she said, eyes still closed, her breath feathering against his chin.
“I― I can’t think of any reasons why it would be.” If he were honest with himself, his brain wasn’t exactly functioning at top capacity. “Can you?”
He must have said the wrong thing because he felt her leaning away from him, then her eyes were open, and then she took a step back. He still had one arm around her and her hand in his, warm and soft.
“I should probably check on the babies,” she whispered.
Blue wanted to keep her there, make her explain what reason there could possibly be to walk away, but he didn’t. He nodded. “Okay,” he said, and he heard the confusion and disappointment in his own voice.
Someone cleared their throat and they both jumped apart.
Andy held up both hands. “Hey, Blue. Hey, Rose. Sorry about that. I knocked. Quite a few times.” Maybe if a person didn’t know Andy McBride, they would think he was just being pleasant, but Blue could tell Andy was trying his very best not to laugh out loud. “I brought Mark over for story time and Aurora told me that she forgot her Raggedy Andy doll up here. I offered to come get it so she didn’t miss the story.”
“It’s in the nursery,” Rose said, smoothing down her hair. Her face was redder than he’d e
ver seen it. She was already brushing past Andy. “Let me get it.”
Andy watched her go, then said, “Sorry to interrupt. Really.”
“No, no, I just needed a book and it had fallen behind her desk and we couldn’t figure out how to get it out so we got the…” Blue shook his head. “It’s not important.”
Andy glanced into the hallway. “She looks mad.”
“That might be her default,” Blue said, trying to lighten the mood.
“Really? That wasn’t the impression I got when we met last week. In fact, Roxie’s been hounding me to invite her over and I told her that―”
“I shouldn’t have said that. She’s not mad. I just… And then she… Everything just went sideways there for a minute. I’m not sure why.” Blue rubbed his face. “Anyway, you should. Invite her over, I mean.”
“How about both of you?” Andy asked. “It’ll be a little crazy because we’ve got Roxie’s grandma and my brother, but we’d love to have you two over.”
Blue hesitated. He wasn’t worried about any craziness. Roxie’s grandmother was sweet as pie even as she struggled through her increasing symptoms of Alzheimer’s. Andy’s brother, Mark, was mentally disabled but liked having friends over as much as Andy did. It was the “you two” that was worrying Blue.
“Don’t feel like you have to accept,” Andy said. “You’re probably getting dragged to dinner at every house in Natchitoches.” He clapped Blue on the shoulder. “I’m just really happy for you.”
Along the Cane River: Books 1-5 in the Inspirational Cane River Romance Series Page 111