by Ali M. Cross
It was Silent Night again, specifically the harmony line he’d added to his arrangement, and Fiona had fixed it. She had perfected it.
He tugged on the reins, accidentally bringing Manny to a stop.
“What?” Fiona said, looking up at him. Her face was smeared with dirt and blood, one cheek already purpling with a bruise—and he’d never seen anything more beautiful.
“Don’t stop,” he whispered, urging Manny forward again.
She faced forward, and after a moment picked up the song again.
He watched the sun play in her messy, golden hair. Listened to her voice as it rose, clear and glorious to join with the sweet tones of a bird singing somewhere high above. His heart swelled with peace—and more.
“Fiona,” he said, his voice hoarse with emotion.
She glanced up at him, still singing, and instead of that fear and distrust he’d seen on her face before, she met him with a smile and shining eyes. She seemed so much younger somehow. Lighter. Freer. And he knew, without a doubt, that he loved her.
“You fixed the song,” Nix said. She faced forward, leaning further against him. She finished the song and they were silent for a while.
“I fixed it on Monday.”
He rested his head on top of hers, enjoying the slow walk down the mountain. The ride up had been fast and hard, he and Gavin calling out to Fiona, desperately hoping to find her. Now, with her in his arms, his song in her voice still winding around his heart, he was desperate to convey how much he loved her. His arms tightened around her waist. “I’m sorry,” he said.
When Fiona didn’t respond, he leaned to the side, bringing his free hand up to turn her face toward him. Tears pooled in her blue-gray eyes and streamed down her face.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, widening his eyes in concern.
In answer, Fiona raised her hands to touch his face. It was awkward, with her laying back against him, but neither of them seemed to mind. She trailed her fingertips over his cheekbones, her knuckles against the stubble on his chin. When her gaze finally returned to his, her eyes blurry through the tears, she shook her head.
“Nothing’s wrong and you have nothing to be sorry for. I’m happy, Nix. Here. With you. I feel . . .” She leaned back, her arms spreading wide to each side. “I feel…”
He heard that little songbird again, a high tee-da-leet, tee-da-leet, and Fiona laughed. She reached up to him and pulled his face down until their lips met.
“Free.”
Jack—who’d brought his group back early—was waiting with Lindsay when their little party finally returned to the ranch shortly after noon. After all the hugs had been given and received from her siblings—and a piece of buttered bread and mug of warm milk shoved into her hands, Fiona begged Nix to take her to see Sailor.
Fiona finished her food on the way to the barracks, then set her mug on a beam of the barn door as they stepped inside. When Sailor heard them coming toward her, she stuck her head out of her stall and whinnied. Fiona walked right up to her, took her face in her hands, and rested her forehead on the big horse’s muzzle. Sailor whickered softly while Fiona shed a few tears. Nix placed his hand on her back but didn’t try to tell either of them they should stop.
“I’m so glad you made it home safely,” Fiona said. She looked up at Nix. “She did, right? Isn’t that what Gavin said?”
Nix rubbed her back gently and nodded. “She’s fine. Jack took a good look at her while he was waiting and other than being exhausted and a little dehydrated, she’s fine. She just needs to rest. Like you.”
Sailor swung her head, shoving Fiona against Nix. They stumbled together until Nix settled them and Fiona laughed, breathless. She looked up at him and his arms tightened around her. Her eyes drew him in, promising everything he’d been hoping for; so much so that he abandoned the last of his self-doubt and accepted God’s gift of this amazing woman. He pressed his lips to hers—not the sweet, tentative kiss of yesterday, but one of need, of passion, of a lifetime of promises.
She melted into him as he drew his hands upward until he cupped her face. He withdrew, just enough to see her eyes, to hear the sigh of acceptance pass her lips, before her kissed her again. His whole being hummed with joy. This was everything.
Fiona slipped her hand in his as they walked away from Sailor. He held it firmly, vowing never to let go if she’d let him.
“So. You went on an adventure, eh?”
Fiona laughed so easily that Nix wondered how she’d kept it at bay for so long. He hoped she never held back her laughter, or her tears, ever again. “Something like that,” she said. “I’m really sorry I took Sailor. I know I didn’t have any right—I mean, I didn’t expect all of this drama, but I did want to use her to let off a bit of steam.”
Nix stopped and drew her against him, kissing the top of her head. “Don’t even worry about it. You’re both home and safe. That’s all that matters. Besides, I’m pretty sure I’m the one who got you all fired up—and I’m sorry, too.”
He felt her place a kiss against his chest before walking again, but he pulled her back to him. “Want to tell me about your adventure? You seem—”
“Different?”
He nodded, afraid to imply she’d ever been anything but perfect to him.
She shrugged. “I think I’m more me than I’ve ever been. When I figure it all out, I’ll fill you in. Deal?” He stared down into her eyes, the warm feeling in his chest whispering that something big had happened to her. Something he’d be forever grateful for. He mentally added another thank you to God on top of the thousand he’d already given, and nodded.
“Deal.”
They resumed walking, then Fiona said softly, “Nix?” She tugged him to a stop so they stood face to face. “I’m sorry. For everything. I know it hasn’t been easy getting to know me—I have no idea how you managed to…”
“Fall in love with you?” His voice was a hoarse whisper as he stepped nearer and rested his forehead against hers. She sighed, the last of her worry flying away. He kissed her temple and said, “There’s nothing to forgive.”
They stood that way for a moment before resuming their walk back to the house. Fiona nudged him with her hip. “By the way, you’re forgiven, too. You know. Just in case you were wondering.”
“Oh, am I now?” He cast her a wicked grin and slipped his arm around her waist as they walked out of the barn and toward the house.
Lindsay lay spread eagled on the grass to the side of the front porch. “Uh, Lindsay?” Fiona asked as they approached. “You okay?” When her sister didn’t answer, they quickened their pace until they were standing over her.
“Hey, you’re blocking my sun,” Lindsay said in a croaky voice.
“Jeez, Linni. I thought you’d passed out or something,” Fiona said. “What are you doing?”
Lindsay cracked an eye at them, flicking between Fiona and Nix. She smiled and he knew she could sense something was up between them. To confirm her suspicions he slipped his fingers between Fiona’s and she held on. Lindsay’s eyebrows quirked up and she closed her eyes.
“I’m just…exhausted,” Lindsay said. “And I spilled hot chocolate on the ledger. I have no idea how Mom did it all. I feel like such a failure!”
Fiona dropped to the ground, spreading out beside her sister. “Mom had you to help.” She wrapped her hand around Lindsay’s. “I’m sorry I haven’t been here. But I am now.”
Unwilling to interrupt this moment, and barely believing what he thought he just heard, Nix lay down beside Fiona, watching her profile as she stared up at the blue sky, tinged with the golden afternoon sun of autumn.
“You’re . . . here? Now?” Lindsay asked. She propped up on her elbow to look at Fiona.
Fiona kept her eyes closed, her face impassive, but then she cracked into a wide smile. She turned her face to look at Lindsay. “I’m here,” Fiona said. “And I’m staying.”
“Ahh!” Lindsay exclaimed, then threw herself onto Fiona. Despite Fiona�
�s protests, she yanked on Nix’s sleeve, pulling him forward until he was half-lying on Fiona, too. “I’m so happy!” she exclaimed.
“I’m so squished,” Fiona squeaked beneath them. But as Nix and Lindsay tried to move away, she pulled them both to her again. “And I’m so happy, too.”
FIONA WOKE EARLY TO THE SMELL OF COFFEE. SHE LAY in bed, her room still cloaked in darkness, and thought about how things had changed over the past couple days. The warm feeling she’d gotten while in the woods hadn’t gone away—even after she’d endured a visit to the clinic to have her concussion diagnosed and all her bumps and bruises cared for. Even after saying goodnight to everyone and spending the next hour in her room trying to dredge up the old familiar suffocating feelings. It didn’t work.
The way she’d felt about Nix, like he represented every happiness, every wish she’d ever had, hadn’t gone, either. She hadn’t spent very long trying to convince herself he was wrong for her—every part of her being told her he would always be just right.
But this morning, she felt embarrassed. Afraid to face the world. Afraid to face her family. Everyone knew about her change of heart. They’d spent the entire evening together, the five of them, and it had been a night of revelations. Fiona told them all about how she’d felt growing up in a family that seemed to all fit just right, all except her. How the stage made her feel special for herself. She even told them about the attack. She kept the details sparse, focusing instead on her epiphany in the woods. Lindsay had hugged her after that, saying she would always be special because there was no one else in the world like her.
Nix had surprised everyone by telling his secret, too. “If we’re going to be together, your family needs to know,” he said. And Fiona had thrilled at the words. She planned to be with him for as long as he’d have her, and it amazed her to hear he felt the same.
In typical Lindsay fashion, she’d brushed all of Nix’s past aside and hugged him too, saying, “You’re here now, and exactly where you belong.” But it was Gavin who surprised everyone.
“I knew it.” When Fiona looked at him like he couldn’t possibly have known anything, Gavin shrugged. “I went through a punk stage a while back. I remember odunk’ a young band on the scene. Your name was familiar—you don’t meet too many Nixes, I imagine—so I looked you up.” He shrugged again. “Sorry about your folks.”
And that was that. Fiona had no idea her family could be so welcoming, so inclusive. Why had she spent her entire life feeling like an outsider? But this morning, as she lay in bed, smelling the alluring scent of coffee and wanting so much to just throw on her robe and join Lindsay in the kitchen, she hesitated. Could she just flip a switch and suddenly be a different person? A person who belonged in this place, with these people? They said she could but . . . could she, really? Even if they allowed her to, was she truly capable? How did she stop being, feeling, acting, the way she’d always been her whole life just in one night?
Her thoughts went round and round until finally she threw herself out of bed. Filled with self-doubt she took her time getting ready, being extra careful with her makeup and clothes so she felt better armed to face the music. When she couldn’t put it off any longer, she went downstairs.
Gavin strode out of the kitchen holding two cups of steaming coffee. He handed her the diva mug. “Heard you were up,” he said, as if that explained why he was in the kitchen at six in the morning.
“I thought you were Lindsay.” She sat stiffly in the chair, though last night she’d curled onto the couch just as naturally as Lindsay always did. Gavin didn’t seem to notice.
“First time I’ve heard that one.” He smirked as he blew on his coffee, then took a tentative sip. “You goin’ somewhere?” He didn’t look at her, but Fiona got the feeling he was asking a bigger question than was she headed down to the Quik ’n’ Carry.
“I-I don’t know,” she admitted.
He nodded at his coffee, but didn’t speak.
“Aren’t you going to tell me to stay?”
He looked up and caught her gaze. It surprised her to see his eyes were green. Green as spring grass. She didn’t know if she’d ever looked into his eyes before. He’d always been the quiet, somewhat gruff one, and he was ten years older so she hadn’t spent any real time with him. But now she noticed how handsome he was. Like, GQ handsome—if he didn’t let his dark scruff grow over half his face or wear his cowboy hat so low over his eyes you couldn’t even see them. Except now there was no hat, and his green, green eyes stared back at her, full of intelligence and directness.
“I figure if you wanted my opinion, you’d ask for it.” He didn’t look away, not until she did, and then it was just to take another sip of his coffee. When she glanced back, he was watching her intently.
“Why haven’t you married, Gav?” she asked abruptly.
He didn’t even flinch, just said, “Haven’t found the right woman, I guess.”
“Have you been looking?”
He chuckled and finally dropped his gaze to his coffee cup. “Maybe not so much.”
“Do you want to get married?”
His head came up sharply and the passion in his eyes was unmistakable. “More than anything in this world.”
“Even more than the Highlands? Or the horses? Or the woods?” She suspected she was playing dirty, but she honestly wanted to know.
“I had a girl. Maybe you were too young to remember. Callie Samson. We’d been together a couple years. Nominated for homecoming royalty—and I had it on good authority we were a shoo-in to win. I planned to ask her to marry me after graduation.” His words drifted off, and he took a big gulp of coffee, wincing as the hot liquid met his throat.
“What happened?” Fiona urged. She didn’t remember hearing anything about Callie, even though she would have only been nine or so. Surely she would have known if her brother had a serious girlfriend.
Gavin kept his gaze fixed on the liquid in his cup. “She died,” he said simply. “Day of the prom I went to get her, all dressed up in my suit, tie and cummerbund to match her purple dress. Purple looked so beautiful on her. Her mama said she’d gone out to the barn to bring out her show horse Daisy, because she wanted pictures with her.”
“Wait. Our Daisy?” Fiona leaned forward, eager to find the connections that seemed to be showing up everywhere.
Gavin gave a short nod. “Yup.” He sighed, took another sip of coffee. “So I went to the barn, but Daisy was still in her stall, and the place was so quiet. The Samsons only had two horses, though they had space for a few more. Weren’t much in the way of farmers or anything. They mostly just kept hay for the horses and the horses for Callie.”
Fiona waited, but Gavin seemed to be replaying the scene in his head. After a long silence he continued. “She’d hung herself from the hay loft. Must’ve done it just as I got into the barn or something because when I found her she was still kicking. She was wearing silver boots beneath her purple dress.” He gulped, then took a long sip of coffee. Fiona held her breath, horrified by Gavin’s story. “I got her down. Got her right down, but she must’ve broken her neck because she was already gone. Don’t know how Mrs. Samson knew but she came running, screaming even before she got in the barn, it seemed. She took Callie from me and I just sat there like an idiot. Not crying. Not helping. Not doing anything. I just kept thinking how beautiful she looked. How pretty she’d have been in that prom queen crown. And how much I thought she’d wanted it. None of it made sense.
“Found out later she was pregnant, and we’d never been together, so… Never did find out who the father was, and never cared to. Knowing wouldn’t bring her back.”
Fiona’s hands had grown numb from gripping them so tightly around her mug. She stiffly brought the cup to her mouth and took a sip. Her mind reeled with the story, with the weight of it. She could see now how it clung to her brother like an old, worn out coat.
“Gav, I—”
“It’s okay,” he said. He made a show of stretching bac
k, running a hand over his short black hair and doing a very poor job of appearing relaxed. “It was a long time ago.”
Fiona wanted to get away from the awkward feelings but she struggled to come up with something to say. “So, dating. A handsome man like you must get hit on at Variety all the time. Have you dated all the women in this town and none of them suited you?”
He chuckled, a low self-deprecating sound and Fiona was glad he was at least trying to follow her lead. “Nah. I’m not much for goin’ out. And somebody’s gotta stay and mind the place.”
“That’s not true. Mom and Dad used to go out sometimes.”
“Well, it’s just not my thing.”
Struck by sudden inspiration, Fiona stood and flopped down on the couch next to her older brother. She let her head fall into the crook of his arm and stared up at the vaulted, beamed ceiling above. “Here’s the deal. I’ll stay, but only on one condition.”
“And that is?” His voice had a pleasant raspiness that rumbled through his chest. She couldn’t recall a time when she had ever been this close to Gavin. But it felt easy now. At least, easier.
“You come with me to Variety. Tonight. You come looking good and smelling good and ready to have a nice time. Talk with people. And dance! You’ve gotta dance with at least one woman who is not related to you—and who’s available.” She hurried to add that last, anticipating he would try to bushwhack her by dancing with Lindsay or Katie.
He was quiet for so long she wondered if she’d crossed a line. She’d never tried to be sisterly with any of her family, but especially not Gavin. She was positive it felt as foreign to him as it did to her. She only hoped it also felt as nice. As right. So she listened to the beat of his heart beneath her cheek and the steady rhythm of his breathing.
Slowly, he dropped his arm from the back of the couch and drew it around her, tugging her close to him. “I think you’ve got yourself a deal.”
Nix sat on his couch, music sheets scattered all around him with more crumpled into balls at his feet. He hadn’t been able to sleep last night. He hadn’t been able to think. All he could do was replay the past thirty-six hours. All he could do was offer up a constant stream of thanks for her change of heart. He never thought he’d love an opera singer. A straight-laced, country-turned-city girl. Turned country girl, he amended. He never thought he’d fall in love so deeply, so profoundly and in such a short time. He knew she still needed time, that adjusting to life back at the lodge and here in this odunk town as she called it, would take her a while and he didn’t want to confuse or rush her. But he knew how he hoped this would all turn out.