His vulnerability cracked me wide open. I dared meet those green eyes. “No. It’s just me—”
He turned, practically jumping into action. “Then let me get my things.”
I grabbed his arm. I was off chasing his sister, and I’d do whatever it took to stop her. Whatever it took. “I said no.”
How I longed to confide in him. But there was no way I could tell him what I was really doing. How would I even broach it? Hey, looks like your sister’s on a murderous rampage that’ll end with you if she thinks I care about you, so how about we go find her and see what happens?
No way. I’d never ask him to hunt his sister. And I’d never put him in that sort of danger. If Charlotte wanted to kill everyone who was dear to me, I needed to distance myself.
“I need to be alone for this.”
“You’re not alone, Ann.” He took my shoulders in his hands, pulling me to face him. “Wherever you go, I’ll find you.”
I tried to wriggle free. This was too hard. The hardest thing I’d ever done. But I had to remind myself that I had a mother, and I needed to find her. My duty was to her. “You can’t.”
His jaw was tight, eyes glittering in the darkness. “And you can’t stop me.”
I shored up every bit of strength I had. This had to be goodbye. I had family, Ronan had family, and I could never let the two meet. “Please. Just…don’t.”
He gazed at me, but he didn’t question. Ronan wouldn’t.
Something in his gaze faded. His grip eased. “As you wish,” he said finally.
“You can’t come,” I repeated. “But…” For the millionth time since I’d had the dream, my mind returned to it.
“But?” Hope blazed again in his eyes, at once.
It made me say something I knew I might regret. “But…there might be something you can do for me.”
CHAPTER FIVE
“Anything,” he said quickly. Too quickly. “I’ll do anything to help you.”
I had to turn away from the intensity. Instead, I gazed out the window. The time of the dimming had begun, and the moon hung large and low, cutting a blade of muted light across the water in the distance. Clouds glowed dark gray in the black sky.
Ronan thought he’d do anything. But would he be so quick to pledge loyalty if he knew who I was running off to kill?
Still, I knew he’d jump at the chance to do what I was about to ask: for him to break my bond with Carden.
I’d lied to Ronan—he thought I was going to escape. And maybe a part of me was. Because wouldn’t breaking the bond with Carden be exactly that? An escape?
Carden hadn’t wanted to hear my plan, hadn’t wanted to leave the island. He’d said it was to protect me, but had he wanted to stay for another reason? Because when he couldn’t convince me, he’d tried simply to numb the thoughts of going in my head.
But I had to save my mother. Which meant breaking this chemical dependence on my vampire.
If I could sever our bond, I’d be free to make my own choices. Free from everyone’s lies and manipulation. Most of all, breaking my bond with Carden would give me the distance to see our relationship for what it truly was.
My mother was out there somewhere, imprisoned by vampires who kept her alive for the richness of her blood. I’d find her and save her, and we’d escape this hell for real.
Maybe Carden did truly love me. But if I couldn’t convince him to leave with me, to help me, then I’d not have him bound to me.
“Well?” Ronan’s voice was low in my ear.
Finally, I turned back to him, and the look that awaited me was too earnest to bear. I tried not to think how I didn’t deserve this loyalty. This ferocity.
I cleared my throat. “I had a dream,” I began, and I told him about it. Not all of it, but how I’d dreamed about him using his hypnotic touch to quell my blood fever.
I think he must’ve sensed the rest, though, because by the time I finished talking, he had a wicked glint in his eyes. “So, in your dream, I touched you?”
I was used to wicked glints from Carden. But from Ronan? I was practically undone.
I shifted away. How had he gotten so close?
“Yes, you touched me. I mean, with your, you know, your special touch. It was just a dream,” I added quickly.
The backseat was shrinking. He was even closer now, close enough to feel the heat of his thigh radiate along mine. His voice was a rasp as he asked, “You dreamed I touched you in a special way?”
Playful—that’s all this was. It was Ronan being playful.
This was too dangerous. I needed to part from him. To push him away. Even if it hurt us both, it’d be an injury so much smaller than the massive and unforgivable sin of killing his sister. Because, if I were to be honest with myself, that was precisely what I was off to do.
“Stop it. Be serious.” I shoved him a little, needing to insert space between us. It was a mistake. That chest under his sweater was rock hard. “It was just you using your power. To sever my bond.”
His expression froze, and suddenly there was no doubt just how un-playful he was. Ronan was serious. Deadly so. “You’re telling me you want to sever your bond with Carden?”
Was that what I was saying?
“I’m saying I want to try. To see what happens.”
But as I said the words, I knew I meant every word. Fiercely.
No longer would I be a pawn. I’d be the one moving the pieces on the board. I’d be a player. This was my show. My showdown.
And it began with the bond.
I reveled in the strength in my voice as I said, “It’s time for me to be my own woman.”
Ronan didn’t say anything else. He simply reached for me. Placed a palm on either cheek. He slid his hands down, drawing goose bumps as he slipped them under the collar of my coat. Under my sweater. His fingers quested along my shoulders, thumbs gently sweeping down, until they cradled my collarbones.
Heat unfurled in my chest. Was it his proximity? His warmth? Or was I feeling his powers in action?
“Are you doing it?” I whispered.
He paused, peering deep into my eyes. That damned glint was back in his. “Can you not tell?”
I prayed he couldn’t sense the hot blush that’d flooded my cheeks. Because, apparently, there were no powers yet. This was just what it felt like for me to be touched by Ronan.
I shut my eyes, pretending like I was too deep in concentration to answer. “Just do it.”
And then I felt it. A humming spread from his palms; it radiated down through my torso and up to the base of my skull. “You don’t need him,” Ronan whispered. “You are strong.”
And I was. I gasped as the sensation overpowered me.
I was strong. I was bulletproof. Invincible.
I hadn’t experienced the full brunt of his power since he’d taken me from that Florida parking lot well over a year ago now. Then, I didn’t know Ronan, and I certainly didn’t know there was such a thing as special powers in this world. At the time, I hadn’t realized how much I was fighting him off.
But now, now I did know Ronan. What’s more, I trusted him. Cared for him.
Okay, I probably loved him.
It meant I opened myself up to him, let myself be vulnerable. And it made me more susceptible to his powers.
“You are separate,” he murmured. “Solitary.”
I felt a tearing. A ripping through the very heart of me. Blackness and despair swept me, made me dizzy. A cavern of solitude and emptiness bored through my chest.
His fingers curled into me, and the pain grounded me. “Focus,” he barked. “You are separate. You do not need.”
But I did. I needed.
“You are complete,” he intoned. “You do not need any vampire.”
I swayed into him.
Ronan. I needed Ronan.
“No,” a hoarse rasp tore from him. His fingers curled onto me, as if he might keep hold of me even as he was letting me go. “There is nobody you need, Annelise. You
are self-reliance. You are strength, alone.”
In that moment, I knew how much strength it took for him to say those words. To let me go.
The loss was almost too much to bear.
For an instant, I was bereft. So bereft. All was darkness and loss.
But then he whispered, “You are strong. You are capable. You are loved.”
Power infused me. Lit me from within.
I was loved.
“You do not thirst,” he told me, and as he spoke the words I felt as though sweet, cool water filled me. It soaked into the dry cracks of my soul. Infused me, quenched me. Till my belly felt full to bursting.
Ronan’s hands slid up, fingers tangling in the hair at the base of my skull. “You are free.”
There was pounding on the window. The creak of metal. And a harsh Scottish growl tore me from my reverie. “Just what in bloody hell do you think you’re doing?”
CHAPTER SIX
I sprang from Ronan, slamming my head on the window again. “Carden?”
Normally, I always knew when he was near. For so long, he’d been a constant presence on the edge of my consciousness. I opened myself to him now, reaching out with my senses.
I couldn’t feel him.
And he looked angry.
“What have you done?” he growled, peering in at us.
I flinched back, and this time I smacked my elbow on the door. “Jeez, this stupid car.”
I was being suffocated by maleness all around, so finally I opened the door and spilled out.
Ronan followed right behind me, and I had to step between him and Carden to stop the vampire from throttling the Tracer.
“Don’t be mad,” I quickly told him. “I can explain.”
My heart was hammering, pumping heat into my cheeks. It was from surprise, yes, but guilt, too. Apparently it had become my natural state.
I threw my senses wide, trying to feel if I was in danger, but all I felt was dead air. Carden was a blank to me.
The bond was gone.
“We can explain,” Ronan said steadily. I felt him step forward to stand close behind me. He placed his hands atop my shoulders. Did he feel the need to protect me?
Carden’s eyes narrowed on him. “Get away from my Annelise before I tear your arms off.”
But Ronan only held on tighter. “Your Annelise?”
“Shut it, pup. You were supposed to be gone for good.”
I pulled away and spun around to look at the Tracer. Me fleeing without saying goodbye was one thing, but Ronan? Had his plan been to go and never come back? It slashed to my core. “You’re leaving for good?”
He ignored me, though, keeping his eyes steady on Carden. “Ann doesn’t belong to you.”
“Aye, she does.” He bared his fangs as he hissed, “The lass is mine.”
I was his? They were both discussing me like I was some sort of object to be owned and controlled. My panic flipped into anger. “Hang on one second—”
But Carden spoke over me, his entire focus on Ronan. Like I no longer existed. “What did you do to her?”
Ronan didn’t back down. Instead, he shifted me aside and took an aggressive step toward the Vampire. “What you should’ve done long ago.”
“I can explain.” I tried to shove my way between them. “I thought—”
“It was not your decision to make,” Carden growled at Ronan.
I cleared my throat. “Right, it was mine, and I think I do have some—”
“She needed my help,” Ronan snarled back. “An occurrence that’s happened once too often. And now she’s escaping.”
Could vampires get paler? Because it seemed Carden just did.
The corner of Ronan’s mouth curled. “And you didn’t know.” He was loving this.
Not me. I wasn’t loving it. At all. While these guys were posturing, my mother was out there languishing in some dungeon.
“You’d have some clue if you weren’t so caught up in politics,” Ronan added. “But it’s always been so for you, hasn’t it? It’s all about the cause. The cause over all things. You may love Ann, but you love your honor more.”
Carden eyed my pack. It’d spilled from the car behind me. “Aye, I love the lass. Enough to know she’s not really escaping.” It was Carden’s turn to smile. “We’re just off on a merry race with your sister.”
We’re. So he was going with me?
It was an evil way to break the news to Ronan, and I couldn’t decide how I felt about it. I could definitely use Carden’s help, but was he helping me because it was what he wanted, or simply to get the better of Ronan?
“My sister?” Ronan’s voice was like ice. He turned to me. “What does he mean?”
Crap. Here we go. I let attitude be my armor. “Oh, I’m allowed to speak?”
I needed to separate from Ronan. A small hurt now was safer than a bigger hurt down the road.
“I’m waiting.” Ronan’s face was an unreadable blank.
“It was your sister who told me where to find my mother.”
“Charlotte,” Ronan said like he was trying to make sense of it all. “You spoke to Charlotte?”
“Aye,” Carden answered with a grin. “Charlotte. And wee Drew wants to stake her. You’d have some clue,” he added in a mockery of Ronan’s earlier words, “if you weren’t so caught up in your puppy crush.”
“Enough. Both of you. Enough. Enough.” I turned to Ronan. “Yes, your sister came to me. Did you know she killed Emma?”
The slight widening of his eyes, the way they deadened just the tiniest bit, told me he hadn’t.
I tried to soften my voice as I finished, “Yeah, well, and then she killed Yas. Right in front of me. Which she must’ve enjoyed because now she’s got it in her head that she’d like me to watch as she kills my mother.” So much for the sympathetic voice-softening. I scrubbed a hand over my face. “Look, I just want to find my mom. To save her. Nobody said anything about staking.” I shot Carden a look. “I don’t know what will happen.”
Carden snarled at my back. “Which is precisely why it was an idiotic idea to tamper with our bond. But why would I expect more from—”
I spun to face the vampire. “Severing our connection wasn’t Ronan’s idea, it was mine. I’m leaving this island, and I don’t know what’s in store. What I do know is that I need to break the bond if I’m going to think about any of this clearly.”
“Your idea.” Carden’s expression cracked. “Is that true? You wish to break from me?”
An unexpected surge of nostalgia and affection swelled in me. Maybe our relationship wasn’t just a chemical bond after all.
“I want to see what it’s like to be with you,” I said, my voice growing softer, “without the bond. I need to be free to do what I need to do.”
“What you need to do?” Carden gave a gruff nod toward Ronan. “Or who?”
I smacked him in the chest. “No, dummy. I just—” I shrugged, looking for the right words “—I don’t want to worry that I’ll somehow be crippled if I’m ever without you. I need to be able to part from you every once in a while. To know that if I go back to you it’s because I want to, not because I’m some sort of addict who has to.”
“But you will be crippled. You’ll be weaker without the bond. Without me.” Carden’s tone had gone impossibly gentle.
Not Ronan’s, though. His next words cracked like a whip, sharp and biting. “She doesn’t need your blood to make her strong. Ann is strong on her own. Strong alone.”
Carden smirked as he slowly turned to face Ronan. “You just hate that she’s been strong without you. That’s why you broke the bond. You want to be the one to ride in and save her.” His smirk turned into a laugh. “Is that how you think it’ll be, ye sodding whelp? You break our bond, and surprise, Annelise needs you again, right on schedule?”
Suspicion smacked me, full force. The way Carden discussed our broken bond—he wasn’t baffled, surprised, or confused.
“You knew,” I said, and som
ething in my voice startled him enough to pull his attention from Ronan. “You knew Ronan could break the bond. You let me think it was permanent. Forever.”
Carden was by my side in an instant, his finger gently tilting my chin up. “And so I’d have it. I’d have you bonded to me for an eternity.”
Ronan grunted dismissively, and Carden shot him a quelling look.
“Eternity,” I said uneasily. “I’d have to be a vampire for that.”
He gave me a grave nod. “The day might come when you choose such a fate.”
An involuntary shiver crawled up my spine. Be one of the undead? Not that. Never that.
The prospect filled me with revulsion. And just what did that say about my feelings for my boyfriend?
I shook my head. I needed to face one issue at a time. “That day isn’t here yet,” I said firmly. “Either way, I don’t want to be chemically attached to my boyfriend. Breaking the bond isn’t the same as breaking up.”
Ronan stiffened. “It’s not?” he muttered under his breath.
More guilt. I was swamped with it. Would it ever stop?
I forced myself to keep going. To not look at Ronan. I needed to insert space between us. Because, if I did have to kill his sister, he’d never forgive me, and that was something I couldn’t bear. I needed to be away from him when I faced her. Away from him for the aftermath. Away.
Ronan meant a lot to me—so much—but he was all unplumbed depths. He represented a bellyful of butterflies and decisions made with little thought and great consequence. Ronan was mystery and silence, and secret, scorching kisses.
Whereas Carden was, well, he was my boyfriend, if a vampire could be such a thing. We’d shared so much, he’d given me so much, not least of all his love and support. I owed it to him—to us—to give this relationship a shot. And if we did end up parting someday, it had to be because of me, my choices, not because someone or something was muddling my head.
It was time to see how I was…what this was…without the bond. How I felt without it. Who I was. What I wanted.
I slid my hand into Carden’s. “I’m still with you. We’re just no longer…you know, chemically linked.”
The vampire glared at Ronan. “But make no mistake. We’re linked in other ways. As you’d be wise to remember.”
Reckoning (The Watchers Book 5) Page 5