by Victor Poole
"So Philas is a poacher," Savage said.
"Yes!" Delmar exclaimed. "Thank you! That is just what I have always thought. I told you Philas was poaching," Delmar told Ajalia sternly.
"Yes," Ajalia agreed. "I know. I agreed with you then."
"You did not!" Delmar said vehemently. The four of them walked silently down the road for some time. Ajalia did not think that Delmar was quite calm enough to continue to talk. After a little while, Ajalia spoke again.
"Delmar," she said, "we can talk about all of these things now, or we can talk about them later, but until we talk about them, I do not think that you are going to feel any better."
"I don't like your tone," Delmar said, with dignity. Savage attempted to edge back into position behind Delmar. "Stop trying to be like a servant, Savage!" Delmar shouted. Savage edged up beside Delmar, and they all walked in silence for a few minutes. Ajalia told herself that Mop was doing an excellent job of not interrupting. She was sure that Mop thought the whole conversation was pretty useless; she glanced back, and saw from the look in Mop's eyes that she had been right. Mop had his lips clamped closed, but his eyebrows were worked into a severe line, and his eyes were fixed impatiently on the road ahead. Ajalia smiled, and turned back towards Delmar.
"Delmar doesn't mind talking in front of strangers," Ajalia said. "Do you, Delmar?" Delmar glared around at her.
"Of course I mind," he said, "but I can hardly help it, can I?" Ajalia shrugged.
"I could conveniently disappear," Savage suggested quietly.
"What kind of a bodyguard disappears?" Delmar demanded savagely. "And I've tried to attack Ajalia before, so you'd be a pretty poor protector if you abandoned her with me."
This statement was met with unanimously stunned silence.
"Do you still think that you're a monster?" Ajalia asked finally.
"How did you attack Ajalia?" Savage asked at the same time. Savage sounded quite tense.
"He threw magic at me, and healed me," Ajalia told Savage impatiently. "He thinks that he tried to kill me."
The sound of the horse's hooves, and the whisper of the others' footsteps, filled up the silence that stretched between them all.
"At least this boy doesn't interrupt," Delmar added, with a voice that indicated he was making the most of a terrible situation. "Leed used to interrupt all the time," Delmar added.
"His name is Mop, and I like him," Ajalia told Delmar. "He is not just a boy. He is Mop, and he is mine." She did not look around at Mop again, but she could hear the satisfied approval that filled up the air behind her, and to her left, where Mop was walking along.
"He is very quiet," Delmar conceded.
"Mop is very quiet," Ajalia said sharply. Delmar's mouth worked violently, and he tried to laugh off what she had said. "Say it," Ajalia commanded imperiously. Delmar looked at her with fire in his eyes.
"Mop is very quiet," Delmar said at last, in a strained voice. Ajalia saw that Savage had relaxed entirely.
"Now," Ajalia said, as though nothing had happened since she had first introduced the topic, "do you think Philas is seeking a replacement for me?"
Delmar, it seemed, did not want to answer this question. The silence grew and grew, and finally, as they came around the first long curve that turned away from the black mountain palace, Delmar turned to Savage.
"We could talk about the violent boys," Delmar said brightly. "That was one of the things we hadn't finished talking about." Savage said nothing, and Delmar's face gradually darkened. His mouth turned bitter again. "This is not fair," Delmar said. "Some of you are supposed to be on my side sometimes." Again, Savage said nothing, and Delmar stared sourly ahead at the road. "I think Philas likes Fashel," Delmar said finally.
"I never said he didn't like her," Ajalia said. "I think he is in love with her. I asked you if you think that Philas is pursuing Fashel because he wants a replacement for me."
Ajalia thought that she could hear Delmar's heart heaving upwards with a kind of indignant horror at the thought of exposing himself to her. His whole body expanded with breath.
"No," Delmar said. He sounded vindictive.
"No, what?" Ajalia asked politely. Savage started to get all tense again, and Ajalia wondered if the former priest would be able to restrain himself from jumping down Delmar's throat on her behalf.
"I don't think Philas is trying to replace you," Delmar said. His tone was polite, and detached. Delmar let out a nervous laugh, and turned to Ajalia. "I guess that wasn't so hard," he said brightly. Ajalia said nothing, and after Delmar realized that she really wasn't going to say anything, he frowned. "I did the thing," Delmar protested, looking irritated. "I did the thing, where I said what I thought."
Ajalia glanced at Savage, and she smiled when she saw how grim that man looked now. Savage had a look in his eyes that, to her, said that Savage now grasped the depth of the problems that faced her in regards to Delmar, and his disastrous upbringing. Savage looked over at Ajalia while she was still gazing at him, and Savage grimaced at her with sympathy, when their eyes met. Delmar caught this exchange, and his face grew more sour still.
"This is not fair," Delmar said. "I did the thing you wanted. I exposed myself, and got all vulnerable about it, and now you are all laughing at me."
The notable lack of laughter seemed to impress itself deeply now upon Delmar, and Ajalia saw his face growing nervous.
"You are laughing at me, aren't you?" Delmar asked Savage. Savage remained impassive. "You're doing that thing," Delmar said suddenly. "You said you let other people get emotional, and then you find out what they want." Delmar's face changed again. "Are you finding out what I want now?" he asked Savage.
"It's not what you want," Savage said, and then he did not say anymore. Delmar watched him impatiently.
"Well, what is that supposed to mean?" Delmar demanded. Savage looked at Ajalia, as if asking permission, and Ajalia nodded. She found, quite suddenly, that she was growing tired of facing the same problems with Delmar, again and again, and explaining herself anew each time. She was not tired of Delmar, but she was completely and thoroughly fed up with the influence from his parents that lived on in him. Perhaps Savage, she thought hopefully, would be able to cut through the mess more cleanly than she had been able to. Perhaps, she told herself, she would listen to Savage try, and she would gain a new desire to wade into the fray. She wished that Delmar's parents' influence had died with their bodies, and with the dark magic that she had cast out of his soul.
"Ajalia tells me that I may proceed," Savage told Delmar. "I would not say anything, without her approval."
"Approval for what?" Delmar demanded. He looked around at Ajalia, and at Savage. "Are you cooperating against me?" he demanded.
"She is right, and you are in the wrong," Savage said. "It is not wrong to recognize the truth."
"And what's the truth?" Delmar asked in a hard voice.
"You have been much abused," Savage said kindly.
"Don't be nice to me!" Delmar said indignantly. "You're supposed to be angry. I was very mean just now." Delmar's mouth snapped shut, and his eyes grew wide, as though he had accidentally revealed himself. "I probably didn't just say that," Delmar told Ajalia. She pretended to be absorbed in the night sky. Delmar, after watching her anxiously, turned back to Savage. "Why isn't she angry?" Delmar whispered.
"Has she met those who raised you?" Savage asked. Delmar, who was watching Savage with suspicious and anxious eyes, nodded. "Then she knows that what you do now is not entirely your fault," Savage explained.
"I'd rather you tried to hurt me outright," Ajalia commented. "Tell me I'm ugly, or horrible, or a bad kisser. Or, you know, that I'm bossy and boring, or that you hate me."
Delmar's eyes had grown wide, and his mouth was a gash of shock in his face.
"I don't think any of those things," Delmar said, and now Ajalia heard anger in his voice. "I think you're wonderful, and beautiful, and you put up with me." Delmar looked scared suddenly, and his lips
closed up tight.
"Now we get at the truth," Savage said wisely, nodding his head. Delmar glared at him with great ire.
"You don't have to sound all wise," Delmar said, annoyance gushing from him in waves. "You only just met me."
"Yes, and you are the best man I have ever known," Savage said. "You are wholly worthy of her." Savage nodded up at Ajalia, who could not keep a smile from squirming out from between her lips. Delmar stared at Savage, and then Delmar blinked.
"I'm sorry," Delmar said. "You just said something, and I don't think I heard what you said. Can you say what you really said to me just now?" Savage did not smile.
"You are a good man," Savage said. "You are the best man I have ever known, or heard of. I am more pleased than I can say that you are to be my king. I believe no man but you could ever be worthy of the heart of Ajalia, the sky angel. I will help you with him," Savage said, turning his face sharply to Ajalia. "I will make him into what he is. Will you accept of my help?" Savage asked. His face was sober, and his eyes were keen. Ajalia looked inside of Savage's body, to see the colors of his soul. She could see clearly now, without reaching for the lights within the earth, and she found that Savage wore his soul behind a concealing blanket of the invisible magic.
"Show me your soul," Ajalia told Savage. Savage bent his head obediently, and Ajalia, watching the man's body, saw a glorious shimmer of colors revealed. Savage was like a dense rainbow of colors; it was as though all the lights in the universe were tied into a harmonious riot of clear, beautiful color within his body.
"I must hide myself," Savage told Ajalia in a humble voice, "to avoid certain death."
"I give you my permission to help," Ajalia told Savage. She saw the man slip the concealing magic back up over his soul, and the chaotic splash of color vanished again. "I approve of Savage," Ajalia told Delmar. "I want you to listen to him, and do as he asks you to do."
Delmar looked at her; he had seen the man's soul when it was revealed. Ajalia had seen Delmar looking.
"He looks like you," Delmar said. "You have colors like that."
"No I don't," Ajalia said instantly. Delmar frowned.
"You do," he said. "They're all hidden, and dried up. I can see them, though." Ajalia blinked, and her mind seemed to go blank for a moment.
"What?" she asked, and she could not quite remember what Delmar had just said to her. "I have red colors, and gold," Ajalia said. She felt a rush of tingling white noise move through her brain. She blinked again, and shook her head. Tears were starting up into her eyes. Ajalia blinked them away, and stared hard at the road ahead. She pressed her palm against the neck of the black horse, and felt his warm hide.
"Why did you say that you would die, if your soul showed?" Delmar asked Savage. Ajalia wanted to ask Delmar to explain what he meant, but she did not think she could speak without crying, and she did not know why she should cry. She focused her attention on her breath, and made herself appear calm. An angry throbbing was building up in her heart; she felt as though Delmar has just ripped her apart inside. She could not remember what he had said to her. A blank area grew up in her mind, and settled around the last minute or so. She could remember looking at Savage, and asking to see his soul. She could remember telling Delmar to listen to Savage.
"I have a soul like the sky god's soul," Savage was telling Delmar in a quiet voice. "It is forbidden to walk openly with such a soul. Many, who can see the lights, and the colors from the sky, see it as blasphemy to be what I am. I must hide myself, or those who are most like me would turn on me, and rend me to pieces with their own hands."
Delmar was watching Savage with great interest.
"But why would they kill you?" Delmar asked. "I don't understand why anyone would kill you for that."
"I cannot explain fear to you," Savage said. "I don't know how to make you understand."
"Delmar does not want to understand," Ajalia said. "He does not think he can travel up to the sky kingdom. He hopes that someone else will be more important than he is." She spoke this without thinking; her mind still did not feel like her own, and her heart, though it no longer trembled precariously, was heavy. She did not feel as though her mouth was connected all the way to her thoughts. She turned in the saddle, and looked back at Mop. A cloud had moved over the surface of the moon, and Ajalia could not see the boy's face in the darkness.
"What do you think of this, Mop?" Ajalia asked.
"I will be the king, and the Thief Lord, if Delmar doesn't want to be," Mop said. He spoke as though he had known Delmar for ages; Ajalia was sure that the boy had not known Delmar's name until she and Savage had said it out loud. "Can I be king, then?" Mop called over to Delmar, who laughed.
"You all talk about me as if I am not right here," Delmar said. He sounded a little sad. "Can we go back to Fashel, and Philas?" Delmar asked Ajalia.
"Why do you not see yourself as you are?" Savage asked Delmar seriously. The large man regarded Delmar with mild concern, as though he was worried for Delmar's mental capacity.
"He is afraid," Ajalia said, and she sighed. "His mother was what your people call a lost one, and she was a witch. She taught Delmar that he was a monster. He thinks his powers are the powers of darkness, and of evil," Ajalia said. When she had made mention of the lost ones, Savage's whole face had darkened, and when Ajalia had finished, Savage stopped walking, and drew up a ball of brilliant light from the earth. He stooped down against the road to do this, and pressed his palm against the rocks of the mountain that formed the surface of the road. Ajalia halted her black horse, and Mop ducked his head around the horse's hindquarters so that he could see what Savage did. Delmar stopped when he realized that Ajalia had stopped, and he turned reluctantly towards Savage.
"What are you doing?" Delmar asked. Ajalia thought that Delmar sounded thoroughly worn out; she told herself that Delmar was probably much more tired of his parents' influence in his life than she was, and she wanted to jump down from the horse, and wrap Delmar up in a comforting hug.
Savage sat down in the road, and held the ball of brilliant light up in his hand.
"Sit," Savage said to Delmar. Mop scurried around the black horse like a mouse, and sat down right next to Savage. Savage ignored the boy, but Ajalia smiled. "Sit down, and I will teach you of the lost ones," Savage said to Delmar. Delmar's face was illuminated by the glowing orb of light, and Ajalia saw that his cheeks were creased with annoyance.
"I don't believe in the lost ones," Delmar said.
"Yes, and that is why you are miserable," Savage said kindly. "Come and sit, and I will teach you how the lost ones are formed." Delmar studied Savage suspiciously.
"Don't you people think that the lost ones are born that way?" Delmar asked. He glanced at Ajalia, who was sitting on her black horse, and watching the scene. "I thought it was an excuse to kill children, and to hunt people," Delmar admitted. "I have always heard the there are no lost ones at all."
"If your mother was a lost one, as the sky angel says," Savage told him, "then she had great motivation to teach you this lie." Ajalia saw Delmar thinking about this. Delmar edged over into the general vicinity of Savage, and then Delmar looked up at Ajalia again.
"Do you think he's all right?" Delmar asked Ajalia. Ajalia nodded, and Delmar, with great hesitation, sat down.
"Draw up a length of light from within the earth," Savage said to Delmar. Mop at once put his small palm against the rocks of the road, and made a ball of blue light appear in his hand. Delmar glanced with irritation at the boy, and slowly put his hand against the rocks. Ajalia watched Delmar begin to gather golden lights into his palm.
"From the earth, Delmar," she said sharply, and Delmar hissed with anger. He looked around at Ajalia.
"I don't like the magic in the earth," Delmar told her. "It feels strange."
Savage reached out, and took Delmar's hand in his own. Delmar flinched away from Savage.
"Don't touch me," Delmar said.
"Your mother has taught you to isol
ate yourself from the lights, as she has been isolated. Your mother cannot touch the lights in the earth or sky," Savage told Delmar. "She has taught you to cut yourself off."
"Then I'm a lost one, too," Delmar said quickly, "and you will have to kill me, won't you?" He glared with deep suspicion at Savage, and Ajalia slipped down from her saddle, and led the horse to Mop. Mop jumped to his feet, and took the reins from her. Ajalia sat down on the road beside Delmar, and took his hand into hers.
"Like this," Ajalia said, and she pressed Delmar's palm against the rocks of the road. Delmar flinched again, and tried to pull his hand away from Ajalia, but she held fast. "Trust me," Ajalia said. Delmar studied her, and she saw that he was very near to running away. "Trust me," she said again, and Delmar, after another moment of hesitation, nodded. Ajalia pressed Delmar's palm against the rocks, and drew up a ribbon of golden light through Delmar's hand, and into her own.
"I don't like the way it feels," Delmar murmured to Ajalia, and she nodded, and smoothed his hair with her free hand. "I don't like it," Delmar said again, and Ajalia lifted his hand, still cupped in her own, with a ball of golden light above the palm.
"Proceed," Ajalia said to Savage.
Savage formed a piece of the ball that hovered above his own hand into the figure of a small child. He made a picture of lights in the ground and sky running above and below the figure of the child, and then he made a tiny facsimile of a soul within the child. Savage's ball of light was white, but when he split away pieces of the ball, Ajalia saw that the white ball was formed of many colors of light that had been mashed together into one piece.
"Here is a child," Savage said. "Many people say that the lost ones are born cut off, but this is not always true. Only when things go very wrong will a baby come into the world without a soul."
"And when would that happen?" Ajalia asked, watching the figure of the child Savage had made. She was thinking of herself, and of Bain, and of how Bain had told her that she was dead in her soul, and that his body was dead. Savage looked briefly at Ajalia.