by Victor Poole
"Yes, my lord," Savage said. Ajalia thought that she heard Delmar smile in the darkness; she thought that Delmar was thinking of how Savage had reprimanded him before, for complaining at the former priest's use of Delmar's title. Delmar thought for a few minutes, and Savage looked up at him, hope and despair mixed in his eyes. Mop slept on through the excitement, his small cheek pressed up against Savage's shirt, and his little legs dangling down over Savage's stomach.
"I want you to go throughout Talbos," Delmar said, "and find the spies of my father. There are also priests from Slavithe hidden here, and a few secret witches. Will you find all these, and bring them to the palace to be tested and bound?"
Ajalia slid off the black horse, and went to Savage. She took Mop from the large man, and handed the sleeping boy up to Delmar, who laid him over the front of the saddle. Mop dangled over the shoulders of the horse like a half-grown calf, his legs on one side, and his arms and head on the other.
"I will do this, my lord," Savage said, his voice sounding stronger, and his eyes less fearful.
"And Savage," Delmar added. Savage quailed a little. "I may not be a god, but I am your king," Delmar said. "Don't make stupid rescue plans around me anymore, okay?"
"I won't, I swear," Savage said, his voice ragged.
"I have a list of known spies," Delmar said. "Come to me when you've finished, and I'll see if I have record of anyone you've missed." Savage's eyes had grown rather bright, and the man smiled like a toothsome dragon.
"I will miss no one, my lord," Savage said, and he bowed low to Ajalia, and to Delmar. Savage glanced at Ajalia for a moment, as though trying to read her thoughts. Ajalia made no motion, and Savage bowed again, and went into the night like a shadow.
When Savage was gone, Ajalia sighed, and went to the horse's head.
"I like Savage," she remarked, taking the black horse's reins below his chin, and leading him forward on the road. "I liked Rane as well," she said.
"I think you like everyone," Delmar said. She turned and looked up at him. She thought that what Delmar was really saying was that he thought she liked everyone better than him.
"Delmar, are you doing this again?" Ajalia asked. Delmar's eyes slipped away from hers.
"Doing what?" he asked blandly. Ajalia sighed, and led the horse forward.
"I don't like it when you sigh like that," Delmar said.
"You're jealous," Ajalia told him.
"I am not," Delmar said.
"You are, and it makes me feel tired," Ajalia said. A strained silence filled up the night. "It's very late," she observed.
"You can't go and change the subject to how late it is," Delmar said.
"You're being ridiculous," Ajalia said.
"But you don't like me as much as you like other people," Delmar said. Ajalia stopped, and turned to face him.
"Now look," she said sternly. "I understand that your parents were monsters, and I know that you have had a very hard life. But you cannot do this to me." Delmar's eyes slid nervously away from her again, and Ajalia wanted to cry, or scream, or to beat her fists against something.
"You're about to say that you aren't doing anything," Ajalia said, "but you are doing something. You're treating me like I'm deliberately going out of my way to hurt you, and that just isn't true. You're provoking me, and trying to make me sad, because then you can prove to yourself that I care about you."
"That would be an awful thing to do," Delmar said carefully. "And I'm not doing it," he added.
Ajalia didn't say anything.
"This is the part where you tell me that I am too doing that, and then you tell me how to stop doing it," Delmar prompted.
"No," Ajalia said.
"What do you mean, no?" Delmar asked, sounding a little concerned.
"I said no," Ajalia said. "And no, I won't marry you, so you can stop calling me your wife."
"Jay," Delmar protested.
"Please don't call me that anymore," Ajalia said. She led the horse forward a few more steps, and then she stopped. "I guess I should take my horse back from you," Ajalia said. She looked up at Delmar, and Delmar looked down at her.
"But we're going to see my cousins," Delmar said, sounding a little ill.
"I'm not," Ajalia said. "I have no reason to go there."
"Yes you do," Delmar said, and his voice was beginning to fill up with unshed tears. "You're coming with me. You go places with me."
"I used to," Ajalia said. "I have given you a lot of chances to stop doing this, Delmar, but it seems as though you are not going to stop at all."
"I'll stop," Delmar said. "I don't know when I'm doing it."
"I don't care if you do or not," Ajalia said, feeling a little stretched. "I don't want to put up with it."
"But there's nothing to put up with," Delmar said anxiously. "See, I stopped doing it already."
"I don't want to hear another apology," Ajalia said. "You'll tell me that you love me, and then I'll get melty, and then next week, or tomorrow, or in five minutes, you'll do it all over again. I'm tired of it." She looked up at Delmar, and Delmar looked down at her.
"But what if I didn't know it was such a big deal?" Delmar asked. His face looked as though he were dying. Ajalia wanted to reach up and stroke at his hair until he stopped looking so sad, but she resisted the urge.
"I don't want to talk about this anymore," Ajalia said.
"Well, I do!" Delmar said angrily. "You can't just ignore me and walk away, because I hurt your feelings or something." Ajalia blinked, and tried to find out what she wanted in her heart.
"I can do that," she told him.
"No, you can't!" Delmar insisted. She looked at him, and his face was getting stern in the shadowy moonlight.
"Are you going to tell me how to feel now?" Ajalia asked.
"I am going to tell you that I was kissing you earlier, and you did not feel this way then," Delmar said. "I think you just want to go to sleep because you're tired."
"That's a very rude thing to say," Ajalia said.
"How?" Delmar demanded.
"Because I'm telling you that you're hurting me, and you're saying that I don't know anything about what I feel. You said I was right all the time, didn't you?" Ajalia asked. Delmar's face twisted into a bundle of consternation.
"Yes, but I don't think you're right now," Delmar said. Ajalia sighed.
"Well, I am right about this," Ajalia said. Delmar stared at her.
"Please tell me how I am hurting you," he said slowly. "Please."
"If I told you, would you make some effort to stop yourself from doing it again?" Ajalia asked.
"Yes!" Delmar shouted. The black horse tossed up his head, and Delmar lowered his voice. "I would," Delmar said. "I don't know that I'm doing it."
"Yes, you do," Ajalia said. Delmar's lips pushed out into a squinching pile.
"I'm listening," Delmar said finally.
"Do you remember what Savage told you, about your mother stealing light from people?" Ajalia asked. Delmar's eyes widened.
"Am I doing that to you?" he asked.
"You said that your mother taught you to knock people over, and to expose them so that she could steal from them," Ajalia said. "You're doing that to me consistently. I'm tired of it. I want you to stop." Delmar thought about this for a long time. Ajalia scraped her foot along the road, and looked at the shape the mountain made against the sky. She thought that it must be well past midnight; she wondered if the sun would begin to rise soon. She wished that she could have been asleep right now. She envied Mop, who was now snoring cozily against the shoulder of the black horse.
"You're not going to admit that you know you're doing it, are you?" Ajalia asked.
"But you'll be so angry that you'll leave me," Delmar said in a small voice.
"Are you going to apologize for trying to rip my heart open on purpose?" Ajalia asked. Delmar turned an ugly shade of green, and then, keeping one hand on Mop, to keep the boy from slipping down when he moved, he leapt from the
horse. Delmar made sure Mop was not going to slide off the horse, and then he turned and scooped Ajalia up into a massive and engulfing hug. Ajalia sniffled a little.
Delmar pushed his face into Ajalia's hair, and tightened his arms around her until her ribs felt as though they would crack.
"I'm sorry," Delmar mumbled into Ajalia's hair. Ajalia laughed, and wiggled.
"I can't breathe," she explained. Delmar let out a strangled sound that was reminiscent of a starving puppy, and held her harder. "Delmar," she said. "I really can't breathe." He loosened his hold a little, and picked her up off of the ground.
"I'm sorry for hurting you," Delmar told her, and then, very cautiously, he started to kiss her. Ajalia had begun to cry, but she giggled.
"Kissing does not solve problems," Ajalia told Delmar. Delmar kissed his way up her face, and then down her neck.
"Mm," Delmar said. He drew her face close to his own, and looked deeply into her eyes. "I'm sorry," he said clearly.
"Well," Ajalia said.
"Where do you want to go now?" he asked. Ajalia felt herself starting to cry.
"I would not mind sleeping in a hole in the ground right now," Ajalia said. Delmar, who was still holding her closely in his arms, carried her to the horse, and put her up into the saddle. "I am not a baby," Ajalia told Delmar. Delmar kissed her knee, and her hand.
"No, you are not a baby," Delmar agreed, "but I have hurt you very much, and now I am going to take care of you forever."
"Ha!" Ajalia said. She could not help herself. Delmar seemed to think that she was laughing at him, because his face puckered, and his eyes got a little injured. "I'm not making fun of you," Ajalia explained. "It's just that no one has ever said anything like that to me before."
Delmar looked at her solemnly.
"Well, I'm going to," he said, and he took up the reins of the horse.
THE KING'S SECOND FAMILY
Ajalia felt her whole body beginning to tremble; she kept thinking now of her father, who had told her that if she would only find some money, he would take her with him when he left. Ajalia had asked her father where she was going to find money, and her father had shrugged, and laughed. Ajalia watched Delmar lead the black horse over the road, and she began, once again, to cry.
Delmar is not going to take care of me, she told herself firmly. He's going to keep saying things, and getting vague eyes, she reminded herself. She told herself that she wouldn't mind so much, except that she began to feel so slippery inside when he did it, and as though she was going to melt into a puddle of despair. I don't say things like that to Delmar, Ajalia told herself, and she tried to muster up some kind of anger. I ought to be angry with him, she told herself. She tried to picture what her life would be without Delmar, but all she could think of was how she had not been rich enough for her father to want. Ajalia had never had any money as a child; her father and mother had both given bits of pocket money to her brother, but neither of them had ever given any money to Ajalia.
I'm not much fun to be around, Ajalia told herself, and she tried to stop herself from crying. She wiped at her cheeks, and sniffed a few times.
"What are your cousins like?" Ajalia asked Delmar.
"Jay, I am going to take care of you," Delmar said fiercely. "You are not allowed to be clever for two or three whole days. I am going to sit on your head if I have to, but you are going to sleep, and you are going to eat, and I am going to kiss you until you agree to marry me again."
"Oh, I don't mind marrying you," Ajalia said, a torrent of sorrow ripping along her bones.
"Why not?" Delmar asked suspiciously. "I thought you were not going to marry me. You said I couldn't call you my wife anymore."
"Well, you said you were sorry," Ajalia explained, "so I guess we'll pretend that none of it ever happened." Delmar stopped the horse, and glared up at Ajalia.
"Are you being mean to yourself, now?" Delmar demanded, looking absolutely furious.
"No," Ajalia said.
"Yes, you are," Delmar said. "You can't treat yourself like that," he told her. Ajalia thought of Card, and of how that old man had lectured her once about being kind to herself.
"I'm really not being mean to myself," Ajalia said. "I don't think I am. I'm just being me." Delmar glared at her.
"What happened to you?" Delmar asked suspiciously.
"What do you mean?" Ajalia asked, although she knew perfectly well what he meant. She was thinking again about her father, and the way her father had laughed, and waved, when he had set out in the darkness, the last time she had ever seen him. I am too poor, and I am not interesting, Ajalia told herself, and she looked up at the stars.
"I think you know what I mean," Delmar said. "You always know what I mean. Tell me about what I mean," Delmar demanded. Ajalia looked at the place where the mountains passed into sky and stars, and she told herself to breathe more air.
"I don't want to talk about it," Ajalia said finally. A silence stretched between them for some time. Finally, Delmar took the reins of the horse, and led him forward on the road. Ajalia watched the back of Delmar's head. "Are you going to let me get away with saying that?" Ajalia asked. Delmar shrugged. "Are you seriously getting hurt feelings over this?" Ajalia demanded, feeling angry for the first time. Delmar glanced up at her, and made a dismissive noise with his lips.
"Well," he said, "if I'm not worth talking to." Ajalia began to feel numb.
"Maybe you're not worth talking to," she said. She had been sure that Delmar would do the thing that he always did; he had hurt her feelings like this several times, and every time, she remembered, he had backtracked, and apologized, and then insisted that they be on good terms again. I am not going to tell him about my father, Ajalia told herself, feeling angry and abandoned. She realized suddenly how much her eyes ached, and how sore her insides felt. She wondered suddenly if Delmar was as tired as she was. The longer they walked without speaking, the sorrier she felt. Ajalia wanted to be friendly again; she found, in about the space of ten minutes, that she liked Delmar more than she minded how terribly she felt. She told herself that this kind of thing didn't happen all the time. She told herself that she could always go back East by herself. She tried to determine if she felt badly enough to fight with Delmar over it.
"You know," she said, "we could be flying right now."
"We can't talk about magic," Delmar told her, without turning around. "We're having an excellent fight."
"Is this an excellent fight?" Ajalia asked. Delmar sounded almost cheerful, and she was surprised at the burble of good humor in his voice.
"Yes, it is," Delmar said. Ajalia tried to think of why fighting would be a good thing, and she couldn't think of any reasons.
"Why do you sound happy right now?" she asked. Delmar looked around at her, and smiled.
"I've never been mean on purpose before," he told her. "I'm kind of enjoying myself. Do you mind?" He looked suddenly anxious. Ajalia felt bewildered. Delmar was looking at her as though he was actually having an excellent and satisfactory time.
"But I really thought you were upset," Ajalia said slowly.
"I am upset," Delmar said earnestly. "But you said not to do the mean thing anymore, I mean the thing that my mother did, with stealing. So instead, when I started to do that, I stopped, and I was rude. Is that all right?"
Ajalia looked at Delmar, and Delmar looked anxiously at Ajalia. She was tempted to laugh, but instead, she nodded.
"That's much better," she said, and Delmar led the horse on.
"I suppose you're right about flying," Delmar said. "Maybe the responsible thing would be to go right back to the palace, but I don't want to stay there. It feels like death to me now."
"Are you really going to change the landscape here?" Ajalia asked. She still felt slightly discombobulated, but Delmar was so obviously calm, and seemed so pleased with himself, that she did not feel angry any longer. This is a very strange night, Ajalia told herself. "Can you change things like that, with magic?" she asked.
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Delmar pointed ahead at a dim shape that lay over a curve in the road.
"That's where my relations live," he told her. "And I don't have to explain what I'm thinking about with the magic, because we're fighting," he added in a vigorous tone. "Is that okay?" he said at once, his face anxious. "Am I fighting the right way?" Again, Ajalia was tempted to laugh.
"You're being very rude and inconsiderate," Ajalia told him. "And thank you for not doing the other thing."
"You're welcome," Delmar said, sighing as though he were under a heavy burden. "It's harder than it looks, being mean," he added, looking around at her. This time Ajalia did laugh, and Delmar smiled shyly at her. "Are you mad at me?" he asked her.
"Not anymore," she said, and Delmar took a deep breath.
"That's good," he said. "I don't like it when you're mad at me. They're not going to like you," he added, pointing ahead at the house, "but when I tell them about my grandfather, they will pretend to like you."
"Why won't they like me?" Ajalia asked, feeling a little let down. She felt as though Delmar had been rude to her again on purpose, but when she asked if he had meant to sound mean, he looked around at her in surprise.
"No, I wanted to warn you," Delmar said. "I'm sorry it sounded that way. They don't like outsiders."
"You mean, foreigners?" Ajalia asked.
"No, they don't like anyone at all that isn't just them," Delmar said. "They keep very close to themselves. They don't even like the people from Talbos. My uncle is a farmer, and he keeps jackens. They're sort of like a goat. People use them as guard animals, and my uncle has two in the house. The family likes me, because I'm blood, and they'll pretend to like you, once I tell them that you helped destroy my grandfather."
"Will they care about Tree, or Simon?" Ajalia asked. Delmar laughed.
"They all pretend that Slavithe doesn't exist," Delmar said. "They'll only want to hear about king Fernos, and Corintha."
"What about your uncles?" Ajalia asked. Delmar laughed again.
"You'll see, when you meet them," Delmar said. They had come to a long walkway that led up to the darkened house, and Delmar halted the horse. "I'm going to go and knock on the door, and explain," he said. "You stay here with Mop. I don't want my uncle's jackens to attack you. They'll try to eat the horse, if they can get to him."