Eminent Silence

by Tristan Carey

  Bucky sat at the breakfast bar, a coffee cup in front of him as he fidgeted with the bandage around his right hand. It had taken thirty stitches to close up his hand, but he didn't care. She was back. That was all that mattered.

  He was worried about her, it had been a fortnight since they had returned from Austria, and eight days since they had taken her from her induced coma, but still she had not roused. He knew from talking to the doctors that having ripped the device from her spinal column meant she was at high risk of never walking again. They didn't explain why she had not yet woken though. More to the point, they couldn't explain, her brain function was high and her body was supporting itself.

  He pushed stray hairs from his face, sighing as he finished off the dregs of his coffee.

  'Buck,' came Steve's voice from the entrance to the living area. Bucky looked back and gave him a small smile, but Steve's brow furrowed in concern. 'What's up?'

  'Nothing,' Bucky replied, leaning back in his chair. Steve looked at him pointedly before sitting next to him. 'It's Vielka, she's still out. I'm worried that maybe the program was too much for her and did permanent damage.'

  'I doubt it, she's strong,' Steve said with the slightest of smirks on his face. 'Besides, I don't think you're telling me what's really up?'

  Bucky pursed his lips together. Steve was right, what was really on his mind was far more complex and varied.

  First of all, he was still very tempted to head into the hospital room where they were holding the Viscount and treating his wounds to beat him to within an inch of his life every time he thought of Vielka lying bloodied and limp in his arms.

  Secondly, his mind lingered on his words when he appealed to her to fight the programming controlling her. 'You mean too much to me'

  They had rolled off his tongue so easily, and he wasn't sure what had made him say it. He barely knew anything about the Australian woman, apart from her being an enhanced soldier, like himself and Steve, with a wickedly sharp tongue and a lot of dark secrets that she didn't really want to share.

  Yet, she did mean a lot to him. She was the only other person that understood what he had been through. Natasha, also had an inkling, but it wasn't in the same way as he or Vielka. Hers was brainwashing, theirs was programming and control.

  'T'Challa told me you two developed a bond while on recon,' Steve said finally, breaking the silence. Bucky scoffed, leaning forward and fidgeting with his now empty cup, but didn't say anything. He wasn't sure what was happening. 'James Buchanan, the womaniser...'

  Bucky shook his head, laughing lightly when Steve brought up their younger days. 'Yeah... not my proudest moment.'

  'All those girls, with the cute giggles and hair flicks,' Steve teased, mimicking the movements. Bucky groaned and leaned back in his chair, covering his hands over his face as he laughed.

  He looked back at Steve, narrowing his eyes. 'Now hang on, a lot of those girls I was trying to get for you, too.' They laughed heartily together, recalling a few of Bucky's conquests, before quietening again.

  Steve broke the silence again. 'And now we find you slain by an Australian with a quick wit, sharp tongue and one heck of a roundhouse.'

  Bucky furrowed his brow, staring straight ahead. 'I don't know about that. I don't think I'm capable of that anymore.'

  Steve raised his eyebrows and looked at Bucky incredulously, before pressing his lips into a thin line and looking sympathetically at him. He sighed and got to his feet. 'Well, you can figure that out later.' He grabbed Bucky about the shoulders and squeezed. 'She's awake, we should go and say hi.' He strode quickly towards the exit, while Bucky turned and stared at him in confusion.

  'Wait...what?'

  'She woke up nearly three hours ago, everyone else has already been in to see her,' Steve answered, before smirking.

  'You bastard,' Bucky muttered, hurrying to run after him as he took off down the corridor.

  Bucky walked beside Steve as they entered the ward, looking to the nurse's station for approval to go into Vielka's room. Steve stopped to speak to one of the doctors about her condition while Bucky went on ahead.

  His heart was racing as he skulked towards her room. It was odd, but he was worried about how she would react to seeing him. He knew from first-hand experience, seeing victims could be a daunting experience.

  He also wondered how much from her time under she would remember. His own thoughts flashed back to watching her placed under control, to her first orders from Crossbones. His lips tingled at the memory of her soft lips capturing his own.

  He let the memory of her kissing him slip from his mind as he came to her door.

  He stepped inside and froze. Vielka was not on her bed and her bathroom door was open with the light off. His brow knitted together and he looked closer, spotting blood on the floor.

  He hurried toward the bed when he saw the blood trailed to the other side of the bed. When he followed it around and to the wall by the bed, he found Vielka, leaning limply against the wall.

  'Hey!' he exclaimed loudly, making her jump. He rushed forward, checking her over straight away. 'Vielka, what happened?' he asked, as she looked up at him meekly.

  There was evidence of blood on her wrists where she had pulled the tubes out and a small amount had soaked into her gown from her neck, but it wasn't anything serious. Vielka looked down at her legs, grimacing as she tried to move them underneath her to stand. They didn't move quite right and she collapsed slightly as she tried to put weight on her legs, straight into his arms.

  Steve came charging into the room in a panic, obviously hearing Bucky's earlier shout. 'Bucky?'

  'Get a doctor,' Bucky called back, as he scooped Vielka into his arms, lifting her easily and gently placing her back onto her bed carefully. He checked her wrists again, she had already stopped the bleeding herself it seemed.

  He leant against the bed and peered into her face, but she avoided looking at him, curling her legs up. 'What happened?' he asked quietly.

  She bit her lip, reaching down to touch her toes, she squeezed one, as if analysing it. She furrowed her brow before staring into space. 'I tried to leave.'

  He furrowed his brows, looking down at her sadly. He could see the agony she was in now, it was as he feared. The guilt was eating away at her already. 'Vielka...'

  'I wanted to leave, to keep everyone safe. My legs, they can't take my weight.'

  'You've been off them for a long time, there's probably muscle wastage,' he explained, but he could see she wasn't listening.

  'People got hurt, because of me.'

  'People got hurt because of Crossbones,' Bucky said firmly, leaning forward and forcing her to look at him. 'None of this, was your fault.'

  She leaned back as he stared into her eyes, searching for acknowledgment. She blinked and gave a small nod, as the doctor hurried in. Bucky took a step back, taking a breath as Steve strode in and looked between Bucky and Vielka, before a nurse pushed her way past them, pulling the curtain closed around the bed.

  'What happened?' he murmured.

  'She tried to leave,' Bucky replied, running his hand through his hair before folding his arms across his chest. 'She didn't want anyone else to get hurt, because of her, but her legs gave out and wouldn't take her weight.'

  Steve shook his head slowly. 'The guilt was bound to happen, but we'll take care of her,' he murmured. He grabbed Bucky by the shoulder, reassuringly and squeezed. 'We'll take care of her.'

  Vielka saw Bucky hovering close by the curtain around her bed, as the doctor finished restitching her popped stitches and the nurse helped her into a clean gown. She was annoyed at having her attempt at leaving thwarted by her own body, and she was more annoyed now that she knew that Bucky wouldn't be letting her out of his sight. That much was obvious.

  'Vielka, you're going to have to start seeing the physiotherapist regularly, so we can get your legs strong again,' the doctor said, pulling the curtain back, as Bucky and Steve both mo
ved forward to listen to him. 'You are going to make a full recovery though, no doubt about it. You are very lucky when you pulled the device from your neck that it didn't cause permanent damage.'

  She felt her insides twist as she remembered her last actions before she lost consciousness. The fighting inside her own body to regain control. And the pain as she slashed open her own neck with her sword..

  She shuddered as the doctor excused himself from the room, the nurse close behind him. Steve and Bucky both moved to stand beside her bed.

  'So, Bucky tells me you were trying to do a runner.'

  She furrowed her brow, but said nothing, instead carefully sliding her legs under the blankets of her bed. Of course, Bucky would tell his best buddy, Steve. The ancient fossils.

  Steve sighed. 'I just want you to know, Vielka, no one blames you. There's only two people who are at fault. The one who originally did this to you, and Crossbones. The doctor already got his just desserts, but we are going to make sure Crossbones gets his.'

  She grit her teeth, but still didn't look at Steve. She couldn't bring herself to, she could remember the flash and sparks as her swords clashed with his shield.

  He patted Bucky on the shoulder before leaving the room. Vielka sighed, blinking back her tears as more memories came through her head. She winced and rubbed her eyes, wishing that she could rub away the memories too.

  'It doesn't help,' Bucky murmured, moving to stand closer to her. She glanced sideways at him, feeling the urge to glare at him, but at that moment she couldn't seem to get control of her own emotions. 'You can't rub the memories away like that.'

  'You think I don't know that?' she hissed in reply, glaring at him. He looked apologetic as she looked away, regretting looking at him almost immediately.

  More memories, these ones far more painful. Watching him plead with her as she tried to run her blade through him, seeing his blood seep across her blade as he stopped her sword, slashing him along his torso and then, that kiss.

  She grimaced, trying to think of anything else but that.

  'How did you get past them last time?' he asked suddenly.

  She balked and looked up at him in confusion. 'Huh?'

  'The last time you managed to free yourself from programming, how did you get past the onslaught of memories?' It wasn't the question he asked that stunned her, but the way he asked it. He spoke with the tone of a man who wanted to know for his own well-being, for future reference.

  Her gaze softened then and she looked at her hands, before sighing and answering. 'Last time, I didn't know the people I was hurting.'

  She saw Bucky stiffen next to her, and she gave a grim smile. It was the truth, she recalled the last time she freed herself. While it was painful to see the many faces of her victims, it was nothing on seeing herself attack her friends.

  'Well, they can't control you anymore,' he said finally, and she pressed her lips together. 'Since you ripped that thing off.'

  She looked at him sideways and a thought struck her. 'Whatever happened to it?'

  'T'Challa took it and he and his scientists are looking into it.'

  'Why?'

  Bucky shrugged. She huffed. Of course, he was a grunt, he didn't ask for more than he needed to know. She would have to ask T'Challa herself when she saw him next.

  She felt Bucky sit on the side of her bed, turning her attention back to him. 'You're not going to try and runaway again, are you?'

  She screwed up her face at him in annoyance. 'I can't walk, what do you think?' she bit back.

  'You could crawl,' he answered lightly.' Vielka stared at him for a moment in disbelief, unsure of what exactly had gotten into the man. Then she saw his lip twitch, he was trying not to laugh.

  'If you keep that up, I just might,' she replied rolling her eyes, although it took a lot of effort not to smile. He finally laughed, lifting his hand to run it through his hair.

  That's when the bandage on his hand caught her eye and she stiffened, remembering the blood as he held her blade again. She suddenly felt very nauseous.

  He must have noticed because he quickly lowered his hand, looking straight at her. 'It's fine.' She scowled and turned her body slightly so she now had her back facing him, feeling sceptical. 'You need to stop beating yourself up over this.'

  Easy for him to say, she thought.

  She mentally faltered. No, it wasn't easy for him to say that. He couldn't say things like that lightly, he would have had to move past something much the same. Possibly even every night that she had spent trying to rouse him from his night terrors.

  She sighed and straightened again, stretching her legs out and feeling the tight muscles complain about the tension. She glanced up at Bucky who was looking down at her sympathetically.

  She thought carefully of her words before she spoke again. 'After the Sokovian Accords saga, when they captured you and brought you in, Zemo triggered you, right?' His face darkened slightly but he nodded, his eyes never leaving her. 'You attacked Steve, among others, but, did you know it was him?'

  She saw Bucky swallow, and he looked down at his titanium hand, before clenching it into a fist. 'At the time, no, my mind goes completely blank except for my one objective.' She watched his face as he recalled the last time he had been triggered, seeing the torment he felt about it. 'It's after when I realise what's happened, what I've done and who I have or could have hurt, that's when the guilt starts and slowly, bits and pieces come back.'

  His face looked distraught, pain showing in his eyes as they narrowed and he scowled slightly. She bit her lip, regretting having asked the question. She leaned forward and took the hand closest to her, his left hand, ignoring the coldness of his metal fingers, and squeezed it as she peered into his face apologetically. 'Sorry, I shouldn't have brought it up.'

  Bucky gave her a weak smile before placing his right hand over hers. 'It's okay, it feels surprisingly good to talk about it, with you.'

  He felt mild disappointment as she took her hand back from him, her cheeks appearing to have picked up a pink tinge to them.

  He was glad to see that she felt a little better about herself, though. She no longer appeared despondent, and seemed to have relaxed around him a little more.

  'How bad was the damage on your hand?' she asked then. He pursed his lips slightly, not sure he wanted to tell her, but when he looked at her she seemed like it was more a matter of conversation than her own guilt that brought her to ask the question.

  'Well, it's not the worst injury I've ever had,' he replied, after considering how best to answer her. She furrowed her brow at him in confusion and he motioned to his titanium arm, earning him a deadpan look in return. He gave a chuckle before answering properly. 'Thirty odd stitches.'

  He watched as she pressed her lips into a thin line, frowning and he looked at her pointedly. 'And I don't regret it, Vielka.'

  She looked ashamed but took a deep breath and sighed, closing her eyes for a moment. When she reopened her golden-brown eyes, she was looking at him gratefully. 'Thank you, Bucky.'

  He raised his eyebrows slightly, before he smirked at her smugly. 'Sorry, what?'

  She looked at him through narrowed eyes, with their colour making her look very animalistic. 'You heard me,' she said warningly and he laughed, while he could tell she did her best not to.

  'Don't mention it.' He looked down at her as she struggled to adjust her position slightly to sit up straighter. When she did, her gown slipped down slightly and he could clearly see the scar that wound around her neck.

  She must have noticed his gaze because she also looked down, touching her neck with her fingers.

  'It's where the doctor did his finest work.' He looked into her golden-brown eyes in surprise as she licked her lips slightly before she looked away. 'When the IED went off, I was knocked out, when I came to, there was rifle fire from all directions. Most of my crew were either injured, dying or fighting. I had been in the gun ring, so I copped the bru
nt of the shrapnel from the blast, especially since the Bushmasters we ran were designed to deflect the blast outwards.'

  'It deflected the blast into you?' he asked, intrigued with her story. When he had served, the equipment they had used was basic at best until he had joined up with Steve's special unit, so the newer equipment used by the world's military was completely different and somewhat fascinating to him.

  He was also fascinated to be hearing her talk about her time before she came to be enhanced. As far as he knew, no one knew about her past, apart from vague stories and rumours.

  She fidgeted with the blanket across her and nodded. 'I still managed to pick up a rifle and try to defend our position, but eventually they managed to get in and subdue us.' She took a sharp intake of breath and he saw her jaw clench. 'That's when the doctor came in. He would take his pick of the wounded, after a battle report from Red. 'Pick of the litter' he would say, when he found the troops he wanted to keep. The rest were 'discarded' with.'