“How do you do that?”
“The Lord has shown me how to put all my memories in boxes.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“Well, I have two boxes—imaginary, of course. One of them has a big sign on it that says Good Memories, and the other has a sign that says Bad Memories. When something bad happens, I just mentally open that bad memories box, put the thing in there, slam the lid, and lock it. When I’m feeling sad, I open up the good memories box and take out something that was really good. A fun holiday when the rest of my family was alive . . . or a beautiful sunrise . . . or a real turn-around in one of the girls here at the Haven. I take those good memories out pretty often.”
She smiled at Luke, and he found himself envying her. Not knowing what to say, he blurted, “At least I can fix the truck,” and went at once to work gathering the tools he would need.
****
Fixing the truck turned out to be a rather simple matter. He found out that the drums would not have to be turned, that they just needed new linings, and the engine actually was in good shape. It just needed new plugs and points and some fine-tuning. Going into the house, he found Joelle and said, “I think I can get the truck running pretty good for maybe ten dollars.”
“Ten dollars!” Joelle’s face brightened up. “Wonderful!” She left and came back with a small purse. “Are you sure ten dollars will be enough?”
“Well, you can give me twelve, but I doubt if it’ll take that much.” She handed him the money and he smiled at her. “How do you know I won’t run off with the money and the truck?”
Joelle smiled, and he noticed a small dimple in her right cheek. “You wouldn’t get far on twelve dollars. Besides, Luke, I’m a good judge of character. You’ve got an honest face. You’d never deceive anyone.”
Luke, who was mired in deceit up to his neck, felt a surge of guilt. The smile disappeared and he said gruffly, “I’ll be back soon.” He turned and left the room quickly.
Joelle stared after him. “That was odd. He acted like I insulted him.”
****
Luke had finished the work on the truck and now was checking it to be sure he hadn’t missed anything.
“What’s going on, Luke?”
Luke turned to find Phyllis standing before him. She was wearing a brown skirt and a lime green sweater that revealed the outlines of her figure all too plainly. “Just getting this truck ready to run.”
“Are you a mechanic?”
“I’ve had to be.”
“Maybe you can take me to town,” she said as she moved to stand very close to him. “We could take in a movie or something.”
There was a sensuous quality in this girl that was as blatant as if she had a sign around her neck. She was headed for trouble, but Luke was not tempted to go down that road again. “Don’t go in much for movies, Phyllis.”
She put her arms around his neck but he immediately pried them off.
Anger flared in her eyes, and she asked, “What’s the matter with you? You got religion like Joelle?”
“No. I wish I did, though.”
“Most religion ain’t worth nothing. You’d be surprised how many men come after me, church members and all.”
“I guess that’s true enough. Not everybody in the church is perfect.”
“I’ll say they’re not!”
“You know, I still remember a sermon from when I was just a kid. The preacher said the kingdom of God is like a net that swings down through the ocean. It comes up with fish. Some are good fish and some are bad fish. I remember the preacher said the angels separate the good fish from the bad fish in the last day.”
“I don’t believe any of that stuff,”
Phyllis said. “Phyllis, do you think Joelle’s a phony?”
Something changed in Phyllis’s face. “No. She’s okay, but there ain’t many like her.”
Joelle stepped out onto the porch and headed toward them. Phyllis, without another word, whirled and left.
Joelle caught the rebellious, sullen look on Phyllis’s face, and when she came up to stand beside Luke, she said, “What’s the matter with Phyllis?”
Luke did not want to tell stories on anyone so he just shrugged. “She’s just having a bad day.”
Joelle met his eyes. “She’s going to run into trouble with men. She doesn’t have good judgment.”
“I think you’re right.”
“Did she try to get you to kiss her?”
Luke shuffled his feet and shrugged. “She’s just a kid.”
“No, she’s not just a kid. She’s headed for real trouble.”
“She respects you, Joelle. She told me that much, although she doesn’t have much use for most religion.”
“She’s had a real tough life. Much harder than I had, so I can’t judge her.” Joelle shifted her attention to the truck. “I didn’t come out here to talk about Phyllis. I actually just wanted to check on your progress with the truck.”
“Oh, it’s in good shape. The brakes are fine now. The motor’s running like a watch.” He was still thinking, however, of Phyllis and glanced toward the house. “What will happen to her, Joelle?”
“She’ll have to choose.”
“Choose what?”
“She’s going to have to choose which way she wants to go. It’ll be up to her. That’s the way it is with all of us, isn’t it?”
“I guess so.”
“Most of the girls who come here only know one way, and I feel like God put me here to show them there’s another way,” Joelle explained. “That they don’t have to go the way of the world, that following Jesus is another option.”
“Well, you’re doing a good job of it.”
She flushed at the compliment. “It’s only by God’s grace. I certainly couldn’t do it without His help.”
****
Phyllis had come to help Joelle in the kitchen voluntarily, which was not like her. Joelle knew there was something on the girl’s mind, and she waited patiently for Phyllis to let a hint out.
“That guy Luke is funny, Joelle,” Phyllis blurted after a time.
“What do you mean, funny?”
“For one, he’s never been married. And I decided to make a pass at him.” She stared at Joelle, waiting for the older woman to protest. When she did not, Phyllis laughed. “I figured you’d bawl me out for doing that.”
“How did it go?”
“Didn’t go at all. I was surprised. Usually I have to fight guys off. Luke gave me a complete brush-off. What’s the matter? Am I getting ugly?”
“Of course not. Luke’s just got the right idea. You don’t need to be so free with men.”
“Don’t preach at me, Joelle.”
“I can’t help it. That’s my job!” she said teasingly.
“I s’pose it is.” Phyllis was staring out the window over the sink. “I’m guessing he’s not really all that holy. One of these days I’ll catch him at a weak moment. Prove he’s just like all other men.”
“Leave him alone, Phyllis. He’s had some hard breaks, I think.”
“And who hasn’t?” she snapped on her way out of the kitchen.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Time Runs Out
Joelle sat stiffly in the chair facing the president of the First National Bank. She had come in early and had had to wait in the outer office for some time. This seemed to be a bad sign for her, although she could not have said why. Her hands were clenched together tightly, and she had dreaded this meeting ever since it had become inevitable. With the help of her church, she had managed to make the mortgage payments on the Haven for the past few months, but now once again she did not have all the money on time. She watched as Leon Damon shuffled her loan papers, peering at first one and then another.
He looked up and shook his head. “Well, I’ve warned you what was going to happen, Joelle, and it looks like it has.”
“I’m sure I can make the March payment, Mr. Damon, if you would just give me another week.”<
br />
“I don’t want to be hard on you, but don’t you see, Joelle, that this is impossible? Month after month you struggle to get enough funds together. I truly don’t see how you’ve held on to it as long as you have. Not that I’m unsympathetic, for I know you’re a good woman and you’re trying to make this world a better place, but it’s time to face up to reality.”
The room seemed to shrink in on Joelle. She wanted to simply get up and run away, but she knew that wouldn’t solve anything. “The church is working on raising the money right now. Look. I’ve got half of it right here.”
Damon looked at the bills Joelle pulled out of her purse.
“I’m sure I’ll have the rest in another week. Brother Asa says one of the church members may be able to come up with the money.”
Damon shook his head. “I’ve explained to you before, Joelle. I’m responsible to the depositors. It’s not my money, so you’ll have to make your payment next week or I’ll have to take action.”
“You mean we’d have to leave my home?”
“Well, that’s about what it amounts to. Look, I’ve been thinking about the offer I made you back in November and I’ve decided to raise it.” He named a figure that was somewhat higher than the last offer. “I think you’d better take it, Joelle. That’ll give you enough money to find a smaller place to take care of your girls.”
Joelle was tempted. It would be so easy simply to let him take over her problems, but something prevented her from doing this. “I’ll . . . I’ll think about it, Mr. Damon. I appreciate your offer.” She got to her feet and said her good-byes.
As she stepped out onto the street, the wind was whipping the trees back and forth in the stiff breeze. Overhead the sky was a colorless gray that seemed to reflect her own spirit. Getting into the truck, she leaned forward and put her forehead against the steering wheel. “What am I going to do, Lord? You’ll have to help me!”
****
Gladys had been gathering eggs, and leaving the yard where the hens were penned up, she saw Luke mending a fence that kept the goats from getting out. Going over to him, she said, “That fence keeps falling down.”
“It’s like me. Getting old and decrepit.”
Luke had become very fond of Gladys. She was fifteen now with a wealth of brown hair and a pair of trusting brown eyes. Joelle had told him the girl had been abused by a worthless stepfather, and Luke had gone out of his way to make a friend out of the girl.
Gladys put the eggs down and came over to stand closer to Luke as he worked. “Do you know if Joelle’s heard anything more about Phyllis since she ran away?”
“I don’t think so. I just know the sheriff found out that she left town with that carnival that came through.”
“That’s what Joelle told me. At least she’ll have a good time in the carnival.”
“What makes you think that, Gladys?”
She looked at him with some confusion. “Why, it’s fun at a carnival. There are rides to go on and there’s popcorn and hot dogs.”
“It’s not as good as it looks. I thought when I was a kid I’d want to join a carnival. One came to town and I worked for a week helping them. It’s a pretty rough life.”
She pulled her coat tighter about her shoulders. “I’m glad you don’t want to run away, Gladys. You’re doing the right thing to stay here. This is a good place for you.”
“I don’t know what I’m going to do. I’ll have to leave here someday.”
“You don’t have anything to worry about.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Well, you’re a smart girl. You’re pretty. You’re healthy. You’ve got people who care for you.”
“I don’t even have a family.”
Luke put down the hammer and turned to face her. He saw the troubled expression in her eyes. “Why, sure you have. You’ve got Joelle. You’ve got the other girls here. You’ve got the people at church—and you’ve got me.”
“Do you mean that?”
“Sure. Look, Gladys, I’ve known girls who would give anything to have your breaks. There was one girl in our hometown. She took a dive into a pond, hit bottom, and was completely paralyzed. Had to live the rest of her life in a wheelchair. That’s not like you. You’ve got your whole life in front of you.”
Gladys stood before him thinking hard, and finally they turned at the sound of a truck approaching. They watched as Joelle got out, and Gladys said, “She doesn’t have good news, Luke. Look at her face.”
Joelle greeted Luke and Phyllis with a wave but didn’t come over to speak to them.
****
For the rest of the day Joelle kept herself as isolated as possible. She had taken on two new girls in the last month and usually spent a great deal of time with them, but it was obvious she wanted to be by herself today.
When the girls were doing dishes after supper, Luke saw her put on her coat and quietly slip outside. He followed her and found her standing underneath a large pecan tree, staring off at the sky.
“You didn’t get good news at the bank, did you?” he asked as he came up beside her.
“How did you know that?”
“You’re not very hard to read. Your feelings are right there on your face most of the time.”
“I’d make a sorry card player, wouldn’t I?”
“You’ve been running on nerves, Joelle. You can do that for a while, but sooner or later it catches up with you. Most of the time, if you stretch your nerves too far, they snap.” He looked up at the sky and murmured, “I know something about that.”
She shook her head slowly back and forth and wandered over to a nearby bench. “I can’t understand it at all, Luke.”
“Understand what?”
“Why I failed.”
“You haven’t failed. You’ve done a great job with these girls.”
But Joelle continued to shake her head. Luke had never seen her so discouraged. “I’ve tried to do what I thought God told me to do, but it’s not working.”
“Yes it is. It is working.”
“What about Phyllis?” She turned on the bench and faced him, her eyes full of pain. The moon was bright and its silver light washed over her face. “I did my best, but she’s lost.”
“You can’t know that.”
“She ran away with a carnival, of all things. You know what that means.”
“But while she was here with you she saw a lot of truth. She heard some good things, and she saw some good people. Mostly you. It soaked in, Joelle. She won’t be able to get away from it. That’s the way it is with me. I know my life’s been a mess, but even when things are the darkest, I look back to some times when good people impressed themselves upon me. I’m sure you’ve read the parable in the Bible about a man who went out to sow seed. He sowed a lot of it that didn’t come up, but some of it fell on good ground. I think that’s going to happen to Phyllis.”
He continued to try to encourage and comfort her, but finally he was aware that tears were running down her face. It shocked him, for he had never seen her cry before. He put his arm around her and pulled her close. “Maybe I can help,” he said gently.
He held her as she gave in completely to her grief. She cried openly, her body wracked with sobs. Finally she seemed to calm down and eventually became quiet. She looked up at him and he gently wiped away her tears from each cheek.
“You’re going to be all right,” he whispered. He leaned forward and kissed her on the lips.
When he pulled away, she asked, “Why did you do that?”
“Why? Why is a man drawn to a woman?”
“For a lot of bad reasons.”
“Sure. But there’s one good one. A man finds beauty in a woman.” He dabbed at a tear he had missed. “And I find it in you.”
Joelle could not answer. She was so stricken she could do nothing but cling to him. Finally she whispered, “I’m too tired to go on, Luke. I just can’t make it like this.” She stood and went into the house.
Luke
sat on the bench for a long time. He looked up into the stars, almost expecting to see God among them, but he saw only the brilliance of their beams. With a sigh, he finally got up and went to his room in the barn.
****
Everybody at the Haven had been on pins and needles to see if the people at church would manage to raise enough money to help Joelle make the March mortgage payment. They all relaxed—temporarily—when she made her trip to the bank, money in hand. Of course, now that it was April, the tension and drama would begin again. Luke knew that the financial pressure was still crushing Joelle, and it troubled him that he was able to do no more to help her than the few chores he had assumed.
Sunny had persuaded him to take her fishing at the creek that bordered the property. It was full of plump sun perch, none of them huge but delicious when they were fried. So the two of them had made their way there, and now Luke sat on the grass with the warm sunshine on his face, listening as Sunny chattered on.
“I’m worried about Joelle, Luke. She don’t look good.”
“She’s worried about losing this place,” he said.
“Why, that can’t happen. Where would us girls go?”
“I don’t know, Sunny, but that’s what she’s worried about.”
“But she don’t have to worry. We can pray about it.”
Luke was amused by the girl. She had become a Christian only a short time ago, and now she wove God into her conversation as much as she did fishing or the popular songs that she liked from the radio. “You think it’s that easy, do you?”
“Sure it is. We’ll just pray right now.” Without preamble, Sunny started talking as if God were sitting right on the creek bank beside them. “God, you’ve gotta do somethin’ about this problem Joelle’s got. You know she’s only a woman and she can’t handle everything, so I’m telling you, you gotta come down and do somethin’ to pay this place off. And you gotta do it right away.”
Luke almost laughed out loud as Sunny bombarded heaven.
The girl concluded with, “Take care of it right away, God. Amen.”
“Don’t you think you’re pushing God a bit too hard?”
“Oh no. He likes it,” Sunny said, a serious look on her face.
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