“I’m so proud of you, Luke,” Joelle whispered as he embraced her. She had to put her lips close to his ear to make herself heard, and he hugged her more tightly before making his way up to the judges’ stand.
The chief judge came forward, holding a silver cup in one hand and a check in the other. He made the presentation of the cup first and then said, “We realize that you pilots don’t care anything about money, but here’s the cash award that goes with the cup anyway.”
Luke took the cup and held it high. The crowd applauded and a photographer took his picture as Luke made his way back to Joelle. He handed her the check. “This ought to be enough to build whatever you need for boys,” he said. His eyes were shining, and he was thrilled with his accomplishment.
Joelle took the check and said, “I’m so proud of you, Luke. It was a wonderful—”
“Why, Luke Winslow, you scoundrel!”
Joelle turned to see a tall, well-built man in his early forties coming toward them with a smile. She waited for Luke to correct the man who had called him Winslow, but when she glanced at Luke, she saw his face had frozen and the smile had dropped away. The big man gave Luke a mighty hug.
“I never expected to see you here,” the man said. “I saw that name Luke Williams and never dreamed it was you. Why have you changed your name? Have you been a bad boy and gone incognito?”
“What’s he talking about, Luke?” Joelle asked.
“This . . . this is Jack Thompson, an . . . an old friend of mine.”
Joelle was filled with confusion. She saw that Luke could hardly speak and that he was looking at her almost wildly. “I wanted to tell you, Joelle—”
“What’s it all about?” Thompson asked. “How come you dropped your real name and are running around masquerading as some stranger?”
Joelle saw that Luke was speechless, and she said, “Luke Winslow. Is that what you called him, Mr. Thompson?”
“Why, sure. We did our flight training together, didn’t we, Luke? Had some pretty close calls there.” Thompson put his eyes on Joelle. “Are you two married?”
“No,” Joelle answered. “I want to know about this name Winslow.”
Thompson suddenly looked embarrassed and cast a quick glance at Luke. “I’m sorry, Luke, I didn’t mean to give anything away.”
Something clicked in the back of Joelle’s mind. “Luke Winslow . . . You’re the one—” Suddenly it all came back to her. She had heard from others about how her brother had not been scheduled to take the flight he had been killed on. Rather, he had been filling in for a man named Luke Winslow who had been drinking and was in no shape to fly. She could see the guilt written all over his face. She thrust the check back at him, and when he didn’t take it, she released it and let it fall to the ground. Without a word she turned and made her way blindly through the crowd, tears burning her eyes.
As soon as she cleared the crowd she started running toward the pickup. She could hear footsteps behind her and Luke was yelling her name. He grabbed her arm and turned her around to face him.
“I’ve got to talk to you, Joelle.”
“You’re the man who killed my brother,” she said, and all of the anger and rage she had felt at the time returned. She had managed to put it out of her mind—or so she had thought—but now the sight of Luke and the discovery that he had deceived her was bitter to her very spirit.
“You killed my brother and you’ve lied and deceived me. Why did you do it?”
“I wanted to make up for what happened.”
“You killed Roscoe,” she said, and her voice was as hard as cool steel. “I don’t ever want to see you again.”
“Joelle, I was going to tell you who I was, but I didn’t know how and then I fell in love with you. I was going to ask you to marry me. You know I was.”
“I’d never marry you. You’re nothing but a liar and a murderer! I don’t ever want to see your face again!”
Luke felt helpless in the face of her anger.
“Give me the keys!” she demanded.
He dug into his pocket and handed her the keys, knowing that this part of his life was over.
She got in the truck and drove off, leaving him standing in a cloud of dust. He had often wondered what it would be like to be shot out of the sky back when he had been flying against the Condor Legion, and now he thought he knew. He had often escaped the bullets of enemy pilots, but he was certain that the hatred that filled Joelle’s eyes was worse than any bullets he might have taken.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Wisdom From Troubled Girls
As Joelle worked on the books, she was suddenly aware that someone had come into the office. Looking up, she saw Sunny, who was looking at her in a sullen fashion.
“What is it, Sunny?”
“I want to know the truth.”
“The truth about what?”
“About why Luke left.” Sunny had been shocked when Luke had gathered his few belongings and left. Joelle had not witnessed the parting, but Sunny had come to her afterward and said accusingly, “Why did you run Luke off, Joelle?” Joelle had known it was futile to explain the situation to a thirteen-year-old, and she had put her off as best she could.
Now, however, Sunny was glaring at her with resentment. “You never tell me anything, and you lied to me about why Luke left.”
“I didn’t lie to you. I just didn’t tell you all the truth.”
“Luke was in love with you, and you were in love with him. Everybody knew it.”
“That . . . that’s not exactly true.”
“What do you mean? You either love someone or you don’t.”
Joelle knew she owed it to the girl to attempt to explain. Sunny had always been fond of Luke, and he had spent a great deal of time with her. In a way he had become both the father and the brother she had never had, and now she was terribly hurt.
“Sit down here, Sunny. Let me try to explain.”
Sunny sat on the edge of a chair, her resentment evident in every inch of her figure.
“It’s true,” Joelle began. “I had feelings for Luke, but I found out he wasn’t the man I thought he was. He lied to me from the beginning. He didn’t even tell us his real name. It wasn’t Luke Williams. It was Luke Winslow.”
“Why did he change his name?”
“Because . . . because he had done something very bad and he didn’t want me to know about it.”
“What did he do?”
“Sunny, can’t you just take my word for it? The man I thought I cared for never existed. He did something that hurt me so terribly I can’t even bear to talk about it.” She twisted her fingers, locking and unlocking them, without realizing what she was doing. “It wasn’t what I wanted, but we have to face facts. He did something terrible, and he tried to cover it up, and I couldn’t feel the same toward him once I knew.”
“So if I do something bad you’re not going to love me anymore?”
The question caught Joelle with the force of a bullet. She realized that every one of the girls who were under her care had done something horribly wrong, yet she had given her life to them. Joelle tried desperately to think of some way to answer the question, but her mind was a confused jumble of emotions. She cleared her throat and said, “I’m sorry you’re hurt, Sunny. I was hurt too. Sometimes people aren’t as good as we think they are.”
Sunny stood up. “That’s right,” she accused, “you’re not as good as I thought you were.” She turned and left Joelle sitting there staring after her.
“That’s not fair!” she whispered. “She doesn’t understand. She’s just a child.”
In truth, in the weeks since Luke had left, Joelle had never recovered from the shock of her discovery. She had gone about her work methodically, even taking on more shifts at the hospital, trying to bury herself in work so she would not have time to think about the man she thought she loved. At night she would lie awake for hours struggling with her bitterness. She would think about her brother, Roscoe, and t
hen she would think about how he had died, and Luke was always there to blame. The strain had caused her to lose her appetite, and she had lost weight. It affected her mental and emotional attitudes too. All of the girls, she knew, were aware of a change in her, for she had not been able to cover it up.
Joelle yanked open the desk drawer in front of her and took out an envelope. She removed the check from it. It had arrived in the mail three days after she had found out the truth, with a note saying, “This is yours. I’m sorry, Joelle, for everything. Luke.”
She stared at the handwriting and remembered how bitter she had felt when she’d received it. She knew Luke was flying for a small transport company in a nearby town, for Glenn Frasier had informed her of that. As she stared at the check, she said to herself, He thinks he can buy his way out of what he did, but he can’t. I’ll never cash it. I won’t give him the pleasure.
She kept the check in the drawer, half expecting Luke to come back to beg for forgiveness. If she had an address, she would mail it back to him. She had even gone so far as to write a letter to go with it. It was a harsh, bitter letter—short but as cutting as she knew how to make it. Now she stared at the check for a long time, then thrust it back into the drawer. “I’ll never use his money—never!” she said bitterly.
****
“I’m sorry, Glenn, but there’s just no work at this time of the year. I can’t keep you on.”
Glenn Frasier shrugged his beefy shoulders. “Yeah, I saw this coming. It’s always that way with crop-dusting. You nearly kill yourself during the season, and after that’s over you sit around and wait for the next year. Don’t feel bad, Joelle.”
“I’m sorry. I wish it were different.”
Glenn had said very little to her about Luke, but now that he was leaving, he felt he had to say something. “Me and Luke have been out to eat together a couple of times.” He watched her for some response but she was keeping all emotion out of her face. “I don’t know what went on between you two, and he won’t talk about it. You want to tell me what happened?”
“I found out that he’s not Luke Williams. He’s Luke Winslow.”
“Yeah, he told me that. He’s gone back to using his real name again. I asked him if he was running from the law. He just said no. He wouldn’t tell me anything else.”
Joelle felt the bitterness inside boiling over, and she found herself telling the entire story to Glenn.
He listened until she had finished and then he said, “Well, that was a bad thing. I know you loved your brother, but Luke feels terrible about it. Aren’t you going to give him a second chance?”
“Who’s going to give my brother a second chance, Glenn?”
He looked embarrassed, but he gave her a critical look and said, “Let me just say one thing, Joelle. You’re putting Luke down pretty hard for something he did that was probably wrong. But you’d better be careful.”
“Be careful about what?”
“Be careful that you never make a mistake. That you never do anything wrong. If you ever do, you might find out that we’re all human. I ain’t much of a person to preach. You’re the expert at that, but there oughta be something in that Bible about a thing like this. Giving a guy a second chance.”
“Good-bye, Glenn. Let me know if you need work again next summer.”
“All right, then. I hope it works out. Luke’s hurting pretty bad.”
Joelle watched the man disappear out the door and then sat at her desk for a long time. She thought about what Frasier had said and knew that he was right about some of it. The Bible did speak about giving second chances. Maybe I could forgive him, but I could never feel for him like I did before. He gave that all up when he decided to lie to me. I could never believe anything that he said.
****
“Well, here she is. We caught her about to get on a bus.”
Deputy Sheriff Anderson stood at Joelle’s door, his hand on Audrey Carpenter’s shoulder. “She hasn’t broken any laws, but we kept an eye out for her, just like you said.”
“Thank you, Deputy. I appreciate it.”
Anderson turned to the young girl who stood beside him, eyeing him sullenly. “Audrey, you be nice. Don’t make me have to run you down again.”
“Next time you ain’t gonna catch me.”
The deputy shrugged. “You better keep her locked up for a while, Joelle.”
“Thank you. I’ll watch her pretty closely.”
As soon as the sheriff had left, Audrey turned to face Joelle squarely. “You ain’t no better than that no-account daddy of mine.”
Joelle knew that Audrey Carpenter had been victimized by her father. He had beaten the girl severely and had been arrested for it. The girl had been removed from her family and wound up at the Haven.
“Come into my office so we can have some privacy, Audrey.” The girl followed her down the hall.
“Go ahead and lock me up. That’s what you’re gonna do anyway.”
“No, I’m not going to lock you up. I know that wouldn’t work.”
“Yes you will. That’s what my daddy did, and sooner or later you’ll beat me.”
Joelle was aware that the girl had bitter feelings toward her father, who had failed her so miserably. She had talked with the girl before, but Audrey, who had been doing well in other ways, simply refused to listen.
“Let me just share one thing with you, Audrey,” Joelle said as the two sat down in her office. “Out there in that world there are some dangerous things—guns and knives and drugs—things that can hurt you. But there’s one thing that can hurt you worse than any gun or any knife.”
“And what’s that?” Audrey sneered.
“It’s bitterness of the spirit. Something that’s inside you. You see, Audrey, a gun is something outside of you. Somebody else has it and they can hurt you with it, of course. But bitterness is inside of you and it’s like a poison. It can ruin your whole life.”
“So I’m supposed to just forget all about the beatings my daddy gave me and all the other stuff?”
“I know it’s hard, but if you don’t forgive him, you’ll be hurting yourself.”
Joelle went on explaining the dangers of refusing to forgive, quoting several Bible verses. As she went on, Audrey’s face gradually changed from belligerent to something else—confused, maybe.
“You believe all that stuff, Joelle?”
“Yes, of course I believe it.”
“Then how come when you found out Luke had done something bad to you, you didn’t forgive him?”
Joelle was so shocked at the charge she could not answer. Audrey saw this and took advantage of it. “Here you are preaching to me about how I oughta forgive my daddy who treated me like a dog or worse, and you won’t forgive the guy you’re supposed to be in love with because he done something wrong. How do you expect me to forgive somebody? You’re the big Christian around here and you can’t even forgive a guy who never lifted a finger to harm you.”
Audrey’s words pierced Joelle like a sword. On one level, she knew everything that Audrey said was true. She could quote endless Scripture verses about forgiveness and about the dangers of unforgiveness, but somehow that knowledge had not penetrated into the deepest part of her spirit. All she could think of was the wrong that had been done to her.
Now, like a blinding flash of light, Joelle understood that she had been completely wrong. She saw how her own pride had become a trap for her, and the truth of this suddenly caused her to break down. She felt the tears gathering in her eyes and felt her hands begin to tremble.
“Why are you crying?” Audrey demanded.
“I’m crying,” Joelle whispered in a broken tone, “because the Lord has just used you to show me how wrong I’ve been. The way I treated Luke was entirely wrong. It’s not the way I would want somebody to treat me. And just as I told you, I was hurting myself, Audrey. I’m so sorry. It’s been a bad thing for me and a bad thing for you to see.” Tears were running down her cheeks, and she began to sob. S
he put her arms on the desk and leaned her head forward, her shoulders shaking with convulsions.
Audrey Carpenter was one of the toughest girls who had ever shown up at the Haven. She sat watching the woman weep for a long time, and then finally something softened in her face and she did something that was totally out of character. Getting up and moving around the desk, she put her hand on Joelle’s shoulder. “It ain’t too late, Joelle. You can still make it right with him if you want to.”
Joelle could not speak, but she reached up and covered the girl’s hand with her own. Her heart was broken over the way she had behaved, but one thing was abundantly clear—she had a task to do that she could not avoid, even though it was going to be hard.
****
Luke had come in from a long day at work and thrown himself on the bed. Life had become a dreary round to him, an endless cycle of getting up, going to work—including all the overtime he could get—and then enduring a long and lonely night, which he dreaded.
He had lain fully dressed on the bed for half an hour when a knock caused him to start. “Who could that be?” he muttered. Getting off the bed, he went to the door and opened it. To his shock, Joelle stood before him, the light in the hallway illuminating her face.
“Joelle . . .” he said but could think of nothing else.
“I . . . I have to talk to you, Luke.”
“Come on in. What is it? Is one of the girls sick?”
Joelle had a speech prepared that she had been practicing all the way to Luke’s apartment, but her mind was a blank as she stood in front of Luke. She found herself trembling and afraid, but she had come for a specific purpose and started to speak from her heart. “I’ve been wrong, Luke, about the way I treated you.”
She waited for him to respond and saw surprise wash across his face. “I knew better all the time. I knew I was behaving terribly, but it was . . . I don’t know, it was like someone else was inside of me making me say horrible things. I never had anything like that happen before, but God has shown me the truth. You asked me to forgive you, and I refused to do it. The Bible says if you won’t forgive those who hurt you, how can He forgive us? I was harsh and unforgiving and had a hard heart . . . and I was altogether wrong. So I’ve come to ask you to forgive me.”
The White Knight Page 20