“Something to get you out of the situation? You lied to your sister, Aiden. The sister you claim you love more than anything else in the world. Either that or you’re lying to me. I still haven’t decided which one.”
His loud gasp is audible through the phone.
“Don’t say that, baby. You know I’m not lying to you. You have to know what we have is real… And I hated lying to my sister, but at that moment, I didn’t see any way around it.”
“How come you hadn’t told her about us?” I ask in anger. “Your mom I could maybe understand, but your sister who is so close to you? Why haven’t you told her anything yet?”
“Because she can’t keep a secret to save her life. I love that girl to death, but she has a problem keeping things to herself. She would have said something to Mom and I didn’t want that to happen. When my mom finds out it has to be from me, where I can lay things down for her.”
He falls silent, and it takes me a few seconds to be able to respond to him.
“Okay. I get that Aiden, but I don’t like it. This really crystallizes the problems that we’re going to have in the future. This is always going to be an issue between us… I just… I need to think about this, Aiden.”
“What is there to think about? I’ll fix this, baby. I promise you. I’ve been a coward and didn’t want to deal with this, but I promise to handle it as soon as I’m back. I’ll sit all of my family members down and lay things down for them.”
“But they’re not going to like it.”
“I don’t care if they do or they don’t. I’ll tell them it’s their choice if they want me in their life or not.”
“But I don’t want you to have to choose between your family and me,” I exclaim. “Things shouldn’t be this difficult, Aiden. A good healthy relationship involves the families too. My family will never be a part of my life again and I’ll always miss that in my life. I can’t make you leave your family too.”
“But that’s what I want. I don’t care about my family. I’ve already told you. I’ve never had a good relationship with them to begin with.”
I take a deep breath. This conversation is not going anywhere, and I’ve been outside the class for over ten minutes. I don’t have time for this right now.
“I walked out in the middle of my class to answer your call and I’ve been out for way too long now. I have to go back. I can’t talk about this right now.”
“Wait. I’ll call you right after your class ends. When is a good time?”
I squeeze my eyes shut and try to figure out how I should answer him. I take a nervous breath before I respond. “Give me some time, Aiden. I need to think about this.”
“Don’t do this, Aleah. I miss you so much.”
“I miss you too, but I need some time and space to think things through. I’ll email you when I’m ready to talk.”
He releases a deep sigh. “I really, really don’t like this, but because I’ll do anything for you, I’ll give you what you want. Please don’t forget how much I love you.”
“I love you too,” I say, before I quickly hang up with trembling fingers and walk back into the classroom.
“Everything okay?” Justin asks, as soon as I sit down. I just nod my head without looking in his direction.
“Was that your boyfriend?”
“Yea.”
He nods his head with understanding and places his hand in comfort on my arm. I instinctively want to pull my arm away, but hold myself back. He hasn’t done anything wrong and I shouldn’t be rude. I close my eyes and take a few calming breaths. When I open my eyes again, I feel strangely calm. I look at Justin’s hand resting against my arm and realize how different his touch is from Aiden. There is no spark, no electricity, and no excitement. But there’s also no nervousness, no anxiety and no lingering ache. His touch is simply calming and comfortable and I realize that is exactly what I need right now.
Justin asks me out to lunch after class and I decide to go to get my mind off of Aiden. We go to a small café near campus and start chatting while waiting on our food to arrive. The conversation flows easily. It’s casual and comfortable. There’s an easiness between us that’s comfortable and I find myself enjoying it. Justin starts cracking jokes and before I know it, I’m laughing uncontrollably. And I realize that it is the first time since Aiden’s left that I’ve laughed. I hadn’t even smiled since the day he broke my heart into a thousand pieces at the airport. All I’ve been feeling ever since that moment has been a mixture of despair, worry and misery. Maybe it is because I talked to Aiden this morning, or maybe it’s because of Justin’s presence, but my pain feels lighter at this moment, and that is a great development.
After lunch, Justin and I head to a coffee shop to do some of our homework together. It has been a while since I studied with him and some of our lab work has fallen behind. We focus on that first and then move on to do other homework. When my stomach starts grumbling, I realize that it’s getting dark outside and I’ve spent almost the whole day with Justin. Where did the time go, I wonder?
To my embarrassment, Justin hears my grumbling stomach too.
“Hmm… Sounds like somebody’s getting hungry,” he says with a laugh. “Ready to head out for dinner?”
I think about that for a minute. Even though I’ve really enjoyed his company, I’m starting to feel a little guilty about the time I’m spending with Justin. I know if Aiden knew what I was doing today, he would go absolutely crazy. He hated even the limited amount of time that I had to spend with Justin to get our group lab work done. Knowing that I spent the whole day with him would make Aiden loose his mind.
Feeling the lingering guilt built up in my gut, I politely decline Justin’s offer for dinner and head home instead. As I drive home thoughts of Aiden and Justin clash in my mind until they make my head spin. There is no question for me that the spark Aiden and I share is something unique and entirely different from the comfortable collegial feeling between Justin and me. I feel an explosion of feeling when I’m around Aiden. I see moons and starts and my heart expands and contracts like I’m on the roller coaster of my life. With Justin I just feel peace and comfort.
The question that keeps turning in my mind is which one is better? Is the explosive passion and electricity I experience with Aiden enough to overcome all of the challenges we will undoubtedly face? Is the sizzling love worth the risk of pain and heartache?
I get home with a convoluted mind and an aching heart. As soon as I step out of the elevator, I see the large bouquet of flowers behind my door and I stop in my tracks. I can’t believe that the man dared to send me more flowers, after I asked him to stay away and give me some time. His action makes me furious.
I step up to the flowers and once again ponder at his choice of color. The flowers are different from yesterday, but the color is just a slightly lighter shade of purple. I pick up the card, hoping to decipher the meaning.
Indigo thistles for you because you are Irresistible to me, and I can’t Imagine my life without you.
With all my love! Aiden
By the time I read the last word, any traces of anger I had towards Aiden for sending the flowers is gone. In its place, a warm tingly feeling snakes its way up my chest and towards my heart. I don’t know if the feeling is love or hope, and I don’t question it. I just feel it and let it sink in.
After it’s overtaken my body and my mind is filled with images of Aiden all over again, I curse him. Damn you, Aiden, for not letting a day go by when I don’t think about or long for you.
It’s been almost a week since I talked to Aiden. Despite my weakening resolve and my yearning heart, I stood my ground and gave myself time to think. But I’m not sure what good this time has done for me.
Not being in touch with him has made the pain somewhat more bearable. Justin and Mia have also helped keep me occupied and distracted. Yet every other thought I have is still of Aiden. I long for him like I long for air, and I’m not any closer to a decision than I was last wee
k. I still know that our future will be difficult and full of road blocks. I know deep in my heart that Aiden is worth the risk, but what I’m truly scared of is what happens if after I give myself fully to him, he chooses his family or his social circle over me? I know my heart won’t recover from that and it’s this crippling fear that keeps me from reaching out to him.
Aiden has kept his word by not calling me during this whole time. But he has continued to send me flowers every single day. Everyday it’s a different color flower and the card is always breathtakingly beautiful.
After the first two days, he sent me blue hydrangeas saying, “Blue because you Brighten the sky of my life and I Believe in us.” The day after, it was green ice orchid and the card said, “Green because you make me Grow and I Guarantee you I will try my best to be worthy of you.” Next, he sent me orange tiger lilies. The card read, “Orange because you Occupy my mind and Overwhelm my heart, and I Owe you everything I’ve got for changing the course of my life and making me a better man.” Yesterday he sent a large bouquet of two dozen red roses writing, “Two dozen for the two months we’ve been together and Red because you Raise me up, kindle my passion for life and Rejuvenate my soul, and because my heart beats for you. My love for you has no end.”
Every day the flowers and his heartfelt messages shake my resolve and tug at my heartstrings. He emailed a couple of days ago to let me know he finally got a cell phone and to give me the phone number, but I’ve held myself back from calling because I simply don’t know what to tell him. I’ve found my fingers hover over the number numerous times since then, but I each time I’ve pulled away before I hit the call button.
Today as I make my way home and wonder what awaits me at the door, I find myself missing him more than ever. I never knew that a heart could literally feel like it is being ripped out of your chest and being pulled towards someone who is thousands of miles away, but Aiden has shown me a lot of emotions I was unfamiliar with before.
I reluctantly walk outside of the elevator and immediately stop dead in my tracks. There is a huge basket of a variety of flowers placed on top of a tall stand in front of my door. The basket is so huge that it is literally covering the width of my door. Since this one is not just one color, my curiosity peeks, making me snap out of my daze and rush towards the flowers. When I pick up the card, my breath hitches.
“This is for you because you are all the colors of the rainbow to me. You give color to my world and soul to my life. I feel lost without you. Please don’t take my colors away.”
I read the card more than three times, before the meaning behind it all registers, and when it does I can’t help the tears that stream down my face. He’s been sending me flowers from a different color of the rainbow everyday and using each color as a symbol to tell me how he feels. Even though he didn’t know and most probably wouldn’t have guessed that I would take this long to call him back, he planned all of this in advance. The amount of thought and love that he’s put in to this touches my heart deeply. He breaks down my walls and shatters my doubts. I don’t remember, all of a sudden, what I was waiting for or why I was hesitant.
I can’t grab my phone fast enough. I find his phone number through my teary eyes and dial immediately. He picks up on the first ring.
“Aleah?” He sounds like he can’t believe it is actually me. I can’t help smiling through my tears when I hear his deep sexy voice.
“Yup. It’s me.”
“What’s going? Is everything okay?” He sounds exhausted and concerned. The fact that he thinks something must be wrong that I’m calling him tells me he had started giving up on me, making me feel guilty.
“Everything is great now that I’m talking to you.”
“Does that… What does that mean?”
“That means that I’ve been stupid and I can’t believe I put you through this. I miss you like crazy. I love you…you crazy arrogant impossible and incredibly creative and sweet man.” I barely get the last words out before choking on my own words. The audible sigh I hear from him me tells me he’s releasing a breath he’s been holding for over a week.
“Thank God...! I love you so much. You don’t even know the beginning of it.”
I laugh through my tears. “I think I do.”
“No, I don’t think you do. If you did, you wouldn’t have put me through what you did for the last ten days. Man, I feel like I aged ten years in these ten days… Please don’t ever put me through something like this again.”
I want to make a smart-ass joke about him being a wimp, but I realize quickly that he’s serious and he has suffered enough these past few days.
“I won’t. I promise.”
“I’ll hold you to that.”
I laugh, before I hear the street noise in the background from Aiden’s side.
“Where are you? What is the noise?”
“It’s the cars. People here are very fond of their horns,” he says, with a chuckle.
“You’re in the street? Isn’t it working hours over there right now?”
“Yes, it is. I was actually in the middle of a pretty important meeting, when you called. But when I saw your number, I jumped up and left the meeting. I came outside the building to get some privacy, because the receptionist looked like she was listening in on the call.”
“Go back to your meeting then. We’ll talk later.”
“No,” he says so quickly and so loudly that I’m shocked into silence. “To hell with the meeting. I’m talking to my girl after over a week and I’m not going to hang up for some meeting. We’re going to talk and you’re going to tell me all about your week and everything that I’ve missed out, and I’m going to tell you all about this crazy beautiful country.”
I don’t question him or argue with him. I know it’s pointless. Truthfully, I’m glad he’s so adamant about it. Speaking to him, hearing his voice and his laugh makes me realize how much I’ve truly missed him, how big a part of my life he has become, and how my world is void of color without him. As the realization sinks in, I make a small vow not to let small things get in between our love, and to believe in us when the going gets rough.
SEVENTEEN
AIDEN
I find myself in another plane flying thousands of miles away, and the direction I’m heading to is not where my heart craves to go. I’m flying to Africa and all I want to do is fly back home to see Aleah’s face again and hold her close to me. The only thing about this trip that makes me excited is that I know it brings me one step closer to going home. Only two more months of this international travel business and I can finally fly back to my girl.
After the first few days of torture Aleah put me through, the time I spent in India was actually not bad. If it wasn’t because I missed her so bad, I would probably be enjoying myself. In fact, the trip to India was incredible in many ways. I learned so much during these short weeks.
India is an unforgettable country. There is so much bustling, so many colors, and so much diversity, that it’s mind numbing. You see people of all origins, Indian, Chinese, Westerners, and Buddhist monks, walking the busy streets, as cars and motorcycles pass by, and cows roam the streets freely. It’s a surreal sight. I have to admit I was no fan of the constant honking of cars, and the dirty streets. But everything I saw definitely opened my eyes to another world. Nothing was more mind boggling than walking the narrow dirt paths in the slum areas and seeing the tiny shacks these people call home. Some of the houses couldn’t be larger than ten square feet, yet I learned that families of four, five or six live in these structures. Women walk the streets carrying their kids on their backs, and they look so old and so skinny, you see the weight of the world in their eyes.
The guide who took us to the area told us that we have to watch where we step our foot on. At first I didn’t get his meaning, but after looking a few feet further away and seeing the remains of human waste right in the middle of the street, I knew what he meant. I couldn’t comprehend how someone could do that right there in the
middle of the street, until I learned that most of these homes don’t have any bathrooms. Most also don’t have access to water. They sometimes have to walk for miles to get to water. It’s kind of hard to expect sanitation from people, when there are no bathrooms and no water around.
But that’s not all there is to India. Quite to the contrary, we were driven past sprawling mansions and rich neighborhoods that put some of the houses in Beverly Hills to shame. We went to upscale shopping malls and dined at fancy restaurants. I got to see both faces of the country and for that I’m grateful. I’m also happy they gave me the weekends off, so I could explore the city and play tourist. I visited some of the historical sites and temples and got to enjoy the beautiful architecture and the diverse culture. All in all, the trip was incredible and eye opening. I think it was everything that Grandpa hoped it would be for me.
As much as I’m grateful that the trip to India went well, I’m nervous about this visit to Africa. I’m going to a country named Zambia, in the south central part of Africa. When we first learned I was going to Zambia, Aleah and I poured on our laptops, trying to get as much information about it as possible. Aleah was so nervous, she stayed up all night reading article after article about everything there was about Zambia. At the end, she told me what I had found myself. Everything we read said the people are friendly and the country is peaceful and stable. Still, as the plane approaches the area, I can’t help but to be anxious. It is Africa after all, and most everything I’ve ever heard about Africa has been about violence and starvation.
We land uneventfully and pass through immigration and customs quickly in the tiny airport. We flew into Lusaka. This is supposed to be the biggest city in the country and is where the Pierson Foundation’s Zambia office is located.
As we walk outside, we’re greeted by a handful of people holding signs up. I quickly locate the middle-age looking man holding a sign with my name on it and signal to Jonathon that I found our ride. The guy holding the sign extends his hand and introduces himself as Patrick, one of the Foundation’s drivers, before leading us to a parked SUV. Patrick explains the sites as we pass by. He’s warm and friendly, and I immediately take a liking to him.
Redeeming Love (Resilient Hearts #2) Page 13