He looks away and clears his throat, before continuing. “I know there is no excuse for what we did, but I just want to explain to you how things happened from my point of view… You have to understand that you were always the pride and joy of our family. I may not have shown it to you, but I was always bragging about you to all our friends and family. When my friends started complaining that their teenage daughters are acting up, I would always brag about how perfect my daughter was. Some people would joke with me that your daughter must have some skeletons in her closet too, that she can’t possibly be as perfect as you claim her to be. I would laugh in their faces knowing that was not the case… And then Shane told me he caught you in the back of Imran’s car in broad daylight; that Imran had indecent pictures of you and he was talking about being one of many for you. That was such a slap in the face that I just saw red.”
The mere mention of Imran’s name brings back dreadful memories of the attack, and my body automatically tenses. Aiden takes a look at the grim expression on my face and immediately interrupts my dad. “I don’t think Aleah needs to remember that day.”
“It’s okay, Aiden. I need to hear this.”
My dad looks from Aiden to me and back, until I nod my head to encourage him to go on.
“Imran spread his lies so quickly, before I even got home that day, I was getting calls from friends who said they’d heard about the news and they’d seen pictures of you. I was so blind-sighted by my rage that I never stopped to listen to your side of the story. All I could think about was how betrayed I felt by you. And how I wanted all the talk to go away. That’s why I did what I did … But when I heard about the recent attack and realized what a mistake I had made, I wanted to kill myself. I have never been so angry at myself… I know an apology doesn’t make up for the amount of pain you suffered, but you should at least know how sorry we all are… I know you have moved on with your life, and don’t need us anymore, but if you ever find it in your heart to forgive us, we would love to be a part of your life…in any shape or form that you want us.”
I take a deep breath to steady my voice. “I…I don’t know what to say, Dad.”
“You don’t need to say anything right now. Just know that we’ll always love you.” He turns to Aiden then and I immediately brace myself. This is the part I’ve been dreading the most since we walked in.
“Aiden–if a guy like you walked into my house with my daughter last year this time, I would give him a good beating before throwing him out… Things have changed a lot since last year. I won’t lie. It’s still hard for me to see my daughter with a boyfriend who has a reputation for being a playboy. But I trust her judgment now. If she wants to be with you, I’ll respect that… I’ve been watching you closely since yesterday. It’s quite clear that you care deeply for my daughter, and that’s what’s important to me. I can tell you don’t like us. Based on what you’ve probably heard, I don’t blame you. But if you want to stay in her life and if she wants us to be a part of it too, I hope we can at least get along.”
Aiden grinds his teeth and I hold my breath.
“You’re right. I do care very deeply about your daughter. Aleah is my heart. I will do anything in my power to protect her against anything or anyone that may hurt her. She’s suffered a lot in the last year…a lot of it at the hands of her own family… So forgive me if I can’t bring myself to like or trust any of you... But if she wants you guys back in her life, I will try to support her. I can’t promise much more than that.”
“Fair enough,” my dad says, extending his hand to shake Aiden’s. To my utter surprise Aiden shakes his hand. My jaw drops. Last year this time Aiden’s rant would have insulted my dad beyond belief. It’s crazy how much things can change in the space of one year. A mere few months ago, I was begging for my dad’s simple understanding and now he’s willing to overlook my boyfriend’s rudeness just so I will consider being a part of their lives. I don’t know whether I should laugh or cry at the turn of events.
The truth is, even though I don’t doubt the sincerity of my dad’s words, it still doesn’t erase our troubled past. The kind of betrayal and pain I felt at their hands does not go away with a simple apology. It would take a lot more time and sincere action from them to make things right between us. The question is am I willing to let them try. That’s something I need to think deeply about.
After dinner, as I walk around the house and look at some of our old family pictures on the walls, a nostalgic feeling comes over me. Suddenly, I feel a longing to see my old room.
“Mom–is anyone using my old room right now?”
She shakes her head. “Your room is exactly as you left it. I haven’t changed a thing.”
“Can we go up there?”
“Of course.”
I grab Aiden’s hand and walk upstairs to my childhood room. As soon as I walk in, a wave of emotion hits me. This is the room I spent most of my childhood and teenage years in. I have so many memories, both good and bad, in here. Even though I left on horrible terms, I can’t erase memories of some of my best childhood years.
I step in closer to the bed and take in the purple comforter and matching lamp shades. The colors and the decorations look so childish. Even though it was only last year that I lived in this room, it feels like it was ages ago. I feel like I have grown up so much in the past year.
I sit at the edge of my old bed and remember the day I left this room behind. I remember how scared and lonely I felt. I have come a long way from that girl. Though I faced some really hard times in the last year, I realize now that the experience was good for me. The pain and heartache showed me how resilient my heart truly is. It also taught me who I want to be and what I want to do with my life. And the most important lesson it taught me was that if you open your heart and let go of your fears, you can find love in the most unlikely places.
Sensing my intensely emotional state, Aiden kneels down in front of me and takes my hands in his.
“Are you okay?”
“Yes, it’s just…coming in here brings so many memories back. I was just thinking about how things have changed since the last time I was in here. When I left this room, I could have never imagined being where I am in my life right now in just a year. I went through a lot since the time I left, but the difficulties also opened my eyes and presented a lot of opportunities for growth. When I think about it that way, I realize that what my parents did ended up being good for me.”
“Don’t say that.”
“I’m not saying what they did was right, but it ended up helping me at the end. If that hadn’t happened, I would have never run into David and I would certainly not have met you. I would still be a quiet dependent little girl who lived in her parents’ house, and would probably be engaged to some guy my parents picked for me... Last year was hard, Aiden. I’m not saying it wasn’t, and I’m not saying what my parents did was right. But I’m realizing now that maybe everything happens for a reason... I know you don’t trust my parents. I don’t either, and I’ll never forget what they did to me. But I have a choice right now. I could stay angry and keep on hating them, or I could forgive. If I decide to forgive, I don’t have to carry that weight with me anymore. If I let go of the pain and if they prove to me by their actions that they really have changed, maybe someday I will be able to feel like I have a family again… And I want that, Aiden. Family has always been important to me. I long for the comfort of knowing I have a loving family… Please understand.”
He cups my face with his hands, and fixates his emerald eyes onto mine. His eyes are full of so much emotion that a mere look into them makes my heart flip.
“You are the most beautiful, mature, and kind-hearted woman I have ever met. I don’t know what I did in my life to get so lucky to have you. Sometimes I have to pinch myself to remind me that you’re real and you’re mine… What you’re saying makes sense, baby. I’m not nearly as forgiving and logical as you when it comes to these things, but I’ll try to be better for you. If you
want to forgive your parents, I’ll support you. I’ll always be weary of them, and will always keep an eye out to make sure they can’t do anything to hurt you. But if you want to have a relationship with them again, I’ll be come along for the ride.”
I release a sigh of relief. “Thank you for being so understanding.” These are the only words I manage to get out of my mouth, before his lips find mine, and we get lost in a world of touch and sensation far removed from the angst and the heartache of the past.
THIRTY-TWO
ALEAH
I park the car on the side of the building and start walking nervously to the front door. But before I get there, my steps falter and I almost turn back. Why am I here, I ask myself. Why am I putting myself through this? Am I even doing the right thing?
I’ve gone through these questions in my head a hundred times before today, and the conclusion I came to every time led me to these doors. I try to remind myself of that and shake off the nervous feeling. Let’s get it over with, I tell myself, as I resume walking. I push the door open when I get there to find a small reception area. A smiling lady greets me warmly. When I tell her that I’m here to visit Shane, she points me to a room down the hallway.
“He usually hangs out in the TV room during the visitation hours. You should be able to find him there,” she tells me.
I walk in the direction she pointed me to, and hesitantly step inside the room. I spot Shane immediately. He’s sitting on a couch in a corner, watching something on an iPad screen. But to my utter surprise, he’s not alone. A beautiful blonde woman who looks to be in her early twenties is sitting next to him. They’re both leaning back staring at the screen. But the intimate way in which they are sitting gets me worried and angry. Shane is supposed to be working on getting better, not reverting back to his old playboy ways.
Even though I know I’m invading their privacy, I stand there and watch them for a few minutes. Shane has gained some weight since the last time I saw him. He looks healthy and happy. As I take in his demeanor, I realize that I haven’t seen him this calm and relaxed in a long time. I slide my gaze towards the young woman and notice that she glances at Shane every few seconds with a twinkle in her eyes.
She looks very different than most of the girls I’ve seen Shane with. She’s beautiful in a natural kind of way. There’s no excessive makeup and no revealing clothing. She also doesn’t look like someone who would have addiction problems. Everything about her appearance and her relationship with Shane puzzles me.
I clear my throat once and then twice to get their attention. As soon as Shane sees me, his eyes pop out and his face goes pale. When the girl notices me, a scowl crosses her face. Realizing that Shan’s been rendered speechless, I walk slowly towards them.
“Hi, Shane.”
He jumps up from the couch. “Uhh…I… Hi… What are you doing here?”
His stuttering may have been funny under different circumstances, but today it makes me even more uncomfortable.
“I’m here to see you… How are you doing?” I try to appear calm and collected.
Shane mumbles an incoherent response, before hanging his head down and staring at the floor. The encounter is made even more awkward by the young woman’s presence. But Shane seems so lost in his shocked state that he doesn’t pay her any attention, as she stands there staring me down. I glance at her and the confused and hurt look in her eyes makes me understand her reaction.
“Hi. I’m Shane’s sister, Aleah.” I extend my hand to her to shake hers. The relieved smile on her face tells me her previous scowl was at least partly due to jealousy. The thought that a woman would feel jealous over Shane is almost laughable. Shane’s never been with a woman for more than a couple of weeks. This woman is about to have her heart shattered. I make a mental note to talk to Shane about this.
Once she finds out I’m Shane’s sister, she quickly heads out, leaving me alone with Shane and the awkward silence between us. I take a look at Shane and notice the extent of his nervousness. And I have to hold myself back to not burst out laughing. The idea that the tough man who hit me and threatened me a mere few months ago is now acting like he’s scared of me is just too funny. If I were a mean person, I could take pleasure in this and make him squirm some more, but I’m not. Instead, I take a seat and point to him to do the same.
“I don’t want to stay long. I just came by because Mom said you keep asking about me and wanted to see me.”
He looks in the distance. “I did… But now that you’re actually here… I…I don’t know how to start talking… This is too hard for me. I’ve never been good at expressing my emotions.”
“How about you start out by telling me how your treatment has been going?”
“The first week was tough. I wasn’t sure I would survive, but it’s been getting gradually better since then. They have a lot of support mechanisms here, and they’re making me see some of my root problems… I’ve started talking to a psychologist... They think I might have some psychological issues.”
“What kind?”
“They’re not telling me. I had to fill out a long questionnaire and answer a lot of questions. They are analyzing everything and will let me know soon.”
This doesn’t surprise me. I always thought Shane had some underlying psychological problems. I look up to his face and notice his demeanor change. He takes a deep breath and looks into the distance.
“Look, I appreciate you asking about how I’m doing, but we both know that’s not why you are here… I… I wanted to see you…to thank you… What you did for me when you found me on the street saved my life… And for you to do that after everything I put you through is just unbelievable. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to thank you enough.”
“Shane, you needed some serious help and I was there. Any other human being would do the same.”
“That’s where you’re wrong, Aleah. No other person would do that.”
“You’re my brother, Shane. I couldn’t leave you alone like that.”
“Well, I haven’t been acting like one to you for a long time… Look, we both know that I was a jerk to you even before what happened last year. I know this is not a valid excuse, but I was always jealous of the way Mom and Dad treated you.”
My mouth drops open. “You were jealous of me? You and Shervon were all Dad ever talked about. He always treated the two of you with more affection than me.”
“That’s not the way I saw it. Dad may not have told you in person, but he was always singing your praise. Anytime he found me alone, he would start listing all of your accomplishments and would tell me how I needed to learn from you. He told me on many occasions how as the son of the family, I was supposed to be his pride and joy, but instead I was an embarrassment to him. He would keep saying ‘Look at Aleah. Look how she does so well in school and in everything she tries. Why can’t you learn from her...?’ After a while, those started getting to me. The more he sang your praise, the more resentful of you I became. I quit school and left the house as quickly as I could, because I just didn’t want to deal with that anymore.”
“I had no idea, Shane. Dad rarely praised me in person. When he was with me, all he talked about was his boys.”
Shane releases a bitter laugh. “I guess he screwed up with all of our heads then.”
“I guess he did.”
“Look, when I saw you with Imran that day and heard the story he gave me, I just snapped. All those years of pent up anger just exploded. I thought this was the girl Dad threw at my face every other day? I figured you’d fooled everyone into thinking you’re this perfect daughter, while secretly doing everything that Dad criticized me for. I just lost it. I know I should have listened to what you had to say, but I’ve never been good at thinking logically and controlling my temper… When I found out Imran attacked you again and realized the mistake I’d made, I wanted to kill myself. The only way I coped with the guilt was through drugs…lots of them. I got so high that I couldn’t function at my work anym
ore and got fired. Then I just started roaming the street. I don’t know, something in me snapped somewhere along the line, and I just didn’t want to live anymore. I’d been living on the streets for a few weeks when you found me. And to think that I ended up being saved by the sister I hurt so much is just unbelievable… I…I want to tell you how sorry I am, but the words just seem so insignificant to express the extent of my remorse. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to apologize properly to you,” he chokes on the last words.
I take a deep breath and look away. I understand everything that he’s saying. I’m not angry at him anymore, but I will always stay weary. If he wants me to believe him, he has to prove it.
“Shane, if you mean your apology, then you should show me through your actions. I helped you get here because I knew you needed help, but what you do with it is your choice. If you really regret everything that happened, then get better, become a better human being, make a life for yourself. That would be better than any kind of apology for me.” I go on to tell him about my idea of helping him start his shop. By the time I finish, he has tears running down his cheeks and a twinkle of excitement in his eyes I’ve never seen before.
“I will never be able to thank you enough,” he says with shaky lips.
“You can thank me by using this opportunity to turn your life around. That would be the best thank you for me.”
“I promise I will.”
Now that we got the heavy stuff out of the way, I decide to tackle another issue.
“So tell me, who is the girl?”
I think I notice a brush creeping up his cheeks and I’m beyond surprised.
“She’s just a friend.”
“A friend, huh? You two looked awfully cozy together for being just friends.”
Redeeming Love (Resilient Hearts #2) Page 22