by Anna Bennett
“Oh, Reese,” she breathed.
“I should have told you before. I wanted to, but I was afraid of dragging you down and dimming your happiness. Now I know you’re too strong for that.”
She shook her head. “I don’t feel very strong right now. But I do know that your love could never bring me down. It couldn’t bring me anything but joy.”
“Then marry me.” He lifted her hand and pressed a long, tender kiss to the back. “Let me spend the rest of my life taking care of you. Let me wake up beside you every morning and lie down beside you every night. Just … let me love you.”
* * *
Sophie felt as though she were drifting through a lovely dream. She and Reese were rocking on a swing in the middle of an exquisite, exotic garden, and he was holding her hand.
Telling her he loved her.
Asking her to marry him.
It was a fantasy turned real. A dream come to life. Perfect in every way but one.
Because the man she loved had given her the proposal she’d longed for—and she couldn’t accept it.
“Reese,” she said softly, even as her own heart was breaking. “If I could wish for one thing in this entire world, I would wish that I was free to say yes.”
He blinked slowly, then looked at her, his eyes imploring. “You are free. Say yes to me. Say yes to us.”
“I cannot,” she said, her voice cracking with regret. “I’ve already accepted Lord Singleton’s proposal. Our engagement ball is next weekend.”
“But … but you don’t love him,” Reese said. “You could break it off. People might gossip for a while, but they’d move on to a new scandal before long.”
She shook her head sadly. “If the only obstacle to marrying you was a little gossip, I’d wed you tomorrow.”
“I know about your family’s financial woes,” he countered. “I don’t have a vast fortune to offer you, but everything I have is yours. I’ve already begun making payments to creditors and balancing the books. The problem is, it’s a big ship to steer … and it’s going to take a little time.”
“My time has run out. My father is greatly indebted to the marquess. Charles has paid off all of Papa’s creditors, including several substantial gambling debts.”
Reese shook his head firmly. “I don’t see what that has to do with you.”
“I think you do. Charles made those payments as part of the marriage settlement that he and Papa negotiated. But the payments are also a favor to me, because they mean I don’t have to jump out of my skin every time there’s a knock on the door, fearing that someone’s come to haul my father away to debtors’ prison. They mean Mama and Mary will be provided for and their future is secure.”
“I want to be the one to take care of you and your family.”
“But you can’t,” she said softly. “Not yet.”
Reese looked at her like she’d driven a dagger through his chest. “Not yet,” he repeated hollowly.
As much as she hated to see the hurt on his face, she wouldn’t apologize for surviving—or for choosing the path that would save her family. Raising her chin a notch, she said, “I’ve been truthful from the beginning. My relationship with Charles is nothing like the one I have with you, but I must make the best of it.”
“I know,” Reese said, apologetic. He hopped off the swing and paced in front of her. “But you shouldn’t have to settle. You deserve to be happy, Soph. If you were mine, I’d make you smile every goddamned day. No one could possibly love you more than I do.”
She could hear the urgency in his voice; she could see the earnestness on his face. His declaration filled her heart with bliss—and still, it couldn’t change anything.
“That is the most lovely thing anyone has ever said to me,” she whispered. “And I appreciate the sentiment more than you know.”
He dropped to his knees and reached for her hands, clasping them between his. “It’s not a sentiment, Soph. It’s the truth. You’ve changed me in ways I never expected. You’ve made me see there’s more to life than nightmares and guilt and pain. You showed me that behind the shadows there are also light and hope and love.”
A tear trickled down her cheek and plopped onto their joined hands. “Of course there are. No matter what happens, there are always light and hope and love.” She needed him to believe that now, more than ever.
He rested his forehead on her thigh, sending shimmers of desire through her body. “There’s something so right about the two of us, together,” he murmured. “You can’t tell me you don’t feel it.”
“Of course I do.” She slid off the swing and knelt beside him on the soft, thick grass, cupping his face in her palms. “I love you, Reese. But I cannot break off my engagement.”
“So you’re saying we can’t be together,” he said, incredulous. As though he still couldn’t bring himself to accept it.
“You’ll always be in my heart,” she said, letting her fingertips trail along his jaw and down his neck. “I’ll never see a rose without remembering the night we met in Lady Rufflebum’s garden. I’ll never see an asphodel without thinking of the flower crown you made me. And I’ll never see a peony without recalling the night we swam in the lake. Every night with you was a gift—and I’ll cherish those memories forever.”
Reese speared his fingers through her hair and cupped her head in his hands. “You can walk out of my life. You can even marry another. But it doesn’t change the fact that we belong to each other. Our souls are so entwined that I don’t know where mine ends and yours begins. A month ago I would have sworn I was incapable of love … but somehow, because of you, it just happened.”
Sophie nodded because she didn’t trust herself to speak. But she knew she’d never regret loving Reese, and he was right—they would always belong to each other.
Time slowed as they knelt on the fragrant grass, face-to-face and chest-to-chest. The lanterns around them illuminated the exquisite beauty of the garden. The splashing waterfall, the rippling pool, and the exotic flowers combined in the perfect balance of movement and tranquility.
Reese’s warm fingers caressed her scalp, sending delicious shivers through her limbs. He tipped his forehead to hers, and their breath mingled in the space between them. She could feel the potent heat from his body and the desire that always simmered low in her belly when he was near.
“I want you, Soph,” he said with a growl. “Say you want me too.”
“I do.” There was no use denying it. “But all I can give you … is tonight.”
Chapter 28
Reese had known the odds weren’t in his favor. He’d professed his love for Sophie and made his heartfelt proposal. He’d laid everything on the line … and it still hadn’t been enough.
Maybe if he’d come to his senses sooner. Perhaps if he’d bared his soul to her a fortnight ago, her answer would have been different. But maybe not.
The truth was, she’d been clear about her intentions from the beginning. And even though his and Sophie’s connection was undeniable, he had to respect her decision to put her family first.
But he refused to dwell on any of that now—not while Sophie was in his arms.
She was giving him the gift of one night. And if that was all she could give him, by God, he’d take it.
He crushed his mouth to hers and hauled her body against his. He’d tried his best to tell her how he felt with words. Now he’d show her.
And he couldn’t help but hold out hope, however foolish and naïve, that Sophie would realize how good they were together—and change her mind.
One taste of her lips was all it took to send him reeling. He ran his hands over her body, savoring the fullness of her breasts and the flare of her hips beneath his palms.
She clutched the lapels of his jacket in her fists as she kissed him back with equal fervor. Breathless, she shoved his jacket off his shoulders and pulled at the buttons of his waistcoat. He tugged at the laces of her gown, and they wrestled with each other’s clothes until they
were both naked, surrounded by a heap of silk and wool, slippers and boots.
When she would have pulled him down onto the soft, cool grass, he stopped her. “I have an idea,” he said, helping her to her feet.
Her hair hung around her shoulders, half up and half down, in beautiful disarray. Her lips were swollen from his kisses, and her blue eyes were dark with desire. “Do you?” she asked, shooting him a smile so soft and sensuous that it melted him from the inside out.
He slid his palms down her arms, caressing her from shoulders to elbows. “Are you nervous?”
She pursed her lips and smirked. “Just intrigued, my lord.”
“Good.” In one smooth motion, he gently grasped her waist, lifted her, and placed her on the swing behind them. When she arched a questioning brow at him, he leaned forward, kissed her neck, and whispered gruffly in her ear. “Part your legs for me.”
* * *
Sophie drew in a raspy breath but did as Reese asked, settling herself against the soft quilt he’d draped over the swing. Slowly, he sank to the ground in front of her and kissed the sensitive spots on the insides of her knees.
She gripped the back of the bench as he nuzzled her thighs, loving the way his light beard grazed her skin. Each time he moved against her body, the swing retreated slightly—until his hands, strong on her hips, brought her back to him. The subtle push and pull, the hypnotic swaying, aroused her till she was pulsing with need.
“Reese,” she breathed, threading her fingers through his thick hair. “I feel like I’m floating. Like this is just a dream.”
“It’s real,” he murmured, the deep timbre of his voice sending sweet tremors through her core. When he looked up at her, his expression was heartbreakingly sober. “You’re mine, Soph. No matter who you marry or where you go, you’ll remember this night. And you’ll know I loved you enough for a lifetime.”
One hand still firmly on her hip, he lowered his head again. She gave herself up to the night breeze drifting over her skin, the beauty of the garden, and the wondrous pressure of his mouth at the very center of her pleasure.
With the teasing strokes of his fingers and the wicked flicks of his tongue, he wove a spell, entrancing her. Desire coiled deep inside; her breath came in gasps. The rush of the waterfall began to crescendo in her head, the sound impossible to separate from the pounding of the blood in her veins.
And then she was hurtling toward release. She cried out as powerful currents swept her over the edge and sent her tumbling through the air, unfettered and free. For those interminable seconds, there was nothing to hold her back—no duties, no responsibilities—only the love she felt for Reese and all the joy and heartache that was wrapped up in it.
When the last tremors of pleasure subsided, her body went limp and soft. Reese sat on the bench beside her and pulled her against him, soothing her with warm, sure strokes down her spine.
Utterly sated, Sophie leaned her cheek against the hard muscles of his chest and let her hands roam—down the side of his neck, across his broad shoulders, and over his perfectly defined biceps. She skimmed her palms over the ridges of his abdomen and down his muscled thighs, then wrapped her fingers around his hard, thick length, loving the way he moaned when she began to stroke him.
“Soph, I need you,” he said, his breath coming in ragged gasps. “In every possible way. To brighten my days and calm my nights. But right now, I need to be inside you.”
She slid her tongue into his mouth and kissed him with her whole heart. “I need you too,” she whispered. “To hold me tight and free my soul. But right now, I just want you inside me.”
“That,” he said with a rakish grin, “can definitely be arranged.” He reached for her thigh and gently pulled her leg across his lap till she straddled him and his eyes were level with her breasts. “I knew this would be a good idea,” he said, just before he captured a one taut, rosy tip in his mouth, suckling her and making her whole body shimmer with warmth.
His hands cruised over her waist and her bottom, alternately caressing and squeezing. He gazed at her face as he positioned himself at her entrance, teasing her with gentle nudges, hot pressure … and the promise of what was to come. Impatient, she lowered herself slowly, taking him deep inside.
He groaned and buried his head in the crook of her neck, kissing and sucking the spot just below her ear. She tried rocking her hips a little, and Reese moaned as though he liked it. She did too. He kept his feet anchored on the ground so that the swing didn’t sway wildly; rather, it moved just enough—like they were making love on a boat on the calmest of lakes.
Reese showed her how she could lift herself and find the angle that made her dizzy with longing. She held tight to the bench back behind him and moved faster and faster, setting up a rhythm that had them both reaching and soaring and—
“Oh Reese,” she cried, stars exploding all around her.
He wrapped his arms around her as she climaxed, held her as she spiraled downward like a maple seedpod. Filled with wonder, she blinked at him. His body was still tightly coiled, his jaw clenched with restraint.
“Reese,” she began tentatively. “Were you not pleased?” She’d thought he’d felt what she had, but perhaps she’d misread the signs. This intimacy was all so new and lovely to her.
He closed his eyes and chuckled softly—as though she’d asked the most foolish question imaginable. “Everything about you—and this—pleases me. More than you’ll ever know. I don’t want it to end too soon.”
She wriggled a bit, surprised to feel an echo of the pleasure she’d felt before returning already. “Perhaps we’ll have time to do it again,” she said, hopeful.
“I like the way that beautiful mind of yours works,” he said, but his smile was dim. Almost forlorn. He stood, picking her up as he did, and carefully laid her down in the grass. “I wish we could stay here forever, like this. In our own perfect paradise.”
She wrapped her legs around his hips and pulled him closer, deeper. A fine sheen covered his sinewy muscles, and the moonlight illuminated every exquisitely masculine contour. His hair hung low over one brow; his eyes glowed with a passion so fierce it left her breathless. He held her bottom as he thrust, faster and harder, until she couldn’t speak or think or feel anything but him.
“Yes, Sophie,” he growled. “Let go.”
The words were barely out of his mouth before pleasure whirled and pounded through her body with all the raw, wondrous power of a tempest. He stayed with her through the initial onslaught, but then abruptly withdrew, turned away, and moaned as he spent himself on the grass.
A sense of loneliness squeezed her heart, like wild vines choking the life out of a fledgling tree. She understood why he’d left her in that moment and knew it had been an entirely selfless act. But it still made her sad. Still made her long for something that could never be.
She ran a hand over his shoulder and pressed her lips to his skin, loving the salty, virile taste of him. “Look at me,” she whispered.
He rolled toward her, his expression tender but weary.
“I love you,” she said. Partly because she needed him to know, and partly because she longed to hear him say it too.
He swallowed and cupped her cheek in his palm. “I love you with all my heart, Sophie Kendall … and I’m sorry that it’s not enough.”
When she would have protested, he stood, grabbed the quilt from the swing, and draped it over her body. Then he reached for his trousers and slipped them on.
She sat up, holding the blanket to her chest. “I don’t need to rush home,” she said. “We can stay here for a while.”
“We’re only delaying the inevitable,” he said, pulling on his boots. “Prolonging the misery.”
Her stomach dropped. “So you want me to go?”
“Of course not.” He scooped up his shirt and stuffed an arm in one sleeve. “But I already know that you will—and that I can’t change your mind.”
Sophie’s eyes stung, and she blinked back tea
rs.
“I’ve been brushing up on my mythology recently,” he said, his voice chillingly hollow. “Did you know that the wretched souls who were condemned to an eternity of torture were able to see into the beautiful land of Elysium? While they endured their excruciating punishments, they were taunted with the beauty of a paradise that they’d never enjoy.”
“Reese,” she breathed, a single drop rolling down her cheek. “Don’t do this.”
“That’s how it is for me. I’ve seen the life I want—a future with you—and it will never be mine.” He sank to the ground beside her and dropped his head in his hands. “I don’t want that heaven dangled in front of me like some precious fruit that will always be just beyond my reach.”
She shivered despite the warmth of the night. “I think I understand. It’s the same for me. But I have no wish to inflict pain on you—that is, more than I already have.” She reached for her corset and gown, trying to ignore the hurt blossoming in her chest. “I will go.”
“I’m sorry, Soph. But I do think it’s for the best.” He helped her to her feet, and she tried to dress herself in spite of her shaky legs and her bruised heart. He gathered up her stockings and slippers and handed them to her, regret plain in his eyes. “I can drive you home in my curricle, if you’d like, but if you’d prefer that my driver take you in the coach, I can guarantee his discretion.”
“The coach is fine.” She was beyond caring about her reputation. All she wanted now was the privacy of her guest bedchamber at Fiona’s house, so that she could release the sobs that threatened to bubble up in her throat.
She turned her back to him, and he slowly, gently laced up her gown—as though, in spite of his apparent determination to say goodbye, he was truly reluctant to let go.
When she spun around to face him, lines marred his brow. “You said there were two things you wanted to tell me,” he said. “But you only told me one.”
Oh God. She’d forgotten about Violet and Reese’s brother and the baby. “The second thing might be difficult to hear,” she said. “But if I were in your shoes, I’d want to know.”