by S M Mala
‘No?’ she said, shaking her head from side to side. ‘Sam’s just coming out, isn’t he?’
‘Molly,’ Tommy said, starting to look upset. ‘I’m sorry. I never meant for this to happen and-.’
‘Are you okay?’ she heard Bill ask as he came up from behind her. ‘What’s going on?’
All three of them looked at each other, and she felt Bill’s hand on the base of her spine.
‘Do you want me to ask?’ she said, feeling her lip starting to tremble. ‘Sam, are you going to leave it down to me? That’s just so typical.’ Then she closed her eyes before screaming, ‘Just fucking well tell me!’
‘It was me they caught with Tommy all those years ago but it had to be covered up because the series was due to be aired. The broadcaster needed to do something so… it was your show that got shelved,’ he said flatly and shrugged. ‘You wanted to know.’
She started to tremble.
‘So not only were you cheating on me with a man, my so called colleague. You also managed to destroy my career?’
‘It wasn’t my choice,’ he said, frowning at her. ‘Hamish sorted it out and-.’
‘Hamish? Of course, he’d be behind this.’
‘I’m sorry,’ Tommy said shaking his head. ‘You need to speak to a lawyer because they did shaft you on this and-.’
‘Don’t you dare speak to me again!’ she said, pointing at Tommy. ‘No wonder you didn’t want to return my calls!’
‘Molly, come back in,’ Bill said, holding her tightly. ‘You don’t need to hear this.’
‘How long?’ she asked, seeing Tommy was on the verge of tears. ‘Was it a one off or-.’
‘Four years,’ Tommy mumbled, starting to look upset. ‘We were lovers for four years, and I wanted him to tell you, but he wouldn’t. I felt so bad and-.’
The rest of the sentence was lost on her.
Molly passed out.
Out for the count
‘You’re fine.’
She felt a cool hand on her forehead and the warm tone of Bill’s voice.
Then she remembered what happened in the garden and woke up trying to catch her breath, sitting up before breaking out into a loud sob.
‘Molly, calm down,’ Bill said gently. ‘Lie back. You fainted. You need to hold it together. There are a lot of people out there wanting to know how you are. And the press.’
‘My life!’ she said, trying to catch her breath. ‘It’s been a lie. An absolute fucking lie!’
‘Listen, let me get you out of here.’
There was too much going on around her, Molly suddenly felt weak as Bill swept her up in his arms, carrying her out of a side entrance into a waiting car.
Molly was in shock and didn’t know how to think it through. It was too much to take in. Her brain couldn’t cope.
‘Right now, you need to get home, and I’ll sort it out,’ Bill said, holding her face in his hands. ‘You can’t be alone tonight.’
‘That’s what Tommy’s going to write about, isn’t it? His affair with a famous actor, who happened to be the one he was giving a hand job to in a public place. While the famous actor’s girlfriend had her hand up a puppet’s arse that made Tommy famous. You couldn’t make it up, could you?’ It was the weight of the deceit that was making her feel sick. ‘I wonder how many people knew. Why didn’t anyone tell me?’
Then it hit her. The wave of tiredness that would come with the meltdown of her brain and soul. This time it was happening fast, and she didn’t know how to control it.
‘Please, take me home. Take me to my mum’s.’
As soon as Bill escorted her to the door, her mother and father opened it, and all Molly could do was collapse in their arms, sobbing her heart out.
‘I see.’
Those were the only words her father could say as he sat beside her bed the following morning. Molly lay in the bed of her old bedroom, exhausted and very upset about what she’d found out.
Her father’s large hand stroked her hair, but all she wanted to do was go under the duvet and stay there. Each time she looked at him, his pain was evident on seeing her in such a state.
‘You’ll be okay,’ he gently said, leaning forward. ‘But this time, you’re not going to get ill about it. It was never your fault, and now you know the reason.’
‘I don’t care,’ she sighed. ‘Can’t you see? He lied to me for all that time. My life is a lie.’
‘You’re thirty-four years old and have a life ahead of you. Sam was a mistake and he … I don’t like to say this as it’s not the time or place, but he used you.’
‘That makes me feel worse,’ she sobbed.
‘And more importantly, you need to get checked out.’
‘Pardon?’
‘If Sam slept with men, you need to get checked.’
It was typical of her dad to be practical, but this threw her.
‘Molly, I went on the internet, and I know this isn’t what you want to hear, right now, but you need to get tested for HIV.’
She thought, right then, her life couldn’t get any worse.
Immediately she dived under the duvet and sobbed.
That was all she needed.
Molly couldn’t breathe. She was choking under the covers. Her dad pulled off the duvet and sat her upright.
But she couldn’t stop crying.
Too many things were spinning around in her exploding brain.
Her mum then rushed in the room and grabbed her shoulders.
‘Breathe slowly,’ Connie said calmly. ‘I heard what your dad said and, first and foremost, your health is the most important. I’ve got you an emergency appointment at the doctors for ten, and we’re all going. I don’t want you to get ill again, not over him.’
‘I know my girl has been safe,’ her dad said, stroking her head.
‘How do you know?’ her mother hissed.
‘Molly wore swimming socks in the bath when we told her about catching verruca’s,’ her dad smiled proudly. ‘And you have been safe haven’t you? With a protection and-.’
‘Dad!’ Molly yelled, sobbing harder.
This time it was out of mortification based on the subject matter.
‘What contraception did you use?’ he asked seriously. ‘I know there're all these fandango things nowadays.’
‘Did you ever go for sexual transmitted infection screening?’ her mum asked.
‘Leave me alone!’ Molly cried out, shaking her head. ‘I’m fine down there.’
‘Best to check.’
‘You know Connie, I was on the internet last night and they can do a sixty-second HIV test that…’
‘La, la, la, la…’ Molly sang with her hands over her eyes, to avoid listening to her parents talk. ‘Stop whatever you’re saying.’
But they were engrossed in conversation. That’s when she just went under the duvet and hid once more, hoping when she came back out, everything would have gone back to normal.
‘Whatever happens, we love you.’
Her mother had repeated again and again.
Molly was doing the saliva test, and it didn’t take long.
Sixty seconds.
But it was the longest wait of her life.
Her dad was outside in the reception, probably tearing pieces of skin from his head as there was no hair, waiting for the news.
‘It’s all negative,’ Dr Macintosh said, smiling brightly at her.
Molly had known her since she was seven and the woman still looked the same. Thin, wiry with a pallid complexion and yellow stained teeth. But she was kind and had cared for her throughout her life.
‘Thank god!’ her mother exclaimed.
‘But if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last three months, we might not be able to detect it unless you take a blood test,’ the doctor continued. ‘Has there been an occasion-.’
‘Mum, can you leave?’ Molly said, not wanting to answer in front of her mother.
‘I’m a very modern woman. I don’t mind.’
‘But I do.’
‘Mrs Drew,’ Dr Macintosh said gently. ‘I think I can handle it from here.’
Her mum begrudgingly stood up and left, not before putting her thumbs up and walking out the door.
‘Molly, I can imagine your shock about finding out about this,’ she said gently, grabbing her hand. ‘How are you feeling?’
‘I don’t know what to think,’ she gulped, not wanting to cry. ‘My head feels numbs and I’m very tired.’
‘If you feel you’re sinking, you need to tell me. I don’t want it to get to how bad it was a few years back. You should have got help earlier.’
‘It’s not the same and it was only for a few weeks.’
‘I see.’ Dr Macintosh took a deep breath. ‘And were you safe when you were sleeping with your ex?’
‘We used protection all the time, but the sex got less,’ she honestly replied. ‘It’s the last thing I need.’ Then Molly buried her face in her hands. ‘It’s going to all come out in the press. People will ask questions and…’
The exhaustion was killing her.
All her tears had left her weak.
‘Have you thought about going away while the news breaks?’ she asked as Molly looked up. ‘It might be better for you.’
‘I can’t. I have -.’
‘You remember I used to treat Sam too, don’t you? I know how famous he’s got. If the news breaks about him, people are going to want to get hold of you. Right now, even looking at you, I can tell you can’t handle it.’
It was the first honest thing she’d heard in a long time.
‘I’ll write you a prescription for your usual tablets. Don’t take them if you can cope, but if you can’t, you know what to do.’ She released her hand. ‘Sometimes it’s the head and heart that take longer to heal.’
She couldn’t answer; tears just dripped down her face because nothing seemed to heal when it came to Molly.
Getting to her feet, she took the prescription and walked back into the reception. Her parents weren’t there. Then she went outside and saw her mother sobbing into her father’s arms. She could make out what she was saying, and it hurt her to see them in such a state.
‘He could have killed our baby,’ Connie said, gasping for breath. ‘When he called I thought he wanted to get back with her.’
‘Over my dead body,’ hissed her father. ‘You should have told him to bugger off.’
‘How could he hurt her so much?’
‘Because I didn’t have a dick,’ Molly replied, startling them. ‘But because he has one, he thought he’d, figuratively speaking, shove it up my arse whether I like it or not.’
‘Molly!’ her mother scorned, wiping her tears while her father smiled.
‘The doctor gave me a prescription and also told me to leave the country.’
‘She did what!’ Connie said, pushing her husband away. ‘You can’t go anywhere, not in your state.’
‘I think she might be right,’ said her dad, putting a comforting arm around her shoulder. ‘Molly needs to get away until this mess dies down.’
‘But-.’
‘Connie, you think it’s bad now. Wait and see what happens in the next ten days.’
‘Why didn’t you come to training?’
Mr Mac called her up several times over the weekend. Molly had hidden under the duvet and was now conducting the telephone conversation in the same place.
Her parents thought it was best for her to stay at their home. She knew they wanted to check on her mental health as well as keep an eye on her.
‘Mr Mac, I’ve run into a problem,’ she whispered, closing her eyes. ‘I can’t come to training for a long time.’
‘Why?’
‘Something’s happened.’
‘What?’
‘I can’t-.’
‘Molly Drew, you’re turning up on Friday afternoon as arranged,’ he huffed angrily then his voice changed. ‘Are you okay?’
‘Not really.’ Molly was trying hard not to cry but failed. ‘It’s bad.’
‘Are you currently under your duvet?’
‘Yes and no. I’m under the duvet at my mum’s house.’ Then she hesitated. ‘Don’t tell anyone where I am, okay? I have to keep a low profile.’
‘You need to exercise. That’s better for the brain.’
‘You’ll soon find out, this weekend, that I don’t have one.’
Then she heard the door bell and knew it was probably someone from the press sniffing around.
‘I better go,’ she mumbled quietly.
‘Friday afternoon, three o’clock. Do you hear me?’ he hissed. ‘If you don’t turn up, I will come and get you.’
Mr Mac sounded threatening so Molly nodded without saying anything then hung up.
There were voices coming beneath and then she heard the stomping of footsteps running up the stairs. The cover was thrown back, and Jamie was looking down at her.
Molly had to blink hard because there was a lot of light hitting her eyes.
‘What happened?’ he said, looking flustered. ‘Where’ve you been?’
‘Here,’ she said, putting her arm over her face to stop the bright light.
‘I think you should leave,’ she heard her mother say. ‘Stringing her along then going off on holiday.’
‘I’m sorry Mrs Drew,’ he said, turning around. ‘I thought she was cheating on me only to find she wasn’t. I made a very big mistake, and I’m trying to make it better but…’ Jamie looked down at Molly. ‘Everyone seems to be keeping tight lipped about something that happened last week.’ He sat down on the bed. ‘You look awful.’
‘She was very upset, you know,’ Connie continued, walking closer. ‘That’s no way to treat someone.’
‘Why are you under the duvet? Are you having one of your funny turns?’ Jamie asked, shaking his head gravely from side to side. ‘When I spoke to Bill, he said-.’
‘What did he say?’ Molly asked, immediately sitting up. ‘Tell me.’
‘He said you saw your ugly, ex-boyfriend who’s a crap actor and got upset.’
Molly noticed her mother flash her a glance to see if anything else had been said.
‘I hope…’ Jamie continued, biting his lip. ‘This isn’t because you’re still in love with him and intend to accept his marriage proposal.’
‘Over my dead body!’ her mother snapped.
Jamie started to smile at the comment then moved closer to Molly, examining her face.
‘Why are you hiding here?’ he whispered. ‘Is it from Sam?’
‘If he dare come to my home then I’ll be up on a charge for murder, believe me!’ Her mother shook her head furiously then walked out before shouting, ‘And he is a crap actor, you’re certainly right about that!’
‘This isn’t because we’re going on a date on Saturday evening, is it?’
She wanted to cry.
After speaking to Bill, he had bought her an open ticket to Cyprus that he couriered to her home. She hadn’t told her parents that the flight was booked for Saturday morning.
There would be no date with Jamie.
Bill understood the need for Molly to get away from the paparazzi and was trying to do damage limitation for her. He told her that people would question why she didn’t know about Sam and Tommy. On the positive side, the production of the show was still going ahead, and no one felt that this piece of news would truly affected her.
But she didn’t think so and knew people would presume she was a naïve idiot for not realising the truth.
‘Jamie,’ she said, flinging her arms around him and hugging him fiercely. ‘I forgive you for all the shitty things you’ve done to me. I know you’re a prick, but that’s because you’re stupid and don’t realise the true extent of your unreasonable behaviour.’
‘You’re having a breakdown, aren’t you?’ he whispered into her hair before sniffing it. ‘And you smell of clothes conditioner.’
‘My mum likes to use lots when she wa
shes.’
They sat there, with their arms wrapped around each other, and she didn’t want to let him go. Then he slowly pulled away and looked at her.
‘You’re not telling me something. Why’s Bill being protective over you? And how come you’ve not been home for days? I’ve been going round and calling you.’
Molly double blinked and looked at her mobile. There had been loads of calls and texts, but she didn’t answer any of them, other than Mr Mac’s that morning. Jamie gently took it from her hand and scrolled down then looked at her.
‘That shit actor has called you quite a few times and so has Tommy Halo. Bill has called, and you bothered to speak to him from the log but not me.’ He then glanced down. ‘Squirrel, Sienna and Nikos. Ah, and you didn’t listen to the messages either.’ Jamie pursed his lips tightly together. ‘Are you in trouble?’
‘My daughter is not in trouble,’ her mother said, returning to the room with two mugs of tea then placing them down on the side table. ‘Now Jamie, this is only the second time I’ve met you but I can see you might be what Molly needs right now.’
‘Really?’ he said, looking unconvinced. ‘She wouldn’t speak to me for weeks.’
‘She sulks like that, takes after her father, but I don’t want her to fall into that big black hole like she did last time. Bill said that production starts in May, Molly, so you need to focus on that.’ Connie walked to the door. ‘Would you like a biscuit?’
‘No thanks,’ Jamie said, looking flustered. Molly let out a long sigh. ‘Has Bill been here?’
‘He popped in on the off chance, to see if she was all right. Unfortunately, she has been under the duvet since Wednesday, on and off, so didn’t get to see him. He’s such a charming man.’ Molly noticed Jamie pull a face. ‘Seven days of hiding under the quilt. I do need to change the bedding,’ she said wistfully before walking back out again.
‘Does mental health issues run in the family?’ he laughed then looked straight into her eyes. ‘I’ve told you before, it’s unhealthy to stay for so long under a duvet unless it’s for sex.’
‘I can’t go home.’
‘Why not?’