by Nia Arthurs
I watched it all, feeling helpless as I wrestled with my own mourning and the underlying feeling that their marriage was falling apart because they had taken me in.
That was a lot of pressure to put on a kid.
It messed with my head.
And this fighting between Clark and Maxine? It’s wrecking the older daughter just as badly.
I place my hand on Clark’s back, offering my support. “Do you want me to go?”
She lets out a deep breath.
Shakes her head ‘no’.
I stay put and slide my hands around her waist, so she knows I’m not going anywhere.
“Why are you so angry, Clark?” Maxine hisses.
“Max, I thought we’d put up the tree together.” Clark doesn’t hold back now that the kids are gone. “What the hell is this?”
“Levonte suggested we set up the tree when we got home.”
“Oh, he did.” Clark’s voice is sharp enough to skewer bone.
I flinch. Rub her back to calm her.
“You know how difficult it is to lug that tree all the way from the storage place. Levonte dragged it up the stairs and set it up in less than half-an-hour.”
Clark growls, “I just thought this was a family tradition.”
“I am family.” Levonte mimics my stance, wrapping his arm around Clark’s sister as well. “We’re all adults here, Clark. Let’s act like it.”
Clark scoffs loudly. “You think you have a right to say that? An adult wouldn’t show up at random, worm his way into a family that’s suffering and then leave when he feels like it’s too much to handle.”
“Clark, don’t start,” Maxine warns.
“I’m not starting anything,” Clark snaps. “I’m just asking a question. How long are you sticking around this time, Levonte? Or did you think you’d come make a few Christmas memories before you disappear again?”
“Clark, you are out of line.”
“If you weren’t so blinded by love, Max, you’d share my concerns.”
“It’s not your life!” Maxine shrieks. “Damn! I’m tired of you acting like you’re such a saint. You have no idea what Levonte and I have been through together, so you have no right to talk about it.”
“No right?” Clark coughs. “No right? Max, I’m your sister.”
“And he is the father of my children!”
Levonte’s lips tremble as he tries not to laugh. “Ladies, calm down. Stop fighting.”
Something dark plunks in my chest as I notice him enjoying himself.
Where the hell did Clark’s sister pick up this punk?
“You.” Maxine points at me.
My eyebrows hit the roof. “Me?”
“Yeah.” She plants both hands on her hips. “Don’t you think Clark is overreacting?”
Clark whirls around and stares at me.
Several thoughts flit through my mind at once.
First, Maxine is a grown woman who can do whatever the hell she wants. This is still a free country last I checked.
Second, Levonte’s here now. Which means, on some level, he understands that he needs to show up for his kids.
Third, I never in a million years thought I’d be this crazy about a woman and here I am. If it could happen for me, it could happen for someone else.
But there are several problems with voicing any of those opinions.
Nope.
One problem.
The stunning woman with the honey-blonde hair glaring a hole into my face.
I clear my throat. “I don’t think this is a conversation I should—”
“Just say it honestly. Clark’s overreacting, isn’t she?”
The room goes quiet.
Choosing my words carefully, I say, “I’ve never met someone who treasures her family as much as Clark does.” My gaze drops to hers and I speak quietly but sincerely. “If you all knew how often she mentions you and how badly she wants to become a success so she can make you proud, you’d probably cry.” Tearing my eyes away from Clark, I take in Maxine. “She was really looking forward to doing Christmas-activities with you all and I’m guessing…” I check Clark’s face to make sure I’m on the right track, “that seeing you guys putting up the Christmas tree without her made her feel a little left out and replaced.”
Clark blinks rapidly, obviously uncomfortable that I exposed her.
“Girl, what you got to be feeling left out about?” Maxine yells.
“That’s not the full reason. I still have a problem with Levonte—”
I squeeze her wrist. Lift my chin slightly when she glances up at me. Is now really the time to be right?
She sighs. Clamps her mouth shut.
Maxine streams across the room and snatches Clark from me. Pulling her sister into her arms, she hugs her tight. “I didn’t know you’d be so sensitive about this.” She clutches Clark’s cheeks. “I’m sorry. If you want, we’ll take everything off the tree and start again.”
Clark scrunches her nose. “Don’t be silly. The girls worked so hard. I’ll help you finish up.”
Maxine beams.
Clark smiles.
Peace restored.
“Levonte, why don’t we leave the ladies to their decorating?” I suggest.
“I don’t know. I kind of wanted to stick around.”
Clark’s eyes narrow to slits.
Maxine jumps in. “Say bye to the kids, Levonte. I think we got it from here.”
“A’ight.” Levonte shrugs.
While he says goodbye to Moesha and Tanisha, Clark walks me outside.
“I don’t know if I should thank you or smack you.”
“You can kiss me.” I lean down and present my cheek to her.
She stares at it for a second before grabbing me by the chin, turning my face and pecking me on the lips.
I, instinctively, follow her mouth to deepen the kiss when she backs away from me, but Clark moves too fast.
In a second, she’s out of my arms. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Damn.
One little peck and I’m rooted to the ground.
Clark’s saucy grin as she twirls around slays me. She must know how tightly I’m wrapped around her finger. She’s got to see that.
How the hell did I get here?
Somehow, when I wasn’t looking, this woman snatched my heart right out of my chest, and I have no freaking clue if I’ll ever get it back.
“Bye, daddy!” The girls wave to Levonte. They turn to me next. “Bye, mister!”
I wave, charmed by their politeness.
The door slams shut.
It’s just me and Levonte in the hallway.
I haven’t forgotten the mess he was trying to start back in the apartment. I’m not looking for a friend either, so I don’t bother acknowledging him beyond a nod.
Levonte catches up with me as I walk away. “You and Clark, huh?” He chuckles. “I’ve never seen someone calm that woman down so fast. You must got something she likes.” His leery grin makes no question about what ‘part’ of me he’s referring to.
Maybe in the past I would have laughed.
Maybe if it were another woman, I would have brushed it off.
But I stop. Glare at him. “Clark has a right to be upset.”
“Ey, calm down, man.”
“You plan to stick around this time?”
“We’ll see.” He rubs his nose with a thumb. “But you know how it is. This family crap wasn’t the plan. The expectations these women put on you after they get pregnant—” He shakes his head. “It never ends, man. They ain’t never satisfied no matter what you do. I didn’t sign up for all this. I’m just trying to do what I gotta do.”
“And Maxine?” I arch an eyebrow. “She’s supposed to handle her business alone and take care of the kids you made together.”
“What? You a preacher now?” He eyes me up and down. “The way you look. The way you dress. How long you gonna play around with Clark ‘fore you dump her for some blonde with p
lastic tits?”
My fingers itch to claw his throat.
I frown at him instead. “I don’t give a damn what you and Maxine do, but it affects Clark and so it affects me. Whatever you’re planning with those girls,” I point at the apartment, “make sure you’re serious about it because I’m not going to sit and watch while you hurt Clark’s family.”
“Ooh. You a tough guy?” Levonte grins, unperturbed.
We’re out in the parking lot now.
The snow’s caked up on the steps and the sun’s ducked behind a cloud, hiding from the sky.
Flipping his key around on his finger, Levonte shrugs. “Like I said, we’ll see.”
I scowl as I watch him get into his car.
But something more than his cavalier attitude nags at me.
A few broken condoms, a few baby mamas and that could have easily been me.
Looking at Levonte is like looking into a really twisted mirror.
And I sure as hell don’t like the reflection.
21
Clark
As soon as I close the door, Maxine slants me a Cheshire cat grin. “Girl, who was that?”
I groan softly. “Do not start.”
Maxine fans her face. “You know I like my men tall, dark and handsome, but I wouldn’t mind the Caucasian version if that’s how they’re making ‘em now.” Her eyes glitter. “What’s up with you two?”
“Nothing.”
“Nothing? You think I’m blind?” She pads over to the tree and picks up an ornament. “I saw the little smack you gave him out in the hallway.”
I pull my lips in, my heart beating wildly.
“He had his hand on you the entire time too, staking his claim. I didn’t see you putting up a fuss either.” She arches an eyebrow.
“It’s not like that.”
“Why not? He seems nice.”
“He’s my boss.”
Her eyes widen. “That’s the manager you’ve been complaining about?” Her plump lips squash into a line. “But I thought you said he was a flirt who never came to work on time? You said he thought he was all that.”
I cringe. Why did I have to be so dramatic?
“Clark, that man is all that and a bag of chips. Is he really a jerk?”
“He’s… different than I thought.”
“Oooh.” She gives me a wicked look.
I squirm.
She whispers hotly in my ear. “He gave it to you good, didn’t he?”
“Maxine!”
“You can tell me.” She nudges me in the side, her sharp elbow digging into my stomach. “What’s he working with?”
I cover Moe’s ears. “You need to stop.”
“So it’s like that.” Her lips curl. “Girl, you don’t have to say nothing. I knew it was good by the way he was walking. Got that black man swag in a white man’s body.”
I scrub the heel of my hand over my forehead. “Max, you’re crazy.”
“I’m observant.”
“You’re reaching. I’m dropping this conversation.”
Maxine inhales like she’s about to sniff a line. “I’m not mad you’re enjoying yourself. I’m just mad you didn’t tell me before now.”
“You’re the one who wasn’t talking to me.” I hand Tan an ornament and smile when she gives it a kiss before sliding it on.
It’s the ornament mom and dad sent this year. It’s got our family picture pasted to the globe. Dad’s clutching mom’s hand tightly and she’s looking at him with eyes full of love.
Hard-earned love.
She stuck through hell to get to paradise with him.
It was worth it for her in the end, but what she went through before dad’s big turn-around always left a bad taste in my mouth.
“That’s because you were tripping.” Maxine rolls her eyes. “But now I get why you were so upset with Levonte.” She slaps her hands against her hips. “Why didn’t you just tell me you were feeling left out? I would have set you straight right away. You know Levonte and his crazy self won’t ever replace you. You don’t even have to worry about that.”
I glance away from her. Even if that’s true, I didn’t want her to find out about my jealousy.
Mave called me out in front of everyone. I’ve never gotten my heart flayed and tossed to the world like that. He was so gentle and kind about it too. Instead of getting angry with him, all I felt was exposed.
“About that.” I mimic her stance and put a hand on my hip. “Why would you drag Mave into a family conversation?”
“What?”
“You put him on the spot, Max. It wasn’t his fight.”
“But he answered like a pro anyway.”
“That’s—” I sputter. “That’s not the point.”
“He got you all figured out.” She curls a lock of my hair around her finger and coos, “Look at you, Clark. All grown up. Banging your boss and all.”
“I am not—”
“Mommy, what does banging mean?” Tan blinks.
“It means nothing, sweetie,” Maxine says. Then she glances up and winks at me. “I want all the details when these two go to sleep.”
“You’re not getting any.”
“Girl, I’m getting more than enough.” She rubs her belly. “That’s not the problem here.”
I laugh. Shake my head. “Well, I’m not getting any. So save your questions because I don’t have any answers.”
“Like I believe that.” Maxine takes note of her daughters’ curious expressions and wiggles a finger at me. “Tonight.”
I grin.
This girl.
Even though she’s putting me on the spot, I’m glad to have my big sister teasing me again. It’s been so cold between us since I confronted her about the pregnancy.
The fight about the Christmas tree was gearing up to be another fallout. If Mave wasn’t here today, my words would have come out all wrong.
Maxine called me judgmental and maybe I am. I don’t think my sister should trust Levonte, but fighting in front of my nieces wasn’t the way to go about it.
Mave was right.
And Max is right too.
It is her life.
If she wants to entertain Levonte’s untrustworthy behind, then telling her not to will only make her cling to him more.
For now, our issues have taken a backseat and I’m grateful for that.
Later that night, I turn down the sofa bed. True to her word, Maxine finds me after her daughters have gone to sleep.
She curls into the bed, her over-sized T-shirt and sloppy bun making her look like a college student.
I sigh as I crawl in beside her. “My alarm goes off at two in the morning. I can’t talk long.”
“I know.” She holds out a hand. “Where’s your hair wrap?”
I sit between her legs after handing it to her.
She brushes my weave. “You and the boss really haven’t done anything?”
“No.”
“Why not? You’re into him. I can tell.”
I stare at the Christmas tree. In the shadows, the colorful lights shine even brighter. “He’s got a past.”
“Everyone’s got a past at this age.”
“But I don’t know if it’s really in the past.” I sigh. “You saw what mama went through with dad.” And what you’re going through now. I blow out a breath. “Dad wasn’t ready for a serious relationship. He cheated on mom left, right and center.”
“Yeah, but he outgrew that.”
“After ten years.”
“So?”
“Don’t you remember how we all suffered back then? Sometimes we barely had enough food to eat because he was out there wining and dining his sweethearts.” I pluck at the edge of my pillow. “He only gave mom the spare change.”
“Clark, why do you keep drumming up what’s ancient history?”
“Because I don’t want mom’s history to be my future. Just because a guy is handsome doesn’t mean he’s ready for a serious relationship. I don’t want to
give my heart to someone who’ll trample on it for ten years.”
Max deftly slips another pin into my hair. “You think too much. That’s always been your flaw.”
“Not thinking at all will get me…” I clamp my lips shut.
“What? Single and pregnant?”
I chuckle. Meet her sparkling eyes. “That’s not what I was going to say.”
“Clark, you got all these expectations on yourself. It’s Christmas and you’re still going at a hundred miles an hour. I wish you’d let it go and let yourself enjoy love.”
“The only love I’ve ever seen is the one that hurts. Why would I give into that?”
“Because it feels good.”
“What happens when it stops feeling that way?”
Maxine sighs. “Look, I’m not stupid. I get why you’re being cautious. Maybe if I hadn’t gotten hooked on Levonte’s loving, I wouldn’t be here right now.” She shrugs. “But I don’t regret any of it because I love Moe and Tan with all my heart. Those girls are my world.”
“I know.” I put my hand on hers.
She squeezes it. “Everybody’s different. You’re entitled to feel how you feel. If you want to take things slow, take it slow. Test the guy. Keep your legs closed a whole year. Two even. Show him your worst. Do all that. Maybe he’ll hit everything on your list, maybe he won’t.” She waves her hand around. “But don’t judge him because of what dad did. Give him a chance to prove he’s different and if he shows that he’s the same as all the other horny bastards in the world, move on.”
“That’s good advice.”
My sister tosses her curls. “Girl, it’s me.”
I lean my head against hers. “Thank you, sis.”
“I still love you, you know. Even if your prude-butt gets on my nerves sometimes.”
I laugh. “You say the nicest things to me.”
Maxine smirks.
A few minutes later, she finishes with my wrap and returns to her bedroom.
I lie in the darkness. Let out a sigh.
As shadows creep around me, I think about Mave.
His deep brown eyes. His handsome smile. The protective way he’d held me when I was arguing with Max.
Can I really trust him?
I want to daydream about Mave some more, but my head hits the pillow and sleep drags me away.