I’d managed to startle him. “What do you know of Lucifer?”
“Not much. He was the first fallen angel, wasn’t he? God’s favorite angel, who became too arrogant and fell from heaven to become Satan.”
I could practically see the wheels turning behind his cold eyes as he decided just how much to tell me. “Yes and no,” he said finally. “He was God’s favorite, and his name means Bringer of Light. As for being arrogant, that arrogance was simply questioning God’s choice to destroy men, women, and children for one man’s sin, as God had done so often. Lucifer asked questions, and for that he was banished to eternal torment. As for Satan, he is simply an artificial construct used by men to explain the actions of God and the archangel Uriel.”
“You’re telling me God is Satan?”
He sighed, clearly annoyed. “I am telling you Satan doesn’t exist. He’s made-up.”
“So are fallen angels,” I shot back.
“I’m far too real,” he said. “Touch me.”
I tried not to jerk away at the thought. I’d touched him already, and the feel of his smooth, supple skin beneath my hands was disturbing. “Never mind. I believe you.”
“So aren’t you going to ask me about the other part of what Beloch said?”
“I don’t remember.” A complete lie. I remembered exactly what he’d said, and his words had sent a shiver through my body, though not, I had to admit, a shiver of revulsion.
“He said it’s not everyone who gets to fuck an angel.”
That same heated shiver sliced through me. I chose my words carefully. “I presumed he was being facetious.”
“And yet you didn’t think he was being facetious about the angel part.”
I leaned back, summoning every ounce of control to appear relaxed and faintly curious, when my entire body was tingling. This wasn’t an intellectual discussion. This was going somewhere, and I wasn’t sure that I wanted to go along. Then again, I might not have a choice. “Why don’t you explain it to me? Everything. Such as why you’re planning on handing me over to people who aren’t going to leave anything when they’re done with me.”
He didn’t even blink. “I wish I weren’t forced to give you to the Truth Breakers. I’d much rather find out what I need to know without bringing them into it.”
“What do you need to know?”
“It’s really quite simple. I need to know what you know about Lucifer.”
“I already told you—”
He shook his head, and his silky black hair danced against his pale face. “I’m not talking about the tired mythology you’ve parroted to me. The Lilith knows where Lucifer has been interred. You were imprisoned nearby, as a punishment for questioning the word of God.”
“I guess there was a lot of that going around. Is that why you fell?”
He didn’t even blink. “No. I was the second to fall, along with twenty of my friends. We had been sent to earth to teach humans about metals and farming, and we made the dire mistake of falling in love with human females. The God of that time was an angry, vengeful entity, and we ended with eternal damnation.”
I stared at him, dumbfounded. “That was the last thing I expected,” I said finally. “I would have guessed you didn’t even know the meaning of love.”
He looked at me, and for a moment I couldn’t move, caught in the deep, fiery longing in his rich blue gaze. Yearning, sorrow, and the pure dark heat of sex flamed in his long, slow look, and I felt shaken inside, my assumptions shot to hell. His expression seared me, and for a moment I could feel my body quicken in response.
And then sanity returned as his lids lowered and his expression grew cool and distant. I quickly tried to change the subject. “What do you mean, ‘the God of that time’? Are you going to try to convince me there’s more than one?”
“There are as many gods as people can envision, but in the end they’re all the same, the Supreme Being who finally granted humankind free will and then stepped back to let them flounder on their own.”
“That’s not so bad, is it?”
“No, not compared to the harsh taskmaster who created the world. But he left the archangel Uriel in charge to enforce his word, and the results have been … less than optimal. There is no chance of forgiveness or redemption, merely eternal damnation.”
“So you’re damned?”
“As are you. Raziel leads the Fallen now, and he bade me bring you here to the Dark City to find out what you know. I have no power in this place. Sooner or later I will be forced to hand you over to the Truth Breakers, and there’s nothing I can do about it. They’re ruthless and unstoppable.”
I stared at him in surprise. “Why would you want to do anything about it? I thought you wanted me dead.”
He looked uncomfortable. “I have my reasons. But in truth, as long as you lived far away and your life didn’t come in contact with mine, I was willing to wait a few hundred years.”
“I’m not going to live a few hundred years. I’m human.”
He made a sound of disgust. “There’s no hope for you as long as you keep up this game. You’re not human, and haven’t been for millennia, not since you defied God and were cursed. By the end of the week, the Truth Breakers will take you and you will be destroyed, and I can’t change it.”
“So why are we even having this discussion?”
He leaned back against the chair and closed his eyes, and I watched the still, elegant planes of his face, the high cheekbones, the narrow nose, the angry, tempting mouth. “There may be a way out.” He spoke so softly I almost didn’t hear him.
“Which is?”
“If you tell me what you know, I might be able to find a way to sneak you out of here. You could go back to Australia, or anywhere you want to go, as long as you keep out of my life.”
“Being part of your life has never been a priority of mine,” I said, my voice icy. “You’re the one who was stalking me, remember?” I sat up, running a hand through my tangled hair. “And I don’t know anything. You keep insisting I’m an ancient sex demon, and you won’t believe me when I tell you you’re wrong. I have no idea where they buried Satan—”
“Lucifer,” he corrected sharply.
“I have no idea where they buried him. I can’t help you.”
“Then I cannot help you.”
We sat in silence, neither of us willing to break it. Finally I couldn’t stand it any longer. “Why did Beloch think we were going to have sex?”
“Beloch is not the kindly old gentleman you seem to think he is.”
“I’ve begun to figure that out. Why did he say … what he said?”
“It’s all part of his little game. He wants me to fall prey to your powers. In that way he can defeat me as well as you.”
“Why would he want to defeat either of us?”
“You’re the Lilith, the embodiment of female power and rebellion. Of course he wants you destroyed. And he hates me because I was once beloved of God and he never was.”
“Beloch isn’t a fallen angel?”
He hesitated. “It’s not clear exactly what he is. I expect he’s a demon.”
“Goddamn it!” I snapped. “Why the hell are you so set on wiping me out when you’ve got a demon right there, ready to be smited? Or smote, or whatever.”
“Not all demons are evil.”
“But I am.” I didn’t even bother to phrase it as a question, and he didn’t bother to answer.
“So I’m not sleeping with you,” I said finally. “You can tell Beloch he can just forget about it.”
“Then he’ll hand you over to the Truth Breakers without further delay.”
“And if I did sleep with you? Not that I would, but I’m curious. Does that mean I don’t get handed over to his minions? You’d become my willing slave?” It was an appealing thought. I liked the idea of him being on his knees around me.
“Of course not. Beloch is wagering that you would vanquish me. I know that’s impossible. Bedding you would mean nothing
to me.”
“Ditto,” I snapped.” The answer to our problem is simple. We’ll just tell them that we did it. That we’re doing it. Doing the wild thing all night long, and you aren’t quite sure whether you’re going to succumb or not but you’ll need more time to figure it out. Which would give you enough time to come up with an escape plan.”
“There are two fatal flaws in that plan,” he said. “One, you have yet to give me one reason to rescue you. I need that information, and the Truth Breakers will get it for me.”
I wanted to scream at him that I didn’t have any information, but I bit my lip. I hadn’t given up hope of convincing him to save me. He’d saved me once already, when he’d been the one to arrange my death. Beneath his cool exterior beat an actual heart. If angels had hearts. If he really was an angel. “You said there were two fatal flaws,” I said instead. “What’s the other one?”
“He’ll know if we lie.”
“How? Does he have cameras? Microphones?”
“Stop thinking that you’re dealing with mortals, Rachel. Trust me, he would know.”
The sound of my name on his lips was strange, almost sweet, though he didn’t seem to notice he’d used it. “How would he know?”
He bit back a sigh of irritation. “He would smell it.”
“Ew! Does he think we wouldn’t take showers?”
“I’m not talking about semen and sweat and vaginal secretions,” he said with far too much frankness, and I felt my skin heat. “He would smell the changes in your body, in your skin, in your veins. He would know.”
“I’ve had sex before, and trust me, there were no changes that I couldn’t wash away.”
“That’s part of your curse. To drive men mad with desire and feel no pleasure.”
“Great,” I muttered. “And all this time I thought I was frigid.”
He looked at me sharply then, but I couldn’t read the expression in his eyes. Blue eyes in the black-and-white universe. I was coming to treasure that small bit of color when I knew I shouldn’t. Shouldn’t treasure anything about him.
But the ridiculous fact was, I did. I had, from the moment I’d woken up in that dingy hotel room in Australia and looked into his bleak eyes and recognized something. I didn’t know whether it was déjà vu, or shock, or the fastest case of Stockholm syndrome on record. All I knew was that I’d looked into his eyes and seen a … I wanted to say a soul mate, but that was preposterous. But I’d seen a bond, a connection, that existed no matter what he tried to do to me. And part of that bond was a totally unexpected desire.
“So what do you suggest we do?” If he didn’t like my ideas, he could come up with one of his own.
“He will give us one week if he thinks we’re following his orders. If he believes you’re destroying me. If he knows we’ve refused he’ll take you immediately, and he’ll win.”
“As will you, for refusing to play his game.”
“But you won’t. You’ll be dead.”
It shouldn’t have come as a surprise. I’d always known that was waiting for me in the end.
“And why would you care?” I asked. What a stupid, whiny question, I thought, wishing I could call it back. He’d tried to kill me; he’d told me any number of times he believed I was a monster who should be terminated. I was entirely dispensable.
Of course he said nothing. I didn’t think Azazel was capable of a polite, reassuring lie. “It’s your decision,” he said.
I roused myself from contemplating my imminent death. “What do you mean?”
“Beloch will send someone here tomorrow, and if he doesn’t find us in bed together, he’ll take you.”
I sat back, looking into his beautiful face. Certain, painful death, or being forced to have sex with a man who drew me more than anyone ever had? Oh, twist my arm. “I’ll take sex.”
He didn’t look particularly happy about my noble sacrifice. In fact, he looked dismayed, and I considered taking it back. “You don’t like the idea? You can always lie back and think of England.”
“Why on earth would I do that?” His voice was even, unmoved.
I shrugged, irritated. “It’s a saying. Mothers in Victorian England told their daughters that sex was horrible, but it was their duty and they should lie back and think of England.”
“It’s not my duty.”
“Don’t be so damned literal.”
Silence. I waited for him to approach me, but he didn’t move from the chair. He simply watched me out of those bright blue eyes. In the distance I heard a clock chime one, and my stomach tightened. I was actually going to have sex with this supposedly nonhuman male who looked at me with no emotion whatsoever. Or, I could die.
I waited as long as I could, but patience had never been one of my virtues. “So … what do we do next?”
He didn’t answer. He didn’t need to. I rose, nervous. “I think I’ll go take a shower before we—er—do this. Where do you want to meet?”
He simply looked up at me. “I’ll find you.”
Oh. My. God. What the hell was I doing? The only thing I could do, I reminded myself. Maybe I was the one who had to close my eyes and think of England. He seemed totally uninterested in our upcoming sex. I only hoped he could perform on command, because I certainly wasn’t the seductive type. “All right, then,” I said, unable to hide my nervousness. “I’ll see you.”
“Yes.”
Crap. I practically ran from the room, ran from him. What the hell had I just agreed to do?
SHE RAN FROM HIM. HE wasn’t sure why. Probably because she knew her true self would be revealed once their clothes were off. Not that there was any trace of the demon on her smooth, lovely skin. He’d examined her carefully, and she had the body of a human woman. No sign at all of her demon origin. At least for now. He had no idea what would happen in the midst of coitus. She might turn into a snake or a dragon and devour him. The idea seemed faintly comical.
He should have known she’d say yes eventually. It was her only chance. He wondered why she was nervous. In fact, she was as skittish as a virgin. Possibly because she knew that once she was naked and on top of him, she’d no longer be able to hide her true nature.
And on top she would be. She’d been banished for a reason as stupid as the one he’d been damned for. She had refused to submit, refused to be physically dominated. Refused to lie beneath her husband. And there was no room for a rebellious female in the world in which she’d been created.
He could feel his blood pounding through him. He’d been counting on her refusal, and he would have dealt with it. He’d been a fool not to realize he’d been bringing her to a certain death. Not that he’d had a choice. He’d survived the Truth Breakers, but she was weaker. She would indeed be broken, and Beloch was not big on mercy.
If she’d said no, he would have come up with a plan to get her out of there, though he had no idea how, or whether he even could. He had to remember that the truth was more important than one small female. So he would take her body. Her agreement was reluctant, which helped. She hated and feared him—he’d done his best to foster that. He had no doubt that her seductive nature would emerge, and he simply had to do his best to resist her siren lure. No man could resist her, but he wasn’t a man. He could take her, fuck her, and there’d be no tie, no bond. His body could do what it had to do, and he could take his release as a physical act, nothing more. The Lilith wanted total capitulation, but he would never give her that. It wasn’t in his nature. He refused to accept the prophecy. He would kill her himself before that came to pass.
But it wouldn’t. He rose, went into his bathroom, and took a cold shower, the icy pellets pounding his skin. It did nothing to cool the desire that curled in the pit of his gut. Real triumph would be not to want her. Not to grow hard at the thought of being inside her.
But that triumph was out of reach. He could no more control his physical reaction than he could bring Sarah back. But he could control everything else.
He wasn’t going to d
ress, but if he went to her naked she’d see his arousal, and it would give her too much of an advantage. He pulled on his jeans, carefully, and went in search of her.
It was time.
C HAPTER E LEVEN
I STAYED IN THE SHOWER UNTIL THE skin on my fingers puckered and the steamy water started to turn cold, and even then I considered putting up with it for another half hour rather than face what was waiting for me. I couldn’t remember sex, except for the relatively unsatisfying times with Rolf. Surely I must have enjoyed it at some point in my life, but if I had, those memories were lost. I couldn’t even remember much about Rolf, except that I was always on top. And it didn’t help.
But it was like riding a bicycle, I expected. Once you learned, it was easy enough to go through the motions. Besides, most of it would be up to Azazel.
But I was nervous enough, and the cold water was making me ready to jump out of my skin, so reluctantly I turned off the faucet and stepped from the shower, which was surprisingly modern for a house better suited to the nineteenth century.
There were big, enveloping towels, and I wrapped myself tightly and tried to do something with my ridiculously tangled hair. It was a pain in the butt trying to wash it, especially when the saber cut on my face had started to bleed again under the hot water, seeping across my scalp when I tilted my head back. In Brisbane I’d used half a cup of conditioner in an effort to force it into submission, but the fabulous shower here didn’t come with anything but lavender shampoo. Great. I was going to scare the pants off him. I managed a nervous giggle. That was the point, wasn’t it? And he shouldn’t be surprised if I looked like a crazy woman—he was expecting to bed a demon. At least I could comply as far as looks went.
Unless he did this in total darkness. That would make the entire thing easier. After all, I’d had sex with Rolf and it had been no big whoop. And Rolf’s increasingly limp response was one more sign that I was a far cry from the irresistible siren Azazel believed me to be. In fact, he was going to be pretty disappointed if he expected fireworks and acrobatics. I didn’t know any. I had every intention of simply doing it and getting it over with as quickly as possible.
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