“And you’re distracted from whatever you need distracting from?”
“Guess so.” Firing off each shot cleared his mind. It was a first since he woke up in that hospital bed.
“So here’s the deal. I’m not a pro. Nor am I insulted you thought so. You, Winters, you have a body to jump. I’ll distract the hell out of you, if you’re interested.” She stepped close, ran a finger over his pec, and stood on tiptoes to reach his ear. “I promise you, whatever is weighing heavy on your mind will wash away.”
She flicked a tongue onto his earlobe. He flinched.
“You’re keyed up. I can do something for you, baby.”
Her hand dropped further, cupping him.
He grabbed her hand off and dropped it. “Not interested.”
She ignored him and crushed her body onto his. “It’s your circus. I’m just here for the rides.”
“Not interested.” The muscles in his neck tensed, and he leaned away from her mouth. If she kept rubbing him, disinterested or not, she was going to get a reaction out of him. And he was, without a doubt, not interested.
She pulled back, her tongue dancing over her lips again.
“If you change your mind, I’ll be in my office.” She pointed down a hall at the end of the lanes then trailed her hand across his bicep. “This time. Next time. Whenever. I sense my kind, and darlin’, you’re my kind. It’d be fun for both of us. Think it over.”
She winked at him and turned away, swinging her ass in those tight pants. He really should’ve thought about it. He needed his old normal. Sugar was his style and didn’t ask for a morning after. That was exactly what he liked in a woman. Right? He shook his head, confused. He didn’t know what he liked anymore.
He was tired and cranky and empty. It made him wish Mia was waiting for him at home all the more.
Winters dropped the clip from the gun, reloaded, and holstered the piece. It was time to head home. Whatever Cash was up to, he could finish later. Sugar lurked within eyeshot, and he wanted to get away.
He spotted Cash, signaled to go, and headed to his truck. The door was unlocked, and he hopped in with Cash hot on his heels. Cash jumped in, threw it in reverse, and traced their return path.
“Sugar didn’t do it for ya?”
“You told her I said she was a pro. That wasn’t an awkward convo.”
“I didn’t say pro. I said madam.”
Winters glared at him. “Big fucking difference.”
“So she’s not your type anymore?”
“I don’t have a type.”
“And I call bullshit on that one. Leather, fake tits, ready to—”
“I got your point.”
“No, you’ve completely missed my point.”
“And that is?” he said through clamped teeth.
“My point is she’s not Mia.” Cash stared from under the low-set brim of the cowboy hat.
“So today was to screw with me. Great. Thanks. I really needed it.”
“You’re stupid. Connect the dots. More than willing female. Your stereotypical fuck. But you didn’t care. The Winters I know wouldn’t mind blowing off some steam with the likes of Sugar.”
“I’ve got a lot on my mind.”
“No, brother, you’ve just got Mia Kensington on your mind. And you should deal with it.”
“I’ve dealt with it. End of discussion.”
They pulled up to the front of his house. Winters grabbed his rifle and jumped out with Cash laughing behind him. Winters walked through the front door, threw the door shut but caught it just before it slammed. No need to wake Clara if she slept and make both of them miserable. He was doing it well enough for two.
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
Mia zoned out in front of her computer. The screensaver was blank, except for the lonely square bouncing corner to corner. A Magic Mike highlight reel could’ve played on repeat, and she wouldn’t have noticed. Instead, she twirled a pencil between her fingers. Her last patient cancelled, and she was left with empty time.
She drank so much coffee that the next step would be mainlining espresso. That wouldn’t do. Coworkers were already whispering. After the professional inquisition from her coworkers about her bruises and scratches, she decided all the cover up and foundation wasn’t hiding the tired eyes and sad smile they really wanted to know about. It was too bad the frown was here to stay.
She stared at her coffee cup, debating the drawbacks of the shakes. A jittery caffeine headache would kick this defective day over to the pointless category. She held her hands out to ensure her fingers didn’t tremble.
Someone knocked on her closed door. She should have turned out the lights. Disruptions weren’t welcome. Her next appointment wasn’t for at least another hour, so whoever it was could find someone else to bother. If she didn’t move, they might leave her alone.
The door clicked open. She cringed, disinterested and annoyed. But then an infant gurgled, offering a slew of nonsensical words. Her heartstrings quivered, wanting to see the baby, needing to see Colby. She inched round in her chair, heart punching into her throat. Disappointment exploded in her chest. Not Colby.
“Judith.” Her throat stung. Mia failed a happy smile. It was more of a smeared grin. Of course it wasn’t him. Why would it be? She hated herself for even hoping he’d show his face. The man had no reason to, but as much as it pained her, she was so desperate to hear from him. Pathetic. She was steps beyond pathetic. “What are you doing here? I mean, I’m glad to see you. But, is everything okay?”
She stood, fidgeting with her shirt. Oh…no. Something happened to Colby.
Softness creased Judith’s face. Clara knotted her hands into the woman’s hair, then, excited and flapping her arms, offered Mia a conversation of sounds and syllables.
Judith waited for Clara to stop. “Hi. How are you?”
Not a big fan of lying, she shrugged. “Would you like to sit down?”
Judith seemed to hesitate. She took one slow step, then another, finally relaxing onto a leather couch.
“I’m not the interfering type. But…” Clara reached for her, and a piece of her heart broke. “I’m sorry, Mia, would you like to say hi to Clara? Hold her?”
Mia closed her eyes against the hot tears that threatened to wash away her cover up under her eyes. She blinked twice. “It’s okay. I don’t think I should.”
I can’t, because I’ll fall apart.
Judith fidgeted, toying with Clara’s hand. “I just want you to know, Colby is... He’s just not right in his head. I don’t know what you two went through, but he’s never come home shell-shocked before. Beneath all that bravado, there’s a guy who’s just scared of losing everything.”
“We went through a lot. I just… thought things were different than they were.”
Judith shook her head as if disappointed in herself, or maybe in Colby. “I’m meddling. I know I crossed the line. I shouldn’t be here.”
“You’re not meddling, Judith. Don’t worry.”
“It’s… I’m sorry, Mia. I saw a shine in my son when you were around. He was different, and it was special. I’d hate to see him lose you because he’s an ass.”
“He is special. I hope he’s doing okay.”
“You care about my son?”
“I do.”
“I’m sorry you’re hurting.”
Mia shrugged again. She couldn’t think of anything to say that wouldn’t magnify the hurt. And Clara. Sweet Clara. She wanted to hold that baby as bad as she wanted to smack Colby and hug his mother.
“He’s hurting, too. His fault, but he is.”
“I don’t know what to do.” Her voice broke. She couldn’t believe she’d said that out loud.
Judith was off the couch in a second, wrapping a motherly hug around her, with Clara giggling in the middle.
This is what a hug from a mom should feel like.
“Oh, honey, me neither,” Judith said. “I’m so sorry.”
Mia’s tears fell, and Judith kept
her close. “I’m sorry to cry.”
“Don’t be ridiculous.”
“I miss him.”
“We all miss you.”
Mia wiped at her streaking makeup. “Thank you for saying that.”
“Alrighty, I had no intention of making either of us cry.” Mia didn’t even notice Judith’s watery glance until she’d said that. “You know how to get a hold of me, right? Please call. If you need anything, call me.”
“Sure. Thanks for coming by and for bringing Clara.”
“Of course. And again, I’m sorry to interfere—”
“Please. You’re not interfering, Judith. Besides, you can’t compare to Jared and Cash. They’ve made it their personal mission to make sure I’m okay. I’m like their adopted younger sister or something.”
Judith laughed.
Mia smiled. Cash had shown up, armed with jokes, and Jared had tried to act like a hard ass. He failed each time.
“I was surprised to see you and not one of them. The guys keep popping in. No idea how they’re getting on base.”
“They can get anywhere. That I’ve learned.” She gave a pause, possibly thinking what Mia thought. If they can get on base, Colby could’ve done the same. “Those boys. They’re like a nuclear, adrenaline-junkie, gun-toting family. Blowing stuff up and drinking beers together. They think I don’t know what all they do. But I know. And I’m proud of them.”
“Me, too.” With each passing moment, she missed him more and more.
“If he ever comes around, tail between his legs, I hope you’ll give him a second chance. That is, if you think he deserves it. I’ll see myself out. Take care, Mia.”
Clara reached her chubby fingers to Mia and called out gibberish again, sweet and innocent, as Judith walked them away.
Mia plopped into her chair, spun in mindless circles, and drifted to a stop. She shuffled papers and tried to ignore the jewelry-sized box under her desk. It beckoned to her, screaming for attention. She wheeled away from the desk and bent down to wrap her fingers around it, wishing she could crush it.
Everything happened for a reason. If nothing else, she now understood how family was supposed to feel. She deserved it. The deluxe package. A husband, kids, and a happily ever after.
She fingered the brown leather box and listened to the muffled rattle as she flipped it over again and again in her hand. Mia shut her eyes and pulled the top off, dumping the contents into her palm. Metal shards. Disfigured, corkscrewed, and hooked. Shrapnel.
For whatever the reason, Jared brought her the box with the metal fragments from Colby’s shoulder. It should have been gross, but it wasn’t. It served as a brutal reminder of the way Colby protected her from gunfire and explosions. That Colby would rather have died fighting than let her go down under his watch. But did he know losing him this way was just as terrible?
She tossed the box toward the trash can. The box bounced off the wall, remaining shut, and jumped to a dark corner under her couch, where it could stay.
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
Winters’s cell phone buzzed across the table, moving closer and closer to the edge. It was a cliff over the hardwood floor, and he’d let it careen off without hesitation. If it shattered, he’d have an excuse for not answering.
He heard the front door and knew his mom arrived. Another person he could ignore. This day hadn’t hit the bottom yet. She walked past him at the kitchen table and threw him a pitying smile. “Haven’t seen you since I took Clara with me on some errands last week, and you’re about as peachy as I saw you last. Is the baby napping?”
Winters grunted, digging at his fingernails with a tactile knife. There wasn’t dirt, blood, or grit to remove. He hadn’t been in the field since South America. Still, he moved on to the next fingernail. It was a nervous tic. Something to occupy his hands or his mind.
“Seen the guys?” she asked.
“You mean after that debacle you orchestrated with Cash last week? Nope.”
“Seen anyone lately?”
“Nope.”
She hovered. It made his skin crawl. Since he’d been home from the hospital, this was her modus operandi. Stand and watch. Stand and watch. Nothing said, but lots to say.
“Colby…”
Shit. Friendly fire was never friendly, and it was coming. Operation Stand and Watch was over. Did that mean Operation Bust His Balls was on deck?
He opted to go on silent mode and continue his weaponized manicure.
“Colby, you about ready to cut the crap?”
And Operation BHB was a go. He didn’t have the inclination to sit around for a lecture, so he stood. “Thanks, Mom. You don’t need to swing by if you don’t want to.”
She shook her head. “One day. You get one more day being a little tart before you’re done.”
“Christ, I don’t need this from you.” He fell back into his seat and stared at the ceiling.
“You do, ’cause no one’s giving it to you like they should.”
“Give me a—”
“You aren’t the only one in this family who knows how to kick ass. And now you’ve been warned.”
“Mom, leave it alone.” Yelling at his mother was the wrong thing to do, but here he was, ready to yell. “You don’t know what’s going on.”
“I know Mia.” She stalked over to him. “She’s the best thing in your life, next to Clara, and you’re hell bent on ruining it. If you haven’t done so already.”
“She’s not safe with me.” Why was this so hard for everyone to understand, and why did it even matter to them? “I did this for her.”
“That’s baloney, son, and you know it.”
He sheathed the knife and spun it on the table like a one-person game of spin the bottle. His frustration bumped up another level, into the red zone.
“What the hell am I supposed to do?” He was harsher than he wanted. An out of control panic pushed at him.
“You don’t have a plan, so you sit here, watching hours drift by? That’s not my son.”
“Shit, Mom. I just don’t know what to do.” He slammed his hands on the table and pinched his eyes closed. He needed a deep breath, but all that came were escalating angry ones. He opened his eyes, and his mother had her hands planted on her hips.
“Simple. Take that fire and fix what you broke.”
“Simple my ass.” What would he say? Mia would tell him to skip straight to hell, and he deserved that and worse. He kneaded the edge of the table. Anxious energy toyed with him.
“Colby, you’re getting one more day with your foul language. Then I’m done with that, too.”
“Mom, I struggle with…” He sagged. Where would he even begin?
“Things you can’t control? Things that you didn’t plan? Things that haven’t gone the Colby Winters way? Want me to keep going?”
No need for him to make the list. She apparently came prepared. Winters rubbed his jaw. “I’m crappy with things that I care about.”
She sighed. It wasn’t pitying as much as contemplative. “Oh, I don’t think that’s true. You’re amazing with Clara.”
“I didn’t have much choice with Clara.”
“Yes, you did, and you took it like a soft-hearted brute. Clara was the best thing that happened to you. Until Mia. Now, you’ve got two best things. Hopefully, one is still waiting for you.”
“She’s not waiting for me.”
“A broken-hearted woman might wait, hoping.”
“You don’t know Mia. She’s not the broken-hearted type.”
“I wouldn’t be so sure.” Judith looked like she had more to say, but left it at that, and went about tidying the empty counter, picking at non-existent crumbs. “You have to man up and deal with your mess.”
There she was with a stick, poking him in the eye. “Man up? Come on.”
“Whatever you guys call it. Man up. Get your panties out of a wad. Put on your big boy shorts. Grow a set.”
“That’s the last thing Mia said to me.” He fought the stoma
chache that surfaced anytime he recounted his brilliant plan of avoidance.
“Smart woman.”
“Yeah. She’s smart. But not smart enough to run from me.”
“Lose the pity party, son. If Clara hadn’t arrived on your doorstep, we wouldn’t have grown close, and we wouldn’t have conversations like this. But we have, and we are. This is my opportunity to tell you that two wonderful girls are a part of your life.”
“She’s gone. I chased her away.”
She shrugged. “I didn’t take you for a wimp. And I never thought you’d walk away from a worthy fight.”
“What?” He didn’t expect for her to break out the name-calling. Everyone else but not her.
“You’re a superhero to the world, but when it comes down to it, I guess you’re scared.”
“Leave it alone.”
“I don’t know whether to feel ashamed I raised you like this or—”
“Christ, Mom. Back off.”
“You’re going to let her wander into someone else’s arms? There’s another man who could protect her better than you? Well, if that’s true—”
“Goddamn it.” Angry thumps of blood pounded in his ears, flooded his veins. His chest felt on the verge of explosion. Like hell another man would hold Mia, protect her, and care for her. He’d kill any man who tried.
Judith nodded toward the garage. “I’ve got Clara. See ya.”
Winters grabbed his cell phone and jumped from the table, knocking the chair over.
His phone buzzed in his hand. Fuck. Would people stop bothering him already? Winters grabbed the keys for his blacked-out, pumped-up truck. It suited his mood. Dark and ready to get the job done.
“Jared, what the hell do you want?” That roar should put a stop to the incessant, badgering calls. Get a clue, man. He was tired of everyone hanging on his nuts.
“This isn’t Jared.”
Mia’s short retort slammed him in the gut, and his heart jumped clear into his mouth. Christ almighty, he missed that woman.
“Mia, where are you?”
“Why?” She was quiet. Wary. Why did she call? Hell, who cared? She called, and that was all that mattered. If he could hear her for the rest of his life, it wouldn’t be long enough.
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