by Lexi Blake
Her face turned bright red, and he was worried for a moment that he’d pushed too far, but it was important. He wouldn’t take anything for himself, but he needed to teach her to equate chosen submission with pleasure.
“Yes.”
“Excellent.” It was a good first step. He couldn’t wait to get started. “Then we’ll start tonight. We’ll go to The Club and we’ll play it by ear. No pressure. We’re going to have a nice meal and then watch some scenes and talk. I’ll have clothes sent to your room.”
“I have a townhouse,” she said. “I decided to go for broke and move up here. Dallas is going to be my home from now on.”
That worked for him. Dallas was going to be his home if he could make things work. He was ready to settle down. Roots. A man needed roots. He’d spent most of his adult life jetting around the world on missions. If that part of his life was over, then he wanted a real home. “Give me the address, and I’ll pick you up. Dress casually. I’ll have clothes waiting for you in The Club’s locker room.”
Her hand came up in a flighty wave. “Oh, I can take the train. No problem.”
He stared at her.
“Or you could pick me up,” she said quickly.
Excellent. She was learning.
“And you will wear the clothes I select for you.” It wasn’t a question.
“Yes.”
“Then I will see you at eight this evening.”
And then the real fun would begin.
Chapter Four
Leo tried to let the tranquil sound of his wall fountain soothe him, but for once it was failing.
His stomach was in knots. He’d stood behind that glass with his rat fink bastard boss/ex-friend and watched as his brother made a visible connection to Shelley. There had been that one glorious moment when she’d tried to dismiss Wolf. Leo had found himself unaccountably happy until he realized she was threatening to not accept him because Wolf was so damn attractive.
Awesome. Great. She was drooling over his brother.
And then he’d actually looked at Wolf.
Fuck it all. His brother was lonely, and Leo hadn’t exactly welcomed him home.
“Uhm, is this part of the therapy? Like the quiet game?”
And he’d nearly forgotten Logan Green was sitting across from him. He was losing it. He turned to the young man in front of him. Logan Green, according to his file, was twenty-four years old. His eyes made him look older.
Older. Leo was five years older than Wolf. Maybe she liked younger men. Now that he thought about it, Wolf was closer to her age. They probably had more in common.
Logan shifted in his seat and cleared his throat.
Damn it. He had to get his head in the game and off the way Shelley had stared at his brother’s chest. “Why are you here?”
Logan’s eyes rolled, the fallback gesture of the young and sarcastic. “Uh, because I’m twenty shades of fucked up and everyone’s sick of dealing with my shit.”
Leo sat forward. He wouldn’t take a ton of crap off of anyone. He stared at the young man, letting the silence go for longer than was comfortable. He tried to put Shelley out of his mind. After all, he would have to deal with her tonight. When she walked into The Club. With his brother. “It’s plain to see that you’re fucked up. I was referring to the inciting incident. I take it you’ve been going downhill for a while. You’ve been in how many bar fights in the last year?”
“A couple,” he muttered.
Logan obviously wasn’t going to simply admit to his problems. Well, it had been a while since he’d had a real challenge. “According to a man named Nathan Wright—I believe he’s the sheriff you work for—it’s more like five. And one of them caused serious damage to the bar. Almost ten thousand dollars’ worth.”
“I paid for that,” he said, sitting up and pointing as though he’d been accused of something.
Leo wasn’t accusing, merely stating the facts. It was best to get everything out on the table, but it did bring up an interesting point, one many of Logan’s friends had voiced concern about. When Leo had talked to a few of the people worried for the young man, they had wondered about the incident. “Did you? How does a sheriff’s deputy come up with ten grand?”
His eyes slid away. “I have a friend. He fronted me the cash.”
And Leo could plainly see Logan didn’t like that, but Leo bought that the kid was telling the truth. “That was months ago. You didn’t seek help then. You continued on your way. What made you decide to come to Dallas now?”
Logan’s arms crossed over his massive chest.
Minutes went by. Leo sat and waited. There was no use in pushing a patient to say something he wasn’t ready to say. Besides, he’d discovered long ago that silence bothered most people. They were willing to fill the void with anything, even truths they didn’t want to admit.
Of course, the silence was bugging his ass now because every second that Logan didn’t speak had him going over and over what had happened between Shelley and Wolf.
Had she gone completely insane? Wolf wasn’t that attractive. He was fine. Wolf wasn’t unattractive. He was maybe above average. But it wasn’t like he himself was chopped liver. He worked out. Probably way harder than Wolf. Wolf looked like he’d lifted one too many weights. Who the hell was that muscular?
Flexible. Leo was flexible. In many ways. Well, not many now that he thought about it. Physically he was flexible, but god, his life had become one rigid regime of working out, working with his patients, and walking the dungeon halls at night, never truly joining in. He’d given up on meditation. Meditation always brought about images of Shelley McNamara Hughes and her beautiful face laughing up at him as he took her hand.
Fuck. When was the kid going to break?
“I shot someone.”
Thank god. He could get back to someone else’s tortured soul. “Are you talking about the incident at the Movie Motel?”
Logan nodded shortly. “Yeah.”
Interesting. Logan’s face was blank, but guilt seemed to hang on him like a cloud. “That was in the line of duty. You were protecting your town.”
He shrugged. “The dude died. He deserved to die. He was a paid assassin. He was willing to kill anyone to get to his target.”
But Leo could see plainly that there was more to this. “Lots of police personnel need treatment after they kill someone in the line of duty. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. Military, police, anyone working in a high-stress job, especially one protecting the public, needs routine therapy in my opinion. And yet the very personalities that make them excellent protectors make them reticent to seek the therapy that would make their lives better.”
Logan laughed, a bitter huff that came out of his chest. “I’m not some born protector, Doc. God, that’s a laugh. You know why I applied for the deputy job? Because there wasn’t any other place I wanted to work, and it seemed like an easy way to make some money for college. Not that I really wanted to go to college. I never wanted to leave Bliss, but I sure as hell didn’t want to work for Stella. She scares the crap out of me. And I don’t know anything about cars so Long-Haired Roger was out. The very idea of working for my moms. God. I love them. I do, but no. When Rye Harper told me he was looking for a deputy, I jumped at the chance. Man, I took it because I could nap and I got a county vehicle. I’m not some fucking hero.”
That wasn’t what his file said. His file stated clearly that Logan Green had performed valiantly in the line of duty. And he’d sacrificed. “Why didn’t you quit after you were held hostage by the Russian mafia?”
That was the crux of the problem. A year before, Logan had been taken captive and tortured by a member of the Russian mafia. He’d been sacrificed to save two women. He’d gone with his captor and kept his mouth shut about Alexei Markov’s true intent. He’d been tortured for hours. He’d barely made it out alive.
And, according to his loved ones, the sweet young man he’d been had died that day. It was Leo’s job to see if he could bring th
at man back to life.
“I don’t talk about that.”
The wall had come up. Too soon. If Logan wouldn’t talk about the incident, then he would veer it back to what the young man seemed willing to talk about. “This wasn’t the first time you’ve been in a dangerous situation. What was it about this time that caused so much anxiety?”
“I killed a man.” Logan shifted again.
He wasn’t buying it. “Is that what sent you over the edge?”
Logan shook his head, his face flushing. “No. That man deserved it. He was willing to kill a friend of mine and the town doc, the man who stitched me back together.”
“Then what’s wrong?” There was definitely something here other than simple anxiety disorder.
“I thought about not shooting him at all.”
Leo felt his brows raise. “Because you didn’t want to hurt someone.”
A hard chuckle came from Logan’s mouth, a sound that didn’t begin to resemble humor. “Because I thought he might actually get Alexei Markov, and for a couple of minutes, I was okay with that.”
Now they were getting somewhere. “Markov was the man involved with the mob? He was there when you were beaten?”
Logan’s eyes came up, and there was a blankness that Leo had seen before in men and women who had survived unimaginable things. Sometimes he saw that look in Shelley’s eyes. “Markov fed me to them to give himself time.”
“I can see where you would want revenge,” Leo allowed.
“But that wasn’t what really got me, Doc.”
Leo was silent, allowing Logan to come to his own decision to speak.
“What scared the crap out of me was the fact that when I shot that asshole, I liked it.”
Yes, that was the heart of the problem. And it was definitely something they needed to work on. He sat back and sighed. “It’s a good thing to admit that.”
“Really? It’s a good thing to admit that I’m some kind of a freaky killer?”
Leo shook his head. “No. We have to talk about these things so these feelings and impulses have no power over us. We learn to control them. My brother and I served in the Navy. We both saw heavy action. Do you honestly believe I never high-fived after I sniped a target? That my heart didn’t race and I didn’t find some sense of satisfaction in killing the man I was charged with taking out? I did. Wolf did. I’m sure your boss has. It’s not having the feeling that creates the problem. It’s giving in to it. We can talk about this. And we’ll begin working on your impulse control and your trust issues.”
“I don’t have trust issues.”
Leo laughed.
“I don’t,” Logan insisted. “Look, if you’re looking for some deep, dark secret, you’re barking up the wrong tree. I was raised in a loving family. I love my moms. I adore them, and don’t you dare tell me that having two lesbians for moms fucked me up.”
“I would never say that,” he replied, wanting to put that issue to a quick rest. “It wouldn’t be true. Having loving parents is important no matter their gender.”
Logan leaned forward, his face flushing with obvious emotion. “I loved my town. I still love my town. I trust my friends and my boss. I hate that fucker Markov. If he wasn’t around, I would have been fine.”
It was obvious the deputy was fooling himself. “Because you didn’t have any problems before he came back? That’s not what this file says.”
“I don’t have issues with trust when it comes to anyone but that Russian asshole.” Logan practically snarled the words.
“But you do. You have trust issues that run so deep you can no longer function, and it’s not Markov who is the problem. You might not trust him, but that’s not the core of your issues. Alexei Markov is not the person who broke trust with Logan Green in such a deep way that you can’t come back from it on your own.”
Logan threw his hands up in obvious disgust. “Who? Oh, great and mighty fucking Oz, who? Tell me because you seem to know so fucking much. You can’t even get along with your brother, who’s one of the nicest guys I’ve ever met. You seem to have some problems of your own, but obviously you know what I don’t.”
He didn’t react to the bile. It was common at this stage. “You, Logan. You don’t trust yourself anymore. You don’t trust your dreams or your hopes. You don’t trust the world you built for yourself. We have to get you back to the place where you trust the Logan Green who lives inside you.”
Logan stopped, his head going down. His hands were on the arms of the chair, and they tightened before he finally looked up. “How the fuck do I do that, Doc?”
Now he had him. Yes, he could work with Logan Green. “I’m going to show you. We start tonight. I had the staff send a pair of leathers to your room. You’ll wear them with boots. A shirt is optional. You’re a Dom-in-training. Included with the leathers is a training contract. Please read through it and sign it before we begin.”
Leo stood. This session was over, and he was pleased with the results.
Logan stayed where he was, his eyes coming up. “How is spanking women going to make me trust myself?”
This was the part most people didn’t get. “There’s trust between a Dom and a sub. It has to run deep. The power exchange can be a compelling thing, but there’s beauty even in the small exchanges with a submissive. Over time, after training, you’ll learn discipline and how to control yourself because you wouldn’t ever, ever want to abuse the trust they place in you. And when you reach that place where some lovely, soft woman trusts you with her body, with her life, you’ll learn that you’re worthy of that trust, and you’ll believe in yourself.”
Logan stared for a moment, the words seeming to sink in. “Wolf was right. You’re not an asshole.”
Guilt gnawed at him. “I can be.”
“But you know what you’re doing.”
Leo nodded. “When it comes to this, yes.”
Logan shook his hand and walked out of the room, promising to meet Leo at eight.
And Leo was alone with the soothing sound of his fountain.
He wasn’t unattractive, damn it. He just wasn’t an overgrown freaking male model. What the hell was she thinking?
And why hadn’t he known about Wolf’s migraines? His brother had looked weary, and Shelley had known exactly what he’d needed.
There was a knock on the door. Excellent. Maybe someone had gone bonkers in the dungeon and needed intense therapy. Yeah, that would help. He opened the door to his office. Kitten stood there, biting her bottom lip, her eyes sliding away from his as though her shoes were suddenly very interesting.
Kitten. The secretary Julian had foisted off on him. Kitten, who barely managed to answer a phone without crying she was so damn shy.
“You have a call, Sir.”
“You don’t have to call me Sir outside the dungeon, Kitten. My name is Leo.” He’d explained it to her before, but she simply continued. She was here because she was Finn’s cousin, the only member of his family he still spoke to, and Julian was a sucker.
Note, he hadn’t hired Kitten to work for him. No, the bastard had foisted the wretchedly shy girl off on Leo. Still, she was a sweet girl and she’d been through something unimaginable.
“Yes, Sir Leo. You had a call. He knows you. He said he knows you. He could be lying. Kitten doesn’t know. Kitten is not good at catching lies. Kitten believed it when the Prince of Nigeria wrote Kitten and wanted this one to trade checks with him. Did you know he was willing to pay millions of dollars to get his money out of the country? Kitten thinks Nigeria must be a dangerous place. Luckily Kitten didn’t have any checks to send him. It was a scam. That’s what Finn told Kitten. Can you believe it?”
And Kitten had serious self-esteem issues. In the months she’d been at The Club, Leo still hadn’t heard her refer to herself in anything but the third person. “Shocking. Now, who called?”
She blinked a couple of times and then the light came into her eyes. “Oh, the phone call. Yes. You had a phone call. His name w
as Steve Holder.”
Leo did a double take. Seriously? Steve “Madman” Holder was calling him? It had been years and years. God, it had been forever since he’d talked to anyone from the Teams. When he’d walked away from the Navy, he’d cut himself off.
A vision of Ada assaulted him.
Fuck, there was a reason he’d left it all behind.
“I’ll call him later.” He turned and walked back to his office. He didn’t want to talk to Holder. Holder would bring back a million bad memories, but he did have someone he wanted to talk to. He picked up the phone.
“Hello?”
“Hello, dear,” Leo said, his voice filled with warmth for the woman on the other end of the line. Seeing Kitten had made him think of Janine. She was Kitten’s therapist, but she’d been much more to Leo. They’d been a horrible married couple, but they turned out to be pretty damn good friends.
“Leo, it’s good to hear from you. I was going to call you to let you know Harry and I will be at The Club tonight. I think I have enough of my figure back to feel decent about shoving my body into some PVC. Not so sure about the heels, though. I think pregnancy ruined my feet. How weird is that?” Janine Halloway asked with a laugh. She and her husband had recently had baby number three.
Janine was happy. Without him. Three years of marriage to him had been enough to throw her into the arms of another man.
“Wolf is in town,” Leo said.
There was a long pause. “I’ll be there early.”
The phone clicked, and he looked at the clock. Hours. She wouldn’t be early enough.
* * * *
Shelley hopped onto the Blue Line going toward Mockingbird Station, slightly tired after the long, emotional day. It was crowded, the press of bodies reminding her that it was rush hour, but still a nice man offered her his seat. She smiled gratefully and took it, placing her laptop bag at her feet and her purse in her lap. She settled in by the window as the train took off.