It was a whole new world for Samantha. Mason’s grandmother had welcomed her and the baby with open arms. Their rooms were open and airy. The furniture was modern and comfortable. Alyssa was given the former nursery. It held a lovely crib, rocking chair and changing table. It was also filled with toys. Mason claimed he had played with most of them as a child. The wooden rocking horse showed how much it had been loved with its worn seat and threadbare mane. Alyssa’s eyes lit up when they had entered the room. She had reached out for a one-eyed teddy bear and now never let it out of her sight. The baby simply adored Mason and his grandmother. Samantha was beginning to feel the same way. The house was always clean. There was always plenty of food and everyone was cheerful. It was a far cry from her past life. She had Mason to thank for it all. She needed to give God credit as well. After all, he had given her the nudge to walk into the church where Mason was waiting.
That thought brought something else to mind. She would have to face the congregation tomorrow. It was a task she dreaded. They had surely heard by now that she was living at Mason’s house and their disapproval would be turned up several notches. They would probably do more than stare this time. Mason had already been admonished by the head priest, but he refused to tell her what had been said. He told her that he ultimately answered only to God for his choices and other opinions didn’t matter. They were fine words, yet she worried about causing trouble for him.
Mason was having a difficult time reconciling the neighborhood’s attitude toward Samantha with their worship on Sunday. They were taught each week about forgiveness, kindness and love for their fellowman and still warned him to stay away from her whenever he ran into them. They swore she wasn’t the type to change and would soon grow tired of hard work. They fully expected to see her turn back to her former ways, possibly leaving the baby behind. Mason defended her, using scriptures and his own understanding of her. She would never leave her child, not for all the gold in the world.
Sunday morning, Samantha discovered a brand-new, handsewn dress in the nursery for Alyssa. It was pink and white, covered in lace and ruffles. There were satin shoes to match and a lace headband as well. These treasures had obviously come from Mason’s grandmother. Dressed in her finery, Alyssa clapped her tiny hands. She knew she was beautiful and loved by all.
Samantha gave Mason’s grandmother a hug and kiss with tears streaming down her face. She admitted, “I have never had anything so perfect to give Alyssa. Thank you for the love you put into every stitch.”
“Stop that, my dear. It was my pleasure. I haven’t had a child to spoil in a very long time. She does look like an angel, doesn’t she? I have one thing to ask in return. I want you both to call me Grammy. Mason has called me that all his life and I love it. It would do my soul good to hear it from the pair of you.”
Samantha wanted to have a grandmother more than anything. She couldn’t refuse the kindness in the woman’s eyes. She replied, “Okay, we can do that. I hope you don’t come to regret it after we get to the church.”
“Nonsense! I make up my own mind about people and you are special. Nothing anyone says can change that. Words can hurt, but they only change us if we allow it. Hold that lovely head high and let’s go. Mason left an hour ago,” Grammy soothed.
The church was crowded as usual. All eyes turned to watch Samantha walk in with Grammy. Most of the faces showed hostility and disbelief. Samantha was surprised to see that some appeared friendly. That was a turn of events she hadn’t foreseen. They found open seats near the middle of the room and it made Samantha feel like she was on display. Grammy patted her hand and whispered, “Just be yourself. We’re not here for people to judge us.”
The sermon covered how sinful ways could sneak up on us, cloaked in the guise of good deeds. Samantha knew in her heart it was meant to be about her. Inwardly, she cringed. On the outside, she continued to smile and take in every word to review it later. She could find something in them to guide her path if she looked past the reprimand.
Grammy’s friends stopped to say hello after the service concluded. They were slightly reserved, though friendly when meeting Samantha. She took courage and hope from their attitude, until she heard the murmurs behind her. A strident voice referred to her as a Jezebel. Another called her a harlot. A third used the term fallen woman. Samantha was set to run from the church when Grammy and her friends turned on the speakers. Grammy proclaimed, “Perfection is a difficult thing to maintain. Your efforts are unfruitful, I fear. Name calling and judgement show just how imperfect you are. Why don’t you tend to your own sins and stop looking to find some in others?”
One of Grammy’s friends added, “I seem to recall that you were married to someone else when you became involved with your present husband, Mira. And Annabelle, your son has children by three different women. As for you, Clara, don’t even get me started on your past. It would frighten the children.”
Samantha barely held back her laughter. How wonderful it was to have someone to defend her.
Chapter 5
Mason ran his hands over his short hair. It was a habit from his military days. It always brought him clarity when he was in a confusing and dangerous spot. There weren’t any guns pointed his way or a literal minefield to maneuver through, but his way of life was in danger and a mental minefield lay before him. Only one month ago, Samantha had stepped into the church and caused him to begin questioning everything he believed. He still trusted in God and she had come to have faith in his power as well. It was human failings that caused this new doubt. Despite Samantha’s excellent behavior, her love for Alyssa and her work ethics, some of the worshipers held on to their bigoted notions. It was infuriating. At least his priest had changed his tune somewhat. He didn’t look upon Samantha as a predator anymore, however he remained obstinately against her living at Mason’s.
Mason could hear the rain pounding on the roof and the gentle squeaking of the porch swing. Alyssa must be teething again. Whenever the baby was too fussy to rest, Samantha took her outside and sat in the swing. The swaying of the swing calmed Alyssa better than any lullaby. They were probably chilly with the rain coming down, so he decided to take one of Grammy’s afghans to cover them. He found Samantha contentedly holding a drowsy baby and watching the birds splash in the rain puddles. His heart gave the same little jump it always did when he saw her. That was another thing that confused him. He had taken a silent vow of celibacy to begin his journey of becoming a priest, yet he couldn’t deny his interest in Samantha. No one had touched his soul in this way since he had left for war and come home with its horrors stuck permanently in his brain.
Samantha gave him a grateful smile for covering her and Alyssa with the afghan, then shifted so he could join them on the swing. “You look pensive today. Does the rain have you considering deep thoughts?” she asked.
“I love listening to the rain on the roof,” he replied. “It’s the other parts of my life that made me delve so deeply. Don’t worry about it. I’ll figure it all out eventually.”
“That’s not fair,” she argued. “You were there for me when I needed a sounding post. Let me be one for you. Talk, I have plenty of time and the rain won’t judge you.”
Her attempt at making him feel comfortable brought a reluctant smile to his otherwise solemn face. “Okay, you asked for it. My past and my present are causing a turmoil inside me. I thought I had my life figured out, now I’m not so sure.”
Samantha cocked her head sideways to see his expression and said, “Tell me about your past. You know all my secrets. Let me in so I can help.”
Mason sighed heavily and confided, “After college I felt as if my life was useless. Sitting in an office day after day wasn’t the way I wanted to spend my life. I needed perspective and for some unknown reason thought I would find it in the military. What I actually found was pain and misery. There were villages full of starving and diseased children who had never harmed anyone and yet they were being destroyed along with the enemy. One minute, you
r best buddy was walking beside you and the next he lay on the ground, blown to bits. Women hid in caves to give birth while the world around them was exploding. Some of the caves collapsed, sealing them inside. I did manage to dig one open only to have the woman shoot at me in response. When I came home, I just wanted peace. I found it in prayers. God got me through the nightmares. I felt I owed him for that. So I decided to become a priest. I gave him my vow of celibacy a couple of months ago. Now, I’m questioning my choice. He didn’t ask for that sacrifice. He only wants my love and devotion to his word. I will give that without regret or indecision. I’m just beginning to think the priesthood isn’t for me. I can’t handle the bigotry I see among the congregation. I can only handle myself. I’m more of a follower than a leader.”
Samantha smoothed the frown lines from his brow and reminded him, “You were there for me. You gave me hope and forgiveness when I needed it the most and no one else cared. I’m so sorry you had to see so many awful things during the war. It was more than any man should endure, but it made you sympathetic, kind and understanding. It wiped out any preconceived or prejudice ideas you may have had. You’re a savior whether or not you become a priest. The bigotry others show will make them answer to God. You can’t change their hearts; however, we can pray that God does.”
“You’ve come a long way since the day you walked into the church. I’m proud of you. There’s another problem. I find myself drawn to you more and more each day. I shouldn’t allow it to happen. I’m supposed to control those types of feelings. It’s impossible with you. Something in your eyes and the soft smile you gave me on that first day called to my soul. I’ve tried to brush it aside and keep my vow, but I don’t want to anymore.” Mason leaned forward, took Samantha’s face in his hands and softly melded their lips.
Chapter 6
Samantha felt a tingle all the way to her toes. Mason’s lips were so warm and soft. It was unlike any kiss she had ever received. Mason wasn’t taking from her. He was giving of himself. His lonely heart reached out to hers and begged for a haven, somewhere he could let go of his past and find joy. Samantha let her lips part and her tongue seek his. With a sigh, Mason deepened the kiss and allowed his arms to encircle her. The outside world and the disapproval it held for their relationship disappeared for that one moment in time.
A tiny hand touched his chest and brought him back to reality. Alyssa’s sweet face peered up at them and she grinned. Mason pulled back and focused his attention on the baby. Guilt overwhelmed him. This child needed a father not a confused man seeking comfort for the desires he shouldn’t have in the first place. He stood and without looking at Samantha admitted, “I shouldn’t have done that. You and Alyssa need more than I can give. I thought I was healed and had found my future. I was so wrong. Until I figure it all out, I swear I won’t touch you again.” He turned and fled.
Samantha was dazed and confused. She didn’t know what to think. Mason was everything she had ever dreamed of. His kiss had shattered the wall she had built around her heart when she began using her body to provide food and shelter for herself. Falling in love had never entered her mind, but here she was aching for a man who had promised himself to God. She didn’t want to be the one that caused him to break his vow, yet she didn’t think she could go on without more of his kisses. She hugged Alyssa close and said, “Baby girl, what are we going to do? I think I love Mason. If I’m not mistaken, he loves us too. Do I stay and fight for him or do I go and leave him to his vows? How do I find happiness for all three of us? Oh, how I wish you could talk and give me some advice.” She bowed her head and prayed for the answer.
Mason sat at the kitchen table with his head in his hands. He begged God for some insight and forgiveness. He knew it was a mixed message, but God could see into his soul and understand the confusion. Footsteps broke into his prayers and he lifted his head, fearing Samantha had come to confront him over the misguided kiss. It wasn’t her. Grammy was at the counter pouring a glass of juice. One glance at his ravaged face had her rushing to his side. “What is it, dear boy? What’s happened?”
“I’m lost again,” he replied. “The answers I found when I came home from war weren’t the right ones. I don’t know how to fix it without a huge upheaval. Do I go with my heart or keep my promise? Which way is the best for everyone? I just don’t know anymore.”
“You love Samantha, don’t you? I saw this coming. If it wasn’t her, it would have eventually been someone else. That nasty war broke you down. You needed to heal and the church did that for you, but you felt obligated to give it all of you in return. I should have stopped you. It was never the right decision for a man with so much love to give. I was just so glad to see you come out of your depression that I ignored the future consequences,” Grammy explained.
“I made a vow, Grammy. I promised celibacy and gave my future to God. I can’t take that back, can I? I’ve already screwed up. I kissed Samantha and it felt so wonderful. But, if I continue in this manner it could hurt all of us. I can’t lead her on. She has a child to consider. I don’t want to be like the men who used her and then tossed her aside. What do I do? You said that you saw this coming. Do you see what’s next as well?” Mason asked.
“In a way, I do. You’re not using Samantha. I’m almost positive the feelings are mutual. The two of you took long, separate journeys to reach this place in time. Both of you have pain and regrets from the past, but together you can have an extremely happy future. It’s not too late to switch your choice. You haven’t fully committed yourself to be a priest. Trust in God’s understanding. If I saw this coming, then surely, He did too. It’s perfectly okay to love Samantha and God at the same time. In fact, a relationship that includes Him is destined to be a lasting one. Go, talk to the priest. Tell him your misgivings. Don’t allow the confusion to fester and ruin the joy of finding someone to love,” Grammy commanded.
“The congregation will turn on us. A lot of them already treat Samantha terribly. They’ll shun her for sure if I let go of my vow,” he argued.
“We’ll weather the storm. It’s their problem anyway. They will have to answer for their lack of love for their fellowman. It’s not their place to judge you. Listen to your heart and let your soul find peace. It may have been God who brought Samantha to you. Have you considered that?”
Mason’s mind whirled. Could that be true? Had God sent Samantha to him before it was too late? How often was he the one to greet the downhearted who entered the church every day? Samantha had been the first. Had two sad and lonely souls been given a chance at redemption together?
Chapter 7
Samantha left the truck stop after her shift ended. Her feet were tired and her spirits were flagging. Mason had left the house last night and not returned before she had gone up to her room. Grammy had acted as if she had no idea where he had gone, but Samantha could tell she wasn’t being truthful. Was she angry at Samantha? Had Mason told her about the kiss? It hurt to imagine Grammy turning away from her because she thought Samantha was out to destroy Mason’s life.
Despite her exhaustion, Samantha stopped by the grocery store. Alyssa was out of diapers and formula. She quickly grabbed what she needed and headed for the checkout stand. The young woman in line before her also had a small bag of diapers and one can of baby formula. Compared to the basketful Samantha was pushing, it was meager indeed. The checker rang up the woman’s purchases and told her the total. The poor woman blushed from head to toe and whispered, “Put back the diapers. I don’t have enough money for them.” Then, she began to count the change from her pocket with tears running down her face.
There was no way that Samantha was going to let her walk out without the things her baby needed. Samantha knew exactly how the woman felt and what she was sacrificing for her child. She had found her angels in Mason and Grammy, so it was time to become one herself. She put a gentle hand on the woman’s shoulder and told the cashier, “Put the diapers back on and add these things to the bill.” She began tossing th
e diapers and formula from her own cart onto the counter.
The woman shook her head and said, “I can’t let you pay for my things. I’ll figure it out somehow.”
Samantha replied, “It’s already been figured out. I was given an angel a short time ago, now it’s time to pay it forward. You won’t have to worry about diapers and formula for a long time. All this is for you and the baby. If you need food as well, we will get it. I’m sure the cashier will let us park the cart here for safekeeping while we go shopping together. Don’t say no. It will bring me great joy to do this for you.”
“I can’t believe this. I’ve been praying for help all day. You’re the answer. Thank you,” the woman sobbed. Samantha put her arm around the woman’s too thin shoulders and squeezed. She glanced up and realized everyone in line was staring at her and smiling, except for one woman who appeared stunned and puzzled. It was the rude woman from church, Annabelle. She was the one who had called Samantha a harlot. Now, she gave her a curt nod of approval and left without a word. Having her approval felt good, but that wasn’t why Samantha had done it. She wanted to change someone else’s life the way hers had been. It was wonderful to be the giver instead of the taker.
Mason had left his house after the talk with Grammy and headed for the church. He had spent hours praying and asking for forgiveness for what he was about to do. Eventually, a rush of calm and peace overcame him. He was no longer confused or scared. God had answered and set him free. He could worship and love God along with loving Samantha. Both of them were being given redemption and a chance to start over. It was time to tell the priest. Since it was only eight o’clock, he knew the priest would still be in his office. He stayed late on most days in case someone was in need. Mason knocked on the door and hoped he had the right words to convey his message without starting an argument. This man had been his rock when he was so depressed and broken. He didn’t like disappointing him.
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