After rounding the evening off with a few more kisses on my porch and almost breaking the railing a second time, Charlie headed home. Going inside, I couldn’t stop myself from smiling. It continued through the living room as I told Milo, “You should be worried. It might not just be me and you forever.” My grin didn’t even stop as I went down the hallway and into my bedroom to change out of my clothing and into pajamas. As I put lotion on my arms in front of my vanity mirror, I saw the glow Frank had mentioned. My heart was happy, and joy warmed throughout my body. He’s seriously amazing . . . Thank you, God.
A hard knock came from the front door. Smiling, I thought, he must have decided he needed another kiss. As I made my way out to the living room, the knock came again. “Hold on, I’m coming . . .”
Not bothering to check the peephole, I opened the door, and it was if somebody threw a sack of bricks at my face. I slammed it as quickly as possible upon seeing that it was John. I pressed my back against the door as I began to hyperventilate. Turning around, I quickly locked the door and began to think of what to do as I scanned my living room. Stay calm! Stay calm!
“C’mon, Serenah. It’s me, John. I’m not drinking anymore.”
Seeing the pepper spray on the entryway table beside me, I grabbed it and put my finger on the trigger. Still with the door locked, I stalled. “Since when?”
“I’m a year sober.”
“Cute. You waited for me to leave to sober up? How sweet.”
“Can you open the door so we can chat?”
Grasping the pepper spray, I shook my head as I shouted through the locked door. “No. I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
No reply.
Suddenly, a sound came from another part of the house. Realizing I had left my bedroom window open earlier to air out the house, I sprinted through the living room and down the hallway. Holding out my can of pepper spray, I went into the bedroom. Seeing his torso halfway through the window, I said, “Stop! I’ll . . . I’ll spray you!”
He looked up at me and pushed back his hair as it fell partially into his eyes. Smiling, he said, “Honey, put that down.” He came the rest of the way through the window and fell onto the hardwood floor.
“John, just get out of here! I’m going to call the cops.”
He stood up, raising his hands. “Don’t spray me with that, and please, don’t call the cops. I just want to talk. I want to get back together.”
“Breaking into my house after I said ‘no’ to chat with you isn’t a good way of convincing me.”
He laughed and scanned the room. “So what? You move across the country and find a beater little project house to work on while you try to forget me?” His eyes fell back onto mine. Flashes of our life together came boiling to the surface, the good mixed in with the bad. “I found the pregnancy test, Serenah.” He glanced past me and said, “Where’s my child?”
Pressing my lips together to form a thin line, my eyes welled with tears. “I miscarried her at fifteen weeks.”
Bringing his hands to his face, he folded his eyes into his palms and began weeping. It wasn’t a side I’d ever seen of John. Unsure of what to do, I kept the can of pepper spray pointed at him. After a few moments, he wiped tears from his now red eyes. His lips quivered as he asked, “Was it because of me?”
“Not directly. Stress induced. It was too much for my body. How’d you find me, John?” Tears glistened in my eyes as I stood trembling with the spray in my hands.
“My private investigator found your phony P.O. box in Seattle. That was cute, but not how I ultimately found you. It was your social security number.” He sighed. “You know, Serenah . . . I found a positive pregnancy test in the garbage can the day after you left. Do you have any idea what that did to me? To know you were carrying my baby and ran?” He took a step toward me, but a flash of him backhanding me in our past surfaced.
“Stay away from me!” I shouted, jerking the can of pepper spray toward him.
He held up his hands. “I’ll leave.” He went over to the window and climbed out. Pausing, he said, “One day, you’ll be back in my arms. We can make another baby, honey. Think about it.” Dropping into the darkness, he left.
The curtains at the window flapped in the breeze as I waited a moment to make sure he was gone. Hearing the car door shut somewhere off in the distance outside, I hurried across the floor and slammed the window shut, locking it. Then, I quickly ran throughout the house, making sure everything was locked. After finishing the last check on the window in the living room, I collapsed into a puddle of tears on the floor.
My worst nightmare had come true—he had found me.
Chapter 10
The next day wasn’t one I was looking forward to—the anniversary of my baby girl’s death. My heart pounded as I drove to the inn to visit Hope’s memorial tree and read her the letter that I had written last night. I had awoken in the wee hours of the morning thinking about her and was unable to fall back asleep. Spilling my heart onto a piece of notebook paper I had found on the nightstand, I told my baby girl just how I felt. The anticipation of reading aloud the epitaph was almost too much to handle when coupled with the fact that John was in town. Much of my life didn’t make sense, but the loss of my child was, by far, the most painful experience I had ever endured. The event of losing Hope surpassed all the beatings that John had ever made me endure.
Getting out with a bundle of daises in one hand that I had bought on my way and the letter in the other, I walked around the house and down toward the woods. The quietness of the early morning set me at ease as I entered the woods. Though it was still early in the day, the air had already begun to feel warm as a breeze blew my skirt and flowers. Where’s her tree? My eyes jumped from tree to tree as I walked deeper into the woods that separated the properties.
There.
Finding it was good, and yet, a kind of misery settled over me at the same time. Sadness and joy were woven together so tightly in my heart that I couldn’t tell where one ended and the other began. My forefront emotion was joy that layered itself with the sadness underneath. Though she had died, Hope had helped me so much. She’d helped me escape John and the abuse he inflicted on my life, my existence. If it wasn’t for her, I would’ve never made the decision to go to counseling. It was through that experience that I learned to become a strong woman of God. The loss of my baby had been used by God to shape me into who He wanted me to be.
Though there was never a day that went by without her crossing my mind, there were plenty of moments in which I’d tried to avoid the fact that Hope ever existed.
I felt guilty over that.
Taking a deep breath, I set the flowers down and leaned them against the tree and then unfolded the piece of notebook paper. Tears fell onto the paper and my bottom lip began to tremble. Pulling in my lip, I bit it and then took another deep breath. You can do this. I began reading aloud the letter I wrote.
I will never get to see you grow,
Kiss your tiny fingers or your toes.
Though I will never get to see you smile,
I love that you grew inside me for a while.
This tree is a memory for you, my baby girl.
Though you’re not here, you changed my whole world.
You’ll always be alive in my heart,
In spirit and love, though we be apart.
It’s because of you I found courage to do what is right.
It’s because of you I found strength within myself to fight.
It’s because of you I found God in the midst of strife.
It’s because of you I found love, and in turn, a new life.
Though I will never see you grow,
Kiss your tiny fingers and your toes.
Though I will never get to see you smile,
I love that you grew inside me for a while.
This tree is a memory for you, my baby girl.
Though you’re not here, you changed my whole world.
Stepping closer to th
e tree, I got down on my hands and knees and folded the note back up. Pulling loose dirt away from the ground near the tree, I buried the letter. I love you, Hope. I will always love you.
“Amy?” a man’s voice said from not far away, somewhere behind me in the distance.
Turning around, I was surprised to see Charlie walking through the woods. What do I tell him? My heart began to race as he raised his eyebrows, coming closer as I stood up. Making it over to me, he touched my arm and tilted his head. “What’s wrong?”
Pulling in my bottom lip, I bit it as I worried what to say. Then letting it go, I told him, “I had a daughter I miscarried at fifteen weeks a year ago today. Emma planted this tree in memorial of her for me.”
Shaking his head, he looked at me and said, “Wow. I couldn’t imagine what that must be like. Sorry for your loss.”
Warmth swirled in my chest at his sweet condolences. He wasn’t angry that I didn’t tell him. He was the total opposite—understanding and kind. What was left of my walls were crumbling, and he grabbed my hand, turning me back to Hope’s tree. I should tell him everything. A breeze blew through the woods as we stood and stared at the tree. Though silence was between us for a while, it was comfortable, and I felt as ease with him by my side. Maybe later. I knew I needed to tell him, but it just didn’t feel right for the moment.
“Not a day goes by that I don’t think about her, or the future I imagined we’d have together. It took a long time for me to be happy for other people when I heard they were pregnant. I couldn’t understand why I had to lose her. God has helped me a lot, though. Hope will always have a piece of my heart with her in heaven.” Taking a deep breath, I turned to him and said, “We can go now.”
He nodded. Leading me by the hand, we walked out of the woods and over to the shoreline. Stopping in front of the dock, I stole a quick glance at Charlie’s face and saw tears welling as he grimaced. We stood for a few moments in silence, and then Charlie cleared his throat. “We used to go fishing on Thursdays when I was a boy.”
“Every week?” I asked, curious if that was the reason for the weekly visit to the diner.
Charlie smiled. “No. Not every Thursday, but we did go out to eat at Dixie’s every Thursday for breakfast, regardless of whether we fished. It didn’t matter how crazy life got. He’d always do it. Some days, especially when I got a little older, like High School, I dreaded going. But . . . he made me. A few times, we didn’t exchange more than a couple of words, while other times, I was late getting to school because we talked the whole time. He gave me his time, whether I wanted it or not . . .” Charlie pulled out the pocket watch I saw him with that first day at the inn and became choked up again as he smoothed his thumb over an etched train that was on the cover of it. “He was a good dad and gave me his time freely. I’ve struggled so hard with the loss of him, Amy.” He turned to me with tear-filled eyes. “Jody found a buyer for the boat. A guy from Coeur d'Alene is coming to look at it here in a few days or so.” He put the pocket watch back into his pocket.
“You okay?” I asked, reaching out and grasping onto his hand.
He shrugged and looked out toward the water. “I don’t really have an option, do I?”
Shaking my head slowly, I said, “I guess not.”
He wiped the tears from his eyes and peered over his shoulder, back toward the path leading back up alongside the house. “I need to go punch the clock for a few hours on this project I’m working on at work.”
“Okay,” I replied. “What were you doing here?”
“I always come down to the lake to clear my head. The water brings my soul a peace and calmness I can’t find anywhere else.”
I smiled. “I understand that.”
He stepped closer to me and pushed a loose strand of hair behind my ear as he smiled and looked into my eyes. He looked happy again. It was if all that pain over the loss of his father faded, if only for that brief moment in time. Leaning in, he kissed me gently. Warmth came rushing through my lips and took over my body, pushing out the worry, sadness, and hurt that had been plaguing me that morning. Though we both had heartaches, we were two souls, completely vulnerable to one another. What we had dampened the pains of life, and each other’s company brought comfort to our souls and peace to our minds.
His hand framed my face as we continued to kiss, each moment better than the last. Kissing on my neck, his hands slid down my sides and to my hips. I brought my arms up around his neck as his lips worked their way further down my neckline. Charlie’s affection for me reached into my soul and reinvigorated a part of me that I had lost. I dropped my head back, and his lips trailed up my neck and toward my face until I tipped my chin to him and his lips found mine.
Looking deep into his eyes as I pulled back from our kiss, I saw love. Waves of warmth continued to push through me, and I leaned in again, letting myself fall further into his existence.
Stopping in at Dixie’s Diner on the way back home to pick up my check, I saw Diego and Miley chatting a bit more than usual. Curious, I went over to them. Diego was talking about barbecuing a bunch of food and inviting almost half the town over to his home. That could be fun for Charlie and me, I thought.
“What’s up, guys?” I asked.
Diego tipped his chin. “Barbecue at my house tonight. My wife wants to see these pretty girls I’m working with.” He laughed. “She thinks you two are a threat to her.”
I let out a laugh. “She’s that kind of gal, huh?”
He nodded slowly. “She’s a sweet, sweet woman, but insecure to a fault. It will be a fine time. Burgers, hot dogs, that kind of thing.”
“Sounds good. What time?” I asked.
“Seven.”
“Bring your boyfriend,” Miley added sarcastically.
I went flush. “Shut it, Miley,” I scolded. Diego let out a laugh and turned to pull burgers from the grill. Miley grabbed my arm and pulled me away from the window to talk to me near the server station.
“Tell me how the date went with him.” Her eyes were wide with excitement to hear the details.
I smiled. “It was good.”
“Good how? What happened? Don’t be a brat. Details!” She leaned a hand on the server station.
“We kissed and things got . . . Very heated.”
She shoved my shoulder back and said, “Shut up!” Smiling, Miley said, “So the shy and quiet girl sounds like she’s finally coming out of her shell. Just took a year to hatch.”
Her comment reminded me of last night’s encounter with John. I hope he really left town. “There’s more.”
“I thought you were a church girl,” Miley said.
Shooing my hand at her, I said, “No. Not Charlie.” Leaning in, I got quiet. “My ex-husband is in town.”
Her eyes bulged. “What? You were married?”
I nodded and took a deep breath. I have to tell her. My heart spilled out to Miley at the server station in Dixie’s Diner. My story didn’t leave any stone unturned, and by the end of it, we were both in tears.
“I’m so sorry you’ve had to hold that in all this time. You have to tell Charlie, Amy—I mean, Serenah.” Miley placed her hands on both my shoulders and shook her head. “This is too big.”
“I know. I’m going to tell him tonight after the barbecue.”
“Good.”
Leaning in, I gave Miley a hug. “I love you. You’ve been like the sister I never had.”
Chapter 11
Arriving at the barbecue with a bag of chips in one hand and a twelve-pack of soda in the other, I saw Diego manning the barbecue as people crowded the back yard. Guess this is a bigger barbecue than I anticipated. Seeing me, he pointed me out to whom I suspected was his wife, Kathy. She waved and smiled as she came my direction.
“So you’re Amy,” she said, grabbing the bag of chips.
“Yep. Kathy, I take it?”
She nodded. “We can put these inside,” she said, leading me over to the house and up the back steps. Coming inside to the
kitchen, I set the soda down on the table.
“How long have you and Diego been married?” I asked.
“Fifteen years this August.”
Raising an eyebrow, I said, “Wow. That’s awesome.”
“Are you dating anyone?” she asked, leaning against the counter for support. Kathy didn’t wait even a minute to go straight to the reason she threw together the barbecue. It was kind of strange but a tad bit funny that she would think Miley or I would be interested in Diego. He was a cute man, but he was older and married, two things that were deal breakers to any decent person. There was no way of knowing Kathy’s reasons. Maybe they had issues in the past that I didn’t know about.
“Dating? Um . . . yeah. No. I don’t really know what it is right now. I invited him to the barbecue, though.” Fumbling with my words, I felt embarrassed. Not knowing how to define what Charlie and I had made me feel uncomfortable. We had kissed already a few different times and shared parts of our life we didn’t really share with just anyone. “I think we’re together. It’s still new.”
Kathy smiled and went over to the fridge. Pulling out a container of Hawaiian punch and a bottle of lemon-lime soda, she brought them over to the table. “Those early parts of the relationship are so . . . electric, aren’t they? It’s not like the hum-drum of marriage at all.”
“Yeah. I was married once. It’s different, that’s for sure.”
She furrowed an eyebrow as she poured the punch into a clear bowl on the table. “Diego never mentioned you were married before.”
My heart took a freefall from what felt like a cliff. I had forgotten the conversation Diego and I had about a month after my arrival to Newport. He had asked if I was ever married because of a tan line along my finger. I lied, claiming it was just a ring a boyfriend gave me. I was more protective back then of my past. Thinking quickly in the moment with Kathy, I found an excuse that would work in more ways than one. I said, “I don’t tell Diego everything, Kathy. He’s just the line cook where I work.”
One Thursday Morning: Inspirational Christian Romance (Diamond Lake Series Book 1) Page 6