"You are a handsome devil and you know it. Your wife was gorgeous beyond belief. I've seen the pictures. Still…your wife is gone, Mr. Amory. She can't take care of the girls any longer, except to watch over them, which I'm sure she's doing right now. I am here, mainly because they invited me to do a job that I thought might help all of us. I lost something precious to me too, Mr. Amory. I lost a mother I adored. I was very close to her. I took care of her in her last days. And I miss her still, every day, as though she were still here. So I know what you feel in your heart for your wife. I'm no stranger to loneliness either. I'm healing myself.
"I came here and almost the moment I stepped into your home, fell in love with it. Who wouldn't, it's beautiful. The girls are beautiful too. And they want me here, they need me. I can feel their needs. Katie is on the brink of becoming a woman; she is going to need a woman's touch. And since you seem dedicated to living with your wife's ghost, what's the harm in me helping her? You aren't going to remarry anyway. You can't turn loose of the dead. So I'm no threat to you in any way. Don't you see that…?"
Her words stunned him into immobility. God help him, and she was smart too.
He hadn't expected her to have so much grit. The girl-next-door was not a simple case study. He hadn't counted on her common sense. Every word of it was the truth, and he felt a growing rage with every word she spoke, and yet, the truth was hard to face and she'd slapped him with it. Living with the dead? Was that what he'd been doing?
He turned away from her for a moment, shocked that her words hurt so deeply. How could someone he barely knew see the truth so easily and have the audacity to say it?
She stood rock still and was about to go back inside when he whirled her around to face him. Anger and something else drove him, as he brought her near him. He could smell the faint scent of some flower on her. His eyes went over her, combing her. Her nearness affected him more than he wanted to admit. But the rage boiling inside him was hot and passionate. "What about you, Miss Annie? Aren't you using your mother as a barrier for not finding yourself a man? You are as afraid of living as I am of giving up the dead. You hide in someone else's house, with someone else's kids and are too afraid to reach out and take what could be yours. So perhaps we are two peas in a pod. Stuck in a rut… So maybe this will wake you up…" He gasped and before thinking, he acted. His lips came down on hers with the intention of punishing hers, but as they met, warmth so enveloping surrounded them that he pulled her into his arms and kissed her with such tender passion she swooned in his arms. He meant to assuage the hurt she inflicted, but it was forgotten when her lips melted against his own, and her arms grasped his.
When he finally turned her loose, she gasped for air.
Her face flushed and her eyes flashed. "Why did…you do…that?"
"Get in the house," he directed breathlessly. "Now!"
She stared at his angry face, and then ran into the darkness of the house.
Chapter Six
Nothing prepared Annie for that kiss. It wasn’t that he'd kissed her so much as that she kissed him back. What had she been thinking? What made her react like a love starved female? What must he think of her? Where had she gone so wrong?
True, none of her experience prepared her for the raw male command of a kiss, but somehow she had to get that out of her mind. She wouldn't win this war by giving in to it. She had to be strong and not show emotion. So…how did she do that? How did you teach the body not to respond?
None of her other jobs called for such a battle, a battle that only the heart could win.
It was all so wrong, and yet, she'd never forget it and never get it out of her mind, not even sure she wanted to get it out of her mind. No one had ever kissed her so thoroughly and never had she felt like she might melt into a man. Melting was for teenage girls who hadn't been kissed. Although when she thought of it, she hadn't been kissed that often, a high school boyfriend, a few dates after she became an adult and that was it. She'd never once thought about how little she knew in the romance department, she hadn't had the time what with taking care of her mother. Dear God, she'd lived the life of a nun, and now…her eyes were open. Open for hurt and rejection.
She'd had several boyfriends in her life and none of them kissed like that. It was a kiss of passion.
Boy was she in trouble!
She blushed thinking about her own bodily response. She was way out of her league.
His face registered the shock she had felt. She must have driven him over the edge talking about his dead wife that way. What right did she have? Why had she done that? If he wanted to pine the rest of his life for his wife there was nothing she could do about it, and she certainly shouldn't care. Strangely though, in the back of her mind, she knew she did care and that thought puzzled her.
Recognizing the pain he was in was like admitting her own.
She herself knew how destructive concentrating on a death could be. Since she'd arrived here though, she had put her mother's death on a back burner, and she acknowledged she was beginning to feel better. Her solace was in the knowledge that her mother had lived a long and full life, and that she herself had done all she could for her.
She had things to worry about here, things she wasn't sure she could handle.
Handling Tanka Amory was no easy task.
It wasn't the children, it was the father!
Shock, yes, that's why. Sometimes a person needed a good shock to see what they were doing to themselves.
But he had grabbed her, he had kissed her, she tried to reason it in her mind.
It didn't matter she had responded.
And then she calmed her racing heart, and let her mind take over. He was still trying to run her off. Scare her a little. That's what the kiss was all about. Yes of course, what an ingenious idea. Now the only problem was not letting him get to her.
But then, why was there so much fire in the kiss? Perhaps she was the one with the fire?
Strangely it wasn't him that scared her, it was herself. Why would she melt into his arms like that? Yes, he was attractive, but one didn't melt into a predator's arms.
She barely knew him. Most of the men she had dated had been friends long before they became anything else. That could explain it; this man was relatively a stranger.
However, she'd never had a serious relationship either. That thought paralyzed her. If he knew, or guessed that, it could be the reason he kissed her. To shock her!
The next day, the girls were anxious to know what had happened since they had seen them go outside before they went to bed.
Annie promised to tell them all about it after they returned from school. But it was after supper when he went over to Chayton's that Annie told the girls about it.
The girls all raced up the stairs to talk to her.
She had to calm herself. She couldn't let them see how rattled she had been over his kiss or that she enjoyed it, either.
"Is anything wrong?" Katie asked hesitantly. "You were awfully quiet during supper."
"No-no, everything is fine," Annie responded with a sad smile.
"What happened? You were running up the stairs like the house was on fire last night." Katie couldn't hide the worry.
"Oh, I woke you?"
"Yeah, but it was late and I didn't want to ask then. But when you ran up the stairs, we thought…all kinds of things."
"Was I running? How foolish of me." She wanted to appear in control of herself. How could she explain this to Katie when she couldn't explain what happened to herself yet?
"Did Daddy do something?"
Annie glanced at the three of them as they gathered around her waiting for some plausible explanation. "No, not really. Your dad is just trying to get rid of me, that's all."
"Oh no…how? What did he do?"
"Well…um…it's not exactly what he did…it was how he did it."
Katie waited for her to continue. "So, what did he do?"
"Well…he kissed me!" She tried not to show too much emot
ion. The less she made of it, the less they would.
All three girls looked at each other, then her, and then burst into giggles. "He did!"
"Oh no, girls, don't do this. I can see where your minds are running, but it's not like that. He really doesn't want me here. He's trying to scare me away. And I think this is the way he's trying to do it," she insisted, seeing their happy faces. "Your father doesn't even know me. It took me so off guard. I hadn't expected that."
"Dad doesn't go around kissing women," Katie insisted.
"Of course not, and he wouldn't have kissed me unless he thought he could scare me away. Don't you see? So please, don't make anything of this."
"Why doesn't he want you to stay?" Tara cried aloud as she plopped on the bed.
Annie sat on the edge of the bed and shook her head as she reached for Tara's hand. "I'm not sure. Part of it might be from the fact that he has ruled the roost so long he doesn't feel he needs any help. He's your father; he doesn't want some stranger moving in. Another reason might be that he resents it and even thinks I came to replace his wife, your mother. It doesn't matter why, it's a fact, and unless I can change his mind, I probably won't be here as long as I had hoped."
"Do you want to stay?" Jewel asked coming closer.
Katie joined her beside the bed. "We never really asked you?"
"Yes, I really want to stay…for your sakes. And the reason is I think you need me here. Everything you wrote in your letters is true. You need a housekeeper; you need a nanny to make sure your lunches are made, to have clean clothes to wear, to make sure you grow into nice young women." Annie smiled. "But, your father is the boss, and if he doesn't want me here, I’m afraid I will have to go, if he says so."
"Then we gotta outsmart Daddy." Jewel laughed. "He'll get used to you."
Katie cocked her head and looked at them all. "I think he's shocked at how young and beautiful you are."
The other girls nodded.
Annie shook her head. "Compared to your mother, I'm plain. I'm not your father's type. Obviously he likes gorgeous women, and I don't fit into that. I'm pretty girl next doorish."
"I don't think Daddy sees that when he looks at you. And he does look. I caught him staring at you over the paper. If you were old and ugly it might be easier."
Annie laughed. "That's almost funny. He feels threatened, you mean."
"Yeah…I guess. Please don't get discouraged. We need you so. You are just exactly what we wanted. But Daddy just doesn't see that yet. He will." Katie frowned. "But we have to stick together on this. We need you," she said looking into Annie's eyes. "I asked you here…I want you here. And here you are going to stay."
Annie stared at Katie and saw the need staring her in the face. Katie was right, they needed her. Only how were they going to convince their father?
***
Tanka hadn't said a word to Annie in three days. In the first place, he didn't know how to apologize for his behavior, and in the second, he was afraid to say anything, afraid it would be the wrong thing. He hadn't planned that kiss. He wasn't sure what made him do it.
Anger, grief, all kinds of conflicting emotions ran together.
But living with his dead wife might have triggered the reaction.
He did his best to be cordial. He offered no apology for the kiss though. In fact, he was determined to forget that. That had been a huge mistake and he knew it. But you just didn't kiss a girl and then say sorry. Even if she did manage to heat him up like a furnace with her innocence.
In a week she had managed to do more than he ever expected. She even tackled his work clothes with a vengeance, getting out stains he had long forgotten. He'd never seen them so clean. The girls were happier than they had ever been since Gina died.
It was a hard cross to bear, because as much as the girls needed her, he needed her gone from here.
So why did he feel such a need to get rid of her?
When Chayton caught up to him one day he knew he was in for a questioning. He wasn't sure how to handle that either. He felt he was losing something but couldn't quite put his finger on just what that was.
"Tanka, you're putting in longer hours now than you were in the summer. How come? We aren't behind or anything, we are right on schedule," Chayton said as he eyed his brother. "There's no problem with the books. You did a long day's work. Go home."
Tanka shook his head. "And I aim to see we stay on schedule."
Chayton looked down for a minute, then back at Tanka who was still going over the books for the day.
Tanka didn't say anything but he knew his brother was gauging how to talk to him. He even knew what he wanted to talk about. But Tanka wasn't sure he could talk about Annie right now. He wasn't sure what was going on with himself, much less her.
"Don't want to talk about it, do you?" Chayton accused.
"Talk about what, bro?" Tanka insisted, not looking at his brother and shuffling his feet so that he could half turn away.
"Annie, that's what." Chayton smiled indulgently. "Now Tanka, you can ignore me, you can refuse to answer me, but I'm your brother. This isn't like you. You were always smarter than me. What's happened? Isn't that why you are still here today? What's the matter, you afraid to be around Annie or something?"
"I told you, I want to stay…"
"On schedule. But you are evading me, and her, aren't you? I wonder why. I wonder why. It isn't like you to run from something or someone."
Tanka turned the page of the ledger a little too roughly. "I'm not evading anything."
"You forget just how well I know you. You're my brother, and I want to help, if you will let me. After all, I recall a time or two you set me straight on Kasie…remember?"
"Of course I remember. But…there is nothing to help. And if everyone would quit trying to "help" so much, things would be fine," Tanka announced getting to his feet and closing the ledger. "I feel…like everyone is pushing me toward her, for some reason. I feel crowded."
"What is wrong with you? Annie is the best thing to happen to you and the girls. Why are you fighting her?" Chayton demanded to know as he spread his legs and took a determined stance.
"Oh…I don't know. Maybe it's because you are all pushing her down my throat. Maybe it's because she is taking over my home. Maybe it's because I wasn't the one to hire her," Tanka yelled at the ceiling. "To even conceive of the idea of hiring her."
Chayton nodded. "Katie is about to become a young woman. Are you going to tell me, that you'll walk in the store and buy her the things she needs at that time? You? Not likely. But that won't change the fact that she needs them. She is starting to look at boys. You won't begin to know where to begin with that. You are much too close to it to help. You've been fighting Annie because of Gina. Because it makes you feel unfaithful somehow. But dear God man, Gina is gone. She's not coming back. She was your wife and you were a good husband to her, but even she would not want you living like some recluse monk up here on the mountain. Think about that. She loved life, to the fullest. And she would hate seeing you like this. Grieving time is over, Tanka. Take up your children and let Annie help you. Yeah, I'll admit, we did hire her. And yeah, she is taking over the house, like you said. But bro…that's a good thing. That's just one more thing you don't have to worry yourself over. She's taking care of your kids, you should be happy. You should worry less. She's very capable and you should feel good that you can go to work and not worry over them all the time."
"Did it ever occur to you I might want to take care of my own children?" Tanka whirled about to face his brother.
"Of course it did. But you and I both know it's impossible to be both mother and father. And you don't want to be both." Chayton hung his head then slowly raised it to eye his brother head on. "And you weren't doing that. You've been so wrapped up in grieving, you weren't living. You can't possibly be there every time they need you. Let's face it, you couldn't. No one could. You are a man, and have to work, to support those children. You cannot do your job knowing your c
hildren aren't seen after. Kasie was, and Kasie is my wife, and belongs in my home, taking care of our children. Not that I begrudged you for using her. You needed help. Even your own kids knew that. Why can't you see how much an asset Annie really is?" Chayton accused once more. "Kasie thinks she's great. They get along so well."
"I've noticed." Tanka spread his arms out, then let them fall to his side, and shook his head. "I don't know." He paced the small space between him and his brother for a moment. "It's just not that easy having a strange woman in your house all of a sudden."
Chayton nodded again. "Yeah, I guess that's true enough. But come on Tanka, this woman is helping you. Don't let her continue being a stranger. Get to know her. Talk to her. Then decide if she's not right. Don't do it because we hired her. Do it because you don't like her. But what you really don't like is she's doing what you can't…And, she's doing what you are paying her to do."
"Exactly…she's taking over my kids."
"No, she isn't. Okay, maybe she is. But women do that, Tanka. Those kids adore you, and you know it. She's just doing her job. What is so bad about that?"
Mail Order Nanny (Book 3 of the Amory's) Page 6