by Beva John
But then the Queen contacts me to say that she is pleased and if this baby doesn’t live, I should use one of the surrogates Jing prefers.
As time goes on, it is clear that the Queen prefers Jing’s company to my own, and I know part of that is my fault because I feel like a liar, not telling her that I am half Human.
I know that complete honesty is not always wise or possible.
I must do what I think is best for the long term.
Brixing hell, I sound more like a politician every day.
If I confess that I am half Human and the articles of succession change, and I don’t inherit the throne, perhaps I can run for Prime. The current Prime is close to retirement, anyway.
I spend more time with Lottie, learning about her birds and we talk about Old Earth. I learn more about Ralph Waldo Emerson and the transcendentalism movement. I am not certain I believe in the inherent goodness in people, but I do agree that solitude and enjoying nature can bring peace of mind and clarity.
I walk nearly every day with Lottie in the palace gardens. Her doctors say the exercise is beneficial and I know that having her near is beneficial to me.
One day, as we’re walking, she asks what I would do if I were not the Prince.
“I will be like my sister and make necklaces and marzipan.”
Lottie pretends to push my arm. “No. Don’t joke.”
“I would go into the forest and live in a hut by a pond like your friend.”
Lottie frowns. “Which friend?”
“Thoreau.”
She laughs. “He is not my friend.”
“But you read his books.”
“Yes.”
“And in a way, doesn’t that make him your friend?”
Lottie smiles and begins to quote him, “I did not wish to live what was not life –”
I add, “living is so dear; nor did I wish to practice resignation, unless it was quite necessary.”
Her eyebrows rise as I speak the lines along with her.
“I wanted to live deep and –”
“Suck out all the marrow of life.”
Lottie looks at me, side eyed. “When did you start studying Thoreau?”
“I haven’t.”
“Then how did you know what he said so clearly?”
“You must have told me before.”
“No. I haven’t.”
“Then perhaps I did read it somewhere.” I have been reading more about Earth history, trying to understand more of my heritage.
She says, “Whatever the reason, it was remarkable. It is like we had the same voice.”
Or the same thoughts. I don’t believe in mind bonding, but if it were possible, I would send a silent message to Lottie’s brain, telling her that I love her, and I will never let her go.
As if reading my thoughts, Lottie blushes, smiles and looks away, but my steady gaze could have been enough to trigger her response.
We walk on in silence.
Lottie is more nauseated with this pregnancy, which supposedly is a good sign. One day we are in her suite, playing backgammon – an Earth game that Sylvia, House of Vasuren, sent her as a gift – when Lottie says suddenly, “Forgive me, I am going to be ill.”
She hurries to the bathing room with a hand covering her mouth and then I can hear her vomiting.
I am concerned because she seems to be ill nearly every day and I don’t want her to become dehydrated. She seems too thin and too pale to me, but some of that is because she is not a healthy blue, which has been my standard. She continues to retch for several minutes, and I walk over to the bathing room. “Are you all right?”
“No,” she chokes out.
I walk into the bathing room and hold her hair back while she vomits.
Her pale face is a blotchy red and white, and her eyes are wet with tears. “Something is not right,” she gasps, clutching at my arm. “My stomach hurts worse than ever. Please contact the doctor.”
She continues to retch until her stomach is empty and then she is groaning, lying on the cold floor. I try to comfort her, but nothing I do helps her.
Within a few minutes the doctor has joined us.
I say, “This doesn’t look right. Could she have been poisoned?”
The doctor takes one look at Lottie and orders transport to the hospital again.
As I watch Lottie being lifted and carried into the transport, my mind races.
Dear Goddess, protect her and the baby.
LOTTIE
I am dying. I know it, but no one wants to tell me. I am surrounded by doctors and machines and I have received several shots of medicine. I am no longer retching, but I am hot, sweating, and my body is shaking.
Magnar is by my side, holding my hand, but I can sense his fear. It is like a dark cloud over him.
“I am so sorry,” I murmur.
“Don’t say that.”
“I don’t want to die. I don’t want to say good-bye to you.”
“You are not going to die,” he says sharply, as if giving the order will make it so.
I smile weakly. Unfortunately, the universe is not at his beck and call. I will miss Allathone. I will miss him.
“Don’t even think it,” he says.
With death knocking at the door, there is no time for lies. No time for regrets. I say, “I have had a good life. Better than I expected. Full of adventure. I never imagined life beyond Earth and here I am on a new world with new people.” I squeeze his hand. “Thank you for choosing me to be your surrogate.”
“You are not dying! I won’t let you.”
How I love him. “I have only one regret.”
He looks at me, his dark eyes burning into mine. “What is that?”
I don’t care that we are surrounded by medical workers. I feel as if we are the only two people in the room. The only two people in the world. “That I never kissed you.”
He draws his breath in quickly, and for an instant, I imagine myself in his arms and he is kissing me passionately, desperately and I am sinking into a wave of passion. I close my eyes, savoring the sweet moment.
“Lottie!” Magnar suddenly commands and I open my eyes, looking at him. “You will live. I insist upon it. And when you are well, I will give you the best kiss of your life.”
“Conceited, eh?” I joke weakly and he smiles.
I love you.
The words are like fireworks in my mind – loud and bright.
I blink, stunned by the love and acceptance, tinged with a pinch of fear, that I feel from him. He is my wonderful, blue, alien lover.
“Pardon me, sir,” one of the doctors says. “We must put her under immediately.”
I clutch Magnar’s hand, but there is another needle and then nothing.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
MAGNAR
The next two days, Lottie’s future is questionable, and I stay by her side as she sleeps. My faith in religion has always been superficial at best, but now, when I know that I might lose her, I am willing to beg. Goddess, I don’t know if you are real and if you can hear me, but if you can, please save her.
Although I have dealt with my father’s death and I am mentally and emotionally prepared for Tomor’s death, the possibility of losing Lottie guts me.
I have never cared for anyone as I care for her.
I love her.
And if, Goddess willing, Lottie lives, I will marry her. I will break my engagement with Jing. I don’t care what the Queen or anyone else on Allathone says.
Life is too short to only do my duty.
Lottie is my happiness and I will take her and keep her and hold her close.
And if the Queen or the Assembly decides I can no longer be the Crown Prince, so be it. I will deal with that as well.
I remember Tomor telling me to enjoy life.
But there will be no joy without Lottie.
The doctors say that Lottie was poisoned. They perform their tests and Serat’s intelligence officers search Lottie’s rooms and the Royal kitc
hens at the palace.
The following day, Serat comes to me at the hospital. He requests a private room and there are guards placed outside in the hallway to ensure that no one overhears us.
“Your Highness, we have conducted the survey and search and yes, you are correct, your surrogate has been poisoned.”
“How?”
“The candy she was eating.”
I sink down in my chair. “Brixing hell. Are you saying that my sister is trying to poison Lottie?”
“No, no,” Serat assures me. “It has nothing to do with Princess Emjer. No, these candies actually came from your fiancée, Lady Jing.”
Why does this not surprise me? Jing has been jealous of Lottie and she wanted a different surrogate, but I never suspected that she would use murder to get what she wanted. But she has never seen Lottie as a sentient being. “You have proof?”
Serat nods. “Security viewings and skin cells from her fingers on the bowl. One of her servants purchasing the poison.”
Jing should have known that she would be caught. “What is the next step?”
“That depends on what you want, Your Highness. If you want Lady Jing to catch a cold and die in the next few days, that can happen very quickly.”
I am appalled by his ruthlessness. “I cannot sentence her to death. Not without a trial and due process.”
Serat looks at me calmly and says, “You don’t want the scandal, sir.”
“You’re right. But I don’t want her dead, either.”
“Even though she wished your surrogate to die?”
I think of an ancient Human law – an eye for an eye. True justice might be to force Jing to eat one of the tainted candies herself. But we are more civilized here on Allathone. We are not lawless savages. “Is there a way to banish her? I believe that would be a suitable punishment for her to lose her friends and not be able to shop or go to Lord Remton’s parties.”
Serat says, “In a way, a quick death is more compassionate.”
“Perhaps, but I’m not willing to make that decision today. Not until we know Lottie’s fate. Contain Lady Jing for the time being.”
“Yes, sir. And since Lady Jing is a close companion to the Queen, the Queen will need to be informed, too.”
“Very well.”
LOTTIE
I am in and out of consciousness for several days. I am aware of doctors talking and my body aches. But thank goodness, eventually I finally feel good enough to open my eyes and sit up. Nurses hustle about, making certain I have everything I need. I don’t remember everything that happened as I fell ill, but I do remember Magnar holding my hair while I vomited – that is both endearing and revolting. I am embarrassed that he saw me at my worst.
I also remember him promising to kiss me, but I worry that was the result of a fevered dream and not real.
When I ask about the Prince, I am told that although he spent two days by my side, he is now at the palace. The nurses promise me that he will learn of my improvement.
I would like to contact him, but I don’t want to interrupt if he is doing something important.
And I am not comfortable sending him a message that says, I love you.
MAGNAR
The Queen does not want to banish Jing. She meets with me and Serat late one evening to discuss the situation. We are in her private chambers and she wears a medical necklace that sends oxygen up towards her nose.
Without her face painting and jewelry, she looks much older than usual. Her long white hair hangs down her back instead of being styled up on her head. She is wearing a long-sleeved robe and is sitting on one of the hateful scooter chairs. She says irritably, “I don’t know why you insisted on talking tonight, Serat. Why can’t this wait until morning?” She coughs in a way that reminds me of Tomor.
“I am sorry, Your Majesty, but we must decide what to do with Lady Jing. We cannot keep her under house arrest for days without someone alerting the news media.”
The Queen says petulantly, “I will pardon her. That will take care of the problem.”
I cannot keep silent. “She tried to kill Lottie. That is attempted murder.”
“But she wasn’t successful. Isn’t that a mitigating factor?”
“The only reason she wasn’t successful was due to the extreme efforts of our doctors. If you pardon her, it will look as if she is above the law. The people of Allathone want justice to be fair – regardless of class or position.”
“But no one needs to know.” The Queen looks at me. “Just like your terrorists.”
She refers to the travelers who kidnapped Lottie. “That was an entirely different matter. They are dead now, not a risk to anyone.”
She scoffs. “You think little Jing is a risk?”
I try to make her see reason. “She tried to kill someone.”
The Queen says, “But it was only a Human. It’s not as if she tried to kill a Brune.”
Only a Human? I look at the traveler that I have loved and respected my entire life, but now I feel as if I hardly know her. “That Human has a name. She is Lottie. And I am going to marry her.”
I hear Serat murmur under his breath, “Brix, what are you doing?”
The Queen looks shocked. She clutches at her robe over her chest. “My heart,” she gasps, and I can’t tell if she is telling the truth or if she is trying to manipulate us. “Are you insane?”
“No, I am sane for the first time in a long time. I am not going to marry Jing. I am going to marry the woman I love.”
She coughs. “A Human?”
“Yes.”
When she speaks again, her voice is unsteady. She says, “That will ... never be approved. You are not ... thinking clearly.” She takes a deep breath of the oxygen around her throat and coughs again.
“Your Majesty,” Serat says smoothly. “This is a delicate topic. Perhaps you are right, and we should discuss it in the light of day, when calmer heads prevail.” He glares at me, warning me to keep my mouth shut.
“My heart can’t bear this,” the Queen continues and pats her fist against her chest. “You will be the death of me, Magnar. Thank Goddess your father is dead and cannot hear you.”
“I think the King would approve. He wanted Humans to have the same rights as Brunes.”
“But not to sit on my throne!” she says angrily.
Serat interrupts, saying, “No one is asking the surrogate to sit your throne, Your Majesty.”
“Silence!” she says and addresses me. “I will never give my permission for you to marry a Human. I would rather have Chell succeed me.” She looks at me with disgust and says, “You should have died like your brothers.”
And then, having made her pronouncement, she coughs again for nearly a minute, as if our conversation has exhausted her. Then she calls out for her Katoll footman to take her to her bedroom. “I will speak to the Prime in the morning. Good night, Serat.” She ignores me.
I am silent until she has left the room. “That did not go well.”
Serat shakes his head. “You are an idiot. But hopefully the Queen will be calmer in the morning. She doesn’t really want Chell to succeed. None of us do.”
“I did not realize the Queen was so prejudiced against Humans.”
“It is her generation. In her mind, they are no better than pets.”
I know that now. As we leave the Queen’s chambers, I place my hands behind my back and say, “What do you think the Prime will do? Will he be on my side? He has always struck me as a reasonable man.”
“I agree. He should have no problem with you marrying your human female. It could be seen as a unifying gesture, recognizing Allathone’s minorities. A smart political move.”
“I am not marrying Lottie because of politics.”
“Fine, but part of my job is to keep the government stable and secure. And if that means publicly casting your behavior in a more favorable light, I will.”
“And you think the Prime will agree with you?”
“He should, but th
en again, he may feel an extra obligation to the Queen because he had sex with her.”
“What?”
“Don’t be so surprised.”
“I am astonished by all the secrets that I do not know.”
Serat sighs. “Very well. The Queen slept with all of the last five Primes – except for Walner.”
“Walner only lasted two months.”
“Precisely.”
My distaste must show on my face, for Serat adds, “It is common knowledge that a sexual bond can create other bonds. It is a way for the monarchy and the Assembly to be more aligned.”
“Did my father know about this?” I ask, then answer my own foolish question. “Of course, he did.”
Serat shrugs. “It is a recent tradition. Your grandmother didn’t sleep with the Primes.”
I look over at him. “Well, if I do become King, the tradition stops now. I will not hand out Lottie like a courtesan.”
“No, sir. No one will expect you to. And in your father’s case, I believe he had nothing to do with it. It was the Queen’s choice.”
I notice how careful he is not to call the Queen my mother since his prior disclosure.
I sigh, suddenly weary of the entire conversation. Initially, when I learned that I was half Human, I grieved because I did not have the Queen’s blood in my veins. Now, having seen more of her character, I am relieved to think that she has provided no part of me.
I receive a notice from the hospital on my data screen, which makes me stop still. I read it quickly. “Lottie is awake now. I must go to her.”
Serat says, “Good. Give her my regards. As much as I do not approve of the timing of your announcement, I approve of your engagement. Lottie will make an excellent Queen.”
“If I become King.” I don’t know what the Queen or the Prime will do. All my life, I have chaffed at the rules and obligations of being a member of the monarchy, but now I fear the possibility of those obligations disappearing.
“Don’t worry. These things have a way of working themselves out. The Queen is angry now, but she wants what is best for Allathone, just as you do.”