by Rayna, Eden
“I sold my house to Justin. We made a verbal agreement, so I need to meet with my lawyer to get the paperwork drawn up.”
Dean pipes up. “You’re not going to do the trucking thing any longer?”
“Nah.” It’s not much of an answer but neither of them seems keen on pressing the issue.
“You’re staying for dinner, hun,” Mom tells me. There’s no point in arguing even though I’d rather be alone. Trying to opt out will just end up with me staying for dinner anyway, so I let it be the way it is.
“How can I help?” I push away from the table and stand beside her, dropping another kiss on her cheek. She knows when the time is right I’ll fill her in on what happened. Until then, she’ll feed me and love me and, more importantly, keep my brothers at bay.
Chapter Sixteen
Piper and I sit at a table in one of four pubs in town sipping an afternoon beer and catching up. I just got back to Fort McKay and she says she’s dying to know what I’ve been up to for two weeks. Her enthusiasm is telling of her social life up here. It’s a little depressing how the isolation becomes more apparent when one of us gets away for a bit.
“So? How was it?” She asks with great anticipation.
“Fine, I mean, nothing special happened.” I’m still treading lightly around Piper since my guilt over lying has only magnified in the last couple weeks.
She gets upset with me over my lack of interest. “Did you see people you had never seen before? Did you eat in a restaurant that served something other than burgers and eggs? Did you have to wait for the light to change before you crossed the street?” Each question is asked in an octave higher than the last. I nod yes to all those things. “Then something special happened! Don’t take that shit for granted.”
“You know, if you ever came to Fort Mac with me –.”
She cuts me off. “Whatever. Fort Mac is hardly different from here. I want to go somewhere where the male-to-female ratio is a little more balanced.” I laugh. She does have a point.
“I know you were just hanging with family but tell me what you got up to.”
“Pretty much just that. I hung out with my folks, my brother flew in for a couple days.” It was nice to see him. We had to pull out a photo album to see the last time we were all together. It’s been five years. My mom started to cry at the realisation. We had to promise her to come visit more often, which led to my brother and I drinking for the next two days. Mom gets a little dramatic. I think it’s all the pot she still smokes.
Speaking of smoke. “What’s up with the wildfires?” All the snow that melted so quickly earlier this month has left tinder-dry grassland behind. No rain has fallen at all this spring but there has been plenty of lightning. While I was gone, fires broke out south of here and have since grown out of control.
“Pretty crazy, hey?” Her eyebrows shoot to her hairline. “There are too many to count now, but they are still far enough away from Fort Mac that the city is safe. That was a big concern a few days ago when the wind shifted direction.”
Piper and I hang out until she’s nearly dropping from exhaustion since she worked the breakfast shift this morning. I need to get back on my backwards schedule for work tomorrow night so I tell her I’m going to stay with another group of friends who are hanging out by the pool tables.
The next night, I’m somewhat saddened to see that nothing has changed at the motel in the two weeks I was gone. Not that I would expect it to. I log in to the computer and start my usual perusing of celebrity websites. I nod off a couple times and jerk myself awake with the sudden fear that someone is standing at the desk watching me. It’s just my imagination. No one has come in since about ten and it’s nearly one in the morning.
I head into the employee’s room to make a pot of coffee and I see the vase sitting on the counter that I used for Kirk’s flowers. I stare at it like maybe it will speak to me and tell me what I want to hear. I want someone to tell me there’s still a chance for us.
I texted him a few times in the days right after my stupid mouth got me in trouble but got no response. I took that as my sign to fuck off. He knows how to find me if ever he wants to. I’m not holding my breath but I do hang on to a little piece of hope.
The coffee pot beeps signalling the end of the brew cycle. I pour myself a mug and head back out front. Not ten minutes later, I hear a semi pull up. Thank goodness, someone is coming in and I can kill ten minutes of my night by getting him a room.
I’m shocked when the door opens and it’s Piper who walks in.
“Piper! What are you doing here so late at night?”
“Hey, Danielle,” she says without an ounce of cheer in her voice. She drops a large, overstuffed duffle bag on the floor. I can’t say I didn’t see it coming. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Fucking Chad.
“You need a place to stay, sweetie?”
“Just for a few days until I can find something in town.”
I hand her a registration form and a pen. “I’d let you stay for free, but with it being so quiet lately, the owner would notice having to clean the extra room.” I wish I had space at my place, but my rental is so small it doesn’t even have room for a full-sized couch for her to crash on. “Let me grab a keycard while you fill in your details. You can use the café as your address. I know where to find you if you decide to steal our towels.” I give her a wink, trying to lighten the mood for both of us. “Drop your bag in your room and come back for a glass of wine if you want.”
“Aw, thanks, Dee. I think I need some time alone right now. And anyway, I have to be at work at seven.” She looks exhausted, a feeling I can sympathise with. We chat about rentals available in town and I tell her I’ll send her some names. Then I pull out my emergency bottle of red wine that I keep stashed under the desk.
“Let me know if you change your mind.” I give her a hug over the counter and she ambles out the door like she’s carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders. I know that feeling too.
Chapter Seventeen
What a fucking nightmare. Two days after Justin signed the mortgage papers and I got paid out on the house, the city of Fort McMurray gets put on evacuation notice because of the wildfires.
“I’d really rather you didn’t go,” my mom pleads with me.
“Mom, I have to go pack my stuff up and help Justin.” She looks at me knowing I’m right and that there’s nothing she can say that would change my mind. I’ve rented that house to Justin for years and I feel terrible that he’s facing losing it so quickly after transferring ownership.
“What are you even going to do? You don’t have a truck anymore. How are you going to help him move his stuff?
“I don’t know!” I snap at her then take her by the shoulders and kiss her forehead. “I’m sorry, Ma. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I will find a way to be useful, if not to Justin and Gordon, then to someone else.” I sling my duffle bag over my shoulder and holler out to Garrett, my big brother who’s giving me a ride into Lethbridge to catch my flight.
“When are you coming back?” Mom asks with more than a hint of worry to her tone.
“Not sure. I’ll likely fly out of Edmonton after hitching a ride with Justin to his sister’s house. Mom,” I take her by the shoulders again and give a reassuring squeeze. “I will call you every hour on the hour if you want.” She nods her head vehemently telling me that she’d like that. “Promise.” I kiss her cheek again and head out to Garrett’s waiting truck.
* * *
Bloody hell, the Fort Mac airport is utter chaos. Thousands of people mill about in the single terminal building. The one thing I’m thankful for is that so many people are arriving at the airport to catch flights out that there is no problem catching a taxi back into the city.
“Put me to work, boys,” I say after clapping Justin and Gordon on the back when I arrive. We aren’t exactly sure what to do to mitigate the loss in this situation. Most of downtown has already burnt down. The reality is, concrete buildings are
going up in flames, so even if we move things into the centre of the house, if the house burns down it’s not going to make a difference.
We pack up all their valuables and important documents. There wasn’t a box to be had in the city, so we toss clothing and anything else that will fit in the back of their trucks in industrial strength garbage bags.
I call my mom every hour like she wanted until she tells me it’s enough and to stop wasting my time on the phone when I can be getting the job done and getting home. Last flights out of the city leave tomorrow, after that the airport will be shut down. Gordon is leaving tonight for Grand Prairie; Justin and I will drive out tomorrow afternoon. He has to go to his office and pick up a few things in the morning. I offered to help the neighbours pack up while he’s gone.
I never considered Fort Mac my home even though I owned a place up here but it still hurts to see a city I spent so much time in burn to the ground. With the house sold, my trucking days done and Danielle out of my life, I really have no reason to come this far north ever again. It pains me that this is going to be my last memory of the place.
For lack of a better term, it’s apocalyptic here. It’s impossible to be outside for any amount of time. The smoke is thick and burns the lungs and eyes almost instantly. Even though the sun is shining, we can’t see it through the haze. Layers of ash coat every surface. Footprints in soot get covered only minutes after being created, like a harbinger of what life will be like here in a few days.
My own morbid thoughts give me the chills.
Justin and I spend the night eating what food is left in the fridge, watching the news and trying to find things to talk about that aren’t fire-related.
“I’ve gotta ask, man. What happened with Danielle?”
I’d rather talk about the fire. “Nothing. We split up.”
He narrows his gaze on me. “I know we’re not tight, Kirk, but I have known you a long time. You’ve never been like that with a girl before. And you’ve never been like this after leaving a girl.” He points large circles at me indicating that I have completely fallen apart in the last month.
“It turned out the desire to be together was one-sided.” I harden my voice to make it seem easy to brush off even if I don’t believe it myself.
“I ran into her friend, Carly. You know, the bitchy blonde bombshell?” I remember her even without the descriptors. Through some weird twisted way, Carly and Justin met years ago. Small world up here. I shrug to say, what of it? “She said Danielle hasn’t come back to the city in over a month. Said Danielle didn’t feel like partying anymore. It made me think, that was around the time you flew in to surprise her.”
“Spit it out, man. What are you getting at?”
“Maybe it wasn’t so one-sided after all.”
I stand up to get another beer and to try to put an end to the conversation. “You didn’t hear what she said about me. I have it on pretty good authority that I was way more into her than she was into me.” I come back and hand him a bottle. “Last beer. Enjoy.”
I look around the house thinking it’s hard to enjoy when this truly may be the last beer that is ever had under this roof.
* * *
The entire city is nuts today. The airport is closed, which means anyone wanting to leave, which is everyone because the city has been ordered to evacuate, has to go by car. With downtown being ablaze and general traffic at a standstill, Justin can’t get back to the house from his office.
I have officially gone into panic mode. I have no way of getting out of the city. I call Garrett and ask if he knows anyone up here, telling him to keep it quiet because I don’t want to give my mother a heart attack. He tells me he’ll ask around but I don’t get my hopes up.
I finish helping the neighbours pack up their kids. They offer me a ride, but there is not an inch of space in their truck. They have three kids, two of whom are in car seats, and the contents of their house packed in on top of everyone. I thank them and tell them not to worry, I’ll find a way out.
In a last-ditch effort, I call up the trucking company hoping they have at least one rig in town and I can hop a ride with the driver. Fuck, I’ll even sit in the trailer if it means getting out of here.
Layla, a long-time dispatcher answers my call. “Never thought we’d hear from you again, Kirk!” She says enthusiastically. It’s not the best choice of words given what’s going on here, but I try not to let the stress of the last couple days get in the way of what I need to talk about.
“Layla, any chance there’s still someone up here who can give me a lift out? I’m stranded.”
“As a matter of fact, there is.” Thank fuck, I say to myself exhaling a so deep I make myself light-headed. “Well, not in Fort Mac, but pretty damn close. If you can make your way to Fort McKay, there’s a driver who is heading to Edmonton.”
Are you fucking kidding me? I don’t say that out loud, but every ounce of my body screams it. Of all the places in this entire province, I have to go to Fort McKay? Maybe I’ll take my chances on finding another way out.
That fledgling thought is squashed when I find myself saying, “I’ll do it. Give me the details and I’ll find a way to get there.” Pain reached from my throat to my stomach at the sound of those words leaving my mouth. When I ask if I can crash in the truck, Layla gives me some weird story about the driver and his girlfriend living in the sleeper cab since the girl gave up her house to evacuees. I didn’t know that Fort McKay had become an evacuation centre but it will sure make it easier to blend in. Where am I going to stay tonight, there’s only one motel?
With my thumb out and a bandana covering most of my face to prevent sucking in ash with every breath, I’m amazed someone stops to give me a ride. The driver tells me he’s going to wait the fires out at his cabin on Athabasca Lake. He sounds positively nuts to me since that’s even more remote than where we are now. I’m not sure what he’ll do if fires break out there, something that doesn’t seem wholly unlikely anymore, but I can’t care. That’s his problem and I have enough of my own to deal with right now.
Chapter Eighteen
I asked to be dropped off outside the motel in Fort McKay because I’m a glutton for punishment and because I can’t think of where else to go. The town’s parking lot is full, something I’m sure is a rarity. The diner is bustling, the grocery store looks busy. If I didn’t know that these were the only amenities in the town, I would think I was on the main street in any major city.
I have a million reasons to not go into the motel, yet I hover outside contemplating pushing my way through the door and confronting Danielle head-on. I can see her through the all-glass door. She sits staring at her computer screen, cradling a mug of coffee. She’s slightly hunched over as though being pulled into whatever it is she’s looking at on the screen.
She’s reading something and looks serious like she’s trying to absorb information. Is this how she looked when she was learning about farming? Intent, captivated, all in.
I let the questions roll off my back because it was just a fling.
For her it was. I still haven’t managed to convince myself of that yet.
I look at my watch. It’s seven thirty, her shift just started so my preference to stand outside until the next staff member comes in is ridiculous.
I’m being ridiculous. Full stop.
I shoulder my bag and walk into the motel office. The little bell above the door announces my arrival and causes Danielle’s head to swivel from her screen in my direction. Her mouth falls open and her eyes widen. She stands, then she sits, then she stands again.
It’s pretty cute.
And it makes me smile.
I wasn’t expecting to smile at her. I was expecting that I would be neutral. Neutral and civil and direct about being here for a room and nothing more.
But then she speaks and her voice is breathy and it hits me in the gut. And by gut, I mean balls.
“Hi.”
One word and my neutral civility goes out the
window. I answer with an equally breathy, “Hello.”
Her eyes search my face and I watch her irises dance back and forth as they flit from one part of me to another. She sees the bag and her eyes beg the question she doesn’t speak.
“I need a room, please.”
“No.”
My throat makes a noise I’ve never heard before. It’s a cross between a screw-you-scoff and a you’re-so-funny-laugh. Even my reflex reactions are confused by her.
“I mean,” she stammers. Danielle never stammers. Danielle is sure of herself and in control all the time. She proved that to me the last time we saw each other. Even as she was lying to my face her voice didn’t waver. “I mean we have no rooms left. We’re booked out because of the evacuations.”
I spin around ready to walk right back out the door but instead find myself falling into the lone chair pushed up against the wall. I slump down in it, throwing my duffle bag off to the side and my hat on top of it. I drop my elbows to my knees and thread my fingers through my hair locking them behind my neck.
I can’t leave. Not because I have nowhere to go.I can’t leave with her standing so close and with so many things left unsaid between us. I’ve gone back and forth between wanting to know, not wanting to know and assuming I know why she brushed us off. Maybe there is a reason why I ended up here with no other options. Maybe I wanted to end up right here.
I stare at the pattern on my boots, the scuffs and creases. I think of how many miles I’ve gone in them. Where these boots have taken me and the experiences I’ve had in them. I’ve owned these boots for so long it seems that every important event in my life, every milestone, was had in these boots.
There’s a grease stain on the right boot from when I taught Dean to change the oil in his car so Dad would let him get his driver’s licence. There’s a one-centimetre nick on the very tip of the left toe from when Garrett and I got in a fight and he threw a knife at me. The heels are worn from toeing them off thousands of times. The leather is scuffed on the right instep from the funny way I walk and how my left heel clips my other foot every once in a while. If I were to lift my jeans, I’d see that both pull straps are ripped from years of use.