I closed my eyes and replayed the morning to myself. The carriage ride out there, the visit to the post office, the letter from Bella—
My eyes flew open. The letter from Bella. Of course. I patted myself down and found the letter, tucked away in my waistcoat pocket. The edge was torn away, the sharp little phrase implying I had not received any letters exposed just as it had been in the post office.
I turned the envelope over to check the date it had been sent and saw it was some days ago. I re-read the address: Charles Howard. Howard House. Síthiche Gleann c/o Mrs Mackie...
It did make me smile, even if it was wryly. My sister would rarely give up on something.
Síthiche Gleann
I could remember my uncle making us repeat that phrase when we were younger, laughing at us and shaking his head.
‘Come on, you horrors. Get your tongue wrapped around those words. You need to practice your Gaelic, it’s the only way to show respect. Or must I tell the faeries, Bella-Beautiful, that you don’t want to talk to them?’
‘No, Uncle! I do want to talk to them. I want to talk to them more than anything!’
‘Well they won’t come to you if you can’t respect their language, child. Come on – try again…’
And so it would go on.
Faerie Glen. Such an evocative name – but as I’d told Ceit, I had never seen any faeries there. I’d mentioned the same thing to Uncle Ruairí following that conversation, but all he’d done was shudder; then, when Bella was out of earshot, he had told me the faeries that inhabited the wilds of Scotland weren’t quite the storybook innocents that Bella was hoping for.
He held me rapt with tales of the little people that had my eyes popping out of my head and gave me nightmares for weeks afterwards: the dark cloud of evil carried on the night wind, known as the Unseelie Court, cackling and howling and taking humans prisoner; the Kelpies who feed on innocent fae-folk and humans alike and take great pleasure in drowning people; the Ghillie Dhu who haunt enchanted forests and grab travellers to enslave them; the Red Cap, whose cap is dipped in the blood of his victims; the Ly Erg and Black Angus – both portents of death…
The idea of these creatures could still turn my stomach. I recalled that I’d also asked Ruairí how he knew so much about the fae-folk and he tapped the side of his nose and said it was all about reading.
I had ignored his suggestion as I interpreted it as being a thinly veiled way of making me pick up a book and not climb trees – which to a young lad was a shocking alternative to play. But as an adult, the idea of reading was more interesting to me. My gaze slid across to the bookshelves Ceit had pulled the one on sign language from and I was at once distracted by thoughts of this morning again.
But that way madness lay, so I turned my attention back to Bella’s letter and ripped open the envelope. It was a very thin little thing – just one page, folded in half.
Charles.
No ‘Dear’. Just my name, stated at the top.
I have simply had enough. You do not answer my letters. You do not respond to me. I trust you are alive or I would have surely had word from someone. Your publisher perhaps – as he is the only one you seem to be in correspondence with.
The words were barbed but maybe I deserved them.
So I am coming back.
I blinked and re-read the words. Coming back?
If you think I am capable of travelling to Hampstead, you must agree that I am capable of making the return journey and coming back to Scotland. I shall be returning as soon as I can make arrangements to travel and you cannot stop me. For, to stop me, you must accept that you have seen this letter and you must at least attempt to contact me.
Then, quite a pathetic little turn of phrase.
And if you won’t contact me in writing, then I want to see you in person Charles. This is the only way I can think of.
I trust this letter reaches you...
I stopped reading. I’d seen that comment already at Mrs Mackie’s.
Panic seized me and all I could think about was Ceit. How would she take Bella’s return? Bella would be no more than an inconvenience, an interloper. She would disrupt our placid life and how the hell could I get any work done if Bella was here?
I looked up from the letter, conscious that a shadow had fallen across my desk. Ceit was there, looking sweetly pretty and a little confused. I understood she had been trying to get my attention for a while, the way she shifted from foot to foot nervously. She hadn’t wanted to disturb me – the dear, dear girl.
‘I’m sorry, Ceit,’ I said, although she obviously had no idea why I was apologising. ‘Bella.’ I held the letter up and Ceit’s gaze slid across to it then back to me. ‘She’s coming back.’
Ceit’s face crumpled and she shook her head.
No, no, no!
Her hands flew, making shapes that I could not follow, until I grabbed her by the wrists and stilled them.
‘I can’t stop her,’ I said. ‘I’m sorry, I can’t. For all I know, she is on her way. I can only hope she won’t stay long.’
Ceit sobbed, most dreadfully, and shook me free. She fled out of the room and I heard the doors slamming in her wake.
‘I’m sorry,’ I said to the empty room. ‘But what can I do?’
***
Chapter Twenty Four
I could not do anything. I rushed into Tarbert again with a hastily constructed letter advising Bella it was deeply inconvenient as I was so busy and thanking her for her concern.
After that, it was a matter of existing day to day, hoping against hope that Bella wouldn’t appear at the door. I spent as much time as I could with Ceit, as if I was banking our time against future distractions.
I was worn out with my work, but I could not let Ceit see that. She seemed to be on edge just as much as I was. She kept flitting out into the garden and I had to follow her out and soothe her; hold her against my chest as she trembled in my arms.
Days and nights merged into one and we talked and made love as we had always done, but she was reserved and I hated to see her like that. She told me I strengthened her, and cried over the fact she felt she would fade into nothing if I ever let her go.
I promised her she would always be with me and I think she knew I meant it. Those odd, waking dreams continued and the mornings always came around with me feeling exhausted and spent. I could not recall sleeping, but I must have done.
April prepared to roll into May and I began to dare hope that Bella had decided against the journey.
But I had not taken into account the tenacity and damned stubbornness of Isabella Rachel Howard.
***
Beltane
The Celtic May Day
Chapter Twenty Five
Bella turned up on the first of May. I recall it was a Friday and Ceit had reminded me the previous day that it was Beltane Eve. Therefore, Bella turned up on Beltane; and part of me found that play on words deeply amusing.
The other part of me, the part I have no desire to acknowledge now, hated the fact she had intruded on my perfect life with a venom I cannot express.
I had heard a carriage pull up and my head had jerked upwards, unaccustomed to such interruptions. I dropped my pen and dashed out of the drawing room and up the stairs to spy on the intruder through the tall windows upstairs. It was one of my better days; Ceit had spent a great deal of time with me that morning and I felt twenty-five again. Some days, I could barely manage to crawl up the stairs and felt weak and helpless; but today was not one of them.
Someone, a smart looking driver, unloaded a trunk. That same person opened the carriage door and held out their hand. My sister took hold of his hand and alighted elegantly, stepping down onto the gravel with her olive-green travelling outfit barely creased. She looked poised and confident, her ringlets curling sweetly against her cheeks and a little hat perched atop of her head. She blinked her big eyes and looked around, as if assessing where I was and whether she should enter the house or check the gardens
first for signs of life.
Red hot anger boiled up within me and it was all I could do to quench it. I cast a glance towards the gardens – a shadow flitting past the hedges had made me think Ceit was still out there. She had told me Beltane was her favourite festival as it was the beginning of summer and lifted her spirits, and I knew she was searching for a posy of yellow flowers. She had already adorned the hallway and my desk in greenery and golden blossoms and had danced away outside to find some more. I had indulged her in this occupation, happy that she was happy.
It was unfortunate, I suspect, that Bella should look up at the window, just as I was looking out. There was no way I could escape from her or pretend I had not seen her. I cursed and went down the stairs.
The door, of course, was open. I never locked it up here. And when I finally walked into the hallway, Bella was standing in the middle of the room looking disgusted.
‘Charles. How can you live here in such filth?’
Her words took me aback. I stared around the hallway and saw nothing more than that which I was accustomed to every day. But now, seeing it from her eyes, I saw the layers of dust, the muddy footprints on the tiled floor, the dead flowers in the stagnant water...
But no. I blinked and looked again. It was perfect – nothing was out of place. Nothing at all. The floor shone, the windows gleamed and the flowers were fresh and inviting.
‘The house is perfect,’ I said. ‘And as you can see, there was absolutely no need for you to come up here. I suspect we can get you straight back on that carriage and you can go home tonight.’
I took hold of her arm, meaning to guide her out of the hallway and she recoiled.
‘It’s gone. I’ve already sent him on his way. Charles, what’s happened to you?’ Her voice softened and with it, surprisingly, my heart. ‘You really don’t seem at all yourself. Your poor hands...’
She took them gently in her own soft, lily-white ones and stared down as if she was a gypsy reading my fortune. ‘They are all gnarled and painful looking. Your fingers, Charles.’ She shook her head and her ringlets bobbed around. ‘You need looking after. I shall go and collect my trunk and then we can eat.’ She looked up at me. ‘I assume you have food in the house?’ Her gaze travelled down my body and I was horrified to see tears spring into her eyes. ‘Oh you poor thing, you are so thin. I bet you’ve been working too hard and forgetting to eat. Well, I’m here now. Don’t worry about a thing.’
She turned and the train of her dress made a small, sweeping circle in the layer of grime. The trail followed her out of the door and I stood watching her as she took hold of the trunk handle and began to lug it towards the house. Her little face was such a picture of concentration that I made to go out and help her. I stumbled, dizzying suddenly, and had to hold onto the banister for support as the floor shifted beneath me.
I cursed again. This damn disease or whatever had taken hold of my body – for now, I think I had realised I was not entirely well – came over me in such spasms that it was terrifying.
‘Leave it, Bella,’ I called. ‘I’ll do it...’ But I knew my voice hadn’t reached her.
I slumped down onto the bottom stair and watched her struggle, feeling abysmal.
Of Ceit, there was no sign. I guessed she must still be outside. There was no way I could warn her that Bella had come, and I felt guilty that she should be re-introduced to my sister under these circumstances.
Eventually, Bella bounced the trunk inside and left it in the hallway. She ran her hands down the side of her skirts distastefully and looked around for me. Seeing me sitting there helplessly, she hurried over and took my hand.
Gently she pulled me to my feet. ‘Come, Charles,’ she said. ‘I knew you weren’t yourself when you didn’t answer my letters. I’m awfully pleased I came. I may not be a very good muse but at least I can look after you a little. Now, lean on me and we’ll get you into our favourite room and we can talk.’ She continued chattering to me, guiding me into the drawing room where I had abandoned my work earlier.
‘Ceit will be here soon,’ I protested as Bella tried to sit me in a chair. I struggled to my feet and stumbled over to my desk. Once I was there, I stretched my hands out and looked at the pen in front of me and the series of ramblings on the papers. It was rubbish. It was all rubbish.
Sighing, I screwed the paper up and tossed it into the grate. It landed with several of its bedfellows and sat there taunting me.
‘I shall burn it all tonight,’ I said. ‘Ceit says it is Beltane and we are to have a fire on the hillside to celebrate.’
‘Who is this Ceit you speak of?’ asked Bella curiously. She took off her travelling coat and revealed a pristine, white blouse beneath, decorated with tiny pintucks. She looked around as if a servant would come through the door and relieve her of her coat; then, realising this was highly unlikely if not impossible, she laid it gently on the chaise longue.
‘Ceit,’ I said. I truly felt exhausted. I closed my eyes, folded my hands together on the desk and laid my head upon them. ‘You know Ceit. She was here before you left.’
‘No,’ said Bella. ‘I think not. I can’t recall a Ceit.’
‘The girl in the gardens,’ I said. It seemed such a long time ago now. ‘The one we saw.’
‘Oh, the servant girl!’ replied Bella. ‘She doesn’t appear to be doing a very good job of looking after you though, if I may say so.’ She sniffed in that annoying manner she had and I opened my eyes, staring into the blackness of my folded arms.
‘Ceit is wonderful,’ I said. ‘Don’t you dare criticise Ceit.’
Bella sighed. I heard a chair creak as she sat down.
Swiftly, she changed the subject. ‘So you say there will be a Beltane fire tonight?’ she asked. ‘That’s very exciting.’
On safer ground now, I nodded into my arms. I still felt drained and to lift my head was too much effort.
‘She wants to go to Tarbert Castle and light it there,’ I said.
‘What a fae creature she must be!’ replied Bella, amused. ‘Can you recall Uncle Ruairí telling us about the fae people who lived at the castle? The alleged entrance to Fairyland, he used to say. I think he did it to stop us from wandering there unaccompanied. He said that someone would kidnap us and take us away if we went there.’ Bella laughed and I imagined her shaking her head again. ‘However. Do you think Ceit will be able to make us a hot drink?’
‘Possibly,’ I said. ‘I’m sure she has done it before.’ Was I? Was I sure? Did she make us drinks? I could not remember clearly. ‘I wish she would come back though.’
‘Well where is she?’ responded Bella. ‘Will I fetch her?’
‘The gardens,’ I said. ‘Try the gardens.’
And at that point, the world slipped away and I fell into a deep sleep, the likes of which I had not experienced for some time.
***
I did not feel, however, as if I had stayed rested for very long.
When I jerked awake, I found myself in bed, Ceit leaning over me, primroses and marigolds pinned in her hair and hawthorn blossom garlanded around her neck. She smelled divine.
It’s time.
She stroked my forehead very gently and smiled.
I returned the smile, and drew the covers back, making room for her. She slipped between them and curled her body into mine. Almost immediately, I felt incontestable again. My strength returned and I wanted to protect her and love her and be the man she deserved.
Take me to the Castle.
The force of the words drilled into my mind like an electric shock.
‘My sister arrived when you were away,’ I said. ‘We will have to bring her along with us.’
Ceit stiffened beside me. I understood that was not to her liking.
I’m sure she was about to respond when there came a knock at my chamber door. I looked helplessly at Ceit and she glared at me, slipping out of the bed and towards the secret passageway that led to the Governess’s room. I waited until she had gone and
called for the door to open.
‘Come in. It’s not locked,’ I said. I made a mental note to begin locking it again – if Bella was to stay any length of time, I needed my privacy. I could not have Ceit feeling uncomfortable, as if Bella would burst in on us unannounced. I needed some rules.
Pondering this, I rolled onto my side and watched the door as it opened. Sure enough, Bella poked her head in.
‘You’re awake,’ she said. ‘That’s good. I was worried about you.’
‘What’s to be worried about?’ I challenged her.
‘The fact you began rambling like a mad man in the drawing room and I had to stop you from ripping up your manuscript. You were shouting for that Ceit person to come to you and she didn’t. I went into the gardens to see if she was there, because you kept pointing to the door, but when I came back in, you’d left.’
I was certain that hadn’t been the case. I couldn’t remember beyond falling asleep at the desk, but I was too exhausted to argue. I know I’d crumpled up a page from the manuscript and told Bella that Ceit was in the gardens – but that wasn’t what she had interpreted, clearly. She was far too sensitive. ‘And did you find Ceit?’ I asked. I couldn’t recall coming to bed though. Maybe I had sleepwalked my way there – it was an amusing thought and one I could maybe use in my next novel...
‘No,’ said Bella, her words breaking into my contemplations.
‘Ceit was here a minute ago,’ I said. ‘Ceit wouldn’t abandon me.’ I rolled onto my back and saw the room was flooded with the long shadows of evening, a rose-gold sunset beyond my window. I struggled to a sitting position and the room swam. ‘We were going to go to Tarbert Castle to light the fire,’ I continued, shaking my head to clear the sleep-induced fog. ‘Fire-lighting is supposed to be done somewhere high and we couldn’t think of anywhere better to light ours. But to be honest, I think I will just stay in bed and rest. It’s getting late anyway.’
It was an ingenuous plan. Ceit and I could slip away to the castle and leave Bella here. I laughed, thinking how extraordinarily brilliant it was, then turned my smile on Bella. ‘Your room hasn’t been touched since you left. I’m sure it’s still very comfortable.’
Upon the Solstice Page 10