by Sofia Grey
I slid my finger over the purple stain on TJ’s cheek. “Who else has hurt you? The ‘other fuckers’?”
He gave that awkward one-shouldered shrug that I already associated with him. “Does it matter?”
Something heated inside my chest. “Yes. It does.”
“Fuck.” TJ dragged a hand through his hair, before meeting my eyes. “My dad. My stepfather. My brother.”
“Your family?” Why would they do this?
“Because I’m gay, that’s why. Families suck. Mostly. My Gran was lovely, and my sister is awesome, but the rest of them can go to hell.”
Yes, we had something in common there. “I don’t see my family anymore.” They disowned me. “They caught me with my lover and…” Exiled me. “Couldn’t accept it.” My heart banged painfully against my ribs, and the words dried in my mouth. I’d never spoken of this before.
“Henare.” TJ stroked my neck, his fingers caressing the fine hairs, soothing me. “That’s awful. What happened to him? Your lover?”
He abandoned me. Walked away as though I meant nothing. My skin prickled and felt too hot. I couldn’t talk about this. TJ’s fingers continued to whisper over my neck, his gaze holding mine. He didn’t judge me. “Matiu was my oldest friend and he told me he’d come back one day. I’m still waiting.” I shook my head.
I’d said too much.
The beautiful young man by my side said nothing, but his eyes spoke volumes. When he kissed me, his lips were gentle.
I could have stayed there all day, lying next to TJ, skin to skin, feeling his heart beating beneath my palm, his soft breath as he slept. I would watch over him. My family wanted to pretend I’d never existed, but they’d never physically hurt me. Which was the easier to bear?
****
Chapter 6
The sun was fully through the windows when TJ stirred. Stretching, he yawned and scratched at his chin, then opened his eyes and saw me. Surprise flickered across his face, and then desire and he reached up to claim a kiss. “Shit,” he mumbled, “I didn’t mean to fall asleep.”
“I didn’t mind.” I meant it. I didn’t want him to leave, but wasn’t sure how to say it. As I sought the words, he glanced at his watch and groaned.
“Hell. I need to get moving, I don’t want to be late.”
Disappointment surged, but I swallowed it down. I was being foolish if I thought he wanted to spend more time with me.
“Hey, are you free today? Maybe you could come? If you wanted to.” TJ messed with his hair some more and met my gaze. “I just thought, you know.”
“Yes.” I couldn’t contain my smile. “I would like to come with you.”
“That’s great.” He climbed out of bed and picked up his T-shirt. “You might not be so keen when I tell you what I’m doing.”
His body was so perfect, it was a shame to cover it with clothing. I stared at his ass when he walked into the bathroom. He would be mine again soon.
TJ paused on the way out, and gestured to my carvings, the works in progress that covered the table. “You make these?” I nodded, and his eyes opened wide. “Wow. They’re amazing. I’ve seen them for sale but didn’t know they were yours.”
I shrugged, uncomfortable with the attention. “Should we go?”
****
TJ gestured toward the sprawling house at the end of the track. “This used to be my gran’s place. She’s been gone a few years now, but her friend lives here still.” TJ flashed me a smile. “I do odd jobs for her, and today I’m bringing in her firewood.”
It was the middle of summer, and had been hot for weeks. “Odd time of year to need firewood?”
“Yeah, about that.” TJ stopped walking, shoved his hands in his pockets and stared into the distance. “I’m not going to be here this winter.”
I paused beside him. “Oh?”
“I’m going overseas. You know how us Kiwis always want to fly the nest.” The shimmering sea in the distance held his attention.
I processed his words. “You’re going far?”
“Uh huh. England. About as far as you can get.”
“Your sister,” I murmured.
“Yeah.” He gave me a hint of a smile. “She’s got a year left at Cambridge, and has a room free in her house. I miss her, you know.” I knew. I understood that only too well. TJ rubbed the back of his neck. “It’s been my goal for years, and I’ve saved every cent I can lay my hands on. And yeah. My flight’s already booked.”
“How soon?”
“Next week.”
My turn to stare at the sea, the sensation of loss painfully familiar. Why did I care? As Butch darted up to me and licked my hand, I clung to the truth. TJ was just another anonymous fuck. I’d have forgotten him by tomorrow.
TJ’s friend was a bright-eyed, plump lady with weather-beaten skin and a mop of tangled grey curls. She could have been anywhere between fifty and eighty, and moved slowly to greet us, leaning heavily on a wooden stick. Butch was visibly delighted to see her and bounded up, his tail wagging fit to burst. She hugged TJ hard and then turned to me. “I’m Elizabeth. And who might you be?”
TJ wriggled from her embrace. “This is Henare,” he announced, a curious note of pride in his voice.
I shook her hand, surprised by the firm grip. “I’m honoured to meet you.” My manners were rusty, but she smiled and tilted her head to one side, as though looking for something.
“You too,” she murmured. “Now are you both ready to work? I have a mountain of logs just waiting for your attention.”
There was something solid and mindless about heavy labour, and I lost myself in an afternoon of chopping, hauling, and stacking. TJ threw himself into the task and there was no need for conversation, but he bantered with me, teasing and playful. He treated me like a friend. A lover.
As for laughing, my sides ached and my stomach hurt more and more as the day passed. I had never been so amused by anything, as by the sight of Butch galloping after a stray seagull, with no hope of catching it. The gull squawked rudely and then returned to taunt the hound some more.
Elizabeth brought us drinks and snacks, and after refusing the first time, I acquiesced and sampled her food. Little sticky pastries, fragrant with spice and drenched in sugar, they melted on my tongue. It would almost be worth being human if I could eat these every day. For once, I didn’t gaze blindly to the ocean and brood over what I had lost; instead I sat with TJ in the late afternoon sunshine, and just enjoyed the moment.
Did he have any idea of how delectable he looked? He sat in the doorway to Elizabeth’s woodshed, dust and woodchips clinging to his clothes, and a twig tangled in his hair. Dirt smudged both cheeks, but his smile was bright and happy.
“Thanks, Henare.” He squinted at me in the sunshine. “I’ve got it done in half the time with your help.”
I inclined my head, unsure how to answer. I enjoyed it too? You made me forget for a few hours? The realisation that he too would be leaving soon, left a bitter taste in my mouth, one that not even Elizabeth’s baking could shift.
Walking back, I contemplated how to ask TJ to return to my cottage with me, when he nudged my arm with his elbow. “Hey, my housemate is away for a couple of days. We could go to my place if you like.”
His place, a tidy clapboard house, was a short walk from the beach and by my reckoning, we had four hours before the sun set. We could do a lot in that time. We’d barely made it through the door before he was in my arms, and we were kissing the fuck out of each other. Desire, on a slow simmer all day, ratcheted up to fever pitch in the blink of an eye.
TJ smelled of wood and green leaves, and his lips tasted of sugary spice. The combination would always remind me of this man, and take me back to this moment in time. I hungered for him with an urgency I’d long forgotten.
With our clothes making a trail across the floor, we fell onto his bed in a tangle of limbs. TJ lay beneath me, his cock grasped in one firm fist, while he ground onto my belly. Every movement made me harder,
and he paused his teasing to kiss me, sucking on my bottom lip for a second.
“I’ve got lube and condoms in the drawer.” He didn’t take his eyes off me, the shimmering green lighting up his face. Moments later, he dropped a foil packet and a small bottle onto the bed, and I hastened to fit the rubber. I was close already. It wouldn’t take long before I came, and this thought made me pause. It was no longer just about me. TJ had gifted me a perfect day, and I wanted to give him something back.
Instead of flipping him onto his front, I nudged at his legs, encouraging him to let me reach his asshole. Excitement flickered in his eyes, and he tucked up his knees, watching eagerly as I poured lube into my palm and slicked my fingers.
Slowly, with the utmost care, I stroked his tight pucker, making him moan before I slipped a finger inside. A second followed, and then a third, to pump in and out. Watching his obvious pleasure, and listening to the little sounds he made, somehow heightened everything for me. I’d never forget him. He was already way more than a casual fuck, and now, my chest ached at the thought of losing this intimacy.
“Now, Henare.” He sounded breathless. I knew how he felt.
Removing my fingers, I guided my cock inside him slowly, prolonging the sensation, feeling every inch of my erection being squeezed. So tight, so intense. From this position I could kiss him, stroke his own hardness, and then gaze into his eyes as I fucked him. Every slap of flesh, every moan, made me harder, but this time I didn’t rush. I was already saying good-bye to him.
His hair fell limp onto his perspiration-slicked forehead and framed his beautiful eyes. I wanted to remember every moment of this. Every thrust. Every heartbeat.
“Oh, God. Henare, I’m going to come.” I fisted his cock and watched it erupt, and felt my own orgasm draw closer. It would be unstoppable. A tsunami that threatened to destroy me with its intensity. I hovered on a knife-edge, unable to hold back, and gave in to a climax unlike anything I’d ever experienced.
This had been perfection. Nothing could come close.
****
TJ lay with his head on my shoulder, his fingers drawing loose circles on my chest. “I’m going to a party tonight, do you want to come with me?” I tensed immediately, and he sighed, warm breath drifting over my skin. “It doesn’t have to be as my partner, just a friend. It’s at the boating club, the guy who runs the Kapiti Island tours.” He peeped up at me, his eyes hopeful. “D’you think you might? And then maybe,” he smiled but it looked nervous. “Maybe, you could stay the night. If you want to.”
The stark difference between us was highlighted yet again. My night, as every night, would be spent in the ocean, guarding this stretch of coastline. There would be no parties, no easy gatherings with his friends. No long nights curled up together, warm and sheltered from the elements.
“No. I can’t.” My voice was gruff, and his gaze fell.
“Yeah, okay.” His finger continued its soothing motion. “Was that no to the party or spending the night? Or both?”
“Both.” His hand stilled. I needed to tell him something, but what? “I have to be somewhere else.” It wasn’t a lie, but it was the closest I would ever come to the truth. He waited, as though expecting me to say more. The silence stretched between us, growing cooler and more uncomfortable by the second.
He spoke first. “I didn’t mean to put you on the spot. It’s short notice, I get that.”
“I’m sorry,” I said. That wasn’t a lie either.
I held him close, spooned around him. From here I could kiss his neck and pretend I didn’t have to leave, that he wouldn’t be leaving either. I couldn’t do this again. He’d made me feel, made me want. Dangerous emotions. Ones I could not afford.
When I left here tonight, it would be good-bye forever.
****
Chapter 7
When the sun rose, I stayed in the water for longer, watching from a safe distance to see if TJ came to my cottage. He did, and waited for an age, just sitting there on the sand, looking out to the ocean.
Emotions churned and dragged at my stomach, reminding me how I felt when Matiu walked away from me. This was completely different, I scoffed to myself. Matiu and I had been together for hundreds of years. I’d spent one day with TJ. One perfect day. And he was leaving soon. Better that he thought I didn’t care, than to wait for me, hoping I’d come back.
Was that what Matiu had thought too? Had he wanted to stop me from pining for him? I couldn’t decide how I felt about this.
I feasted my eyes on TJ, from my obscured position in the waves. He would get over me. With those sparkling eyes and bright smile, he’d make new friends and lovers easily. My chest heated at the thought of another man touching him, and I pushed the emotion away.
He was not mine. He never could be.
Eventually, TJ walked to the water’s edge and dropped to a crouch. He was making another offering. He must be going to Kapiti Island again today. The sea was calm as a millpond, and it would be a beautiful day for his trip. I’d collect some clothes when he left, and go sit on another beach today, just in case he came back. In fact, I’d stay away until I was sure he’d left the country next week.
I couldn’t risk seeing him.
****
I watched the little boat speeding away toward Kapiti Island and wondered if TJ was aboard. Wondered if he was thinking about me. Did I need to maintain this separation? Surely I could just enjoy what he offered while he was here?
I’d never been a coward before, but I’d never felt such an intense connection before. Not even with Matiu. I had to stick with my decision.
I spent the day staring out to sea as usual, but further up the coastline, in a position where I’d see TJ’s boat when it returned. He wouldn’t see me, but I’d know he was safely back.
The afternoon crawled. Sitting on a rock, waiting for the time to pass, I noticed a disturbance in the water near the island. I squinted to see more clearly. In the space of a few minutes, clouds thickened and a strong wind whipped up from nowhere, creating white foam horses on the waves. Heavy rain lashed the island and moved toward the shore, sending holidaymakers scattering for cover.
This was not normal. This had the mark of the Sea Gods.
Logic battled with fear. TJ was out there on a tiny boat, at the mercy of the elements.
Maybe he wasn’t on the boat after all, hadn’t made the trip today? I ran to the boathouse, heedless of the other people darting for cover from the rain, and I barged through the doors. Skidding to a stop on the tiled floor, I spun around. There must be somebody here that would know.
A young woman stood behind a counter, her eyes wide as she stared at me. I sucked in a quick breath and strode toward her. “TJ. Was he on the Kapiti Island trip today?”
“TJ Morgan? Yes, he’s the guide.” She hugged a clipboard to her chest, as though it was a shield. “And you are…?”
“A friend. Are they in difficulties?”
She frowned, and pushed her blonde hair back from her face. “Not as such. They’ve just had to delay their return trip with the weather.”
Relief flooded my chest, and I acknowledged how fiercely my heart was pounding. “They’re not on the water at the moment?”
“No. They’ll wait until it clears. What did you say your name was?”
I just nodded to her, turned around and left. TJ was safe on the island. My knees sagged, and I dropped onto a nearby bench, unable to walk any further. Think, Henare. Why would the Sea Gods be angry? All had been quiet in the ocean the night before. And more to the point, why were they targeting Kapiti Island, at exactly the time that my lover was there?
Mighty Tangaroa, had I put TJ at risk? I couldn’t breathe past the ice that filled my lungs. Was this down to Matiu? Was he jealous?
Ignoring the wind and the stinging shards of hail, I sat on the beach and watched the island, and waited for the storm to pass. The rain made visibility difficult, and cut down on available light, but shortly before sundown the storm broke
.
Whatever had been happening, it must be over now. The skies cleared, evening stars slid from behind the dense cloud, and the sea calmed back to its earlier gentle undulation. The only thing remaining was an eerie purple cast to the sunset. I leaned forward, searching for the dancing lights that would signal TJ’s boat setting off.
The tattoo heated on my arm, and I huffed a sigh of relief. Ducking under the nearby trees, I shed my clothes and dissolved into a cloud of water droplets, before heading straight for the ocean.
I felt the chaos immediately. All the creatures that lived in this stretch of water had taken cover, hiding from the unnatural storm that had raged above. Taniwha essence was everywhere, the sparkling residue we left behind. There had been a battle beneath the waves, but I couldn’t sense if it had been a fight between a Taniwha and another monster, or two of my kind. There was no external threat now, of that I was confident. After guarding this place for all my adult life, I would know if an enemy was here. So was the battle nothing to do with me after all? My spirits lifted.
I surfaced, still in elemental form, close to the island. A small boat rocked gently next to the loading platform, and as I watched, a stream of passengers climbed aboard. Eight bright yellow lifejackets settled into the craft, but TJ was not among them. A flash of yellow on the pebbled beach caught my attention and I waited, just a swirling cloud of water vapour hugging the waves.
Yes. It was TJ. He scrambled in at the back and checked on all the passengers. “My cell phone is still dead, and so’s the radio.”
The captain of the vessel was busy with his engine. “Keep the flares handy. Just in case. It’s only a short hop back, but you never know with these storms.”
I would go with them. Make sure they returned safely.
The engine roared and then dropped to a steady, throbbing purr, and the craft eased away from the dock. TJ held the rail with one hand, his attention fixed on Kapiti Island in the growing darkness.