For the next twenty minutes or so, as Desirae zigzagged through Indianapolis to her mother’s neighborhood, she simply turned on the radio. A Kelly Rowland song had been on at first, then commercials and Meek Mill. A little further down the road, the radio station played a Brandy song followed by one of Drake’s many hits. Desirae eventually turned the radio down, happy that the music managed to calm Titan and James down. She rode the west of the way home in silence.
***
When Desirae finally got home and put Titan and James into their basinets, she felt more tired than she’d been in a long time. This fatigue was not physical. It was mental. She’d checked her phone repeatedly since getting back to the house, waiting to see if she’d hear from D’Mann again. At this point, with how she felt about men, she wouldn’t be surprised if he never called her again. She shook her head, wondering if another guy had simply talked his way into her panties. She couldn’t help but remember Tron doing it. Then, she glanced over at the couple of basinets, knowing that Tron’s words were how she got to this pivotal point in her life in the first place. The taste of bitterness came to her, as she thought about how Tron had dissed her like she was nothing, only to try to push up on her when he’d come over to the house earlier in the day to see Titan and James.
Reese then popped into Desirae’s mind. Rather, thinking of Tron caused her to only take the next step, mentally, and think of the chick who had been her best friend and confidant for years. Desirae finding Reese’s car parked on the other side of the parking lot from Tron’s townhouse played over in her mind. She shook her head, thinking of just how trifling of a friend Reese turned out to be. Not realizing her actions, Desirae bit her bottom lip. She wanted to jump on Reese so bad she could almost feel herself lifting up off of the ground.
“And here I am,” Desirae said, looking at her circumstance. “Ain’t got no place of my own, no job, no babysitter, no nigga to help me. And that bitch over there layin’ up with him. He prolly takin’ her shopping and out to eat and shit. He ain’t even wanna be seen with me in public, even though I’m the baddest chick he ever had. I swear to God, fuck that nigga, Tron.”
Desirae felt her phone vibrating on top of the bed from a couple of feet away. She grabbed it, saw that it was D’Mann calling, and answered.
“Hello?” she said, sounding a little disgruntled.
“Hey, wassup?” D’Mann said. “Wassup with you? Why you answer the phone like that? What’s on your mind?”
Desirae calmed down. Once again, it was so nice to have a man ask her about her feelings. “Nothing,” Desirae answered. “Well, just sittin’ here thinkin’. What did you wind up doin’, anyway?”
“Hold up,” D’Mann said. “I’ll get to that. First, I need to know what’s goin’ on in your mind. What’s up with you, sexy? I don’t like when you not happy. Tell a nigga what’s goin’ on.”
Desirae took a deep breath then explained what all happened at Tiffany’s house.
“Is you serious?” D’Mann asked. “The bitch got to trippin’ like that?”
“Hmm, hmm,” Desirae said. “And me and her nigga ain’t never even messed around. That’s what’s crazy about this. I can prolly count on my two hands the number of words I’ve even said to the nigga. She called my babies ugly and said that she ain’t gon’ watch them no more.” Desirae was too deep into her feelings at this point. She sniffled then a couple of rogue tears escaped and rolled down her cheeks. “I swear, D’Mann. It’s like no matter how hard I try, I just can’t get ahead. I mean, damn. What the fuck did I do to deserve this? I just can’t win for losing.”
“Calm down, calm down,” D’Mann said. “Let me come see you.”
“Come see me?” Desirae asked. “When you talkin’ bout try’na come see me?”
“Tonight,” D’Mann said. “A nigga mean right now. I know we just met and shit, but I can’t sit up and listen to you cry without me at least try’na do somethin’ about it. Let a nigga come see you. I know you got the babies and stuff so you can’t leave, but that don’t mean that you can’t come outside and sit and talk with a nigga in the truck or somethin’.”
“I don’t know,” Desirae said. She thought about how much of a risk it was to have D’Mann come over to her mother’s house and park outside in the middle of the night. But she then thought about the risk she took with Greg coming over – a risk that led to her being humiliated and embarrassed in front of the entire block with the sun acting as a spotlight for the stage.
“How soon can you be here?” Desirae asked. She gave D’Mann the address and he said he’d be on his way right away. Desirae, already dressed in her pajamas, grabbed her cute black jacket with a hood and slid into it. She slid into some Gucci house slippers that she used to wear at her apartment out on the south side of Indianapolis.
Within fifteen minutes, Desirae saw D’Mann pulling up as she watched from her bedroom window. She grabbed her phone, headed downstairs, and out to his car. She climbed into the front passenger seat and looked over at D’Mann.
“I see you been cryin’,” D’Mann said. He pulled a small packet of Kleenex out of his glove compartment and handed it to Desirae. “Don’t cry. It’s gon’ be okay.”
“Yeah, if you say so,” Desirae said, not feeling too hopeful about tomorrow. She decided it was time to change the subject. “Did everything go okay? Do you think your neighbors saw us leavin’ earlier?”
D’Mann shook his head. “Naw,” he said. “I don’t think they saw us. Plus, you know there be gun shots all the time over in Haughville. Knowin’ my neighbors, they prolly ain’t think nothin’ about that shit. Plus, you saw how dark it is around my place.”
“Yeah, but that still don’t mean that somebody ain’t see us when we was leavin’ or something, like the people who live on both sides of you or somethin’,” Desirae said.
“Chill out, chill out,” D’Mann said. “A nigga think he about to move from over there anyway. I don’t know. I’m just thinkin’ about it.” He looked up and down the street, clearly on the edge just as much as Desirae had been. Desirae could relate all too well.
A couple of awkward moments of silence passed. “And just so you know,” D’Mann said, “he is gone, and I don’t think nobody saw. Had one of my best niggas come over and help me and shit. Trust me, ain’t nobody gon’ find that nigga even when they do start lookin’ for him. I can’t let nothin’ happen to you. That’s all I was thinkin’ ‘bout when we was movin’ and stuff. I felt so bad that I let that happen while you was there when I coulda just had him come through when I took you back to your car.”
Desirae told D’Mann to stop worrying about that part. After D’Mann explained what happened with Makim’s car, as it was now also well on its way to disappearing, he looked at Desirae. “Look, I know you only known a nigga for a couple days,” he said. “Trust me, don’t think that I don’t think about that shit too. I really don’t normally do this kinda shit, but I just keep thinkin’ bout how I feel some sort of connection to you. It’s like we can relate with some of the things we been through in our own lives.”
“Yeah,” Desirae said, looking up at her mother’s house. “This is some crazy shit.” She looked over at D’Mann. “You swear you ain’t got no other chick, D’Mann?” she asked. “I mean, if you do, it’s coo. I just wanna know cause right now I don’t need no more surprises, if you know what I mean. My life is like hell right now.”
“I swear to you,” D’Mann said, chuckling. “I ain’t got no other chick. Ever since that chick tried to accuse me of rape and put me in prison, I been real careful with who I mess around with. Like I used to just fuck to fuck. Now, I’m lookin’ more at substance and real shit. I ain’t lookin’ for no hoe. That’s why I knew you was somethin’ I might could get with when I met you up at the drive-thru.”
Desirae smiled, knowing that she was probably blushing. “Yeah,” she said. “A lot of men don’t see that about me. That’s why sometimes I feel like this body is a curse.”
&nb
sp; D’Mann began to shake his head immediately as he reached over and pushed his hand down between Desirae’s thick thighs. Even in these red pajama pants, it looked as if her hips were spilling over the sides of the car seat. However, D’Mann knew to not get too sexual with Desirae, as she was clearly in need of emotional support rather than physical attention.
“Don’t say that,” he said. “Just feel sorry for them niggas that can’t see what you really bringin’ to the table. Think about what happened with your baby daddy and that chick who you said you was best friends with.”
Desirae rolled her eyes. “Don’t remind me,” she said. “I was just upstairs thinkin’ about that shit. Just thinkin’ about it gets me mad. I rolled over there and saw her car in the lot, but the nigga gon’ come over here and try to lie to my face and say he ain’t doin’ shit with her. Nigga, I’m not stupid. I know when somebody is lyin’ to me.”
“Yeah, that’s some foul shit,” D’Mann said. “I ain’t known no niggas to do no shit like that. I mean, that is just some fucked up shit. I’m surprised you don’t go beat that bitch’s ass for all it’s worth.”
“I think about it,” Desirae said. “But I ain’t got time for all that right now. Maybe when I’m back on my feet and stuff, but right now I feel like I’m drowning.” She sniffled. “I mean, I feel like every one step I take forward, I get knocked two steps back.”
Desirae looked over at D’Mann as he pulled his wallet out of his jacket pocket. She watched as he pulled what looked like at least five or six one hundred-dollar bills out and held them out toward her. “Here,” he said.
“What’s this for?” Desirae asked, being a little apprehensive.
“I’m helping you,” D’Mann said. “And no, don’t think of this as charity or whatever shit chicks be try’na say when a man is just try’na help a woman out a little bit.”
“But we ain’t even known each other long enough like that for me to even think about takin’ money from you,” Desirae said. “No, that’s okay. I done took money from dudes long enough, and it sure ain’t doin’ shit for me.”
D’Mann shrugged. “So what?” he said. “We can get to know each other, just like we are. Hell, I’d say we know each other better than a lot of people know each other. It ain’t nothin’ to laugh at, but you had to hear me kill a nigga before he kill me. How many people can say that about the person they with?”
Desirae nodded, seeing D’Mann’s point. “Look, you not takin’ the money,” he said. “I’m given’ it to you. That is two different things. After what you had to go through tonight because of me, the least I can do is help you out a little bit. At least until we get to know each other a little more.”
Desirae looked at the money, knowing that she needed it badly regardless of the source. “Okay,” she said as she took it. “Thank you. I appreciate it. I really do. As soon as I’m back workin’ again, I promise I will pay you back.”
“Naw, don’t worry about it,” D’Mann said. “It ain’t nothin’ but five hundred dollars. What the fuck I’mma do with some little shit like five hundred dollars. You can keep it. I promise I won’t bring it up again.”
Desirae hoped that what D’Mann was saying would turn out to be true.
“Shit, I’m tired,” D’Mann said. “That shit from earlier got me paranoid as fuck.”
“Is that why you thinkin’ that you gotta move from over there, where you stay?” Desirae asked. “Because you feel paranoid? Me, personally, I don’t know if I could keep livin’ in a house where somebody was shot dead. I mean, I know people who done did stuff like that, but I just can’t see myself doin’ it.”
“Yeah, then there’s that too,” D’Mann said. He leaned back into this seat. “Can I ask you somethin’?” His voice sounded very philosophical. “Do you ever just wanna start over again?”
Desirae looked at D’Mann and answered, “Every damn day of the week. This has to have been the hardest fuckin’ year of my life. I promise you on everything, this shit has been hard. Sometimes I think about just packin’ my shit up and goin’ to start over somewhere else.”
“Exactly,” D’Mann said. “I think about the same thing. I be like I don’t even wanna be here no more. I mean, sometimes I think about the real reasons I don’t really be out there like that, like I used to be. I guess I was just hangin’ around until I met a chick or somethin’, but I don’t know.”
“Yeah, well my issue is findin’ a dude that’s gon’ ever wanna be with me, so I know how you feel,” Desirae said. “Uncertainty can really be a bitch. For real.”
D’Mann looked over at Desirae. Once again, he felt as if he was connecting with her on some level. Sure, he had questions about her past. After all, he really wondered what kind of life she’d been leading that would cause her to have falling outs with so many people in her life. However, he couldn’t look beyond the last couple of days. Usually when he’d meet a chick who had a body that looked even a fraction as good as Desirae’s, D’Mann would dick her down once, twice, or maybe three times then she’d be history. Now, and especially since the rape accusation, his mindset had changed. He still didn’t know how he felt about Desirae having two babies, especially since those two babies were from a dude he used to cross paths with back when they were younger.
“Don’t you worry about all that,” D’Mann said to Desirae. “If we keep gettin’ to know each other, if you want, then I can be there to help you.”
“Yeah, right,” Desirae said, almost dismissing the idea. “I still gotta see how serious you are.”
“Okay,” D’Mann said. “See how serious I am then. I got time. You know where to find me.”
Desirae glanced at her mother’s house then back to D’Mann. “Well, I guess I betta be headin’ back in now,” she said. “I swear I can’t wait until I’m workin’ again and don’t gotta be here no more. I mean, stuff been coo with my mama so far, but it still ain’t the same as livin’ on your own. Then I hate that that nigga Tron gotta come over here and look down on me.”
“I don’t even wanna talk about that nigga no more,” D’Mann said. “With how he and that chick that you used to be coo with are soundin’, it make me wanna ride up on them and get a little justice for you. But I ain’t gon do that.”
Before Desirae could respond, D’Mann was pointing toward a window on the second floor of her mother’s house. “Is that the room you sleepin’ in?” he asked. “That light just popped on.”
Desirae turned toward the house and up toward the window. “Fuck,” she said. “That mean my mama up. I don’t know what she would be goin’ in the room for, not unless one of the twins is cryin’. Shit, I betta get in there. Thank you for the money.”
“No worries, no worries,” D’Mann said, smoothly. “Really, don’t even think about it. I know we just gettin’ to know each other and shit, but can a nigga get a kiss goodnight? You know I ain’t gon’ sleep right if I don’t get that at least, right?”
Desirae smiled and quickly leaned over to kiss D’Mann on the lips. When she got out of the car, she giggled when D’Mann had reached across the front passenger seat and slapped her ass as hard as he could. “Boy, stop.”
D’Mann chuckled. “Hit me up later on or somethin’, okay?”
“Okay.”
Desirae walked up the walkway and back into the house. With every step she took, D’Mann’s eyes zoomed in on her shape, how round her ass was, and how deep her lower back arched in. It was a sight for sore eyes, to say the least. D’Mann could only wait and wonder what it would really be like to work Desirae out in his bed. He wondered how flexible she was, as well as how far she’d go to please a man with a big sexual appetite like him.
When Desirae stepped over the threshold into her mother’s living room and closed the door, she heard crying from coming upstairs. Whichever baby was crying he was literally wailing at the top of his lungs. Desirae pushed the front door closed, made sure that it was locked, and rushed upstairs. When she rushed into her bedroom, she was greeted
by her mother. Bags under her eyes and her hair up in a doo rag, Karen rocked Titan, trying to get him to calm down.
“This is your responsibility, Desirae,” Karen said, in a very scolding way. “These aren’t my children.”
“Dang, Mama, sorry,” Desirae said. “As soon as I heard them, I came rushin’ up here to you.”
“Girl, don’t start with the lies,” Karen said. “It’s after midnight and I gotta get up and go to work in the mornin’. I know you were outside. I peeked out the window and saw the drug-dealing lookin’ truck. You can’t be doin’ that kinda stuff when you’re a mother, Desirae. When you got responsibilities to live up to, like two newborn babies in basinets, you can’t just go runnin’ out of the house to meet up with some thug you done met.”
“Mama, you don’t even know what you talkin’ bout,” Desirae said, taking Titan from her mother. “He wasn’t no thug or nothin’. Just a friend of mine.”
“A friend of yours?” Karen said, her hands on her hips. “What kinda friend, if that’s what you wanna call it, would be comin’ to see you after midnight like this when this friend knows that you got two newborn babies?”
“Just a friend of mine, Mama,” Desirae said, avoiding eye contact. “I swear, that’s all he is.”
“Desirae, you listen to me,” Karen said. “Don’t you be havin’ strange men comin’ over to my house in the middle of the night in cars and SUVs that cost more than this house does. You hear me? That’s dangerous, especially when you have two little children. I know you’ve heard me talk to you about some of those girls, especially in the black community, who get themselves involved in these less than ideal situations with men they don’t really know, only to find out these men are preying not only on them but on their children.”
The Diary of a Side Chick 6 (SCD) Page 16