by Carl Hancock
Sheila knew from experience that her daughter was as stubborn as they come, a family trait that until that moment she had always associated with Billy since she herself was the more placid and he the stronger willed. Yet she now realized her one betrayal of her marriage vows, the lover she had wrongly taken had been the one to endow her daughter with the drive and determination she was now fighting to suppress. She questioned her own wisdom, whether she was right to deny her the truth of her parentage. What she wanted was to let the past stay in the past, for Billy to forgive the broken promise of secrecy and call a truce. But for that to happen then she would have to tell her daughter exactly what she wanted to know, then maybe she would understand to be grateful for what she still had rather than pine for a future that could never be fulfilled.
‘Maybe you should sit down Tina, then I’ll tell you want you want to know,’ she finally said, reluctantly and still in self doubt she joined her on the sofa. The room was suffocating as she decided how best to break the news without destroying all of Tina’s dreams in one foul swoop.
‘Ok then Mum, I’m ready,’ she said. ‘Tell me everything you know about my real father.’
‘First off,’ she sniffed. ‘He was already a parent, which is to say that you weren’t his first and only child,’ she added hesitantly. She studied her daughters face as she broke the unexpected confession, for reasons unknown to her, Tina had always assumed without prompting that she was the only one.
‘Oh,’ she replied with a hint of surprise in her voice that quickly transformed into a twinkle in her eye. ‘You mean I have other brothers and sisters?’
‘Only two that I knew about, they’ll be older than you though,’ she tactfully replied.
‘How?’ she asked. ‘Well obviously I know how…how!’ she added quickly.
‘I know what you mean Tina,’ Sheila held her hand up before the conversation became too embarrassing for either of them to handle. ‘He was in a relationship at the time that I was with him, I didn’t know about it until long after we had finished though.’
‘So you weren’t just making it up to put me off…he was just after something he wasn’t getting at home!’
Sheila smiled. ‘I’m sorry; I did say he was just the same as Billy. Round here men are all the same, they’ll do anything if they think they can get away with it.’ As she said it she already knew she didn’t actually need to spell it out, although still young in years Tina had felt the rough justice dealt by infidelity once or twice herself.
‘So did he get caught out?’ she asked. ‘By his wife I mean, is that why you two finished it?’
‘No,’ she replied instantly. ‘At least I don’t think it was like that although I suppose it could have been.’
‘What do you mean? You must know what happened!’ Tina asked incredulously.
‘It was such a long time ago, things can get a little distorted after so long,’ she replied. ‘Anyway, I don’t think he was married, just living with someone that’s all.’ Somehow she had managed to justify her actions by the absence of a marriage certificate, the lack of document easing her guilt yet the very same piece of paperwork that bore her and Billy’s name was proudly framed and displayed in her living room.
‘Ok, but what else?’ Tina prompted impatiently.
‘Well the last time I saw him was after I found out that I was expecting you, I didn’t know what we was going to do, only that you were definitely his because your father,’ she said before pausing. ‘Sorry….Billy was banged up at the time. I asked to meet him with the intention of telling him, to share the problem.’ Seeing her daughters facial expression change as a look of hurt crept across her face, she reached out and took her hand. ‘Not that they was ever any question of me not having you, I just needed to unease the burden, after all I wasn’t the only one at fault.’
Tina nodded understandingly. ‘But what happened? Why didn’t you?’
‘It was difficult, much harder than I thought it would be and after playing the moment through my mind all day I wanted to break the news to him as soon as he walked in the room but he was dismissive with me from the start. I could tell he wasn’t stopping when he refused to sit down and have a drink, he just said that we were over. He said that we had made a terrible mistake and that it was wrong for two people to be messing around with each other whilst otherwise involved. I never got a word in edgeways and before I knew it he was gone again, that was the last I saw of him.’
‘Just like that?’ Tina asked astonished. ‘You just let him leave without a good reason!’
Sheila shrugged her shoulders and held her daughters hand tight. ‘It wasn’t meant to be anything but a bit of fun, we both knew that really. I guess we were both trying to escape from something in our lives if only for a little while. Me from Billy being locked up again, left alone to feed our Suzy with no income was a hard task. Not to mention all the other worries that went along with being married to him,’ she explained. ‘And I guess he was trying to forget about something too, to grab a few hours peace without thinking of anything but himself.’
‘So you think that he may have been having relationship problems?’ she asked. ‘That he may have split from you to try to patch it up with the mother of his other kids… Great, even if I did ever meet him…meet them then I’ll be the odd one out wont I?’
‘I wasn’t a threat to her, he was never going to leave her for me and I wasn’t going to leave Billy for him,’ Sheila said. ‘Besides which it would have been a stupid thing to do even if I had wanted to.’
‘Because of what Billy would have done?’ Tina wondered aloud.
Sheila nodded her head. ‘Of course, I mean he acts like he’s just the same now but I can see he has mellowed a bit but back then he was a lot younger and fitter obviously. If he had found out then he would have killed him and maybe me too, but fortunately it never became public knowledge and by the time I did confess he was able to live with it.’
‘Do you think he might still be with her?’ Tina asked. ‘The mother I mean?’
Sheila’s eyes narrowed, she averted her daughters stare by looking away toward the window again and released her grasp. She stood up and walked toward it stopping for a clear view. ‘As far as I know he is Tina,’ she finally said without turning to face her.
‘Are you sure? I mean it might not be such a bad thing if I turned up on the doorstep. Maybe she suspected he was having an affair and that’s why he ended it, maybe I won’t be that much of a shock to them!’
‘You can’t see them Tina, it’s impossible,’ she replied.
Tina stood up. ‘Why would you say that? Just when I get the chance to have something special in my life, a real father and new siblings you have to try and stop me,’ she began raising her voice in anger. ‘Well I’m not going to let you or Billy stop me this time, I’m going to find them and then I’m going to introduce myself to hell with the consequences.’
‘You can’t do that Tina,’ said Sheila adamantly; she turned to face her abandoning the tranquillity of the garden view.
‘Just try and stop me,’ Tina hissed.
‘She’s dead Tina,’ Sheila whispered.
Tina stopped in her tracks; she spun around as the words hit her. Her mind boggled as it interpreted what it heard. ‘Ok,’ she said. ‘So what? She’s dead, but I can still find him,’ she added without thinking.
‘I said they were together,’ Sheila said shaking her head. ’And I meant it, I’m sorry Tina but your father…’ she added as her voice wavered. ‘Your real father died in a tragic accident not long after you were born. I’m so sorry but you’re never going to meet him, not in this life!’
Chapter Nineteen
‘What the hell’s going on Tina, why did you call me over?’ He slammed the door and put the key back in his pocket knowing it had been a good idea of his to keep a spare. When he’d agreed after much deliberation and womanly pressures from Suzy to let her younger sister move into the vacant flat and have some independence he had
n’t imagined she could cause him so much bother and concern, her qualities had not endeared her to the neighbours most of whom were not far off retirement thus not sharing her love of loud music and late nights. He glanced around from room to room walking along the hallway toward the living room where the television was blaring, the untidiness and disregard for keeping his property in order angered him, even more so because he couldn’t vent it and let her know.
‘This place was in better condition while it sat vacant for three years,’ he said entering the room expecting to find her sitting on the settee painting her nails.
‘He’s been here Matt,’ she sobbed. ‘While I was in the shower, let himself in with the key Mum had, look at what the bastards done now. Not content with destroying Mums home he’s got to have a go at mine too.’ She sat amidst broken glass and crockery, the coffee table upturned across the room after knocking down a tier of shelves that he himself had handmade during his occupation of the premises.
‘Ok,’ he said unsurprised, receiving an update on Billy’s latest antics was becoming a daily occurrence. ‘It’s not the end of the world, a shock I know but nothing that can’t be repaired or replaced.’ He was silently seething that his afternoon plans had been put on hold, again for reasons connected to Billy and for something that was in his opinion, so minor. He took out a large wad of notes from his pocket and thrust them under her nose. ‘Buy some new stuff and I’ll get someone around to fix the shelving and change the locks as soon as possible.’
‘I can’t stay here,’ she cried. ‘It’s not safe anymore.’
‘For fuck sake Tina don’t be so over dramatic, I had plans with Suzy this afternoon and had to cancel just because of this crap? Stop the crying and get over it, it’s typical of your old man, you should know that already!’
She sat wearing just a dressing gown and her hair was still wet, her eyes were red from the constant crying. ‘It wasn’t just that Matt,’ she said through sobs. ‘He was drunk and threatened to punish me like he did Dave,’ she added to his surprise. ‘Told me that now it was out in the open, that I wasn’t his flesh and blood that there was no reason why he shouldn’t have a bit of fun and teach me a lesson at the same time! I don’t understand what he means.’
He understood why she had called him rather than her sister or mother; he wasn’t particularly keen or able to deal with such delicate situations but knew it was best they didn’t hear of it. ‘Ok...but he didn’t touch you right?’
She nodded. He felt better for asking although he knew for certain that she wasn’t Billy’s usual type and that he probably couldn’t have done anything even if he had wanted to. The lengths that he was capable of going to just to extract the vengeance he felt due was sickening, Tina growing up without him around was still no excuse for his warped behaviour.
A cup of tea with added brandy calmed her down; he found his way around the kitchen with familiar ease although repositioning had taken place since the last time he was there. He had busied himself tidying the mess, the sharp shards of glass that offered harm if careless enough to tread on them were brushed out of the way. He had called Suzy again, this time to cancel completely, lies fell out of his mouth as if by second nature, white lies but lies all the same.
Within thirty minutes he had had the locks changed and shelves back together, the second floor apartment was now secure and back to its original condition as he saw the workmen out and thanked them for their expedience.
‘I want him dead!’ Her statement stroke confession lingered in the room as he re-entered, it hung there between the two them.
‘Don’t be stupid Tina, saying things like that will only agitate the matter further,’ he said.
‘Well why shouldn’t I, after what he’s put mum through…and now me,’ she spat. ‘He’s a waste of space, nothing like my real father was I bet!’
‘For Suzy’s sake if nothing else,’ he argued. ‘Believe me I know what it’s like to lose your parents so you shouldn’t wish it upon the sister who cares so much about you. If it wasn’t for her then you’d still be living at home with your mother and most probably be unemployed.’ He had to calm his lecture down, unable to say what he might really want to say for fear of pushing her toward one of her thoughtless rebellious moments.
‘You can do it Matt…I know you can,’ she hissed. ‘It wouldn’t be the first and you can’t tell me that you like him anymore that the rest of us!’
‘You better watch what you’re saying Tina,’ he warned. Ordinarily he kept his true nature well hidden, only those that crossed him in business saw and felt his wrath, but on occasions when threatened by accusations and insinuations he struggled to keep his temper in check.
‘If you won’t do it then I’ll get someone else to.’
He knew what she meant, what she was letting him know was that she would sell herself out one night to the most likely candidate. For an evening she would wilfully intoxicate a willing recipient with her body in return for a favour of her own and there were plenty willing to give it a go.
Now he had to appease her, convince her of the error of her demands and how incorrect and pointless it was to place the burden on him. It was hard work, as he knew it would be but despite not being Billy’s daughter she certainly shared his wicked sense of vindictiveness. She urged him to allow herself and her mother to return with him to his home that boasted the most up to date security devices, where they could feel safe. He declined spouting several reasons most of which were valid in his mind. She argued from many angles even hinting that it would prevent her from any harsh actions but he still declined to her despair.
‘If my real father were here it would be completely different.’
‘Well he isn’t he Tina and this is the only family you’ve got so you better learn to accept it. ’
‘Mum told me who he was?’
‘Yeah but he’s also dead isn’t he so he can’t be of any help.’ He was blunt and felt a little remorse for it but was tired of hearing about it. Since Sheila’s confession Suzy had begun to think of him as her sounding board to unburden her own conscience and repeated the entire sordid affair over and over so much it felt like he had actually been there and knew all the people involved.
‘Maybe not but she did give me this,’ she said and thrust a photo under his nose. ‘Maybe if I can find his other family then they might accept me.’ The doorbell rung as he took hold of the photo, a woman’s voice that they both recognized bellowed through the letter box.
‘You told her?’
‘Not everything,’ he said. ‘Just that he had called by unannounced and surprised you. Keep the rest to yourself Ok.’
Tina nodded and made her way toward the front door, he had let Suzy know so her presence would aid him in leaving. He tossed the photo down without looking at it; it flew straight off the recently adjusted coffee table. Cursing his lack of aim he bent down to pick it up not wishing to seem so dismissive, as he did so he caught a glance of the glossy side bearing an image.
Suzy walked in muttering to her sister who trailed along behind her, her usual brash over confident manner was absent as the events had clearly taken their toll. She looked at Matt stood still to the spot, transfixed by the dilapidated black and white photo that he held.
‘I’ll speak to him later Tina,’ she said. ‘I’ve tried his mobile but I can’t get hold of him, I don’t think he knows how to use it yet!’ She was trying to inject a moment of humour in the awkward situation. She was caught in the middle of the family fall out; she didn’t wish to take sides or show prejudice or favouritism to any one particular party. A few seconds of uncomfortable silence followed until she realized Matt appeared unusually distant. ‘Matt, are you alright?’
He didn’t answer and seemed to be in a world of his own.
‘Matt…what’s wrong?’
Matt looked up and greeted his fiancée. ‘Oh, nothing really, just that the boilers broke again,’ he said looking toward Tina. ‘It can’t be repaired and a new one w
ill take a while to order apparently.’
Tina remained silent but surprised. ‘Oh,’ Suzy said. ‘What’s she supposed to do without hot water or heating?’
‘Leave it with me I’ll get it sorted,’ he said. ‘But for now I suggest you pack a few things and come stay with us Ok?’
Tina nodded curiously. ‘What about Mum?’
‘Why Mum as well?’ Suzy asked.
‘Decorators let her down at the last minute, the place is a tip so she might as well have a few days away too,’ Matt interrupted.
Suzy smiled.
At that moment he knew he had done the right thing for them and himself. They would be safe from Billy’s riddled threats, only he and a few informed others would understand exactly what he had threatened to do. Billy had gone down in his estimations to an even lower level than he thought possible but on the other hand he had escalated to the top of his problem list.
‘I’ll just go make myself useful and see if Tina needs a hand then shall I?’
‘Sure,’ Matt replied watching her leave the room. He took one last look at the photo before placing it in his inside pocket, with the last minute offer of sanctuary from him it would be the last thing that Tina would be looking for and a useful confirmation to his concerns when he obtained a moment alone with Sheila.
Chapter Twenty
‘Did you do it yet?’
‘Yeah Billy, I made the call but I still don’t think this is a good idea,’ he replied. ‘Once the wheels are in motion you won’t be able to stop it.’
‘So what, I wouldn’t be doing it if I wasn’t sure!’
‘It’s your call, your business and I’m staying out of it from now on,’ Cyrus said with conviction in his voice. ‘I put the word out and that’s evened us up now as far as I’m concerned.’ He looked at Billy disapprovingly. ‘You do know that she’ll never forgive you if you follow through with this?’