by Lilly Atlas
As her eyes roamed over the man in the center of the photo, a chill ran down her spine. His hair was long, a bit past his shoulders and jet black. His eyes were also black as night, a chilling sight. But something about those eyes struck her as familiar. Very familiar. Her stomach rolled and she shoved the chair back, springing up.
“No,” she whispered, shaking her head. “No way. It’s not possible.”
She leaned over the picture again. The man’s tongue was sticking out and it was split up the middle, forked like a snake. Her hand flew to her mouth as she recalled the slightly ridged scar that ran up the center of Nick’s tongue. The ridge that added an extra, amazing sensation to her nipples and clit.
He’d sustained damage to his tongue during the assault, damage that required surgical repair, but had his tongue been forked even before all that?
“No,” she said in a sharp tone. “Knock it off, Amanda. You’re being ridiculous.”
And then she saw it. The snake tattoo on the side of the man’s neck.
The snake with its open mouth and dripping fangs.
The snake that disappeared into his shirt.
The snake Amanda had firsthand knowledge ran down the length of the man’s torso.
The snake tattoo that belonged to the man she’d been sleeping with for months. Turned out it also belonged to a presumed-dead outlaw. Kat was right.
“Oh my God.” Her stomach heaved and she hurried across the kitchen, making it to the sink just in time. Luckily, all she’d had in the past five hours was two cups of coffee which had felt and tasted much better on the first trip.
With shaking hands, she rinsed her mouth and splashed water on her face.
Despite the fact that the very idea made her nauseated all over again, she forced herself to read the entire article. With each passing sentence, her world grew a little dimmer. Guns. Drugs. Gambling. Prostitution. Kidnapping. Murder. The list became worse with each suspected charge.
Nick, who apparently went by the road name Snake, was described as nothing short of a monster. The room spun and for a moment Amanda worried she’d pass out. Her brain wasn’t able to process this, wasn’t able to merge the two men. The man who worked so hard to overcome his injuries, the man who surprised her with a stone fireplace, the man who treated her like she was precious to him and looked at her like she held the key to his universe.
She was a fool. He’d warned her, hadn’t he? Warned her that he was rotten, that his life would destroy hers, that his past was terrible. It was her own fault that she’d romanticized him to some mysterious bad boy she could tame. Like a character in a book. Some man with a dark past who wasn’t nearly as bad as he thought himself to be. She’d been so wrong.
He was worse.
Did Kat know? Had she made the connection?
The front door slammed and Amanda jumped. Lost in her own stupidity, she hadn’t heard the motorcycle return. “Babe?” Nick called out, his voice frantic.
He jogged into the kitchen, booted feet pounding on the wood floor. One look at him and Amanda felt like she was dying. She loved him. Loved Nick, who was really Snake, a notorious criminal. Kidnapper. Murderer. Bile surged again but she managed to keep it down this time.
“Where’s Kat?” he asked, gaze darting around the room.
Amanda rose from the chair on what felt like too limp spaghetti noodles. “She didn’t come home.”
“Okay, good. That’s actually good,” he said, running a hand through his hair. He moved to her but she held up a hand between them.
“Don’t touch me,” she whispered.
His eyebrows drew down. “What? What’s wrong?”
“Just stay back.” Her heart ached as though it was actually breaking apart. All she wanted was to bury herself in his embrace and pretend none of this was real. Pretend he wasn’t all those unconscionable things she’d read in the article. Maybe it made her a horrible person to believe the article at face value without questioning him about it, but she knew deep in her gut that it was true. That he was Snake, a very bad and dangerous man.
When she glanced up at his face, it wasn’t Snake she saw. It was Nick. Just Nick with an expression full of concern. But on closer inspection, Snake was there. It was the shrewdness in his eyes, the competence with weapons, the easy way he threatened a man with gruesome violence. Red flags. All ignored by her because she was thinking with her heart and her ovaries instead of her head.
Somehow, he didn’t seem to hear the shattering of her heart as it splintered and burst into a million tiny pieces.
Amanda’s behavior didn’t make sense, but there just wasn’t any time to figure it out in that moment. It wouldn’t be long before Mo spoke to someone who pointed him toward Amanda’s house. Enough people knew him around town by now to know where he lived and with whom.
“Amanda, we have to leave. Now. Something happened and I’ll explain it all to you when we are away from here and safe, but we have to go because we’re no longer safe here.” He reached for her and she backed up. Genuine fear shone in her eyes. But not fear of the news he just gave her. Fear of him. What the hell was going on?
Panic clawed at his throat. Was Mo here already? Had he hurt her?
“Baby, what’s going on?” He reached for her one more time.
“I said don’t touch me!” she screamed and he stopped dead in his tracks. Her hands were shaking, held up between them like they could keep him away. She seemed on the verge of a complete breakdown.
“Okay, I won’t touch you.” Though it just about killed him, he took a step back, giving her space. “Can you tell me what’s going on?”
“I know,” she said. “I know who you are. I know what you’ve done.” She held the newspaper out and his own face stared back at him. Different, yet undeniably him.
“Shit.” They didn’t have time for this. They had to jet and soon.
“Did you do all these things? Drugs? Kidnapping? Murder?” Her pitch rose with each word until she was almost shrieking. “This is you, isn’t it, Snake? Don’t deny it. At the very least, you owe me the truth.”
He flinched. The name he’d been so fucking proud of sounded dirty coming from her pure mouth. “Don’t call me that.” Snake had no business being in this house. This was Nick’s territory, and damned if he hadn’t come to like living life as Nick.
She laughed. “Why not? It’s your name. Right, Snake?”
He didn’t know what to say. Didn’t know what to do to get her to leave with him. Everything else could wait. He’d explain it all and she could hate his guts forever as long as he knew the MC wouldn’t get their hands on her. Because they would use her as bait. Use her for information.
He should know. It’s what he would have done.
“Tell me!” she shouted at him, her eyes wild, tears spilling over.
“It’s my name,” he said.
“And all these things. Drugs, women, kidnapping, oh God, killing people.” Her voice hitched. “You’ve done all these things?”
All that and more. Though no one he’d ever killed was innocent. They were as dirty as him. He’d terrorized plenty who didn’t deserve it though. “I’ve done all those things.”
Her face crumpled and loud sobs sounded through the room. The urge to go to her, to wrap her in his arms and hold her until the pain faded was a tangible need. But seeing as how he’d been the one to cause the pain, it would never happen. Seeing her so distraught hurt ten times worse than the beating he’d sustained last year.
“You need to leave,” she said in a flat tone.
“I can’t do that, Amanda.”
“Why? You planning to kidnap me? Maybe murder me? Oh, I know, you planning to be my pimp now? You gonna bring me to your club so I can become one of those girls you told me about, sucking off any biker that comes my way?” The tears had slowed and sarcasm was thick in the air now. Snake preferred it to her raw devastation.
“Fuck no!” he roared. “I’m not going to do anything to you, Amanda. I’d
never hurt you. But I’d do damn near anything to protect you. You should know that by now.” I love you. It was right there, hanging from his tongue, but now was not the time. “The longer we stay here, the more danger we are in. Serious danger.”
She opened her mouth and he shook his head before she could get a word out.
“You saw what they did to me, babe. That’s nothing compared to what they’ll do if they catch me this time. And they will have no problem going through you to get to me. I’ll fucking stand in front of you and use every cell in my body to protect you, but I’m one man. They’ll tear me apart and come for you. I’ll be dead, or probably just shy of dead. Alive enough to watch what they’ll do to you as one last torture before they kill me.”
He was scaring her. It was clear in the way her eyes widened and her lower lip trembled. Guilt weighed heavily on him. For so many months he worked to hide this world from her and now it was about to crash through her front door. He couldn’t hold back though, she had to realize how dire the situation was. It may be the only way to get her to leave with him.
“I promise to answer any questions you have with complete honesty. I’ll tell you anything you want to know. Then, you can hate me. You can rail at me. You can rip off my fuckin’ nuts, whatever. But you will come with me and you will be safe.”
They stared at each other across the kitchen. The space between them full of emotions. Regret. Pain. Guilt. Sorrow. Love.
Finally, when he was about to charge forward, toss her over his shoulder, and run out the door regardless of her wishes, she nodded.
“I’ll pack a bag,” she said. “Five minutes tops.”
The moment she disappeared up the stairs, he sagged in relief. As soon as they were safe, he’d work his ass off to get Amanda to forgive him. It may never happen, but he had to try. He wasn’t sure he could survive without her anymore. Not without tumbling back into a life he no longer wanted.
His eyes strayed to the newspaper article, crumpled on the floor. He barely recognized that man anymore. Funny, for so long after the accident, he’d stare at himself in the mirror wondering who he really was. Now that he knew he was capable of being a decent human being, capable of being with an amazing woman, capable of love, he couldn’t bear the thought of going back to being Snake.
Parts of Snake would always be with him, ingrained in his DNA, flowing through his blood. He stared down the hallway. With Amanda’s help, he realized Nick could prevail and life had a chance of being full or more good than bad.
But first they had to survive the day.
Chapter Twenty-Six
She should have said no. Should have kicked him out of her house. Why on earth had she climbed in the rusted-out truck and let him drive them the few hours south?
Because all she could think about was the way he looked in that hospital bed the first time she saw him. He said it’d be worse this time around. Then they’d make him watch while they moved on…to her.
Perched at the end of a bed in a cheap motel room just south of Salt Lake City, Amanda sighed. One bed. Of course, he’d only gotten a room with one bed. He wasn’t going to make it easy for her to distance herself.
Nick—she couldn’t bring herself to think of him as Snake—cared for her. That much was obvious in his desperate plea to protect her. And he wanted her. Despite everything, his eyes still roved over her as though he could see every inch of skin under her clothing. He probably could conjure up a mental picture any time he desired. He’d seen her naked enough times. Seen, and touched, and tasted…
Amanda shook her head and pressed her fingertips to her closed eyes. Nick was in the shower. So many questions were bouncing around in her head, she could barely sort one from the next. Maybe she should write it all down, make a list. It might help organize her internal chaos, and there was a small notepad and pen in her bag. But the bag was clear across the room and her limbs felt like they weighed a ton. So, she sat. And she waited. And she obsessed.
Sometime later, Nick walked out of the small bathroom amidst a cloud of steam. The thin motel towel hung low on his hips, barely large enough to encompass his waist. Her gaze was immediately drawn to his damp chest and the droplets of water that dotted the impressive muscles. She stifled a groan and looked away. Damn her body for going all soft and warm at the sight of him. It was like her body recognized its mate and immediately prepared to be with him.
No, he wasn’t going to make this easy at all.
“Do you want to take a shower?” he asked as he stepped into a pair of navy blue sweat pants. After she’d packed a few things, they’d swung down to the cabin and tossed all his belongings into the back of the pickup. Guess that meant he wasn’t planning on returning.
“Later.”
He nodded and sat next to her. She both wished he’d close the small gap between them and touch her and wished he would back away. Could she be any more of a mess?
“Do you have questions you want to ask me? I can just start talking if that’s easier.”
She stared at him. There wasn’t anything in his somber expression to make her believe he was playing her or planning to deceive her. He looked almost as lost as she felt.
Was it possible he’d really changed from the man in that article? Maybe changed wasn’t the right word. Maybe it was grown. Grown past what he used to be. Grown into a new stage of his life.
Curse him for sitting so close while only half dressed. Heat emanated from him, tempting her to burrow against his chest and pretend the past hours hadn’t happened. “I have so many questions. But I can’t seem to sort them out into any logical order right now. I’m so tired and emotionally fucked up.”
His eyes widened at her rare use of the four-letter word then he chuckled. “Okay, I’ll just talk and you stop me if you want to know more about something.”
She nodded.
“All right.” He took a deep breath and looked her straight in the eye as he began his story. “I grew up immersed in the outlaw motorcycle club life. My old man was president of a one percenter MC in California. My mom took off when I was a teenager. She got sick of him fucking anything with tits. I have a sister who was about five at the time. A few years later, my old man was killed by a rival club. I moved to Arizona and worked construction for a while. I sure as hell wasn’t able to care for a kid, so my sister went to live with some other family.”
He sighed and scratched the back of his neck. Amanda stayed quiet and let him gather his thoughts. “My family had been torn apart. The only example of relationships I had was my parents’ fucked up unfaithful marriage and other ones from my father’s club. They were just as bad. I was alone, angry, and looking to take back some control over my life. When I was old enough, I prospected with the Grimm Brothers MC. It was what I knew. They became my life, my family.” He paused and frowned as though lost in memories.
“Anything I say to you can’t leave this room, Amanda. It’s not safe for you to know. It’s shit I shouldn’t tell you. Shit I’ve sworn to my brothers to keep secret. Now that they’ve betrayed me, my loyalty to them is gone, but it’s still ingrained in me to keep this shit to myself.”
“I’d never let on that I know anything.”
He nodded. “The MC runs drugs, guns, owns a few whorehouses. I go by the name Snake, which I guess you read in the article. I made a name for myself and worked my way to the top of the food chain. I was mean, scary, cold. Basically, I tried to emulate my nickname. Black contacts, forked tongue, cold fucking blooded. My enemies knew I’d strike first, fast, and without warning.”
A shiver raced through Amanda. She hadn’t ever seen that side of him, but believed it could exist and would be terrifying.
“Anyway, I was voted vice president and served that role for about seven years before the pres got sick. Cancer. He lasted about six months. The club knows what happened to him, but outside my club, rumors ran rampant that I killed him for the position. I didn’t. Despite the bastard I was to most of the world, I loved each and every
patched member as my family. But it served me well to have that news flying around so I never disputed it.”
“But you have killed?” She sounded like she’d swallowed a package of sandpaper. Stupid to ask. She knew the answer to the question, but needed to hear it from his mouth for some reason.
His head moved up and down in a slow nod. “I’ve killed. Not that this will do anything to help our situation, but I don’t regret most of them, any of them, really. They more than deserved it. It’s no secret what happens if you fuck with the club. People make their own choices. Myself included. I’ve done plenty of terrible shit, and I own that. But I didn’t just kill for sport.”
Did it matter? Killing was killing, wasn’t it? Did it make it any better to know he’d rid the world of some lowlife? No, it really didn’t. Not in her eyes. Though she had to admit to some relief in knowing he wasn’t just killing to get anything he wanted.
Geez, she couldn’t believe they were having this conversation. That she was weighing the degrees of murder.
“Shit started to go downhill when I became president. Now that I’ve been out for so many months, I can see how blinded by power I was. We got in tight with a Mexican cartel and started raking in some serious dough distributing their product. All that cash went straight to my head.
“I had a guy, a prospect, who stole from me. He had a sister. She was an innocent; had nothing to do with the club. I blackmailed her into infiltrating a rival club, the No Prisoners. Threatened her brother’s life. I shot him in the shoulder. Think I woulda killed him, too. Hard to say now that my head is in a different space. Anyway, things went all to shit when she and one of the NPs fell in love. They ended up stealing almost a million in cash from me and we kidnapped her in retaliation. At the time, I was in a haze of rage that I’d never experienced before. I know it sounds like an excuse, but I wasn’t in my right mind. I roughed her up pretty good, came close to killing her. Her ol’ man and his brothers rescued her and he beat me senseless. Instead of helping me, my own vice president recruited some other members to haul my half dead ass all the way up here. We’d been a bit at odds. He wanted to take some serious risks that I didn’t think were worth it for the club. I guess he decided to take matters into his own hands. You know the rest.”