by Lee Monroe
That was, if I didn’t die before I got the chance.
I tried to think of where my parents and Dot might be. Where he would have taken them. He had driven us to that creepy abandoned army training ground … He could have put them in one of those rusting old Nissen huts. He could have put them anywhere.
‘What is it with you and that place?’ I said to his back. ‘That army training ground?’
His arm was lifted, poised to cast another stone into the water, but he paused, turning part way back to me.
‘I like it,’ he said, then. ‘So cold and abandoned and bleak …’ He turned all the way to face me. ‘It feels like a place I belong. Somewhere a person could stay for years … and no one would find them. Not a soul.’
He turned back and hurled the stone aggressively forward. It didn’t even cause a ripple, it just landed on some rotting reeds.
‘But you haven’t been abandoned,’ I said quietly. ‘You have a family that … loves you.’
‘I don’t care,’ he snarled, and I jumped a little in fright.
He walked back towards me and grabbed my arm, leaning into me, his mouth next to my ear. ‘Let me show you what it means to be truly afraid,’ he said, ‘because really … you have no idea.’
I tried to control my breath, which was coming heavily, and allowed myself to be dragged over to the truck.
‘Get in,’ he said roughly, opening the door.
I climbed into the passenger seat and Evan started the engine, ignoring his seatbelt. I didn’t dare reach for mine, I just stared straight in front of me, feeling sweat forming on my body, even though it was the middle of the night and chilly. Evan drove fast, winding around the roads, scaring night-time creatures and birds.
There was no mistaking where the vehicle was headed. In spite of the speed I saw a sign, a familiar sign.
We were going back there.
The place was dank. Evan drove straight through the closed wooden gate and I put my hand to my mouth as it splintered apart and wood flew into the surrounding bushes.
‘Please,’ I heard myself gibber, ‘stop this.’
‘Shut up!’ he snapped, and the truck screeched to a halt. He opened the door roughly and I sat where I was, unable to move.
‘Get out.’ He pulled open the passenger door, and I somehow managed to get down on to the grass, though my legs were like jelly.
It was raining now. Nasty, spitting rain, and the grass was wet. Across from us, the eerie huts stood, as though waiting to receive us.
I didn’t care, I just wanted to see my family alive.
CHAPTER THIRTY
Luca wrestled in the darkness. His whole body in pain, stretched and distorted, he opened his jaws and howled, pawing angrily at the ground.
Behind him, Dalya panted, looking to him for instructions.
Slowly he wound his way through the trees, shaking rain off his head, and she dutifully followed.
The sky was gradually getting paler, soon the moon would disappear. He growled, sniffing the ground, trying to find her scent. Jane’s scent.
They were near her house. Their silhouettes were shadows against the back wall and something made him stop, putting his snout to the ground again.
He could smell her.
Now all they had to do was get there in time.
He turned to Dalya and silently spoke to her, and she let out a low whine in understanding.
Together, the animals ran down the rough track towards the mountain road, headed for the other side of town.
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
The entrance to the hut was hung with rusting bits of metal, hostile and creaking as they swung slightly back and forth.
I screwed up my eyes to see the back of the hut, but there was nothing there except shadows.
‘Mum!’ I called, my voice coming out as a sob. ‘Dad!’
Beside me, Evan laughed humourlessly.
‘They can’t hear you. Don’t waste your breath.’
‘Where are they, you bastard?’ I tore into his chest, hitting him as hard as I could. ‘You evil—!’
‘Calm down,’ he said, amused. ‘They’re safe … for now. They’re knocked out.’ He scratched his chin. ‘Your mum and the kid were easy enough, but your dad …’ He shook his head. ‘That required a bit more effort.’
‘Are they here somewhere?’ I said desperately, pushing past him.
He grabbed my arm, which hurt. I winced in pain.
‘Careful, Jane,’ he whispered. ‘Not so fast.’
‘You’d better not have touched them,’ I said. ‘Dot …’ I put my hand to my mouth, not wanting to think about what he’d do to my little sister.
‘Calm down.’ Evan sounded bored now. ‘They’re not far. You’ll all be together soon.’ He smiled nastily. ‘They’re incapacitated, that’s all.’
‘What did you do to them?’ I was shivering uncontrollably.
‘Tilly has her uses,’ he said mildy. ‘Irritating little wretch most of the time, but she mixes up a highly effective sedative. Strong enough to put a horse to sleep for six months.’
I gaped at him, standing so casually. So dismissive of other people’s lives.
‘So you avenge the death of your father by trying to destroy an entire family,’ I said in disbelief. ‘Can’t you just get the hell over it?’
His face snapped back into a look of pure hatred as his arm shot out and I felt his fingers straddling my neck.
‘Watch your mouth, freak,’ he said. ‘You don’t get to judge me.’
He paused, sniffing the air, frowning.
‘What are you doing?’ I glared at him.
He shrugged. ‘Nothing. Shut up for once, would you?’
I flared my nostrils. I felt nothing but hatred for Evan now. His once-beautiful face looked almost haggard. Bitter.
He moved around the hut, kicking bits of old rusting machinery on the ground. A rat scuttled out from beneath a tyre and I shuddered. Were my parents lying with rats?
‘How does this compare,’ said Evan leaning back against the wall, ‘in terms of pure misery, to your schooldays?’ He grinned unpleasantly. ‘Sarah not quite so bad now I imagine. Just a harmless kid.’
I stared at him. ‘You two are made for each other,’ I said, icily. ‘I mean … she knew all about this, right?’
‘Clever.’ He tapped his head patronisingly.
I felt disgusted. ‘You really are a piece of work.’
‘Thank you.’ He crossed his arms. ‘She was only too happy to help. Bored, spoiled … She was just itching to liven things up in her life. I studied her for some time before getting in touch.’
‘How?’
‘I spoke to her … in her dreams.’ He raised one eyebrow. ‘Does that ring any bells?’
‘Wait … You can do that, too?’
‘We all can … If we want to enough. It just takes a willing accomplice … You know what I mean?’
I turned from him. He’d told her to torment me. He wanted to make all of our lives hell.
Ironic, coming from an angel. I opened my mouth to ask another question, but shut it again. What did it matter any more?
‘So what are you going to do with us?’ I said instead, not wanting to know, still listening – but there was only silence in the hut.
‘Hmmm.’ He narrowed his eyes. ‘I had wanted to drown you, one by one – but lifting those bodies … I am sure I can make use of some of these mortal weapons lying around here.’ He studied an old saw, lethally sharp and rusting.
I had no defence against him. I was all alone. Luca wasn’t coming. We were all going to die here. I let out a small sob.
Thunder suddenly rippled across the sky and we both jerked, startled, looking out to see a white fork split the darkness. It lit up the whole of the field outside, and for a second I saw the dark shape, moving across the grass. Two dark shapes…dogs, or…
It couldn’t be. Could it? My heart did a silent, hopeful cheer.
I forced myself not to rea
ct outwardly, and not to hope, but the animals were picking up speed and heading straight for us.
Evan pulled me roughly to him, putting an arm around my neck, pressing against my throat.
The dogs slowed and stood panting at the entrance. The bigger one’s eyes flashed at me.
Green eyes.
A little bit of fear left me.
Luca snarled, revealing his sharp teeth, his ears back, ready for attack.
‘I’m not afraid of you,’ Evan hissed at him, still pinning me to him. ‘Why would I be afraid of you?’
Luca rolled his head, pawing angrily at the ground. The hanging metal jangled in vibration.
‘Get back to your family …’ Evan spoke to him, tightening his grip on my neck and I whimpered slightly.
Luca shot forward, his jaws snapping, brushing aside the hanging metal as though it were nothing more substantial than a net curtain. He rocked his head from side to side, frustrated, but Evan didn’t even flinch.
‘Luca,’ I said, reaching out to stroke his nose and he nuzzled against me briefly, before turning to stare Evan headlong in the face. Behind me I felt Evan reaching for something in his pocket with his free hand and I wrenched myself out of his grasp, turning to see that it was a bottle.
‘Luca,’ I said warningly, but he was ahead of me. Rolling his head he quickly lunged at the bottle, which smashed on to the floor.
‘My friend,’ said Evan softly. ‘You wouldn’t hurt me … Remember, Luca. You would never even swat at a fly.’
‘Don’t listen to him,’ I bleated.
Luca shook his head and I saw that his body was contracting, shrinking.
I looked back at the wolf standing guard at the entrance, whose eyes glinted anxiously over at Luca.
‘Dalya?’ I said. ‘Is it you?’
She whined in answer.
‘You can’t hurt me.’ Evan shook his head at Luca. ‘You know that.’
Luca’s bodily hair was disappearing and he moved to stand upright. With a start I realised he would be naked once the process was complete. I wrenched off my jacket, wrapping it gently around Luca’s waist. He licked his lips and I saw those familiar pale cheekbones appearing.
‘How sweet,’ Evan sneered at us. ‘Enjoy your last moments together.’
‘Evan, this is not what Gabriel would want,’ Luca spoke at last, and his voice, low and calm sent ripples of relief through me. Relief … and something else I was starting to get used to.
‘What would you know?’ Evan’s face twisted with contempt. ‘You have no idea what I’ve been through. Gabriel would still be here if it wasn’t for her mother. And look at you … you’re destined for the same fate.’
‘Gabriel didn’t die of a broken heart.’ Luca said softly.
‘He didn’t.’ A voice at the entrance to the hut made us all start. Turning, I saw my mother standing behind Dalya. Her hair soaking wet, hugging herself.
‘Mum.’ I backed away from Evan, practically tripping over all the stuff on the floor. But Mum held her hand up to stop me.
Evan looked shocked, and outraged.
‘How did you get out?’ he snarled. ‘I’m warning you—’
‘Listen to me.’ She cut through him, her voice firm and authoritative. The adult amongst us. We were silent, waiting for her to go on.
‘I didn’t break your father’s heart,’ she said more wearily. ‘He broke mine. He didn’t love me. He told me so. Told me to go and never come back.’
I frowned. What was she saying?
‘Liar.’ Evan spat at the ground.
‘But I didn’t want to believe it,’ she went on. ‘I deluded myself that it was my decision. My mother was sick … I was human. It would never work.’ She shook her head. ‘I even wrote it all down. I thought if I wrote it down, it would become the truth.’
‘You expect me to believe that?’ He scowled.
‘It’s the truth.’ She looked straight at him. ‘I am not a liar.’
There was a pointed silence as she stared him out.
Luca cleared his throat then. ‘Evan, would you believe it, if you saw it written down … by your own father?’ he asked.
I looked from one to the other, confused.
‘What?’ Evan snapped.
‘Your father wrote a letter,’ Luca said quietly, ‘addressed to you and Dorcas. Dalya found it, in the palace. In Gabriel’s bureau drawer.’
Dalya, who by now was her familiar dark-haired self and wearing my mother’s jacket, nodded, shaking a little from the cold.
‘I didn’t mean to pry,’ she said demurely, ‘but I thought there might be some clue …’
‘Enough!’ Evan looked furious, but a little uncertain too. He backed away and leaned against the wall. ‘Where is this letter then?’
‘Nissilum,’ said Luca patiently. ‘We could hardly bring it with us as werewolves.’
‘No,’ Evan said, darkly sarcastic.
My mother stepped forward then. Her jeans and shirt were clinging to her. She was wet through. And she looked younger somehow than I’d ever seen her.
‘Listen,’ she said. ‘Your father was a good, strong man. He dreamed of having his own family. Living a peaceful life. Guided by morality …’ She glanced quickly at me before continuing. ‘He knew he could never have that with me. And he wanted it.’ I watched as tears gathered in her eyes. ‘He wanted your mother, and you. More than anything.’
There was a silence as Evan digested her words. He was obviously struggling to hide any emotion other than sheer contempt. Hatred even.
‘He would never have left us if it hadn’t been for you,’ he began, his voice catching slightly. ‘Whatever you tell yourself. If you had never existed he would never have been tempted to—’
‘Evan,’ she said, exasperated. ‘Part of being a man is accepting responsibility.’ I glanced at my mother with admiration, then at Evan, whose face twisted with frustrated rage. That really got to him. For the first time what was written in his eyes was real.
‘How dare you—’ he spat out at last, unable to articulate anything beyond that, as he clenched and unclenched his fingers.
‘Life presents many challenges,’ Mum went on, fearlessly. ‘Temptation is one of them.’ She reached out then and took hold of my hand. ‘And free will governs us all. We have the power to choose.’
I held my breath, waiting for Evan to explode, but he seemed frozen to the spot by Mum’s words. Lifting my head, I met Luca’s eyes. He didn’t look away, but held my gaze. The sound of the rain seemed the perfect backdrop to what we were facing up to.
‘Jane,’ Mum said quietly. ‘Nothing is simple. Particularly not love. You must trust what your instincts tell you.’
Was she warning me or giving me some kind of blessing? When I saw Luca looking at me in a way that I could no longer describe as just ‘friendly’ I hoped it was a bit of both.
From behind us, Dalya broke the spell. Clutching my mother’s jacket to her, she sighed heavily, then spoke to Evan.
‘I can show you the letter,’ she said, her voice wobbling slightly. ‘Back home.’
‘Bring the letter to me,’ he snapped, his eyes down. ‘Then I will decide.’
Dalya looked to Luca for guidance. He hesitated, before replying.
‘Go and fetch it.’ He spoke to Dalya, though his eyes were on Evan. ‘I will stay.’
Dalya nodded and turned to leave, when she stopped, with her back to us. We saw another shape approaching. I held my breath, hoping it wasn’t Ulfred or Henora come after their errant children.
But it was worse than that. My heart sank as Lowe came clearly into view. I heard Luca groan slightly, while Evan looked amused.
‘Excellent,’ he said. ‘Another interfering do-gooder come to talk me round.’
Lowe ignored me, simply put his hand into his pocket and drew something out. ‘You forgot this,’ he said, thrusting a piece of paper at Dalya.
Confused, I glanced at Luca as a smile replaced the frown on his face.
My mother’s hold on my hand tightened protectively.
Luca stepped across to his brother and embraced him. Over his shoulder Lowe’s eyes met mine, but this time there was no malice, just a weird kind of acceptance.
Dalya handed what I now saw was a folded letter or note to Evan.
‘Here,’ she said kindly. ‘This is from your father.’
Evan’s hand shook as he unfolded the letter, and to my surprise, he cleared his throat, now looking more like a boy than a monster, he began to read out loud:
My dearest Dorcas and Raphael
I am slipping away. It is not my body, it is my mind. I know neither of you will understand. But I cannot go on living as one of the Seraphim, one who is supposed to guide and protect his family and the population of Nissilum – I can’t go on knowing what I did many years ago. It was a moment of foolishness, of rare human weakness, but I became infatuated with a mortal girl.
She was beautiful and strong and brave and she lived a life that I could only dream of. One where human error is tolerated, sometimes embraced. I wanted to be part of that. I was just a boy. I dreamed of her, and I misused all my power to get her. And she fell in love with me. I thought I felt the same way. But I realised after time, that she could never give me what I truly wanted and what Celeste and Cadmium wanted, a wife and children who were untainted by human, mortal blood. I did not treat her well. I left her and though I knew she travelled to see me, I didn’t go to her. I felt such guilt, I confided in my sister, who took my pain to be the pain of heartbreak, and so I let it be believed. Because I knew what I had done was callous and cruel. Anna did not deserve it.
The guilt I feel now is partly to do with that, how I treated Anna, but partly with tainting my family with that brief, adolescent crush. I am not pure. I do not deserve my position here. Or my life.
I love you both more than I can say. And Raffy, the thought of leaving you brings me more pain than you can ever imagine. Go carefully, boy. Rein in your emotional nature, become what I am not able to become. A true leader, a role model to all on Nissilum. I am so proud of what I know you will become.
Gabriel.
Glancing up I saw my mother’s face was wet with tears. And across from me, Evan stood, suddenly smaller and vulnerable, though doing everything he could not to show it.