by Lila Felix
Damn my human heart.
“I’m hungry again.”
“I can’t cook for shit.” I quipped back.
“That’s why the world has Martha. Have you met her yet?”
“I think I did at the clan dinner. But there were so many people.”
“Well, she was the one who did most of the cooking. And she has kept my refrigerator stocked for weeks since I can’t stand at the stove very long.”
“I’m a pro at microwaving food.”
“That’s my girl.”
I helped her to her feet which wasn’t as easy as it seemed with a woman who was very pregnant and a porch swing that didn’t give a damn.
We went inside and she sat at the table while I insisted on bringing her whatever she wanted. After her food was at the table, I scooted another chair beside the table for her to prop her feet onto. They seemed more swollen than before.
I observed her as we ate. Other than the leader of the clan thing, she and I were very much alike and I could easily be in her position in just a few years. There was nothing insecure about her, not even a fleck of it. She oozed safe and stable—things that I’d never been. She was confident in her place and as she spoke about her mate, her love spilled out from her words.
There was something inherently regal about this woman.
She must’ve gushed for half an hour about the baby and what it meant to her without one word about what it meant to the clan as a whole. I listened with an open heart.
Maybe this clan thing wasn’t so bad after all.
She only ate half of the food before the yawning started.
“You must be exhausted. Come on, couch or bed?”
“Couch, please. I can put my feet up better there.”
On our way there, she slung her arm over my shoulder. My mother had waddled just like her when she was pregnant with the little ones. I got her settled on the couch and she was asleep before I put the last pillows under her feet.
And then I looked up to meet the eyes of the Alpha and I swore a growl tore from him. I took a step back at the raw fear that shot through me.
“Don’t worry.” Echo’s hand reached out to soothe me as I stood in shock. “He’s honored. You’re very kind to someone you don’t even know.”
The Alpha came down and kneeled beside the couch, pushing aside long strands of hair from her face. I felt like I was a voyeur in a very intimate scenario.
“You are a part of this clan now, whether you would have us or not.”
He spoke to me, but his eyes never left his mate.
She winked at me before falling back to sleep.
“Thank you.”
“Dahlia, are you ready to go? I’m done now.”
That Rev guy interrupted. “You have runs tonight.”
Tarrow stood straighter. I could practically feel his backbone strengthening. “No, I don’t. I’ve asked Oak to fill in for me.”
Rev snorted. “He’s new.”
My mate smiled. He’d already won some unspoken war. “Then it’s about time he got trained and practicing.”
Even the Alpha couldn’t resist laughing at that.
Tarrow grabbed my hand and led me outside. “I’m all yours now. What do you want to do? Anything. Name it. What would you do if you weren’t at work or at school?”
I thought about it at length and though many scenarios came to mind, I needed somewhere safe, where I wasn’t constantly tempted to kiss my mate senseless—though that wouldn’t be a bad thing.
“I’d be at the art museum.”
“Really? Is it open?”
“Yeah. You really want to go there?”
“What? Don’t I look like an artsy fartsy kind of guy? I’m offended.”
I canted my head at him. He was not offended in the least. In fact, if I was inferring correctly, he hoped he looked nothing like an artsy guy.
“No you’re not. Let’s go. We have the rest of the afternoon and then tonight, we see who can run the fastest.”
“Easy. Me.”
This boy.
“We don’t have to wait for tonight. We could run now.”
A shudder ripped through him. “I’d rather have the cover of darkness. It’s hard enough without you being marked.”
“Okay.”
I couldn’t even conjure up an argument.
The second shift should’ve been like a second date—still a little awkward, but not enough to want to puke.
Scratch that.
We were behind my parents’ house again, since Tarrow had such an aversion to us running on clan lands without me being marked.
“Don’t worry, I’ll go first.”
I began to turn but he waved a finger at me. “How are you going to get the answer to your sister’s question without looking?”
He was right.
Damn him.
I probably should’ve been watching—for the place that I would bite him.
The thing was, the ability to tear my eyes away from him had left me.
He smirked and looked to the ground as he allowed his pants to fall to the ground.
This was definitely not second date territory.
I was pretty sure this was some base in making out.
I didn’t even know my bases, much less his.
I sucked at being a mate.
After a deep breath, maybe three of them, my bear sent me a flux of courage and I really looked at the male who I would be with for the rest of my life and beyond.
Tarrow
If I had known I would feel it in my marrow the second my mate chose her marking spot, I could’ve attempted to prepare myself.
I didn’t know how in the hell I would’ve, but someone should’ve warned me.
I could almost see the decision in her eyes as she zoned in on the spot.
And before I could kiss her or at least embrace her—she’d shifted and was running away.
I’d spend all of my life chasing her—gladly.
I shifted in an instant. It was less painful this time, since I’d been spending so much time with her and my bear wasn’t ravenous for her touch.
I caught up to her with ease. She was fast, but I was faster.
I had to try something.
Hear—me?
When we were in bear form, our bond allowed a method of communication. I’d been told it would start out as simplified phrases and as our bond grew, so would our ability be enhanced.
I hoped it was soon, because right then, as I started the line of communication, I sounded more like a caveman than myself.
She didn’t answer right away, but her run came to a searing halt.
My mate was beautiful, not only in human form, but like this.
Can—hear—me?
Creator above, help me not sound like a complete idiot.
Again, she gave me no answer, but chose to shake her head—maybe shaking me out of her mind.
I hear you, mate.
Yep, I was an idiot.
She approached, nuzzling my snout with her own and playfully pushed my rump with her shoulder.
Without warning, she took off and before I could catch her, was in a tree.
I could’ve gone after her. I could’ve climbed the tree and sat with her, but I left her be.
Everyone, human or not, needed something or somewhere that belonged to only them. Call it a flaw. Call it selfish. The need never changed because of the opinions of outsiders.
The trees belonged to my mate.
And I belonged to her as well.
For hours we were content to be in each other’s vicinity, but not directly interacting. It was almost a new level of intimacy—allowing silence and space to bond us.
In the distance we heard an ambulance. At first we ignored it. With our heightened hearing, we could often hear sirens from far away. But this one was close—and approaching.
In one leap, she came down from the limb she’d been perched on and ran toward her house. I ran behind her and had to be fa
ster.
I had to stop her before she exposed herself to the humans.
Stop—humans.
Two words was all I needed that time.
She darted to the left and without a care for anything remotely intimate, got dressed and headed to her house.
“What happened?” She grabbed her mom’s arm with more force than necessary.
“Your father—fainted. It will be fine. But he hit his head. I just wanted to make sure there are no internal bumps to go along with the goose egg on the back of his head. Watch your sisters while we’re gone, won’t you?”
The anger and sheer anxiety crested in her voice. “No, I will not babysit!”
Vidalia got so close to Dahlia, face to face, that I was sure they could read each other’s minds. “I need you to be here, Dahlia. I need you.”
An understanding passed between them and the tug of anger release pulled at my heart.
“I’ll stay too—outside—just to keep watch.”
Dahlia turned her almond-shaped eyes on me. “I can take care of it.”
“Actually, I’d prefer he stayed with my girls while I’m gone. I’ll be back before you know it. I hate hospitals anyway.”
I didn’t bother to ask why he was choosing to go to a human hospital and couldn’t while paramedics rolled him on a stretcher onto the ambulance. His bloodwork would throw them for a loop or two. Maybe he knew someone there.
“I’ll stay until you get back, Sir.”
“Thank you, Son.”
If Dahlia’s father calling me son did anything to me whatsoever, I didn’t let it show.
Like honor—and pride.
It had been a long time since anyone called me son.
“I can handle things.” I heard my mate mutter under her breath. She knew I’d heard it.
We needed to have a long talk about her being so adamantly defiant against my help. It was unnecessary. I knew that she could do anything on her own.
Everyone in my life constantly needed me to do something.
All I needed was for her to need me.
After the ambulance left, with her parents inside, Dahlia scooted her sisters inside and followed them up the stairs. From below, I could hear her consoling them all, telling them to get some sleep so that they would be useful the next day.
She went from room to room, her footsteps sure as she made her rounds.
Minutes later, she came downstairs, a laundry basket on her hip.
“Let me get that for you.” I reached for the basket and she jerked it out of my reach.
“I don’t need your help, Tarrow.”
Though I felt the tang of her lie on my tongue, still they stabbed me.
“I know.”
As she began to stuff the clothes into the washing machine, I took my leave.
I would do what, apparently, I was born to do.
Circle the property outside.
Dahlia
After three hours of housework, I’d drained myself of almost a quarter of the nervous energy seizing my belly.
Pacing was my only option.
That, and listening to the breathing of my mate outside.
The tingle of the crisp, cool air tickled my own nostrils as I reached out, allowing my bear to connect with his, even if I couldn’t just yet.
I’d warned him.
No one could say that I didn’t warn him.
This was part of the mess that was me. I didn’t handle stress well. Hell, I didn’t handle it at all. I went into the woods and hid in the trees—from life and from people.
It was easier that way.
It was so much easier to be the coward.
I’d never seen my father go to the hospital. The hospital and the medical system in general were more of the things he adamantly preached against. We had shifter doctors. There were tons of them, just practicing and working in the system like regular doctors and nurses. My father’s doctor mostly practiced holistic medicines.
Which went right along with his hippie ways.
My mom must’ve been truly scared if she’d called the ambulance.
Maybe it was all just precautionary.
I let it all out, doubling over after I sat on the couch, hiding my face on my knees. There was nothing I hated more than crying.
Well, maybe vomiting.
It made me feel weak to cry.
My sobs were quieted by the front door opening. Tarrow stood there, the light of the porch filtering in, filling the space between the doorframe and his stature.
It was taking everything in him not to comfort me.
But I’d pushed him away.
And now he was respecting my wishes, my verbal wishes, when all I wanted him to do was hold me.
“If you’ve changed your mind, if you need me around, you’ve got to say the words, mate. Because if I go off of what’s in here…” He brought his palm to his chest. “Then I’m one confused son of a bitch.”
His words carried the weight of pain—pain I’d forced on him by lying to him.
“I’m sorry. I can’t—I need you. Please.”
Before I’d even finished my shaky statement, he was next to me, his arms encircling my waist, pulling me toward him.
“I’m here. I just went outside, but you knew that.”
“I’m not good with stress. I can handle things okay by myself, but I tend to strike out at people around me. That’s why I spend a lot of time in the woods before tests or when things get busy.”
I looked up at him to find he’d not batted an eye.
“Pretty big flaw, huh?”
He shrugged. “Actually, it’s fine. I’m pretty cool in this situations. But sometimes that fight or flight reaction can get you out of trouble and fast. There’s probably a lot of times that temper of yours will come in handy. Just direct it somewhere else.”
“Next time just give me some space.”
He squeezed me tighter just for effect. “I’m not sure I can do that. You’re gonna have to keep pushing me away. But don’t worry. I’ll never stray far.”
“I wasn’t worried you’d leave. Maybe a little.”
I could feel the movement of his nod.
“Not gonna happen. You can push ‘til your little heart is content. I’m not gonna budge.”
That may have been the best thing I’d ever heard.
“I hope he’s okay.”
“I hope he is too. He loves you girls. Anyone can see that.”
“Don’t you need to get home?”
He whooshed out a dramatic sigh and nudged me to look at him. “You are home.”
“But your mom…”
“My mom is fine. She will call if she needs anything.”
For the rest of the night, we stayed curled up together, me with the phone in my hand and Tarrow with his arms around me. He was so still and calm when he slept. Feeling his breaths on my shoulder kept me from being worried.
Plus, my heartbeat would know the second anything happened to him.
I heard the girls coming downstairs before I registered what time it was or anything else. My Dad always said they sounded like a herd of buffalo coming down for breakfast and they ate like them too.
“I’d better make them some breakfast.”
Tarrow didn’t answer and I soon realized it was because he wasn’t next to me anymore.
In fact, no one was in the room at all. They were all in the kitchen. I must’ve fallen back to sleep.
“Bananas.” I heard Juniper tell someone.
“Blueberries.” Rose screamed.
“Both!” Daisy said. She was kicking the table.
“Okay, okay. Let me make some plain ones and then I’ll get the special requests going.”
Tarrow was making pancakes for my sisters. As if he couldn’t get better.
He did.
“It’s my job to make pancakes.” I announced, strolling into the kitchen.
“His are better.” Acacia said before stuffing a triple thick bite into her mouth.
“That doesn’t surprise me.”
I watched for a while as Tarrow flipped pancakes, glancing at me over his shoulder. He handed me a plate stacked high and winked at me.
“I know you just had my pancakes, but they insisted.”
“It’s fine. Too many pancakes never killed anyone.”
With a squeeze to my waist, he kissed my forehead and went back to cooking for the masses.
I’d just doused my stack with butter and syrup when the house phone rang.
“Hello?”
“Dahlia, can you or Acacia come pick us up from the hospital? They’ve discharged your father and I rode with him in the ambulance.”
“I’ll be there in a few.”
I grabbed the keys and then looked back at Tarrow. I wasn’t used to taking another’s presence into account. I’d always gone wherever I’d wanted to, whenever I’d wanted to without hesitation.
“I can take care of them. You two go. He may need to help Dad.”
Before I could argue, Tarrow had taken the keys from me and thrown his pink apron onto the counter with a nod to Acacia.
Those two were going to be friends and I didn’t know how I felt about it.
I was grateful for Tarrow’s cool head on the way to the hospital. He had to talk me down several times during the trip when I thought I might jump out the window from the stress.
“Hi, sweetheart.”
Something was up. My dad never called me sweetheart.
“Hi, Dad. So what did the doctors say?”
He waved me off as though I was ridiculous. “Oh, you know those doctors. They think every symptom is indicative of a deadly disease.”
“What did they say?”
My mom had her back to us. “Just tell her, Clint.”
I reached for Tarrow and he wrapped his arms around my shoulders, nesting me in.
“They don’t know what they’re talking about, Vi.”
“Tell her now.”
“They think I have Parkinson’s. I think they’re full of shit.”
His eyes didn’t meet mine. He knew and didn’t tell me—or us.
“How long?”
They knew what I was asking.
“We’ve known for a year or so, Lia,”
If Tarrow hadn’t been holding me up, I would’ve been out cold on the floor. My ears started ringing and everyone’s voices were in a tunnel.