In spite of her resolve not to listen to him, he had piqued her interest.
"Are your girls educated?"
"Yes, but not in the same way as the males."
"Do they read and write?"
"We have a written language, yes."
"Would it be anything like the hieroglyphics on the wall of the anteroom?"
"No. No one but yourself can read the carvings on the wall."
"I think I am beginning to see why I was brought back here and why I am not allowed to leave. You will not allow me to leave until I have completed translating the hieroglyphics."
Tajarez looked down at her and their eyes locked. Again Mara felt her heart drumming. Did he also feel this strong current that ran between them like a bolt of lightning? she wondered.
"Finish the translating, and then we shall talk about your leaving."
"Why do I have the feeling you will never allow me to leave?" Her eyes looked past him to the City below. She could see many people milling about. Her eyes were drawn to the mountains in the distance. Whether Tajarez would admit it or not, she was a prisoner, held captive no more by the foreboding mountains than by the tall Indian who stood beside her.
"I must find a way to leave. I do not belong here," she said, looking back to Tajarez who had been watching her intently.
"Mara, what you seek will not be found beyond the mountains. What is lost to you may be much closer to you than you think."
"How can you know what I seek, when I myself do not know?"
He looked upward trying to gain control over his emotions. When he finally looked down at her, his eyes were fierce, and his voice harsh. "I know better than you do what you have lost."
"If you know this, then tell me so that I may know it also!"
Tajarez opened his mouth to speak, then reconsidered. He took her hand and led her back into the palace.
"Do not again attempt to leave the palace, Mara. There is no way you can escape."
"At last you are admitting I am your prisoner!" she cried, jerking her hand free of his grasp. "What do you want of me? Tell me so I can give it to you. I will do anything to gain my freedom."
"I am king. I need no reason to keep you. If I say you stay, you stay."
"But why?" she pleaded.
He moved forward and captured her arm before she suspected his intentions, and drew her to him. "Great Father, can you not see that I . . . want you?" he said in a passionate voice. "I lay in my bed alone last night, and thought of you alone in your bed. I wanted to come to you and beg you on my knees, if need be, to give yourself to me." His hands moved up to cup her face. He brushed a stray curl from her face. His eyes were bright and Mara was hypnotized by them.
"I am not a king with you, Mara, but a beggar. Do you want me to grovel at your feet, Mara? I can assure you I will if you ask it of me."
Mara shook her head. She could not believe the things he was saying to her. It was some kind of trick, she thought. His finger traced the outline of her face, and she closed her eyes, aching from his touch.
"Did you not like the way I made your body respond to me when we made love? Do you not want to feel that way again? Say the words and I will take you to my room. There is denial on your lips, Mara, but I see desire in your eyes." His finger lightly touched her trembling lips. "You want to say yes; I want you to say yes. Come with me now," he whispered, resting his cheek against hers.
Mara turned her face away. Oh, she wanted to say yes, but she would never consent to let him make love to her in the same bed he had shared with his queen. That thought alone gave her the courage to say no.
"I think perhaps you misjudge me, Tajarez. Even I have more thought for your queen than you do. I suggest you wait until she returns. She will give you what you cannot have from me. I do not want you to touch me."
His hands dropped away from her, and when she looked at him, his face seemed to have lost some of its color and his jaw clamped tightly. Mara was never to know what he would have said to her, for at that moment she saw Jeffery enter the anteroom, and she ran toward him.
Jeffery saw the frightened look on his sister's face and put his arms about her. "What has occurred? You seem overly distressed."
"If you have any love for me you will protect me from the man you call king!"
Jeffery's eyes shifted to Tajarez, who had come up behind Mara. "What is the meaning of this, Tajarez? What have you done to my sister?"
It was the first time Mara had heard Jeffery raise his voice to Tajarez, and her spirits rose. Perhaps her brother would now help her to get away from this hell.
Tajarez was still smarting from Mara's words, and it did not help his temper any that she had run to her brother to be protected from him.
"I merely tried to induce your sister to come to my bed. Do you have any objections?"
Mara's eyes moved from one man to the other. Surely Jeffery would not take such an insult directed at his own sister. Tajarez would not be so arrogant once her brother took her side against him. She watched, horrified, as she read indecision on Jeffery's face.
"I wish you would not talk so plainly in front of Mara. I do not like to see her embarrassed," Jeffery said.
"Embarrassed!" Mara screamed. "What about honor, pride, brother-sister love? What about the insult to one of your own blood?" Mara's voice was high-pitched, and she was on the verge of hysteria. "Would you stand by while your sister is held prisoner and humiliated by this man? Are you such a coward that you will not help me?"
Jeffery looked into the eyes of his sister and saw fear. He knew how he must appear in her eyes. But he was helpless to do anything. What could he say against her own husband? Was this nightmare ever going to end?
"Tajarez, I am going to move my sister into my apartment with Sasha and myself. I think she would feel better there," Jeffery finally said.
"Mara stays where she is, Jeffery. Are you forgetting who I am?"
Mara gathered up the skirts of her gown and fled to her room.
"Damnit, Tajarez, can you not control your ardor until Mara remembers who she is? You are making her suffer needlessly. Heaven only knows what she thinks of me, and I cannot even go to her and offer her comfort," Jeffery said angrily.
"I do not have to answer to you, Jeffery. I have tried to stay away from her, but in spite of my good intentions, I cannot leave her alone."
"In the future you might consider her feelings and try a little harder," Jeffery said dryly, as he turned on his heels to leave.
Tajarez watched him depart, and he then walked up the stairs, feeling as if he carried the weight of the world on his broad shoulders.
When Mara reached her room, she found Andrew awake and hungry. She dismissed Falon so she could be alone with her son. Here, in this room, was the only place she felt safe. Looking at the door she saw there was no lock on it. Suppose Tajarez were to come to her here?
Oh God, what was she to do? It seemed as if the walls were beginning to close in on her. She must find a way to escape! There was no one she could turn to. No one would help her. She had to think rationally. If she did not get away, it would be only a matter of time before Tajarez broke down her defenses and she submitted to him again. He seemed to have a strange power over her. She loved him and wanted nothing more than to be with him.
Andrew's hunger was satisfied, and he fell asleep. Laying him in his cradle, Mara undressed and climbed into bed. Her life had been one upheaval after another since she had first awakened with Jake and Zeke.
Rolling over to her side, Mara tried to fall asleep, but she kept remembering the things Tajarez had said to her tonight. "Why do I love you!" she cried. I do not want to love you. She knew she would never be able to endure another day like today. She prayed for sleep, but it was a long time coming.
The next morning when Falon entered carrying Mara's breakfast tray, she found Mara dressing Andrew. She placed the tray down on a table and smiled at the little prince.
"Mara, if you will allow me to finish
dressing Andrew, you can eat your meal while it is hot."
Mara nodded her consent. She sighed as she picked up one of the corncakes spread with honey. Taking a bite she wondered how she would pass the long hours of the day that seemed to yawn before her. She thought about going into the anteroom and studying the gold sheeting on the walls, but quickly rejected that idea, fearing she might encounter Tajarez.
Falon had finished dressing Andrew and lifted him into her arms. "I have a message for you from the king, Mara."
Mara took a sip of the steaming hot coffee and looked at Falon. She wanted to tell the girl that she did not want to hear anything that her king had to say, but she thought better of it. Falon was a sweet girl and Mara knew it would not be right to take out her anger on her.
"What did he ask you to tell me?" Mara asked, trying to disguise the anger in her voice, but not entirely succeeding.
"My king said to tell you that if you wish it, Palomas will accompany you into the garden. He said the fresh air will do you good." Falon frowned. "I do not fully understand the rest of the message."
"What more did he have to say?"
"My king said that you were not to worry, he would not trouble you again."
Mara was immediately suspicious of Tajarez's motives. "Has the queen returned?"
Falon looked down at little Andrew so she would not have to meet Mara's eyes. "My queen is not yet with us. I am told that the king is leaving the City to search for Sagas, the wise."
Mara pushed the breakfast tray aside, feeling somewhat relieved. If Tajarez was out of the City she would not have to worry about running into him. Perhaps with him gone she could search for a way to leave the valley.
The days passed slowly. Winter seemed reluctant to loosen its grip on the land. Fresh snow fell almost daily. The skies were bleak and overcast. The season suited Mara's mood. She now spent a great deal of time with Sasha, glad that her brother had gone away with Tajarez and she would not have to see him.
Mara felt that she and Sasha were forming a strong bond of friendship. They had much in common in their small sons. Mara was finding out that Sasha had a kind and loving nature, and she could see why her brother had married her and chosen to live in the hidden valley, instead of in the white world he had grown up in.
It was from Sasha that Mara learned of her first long journey from St. Louis to the hidden valley. She was surprised to learn that Tajarez had accompanied her and Jeffery on that journey. Mara began to suspect that Sasha knew about her and Tajarez, for any time Mara tried to ask questions about the king, Sasha would tactfully change the subject.
Suddenly Mara needed to know if she and Tajarez had been together on her first trip to this valley. "Sasha, on the journey from St. Louis, did . . . were Tajarez and I lovers?" she asked, her face flaming red.
"Oh no, Mara, Tajarez did not touch you then!"
"How can you be sure?"
"You must trust me that I am telling you the truth in this, Mara. My king did not dishonor you at that time."
"Sasha, do you know who is the father of Andrew? The answer to who his father is seems to plague me more than anything else. Why does the man not come forth to claim his son?"
"Mara, only you can answer that question. I pray each night that you will find that part of your life that you have lost, then you yourself will know the truth about Andrew's father."
That night Jeffery returned to the City, but Sasha told Mara that Tajarez was still away.
Mara tried to avoid encountering her brother. She did not like him very much and did not want to see him. If she was visiting Sasha and Jeffery came in, she would make an excuse to leave. She remembered when Jeffery had come to the cabin to take her home. She had trusted him blindly, and now she was living to rue the day he had taken her away from Jake and Zeke. Somehow, some way, she would find a way to leave this valley. Nothing was impossible. If one wanted something badly enough, one could make anything happen.
Palomas came to Mara daily and accompanied her on a walk in the garden. She felt comfortable with him and began to look forward to their daily walks. For some reason that Mara could not understand, she had been barred from the anteroom, and there were times when she was forbidden access to the garden. When she questioned Palomas about the reason, he told her that when the royal prince and princess were in the garden she would be unable to go there.
Mara did not know that Tajarez had taken precautions so she would not see Hamez and Tamera. He did not want her to find out they were her son and daughter while he was away looking for Sagas. One look at their green eyes and she might guess that she was their mother.
Mara and Palomas were walking in the garden. It was a warm day and the wind had died down, so she had bundled Andrew up warmly, thinking the fresh air would do him good. Palomas was carrying him, and Mara noticed the loving expression on Palomas's face as he smiled at Andrew. She was suddenly struck with a horrible thought. Palomas was Andrew's father! Why had she not seen it before? Why else would he be so devoted to her and Andrew? He was always near, watching over them.
Looking up, Palomas saw the color drain from Mara's face. "What is the matter, Mara? Are you ill?" he asked in a concerned voice. He took her hand and led her to a bench and sat her down on it.
Mara shook her head in disbelief. "Why did you not tell me? Why did you let me wonder who was the father of my son?" she whispered.
"If you would tell me what you are asking, perhaps I could answer you, Mara," he said, hoping at long last that she was beginning to remember her past life.
"You are the father of Andrew!" she cried.
Palomas looked dumbfounded that she could have drawn such a wrong conclusion. "You think I fathered your son?" His face eased into a smile, as if he were amused by her declaration.
"You could have told me, although it was there for me to see all the time. I wonder why I did not see it before now."
Palomas placed Andrew in Mara's lap and then knelt down beside her. "Mara, if you place any value on my life, you would not make such a rash statement. Never say this while in the presence of others." His voice still sounded as if he were amused.
"What do you mean?"
He laughed out loud, and she was startled by his humor. Palomas rarely ever smiled, and she did not see anything to be amused about now.
"What I am saying to you, Mara, is that I could not have fathered Andrew, nor any other child, for that matter."
"Oh," she said, not understanding, and ducking her head in shame.
"Mara, look at me," he said, raising her chin. "As the queen's protector, I had to go through a ceremony that rendered me impotent. I cannot lie with a woman, therefore, I could not be the father of your son."
Mara's face reddened, and she tried to hide her horror. "What kind of monster is this queen that she would ask for the manhood of a warrior such as yourself? I did not like her before, I could easily hate her now."
Palomas still seemed amused. "Mara, what was done to me was not of the queen's doing. I allowed the operation of my own free will. I find it a great honor to serve my queen, as would any man I know. There are countless men who would gladly exchange places with me. I have heard it said that when the queen heard of my operation, she was as horrified as you are at this moment."
"I think it is inhuman, no matter how you try to convince me otherwise. Why is she so important that you would give up so much to serve her?"
Palomas stood up to his full height, unwilling to discuss the matter further. "Mara, should you not take Andrew inside? The wind seems to have come up suddenly."
"In other words," she said standing up and looking at him angrily, "you do not want to hear me criticize your precious queen."
Her led her toward the palace. "I do not like to hear anything said against her," he admitted.
Mara stopped their progress and looked up at Palomas. "What is there about this woman that inspires such devotion from so many?" she wanted to know.
"She is the queen," Palomas said, as i
f that would explain everything.
The days seem to drag by slowly, and the elusive queen did not appear, nor did Tajarez return.
Mara found herself wishing she were allowed to enter the anteroom. If she could only study the drawings on the wall, it would help time pass more quickly. It seemed as if time was holding its breath, waiting for something to happen. Endless hours followed endless hours. One morning Mara was told that the king had returned, and it seemed he was keeping his word to her, for he had not sought her out.
Andrew was growing rapidly. He liked to crawl around on the floor putting everything he could find into his mouth. Sasha had given Mara John's outgrown clothing, and Mara had ordered Falon to get rid of the things Vista had sent her for her son.
Spring was gradually winning over winter. Most of the days were warm and sunny, and the moisture that fell from the skies was now in the form of spring rains instead of winter snows. The garden was beginning to come to life. There were tiny green buds on the trees, and Mara felt the time was fast approaching for her to try to leave this valley. She needed to have a plan and to watch for the right opportunity.
She now accepted the fact that her memory was never going to return. The past was dead, the future unsure. Many times at night when Mara was alone she would cry out in her despair.
24
On my bed at night I toss and turn
As this jealousy inside me begins to burn.
Mara and Palomas were strolling in the garden. Palomas carried Andrew on his shoulders, and the baby squealed with delight at each new discovery he made. He seemed pleased with the brightly colored butterflies that had made the garden their home. Mara loved the tiny dark-skinned baby who seemed to infect everyone with his laughter and sweet smile.
Palomas lifted Andrew from his shoulders and tossed him into the air. Andrew's eyes grew bright and he laughed in gleeful delight.
Mara was not aware that other eyes watched them. Jealous eyes. Tajarez was not at all pleased that his own son knew Palomas better than he did his own father. Mara seemed to enjoy being with the fierce warrior, and when Mara smiled at Palomas it was like daggers in Tajarez's heart. He had come up behind them silently, and Mara was startled when he spoke.
Savage Splendor (Savage Lagonda 2) Page 28