‘Has anyone rung?’
‘No, dear.’
‘What’s for tea?’ I snarled.
‘Chops and peas, dear. All right?’
‘Don’t we eat anything else round this joint?’
‘Deborah!’
I slumped down into a chair near the phone and switched on the telly. I glared at the screen. One Bewitched, The Flintstones, and Gilligan’s Island later, I’d wound down.
By the time tea was over and I was finishing my Sara Lee Apricot Danish, I had almost forgotten about Mrs Yelland. I’d stopped jumping every time the phone rang. I even laughed my way through the Benny Hill Show. But it all came back to me in bed that night. I couldn’t sleep. It just wasn’t fair. I hadn’t done anything wrong. The pains in my stomach mushroomed. The same pains I’d had in primary school. Doctors had reckoned it was ‘appendicitis’, ‘over-eating’ or ‘growing pains’.
‘Mum … Mum …Mum!’
‘What is it, dear? You going to be sick?’
‘Mum, I’ve got pains.’
‘Where?’
‘In my stomach. It hurts.’
‘Well try to go to sleep, dear.’
‘It hurts, Mum …’
‘I’ll bring you an aspirin. They’ll be gone by morning.’
Next day, I slouched over to where the gang was sitting.
‘What’d she say?’ my girlfriends clamoured around me.
‘Didja get detention?’
‘Did she yell?’
‘Did she ring ya olds?’
Sue offered me a sip of Coke.
‘What’d she say?’
‘Me and Garry aren’t allowed to see each other no more.’
‘Oh deadset?’
‘Small weak act.’
‘How come?’
‘Oh she reckons we’re sexual truants.’
Kim burst out laughing. ‘Jeezus,’ she said, ‘what a perfect idea!’
My parents never told me if Mrs Yelland rang or not. I was too scared to ask. But I saw Garry more than ever now. Garry meant more to me than anything the olds could do or say. We’d been going round together for three and a half months now. No one knew, but we hadn’t rooted. After my vaseline-encrusted, agonising nights with Bruce in the back of the van, I wasn’t too anxious to try it again. Because he liked me, Garry didn’t hassle me. I’d say no and he’d shut up. But as I didn’t want to be a tight-arse, it couldn’t go on like this forever.
13
first time
IT was the Christmas holidays. The best time of the year. We got up very early and drove to Palm Beach with Sue’s dad and caught the ferry to Currawong—the Knight’s annual holiday resort.
Sue and I searched everywhere for boys.
‘Who’s booked in?’ I asked Harry, the cranky old caretaker. ‘The Hedges? The Elliots?’ They were our Bankie boyfriends from the year before. But no. Just boring old pensioners, fishermen and little kids. Ho hum. We bought our ten-cents worth of lollies. That was our daily bludge from Mr Knight. Sitting on the wharf, munching away on our snakes, jelly babies, cobbers and milk bottles, we discussed our boy-less plight.
‘What’ll we do?’
‘Dunno.’
‘We could go over there and check out Palm Beach. There’s plenty of guys over there.’
‘How do you know?’
‘Look!’ We scanned the horizon for surfboard-loaded panel vans.
‘Maybe we should ring up Danny and Garry.’
‘Oh for sure.’
‘No, deadset.’
‘Who’s gunna talk first?’
‘You.’
‘You! It’s your idea.’
‘What’ll I say but?’
‘I dunno. Tell ’em there’s good surf at Palm Beach.’
We ate a packet of fizzers to get our guts up, got an advance on our lolly money from Sue’s dad, and rang Sydney.
‘Hello Danny? It’s me. Yeah me. What … Yeah. We’re here. I miss you … Why don’t you come up? … Oh yes you can. Boardie is goin’ up the coast. Get a lift wiv ’im. What? … Garry will, he will, he said he would last week … Last Friday, oh go on. It’s unreal up here. Please?’
Garry thought he could really score this time … He hitch-hiked up that afternoon in a flash. Danny was coming later.
‘Garry!’ I rushed up to him. I kissed and hugged him madly.
‘Who’s this?’ asked the caretaker suspiciously.
‘Me cousin.’
It was good timing. Sue’s dad had to go to Sydney for the night.
‘Look after them,’ he said to Garry.
Garry nearly dropped dead. ‘No worries.’
After a measly tea of cheese on toast, we bunged the two single beds together and retired early. Sue very discreetly slept on the lounge in the other room.
This was it. I lay in bed, in my orange and white checked nightie with a frill on the bottom, packin’ shit.
Garry opened the cupboard door and stood behind it to get undressed. He did a kind of striptease, throwing his clothes over the door … striped T-shirt, straight-legged Levis … I giggled nervously.
He made a dash for the light, whipped off his scungies and dived into bed. He kissed me and climbed aboard.
I was so scared I could hardly open my legs. I thought of the little room. The back of the panel van. The vaseline. I waited for it to happen all over again. I felt it there, hard between my legs. Pressing. Shoving. I squeezed his hips. There was searing pain and then it was in.
He started moving and after a while, so did I. So this is what it was all about. Throbbing and pulsing and rhythm. It broke warm down my legs. He kept kissing me till we both crashed out.
Hours later, ‘Susan, Susan.’ It was Harry the caretaker … he was flashing his torch through the bedroom window. ‘Susan?’
Garry leapt up in his birthday suit and charged into the cupboard. I scrambled out of bed.
‘Is that you Susan?’
‘Yes.’
‘Yews right in there?’
‘Yes.’
‘Your dad just rang and said I was to check on yews. I’m just comin’ in for a minute.’
‘Oh … Ah, no … You’d better not … Debbie’s asleep. She’s not very well. I don’t want to wake her up.’
‘Oh, all right.’ He paused. ‘You sure everythin’s all right?’
I was crouched down, with my chin resting on the window-sill, trying to conceal my little naked body.
‘Yes. Goodnight,’ I said, real casual. My feet were freezing off on the icy lino.
As the torch disappeared down the track, Garry emerged from the cupboard.
‘Deadset,’ he said, crawling into bed.
‘Phew.’
Hours later, I awoke again, randy as hell. I had to get my guts up.
‘Garry,’ I said, poking him in the ribs. ‘Garry.’
‘Huh?’
‘Are you tired?’
I rolled over on top of him.
‘Na.’
I had a sitting-up one. I liked that, ’cause it made my boobs seem bigger. The two beds started sliding apart and we nearly fell down the middle.
The next morning Danny arrived while we were still in our pyjamas. We all mucked round in the bedroom. I was in a great mood. I lay back, laughing and giggling, chucking a lemon spread. Then Sue noticed. She tried to signal me, pointing all over the place.
‘Sue, whadaya doin’?’
‘Oh, I just saw the ferry out the winda.’
I went for my early morning pee. ‘Sue!’ I shrieked from the loo. Sue went to the rescue.
‘Something’s happened.’
‘What?’
‘Send the boys away.’
‘How?’
‘I dunno. Tell ’em to go for a swim or something. I’ve got them.’
‘I know.’
The boys pissed off for a swim. Sue and I examined my underpants. They were coated in thick black blood. There was gallons of it. I thought the world had come to an end.
‘We’ll have to sneak down the shop.’
‘Quick, before the boys come back.’
‘What’ll I get? Modess?’
‘Er. No. You don’t want to walk around with a big slice of white bread in your pants all day.’
‘I can’t use Meds. Mum’ll kill me. Then she’ll know I’ve done it.’
‘Don’t tell her.’
We scraped up our ten cent pieces and sneaked down to the shop.
‘What if Harry’s serving?’
‘Oh Gord …’
‘We could just point at them.’
Luckily Shirley was behind the counter.
‘A packet of … Meds please.’
‘First time is it dear?’
‘No.’
‘You’ll be all right.’
We ran all the way back to the hut, read the pamphlet and popped one in.
There was no hot water so we had to run a cold bath.
‘But it says to avoid cold water,’ I moaned over the pamphlet.
‘Oh well, it’s either this or stink.’
We got into the bath together. I proceeded to outline, in intricate detail, the previous night.
‘… You’re kidding? … Did he? Hee, hee, hee.’
‘I can feel it in there,’ I interrupted suddenly.
‘You can’t.’
‘I can. It’s falling out.’
‘Don’t be dumb. Go on … What happened next?’
‘And then Harry came to the winda …’
‘Deadset?’
‘Yeah. It was just so embarrassing. Garry had to get in the cupboard.’
Sue had a sudden vision of Garry’s albino body, white hair, white eyebrows, white eyelashes …
‘But is he black down there?’
‘Where?’
‘You know, pubes.’
‘Nah. Brown.’ We giggled.
Then we heard someone snigger. We freaked. Sue and I scrambled out of the bath and dressed. There, sitting outside the bathroom door, was Garry.
‘How long have you been there?’ I asked, acting cool.
The four of us swam, went for bush walks, pushed each other off the wharf, swung on the swings and flirted.
‘Come on Danny,’ said Sue. ‘I’ll show ya round.’
They walked off, hand in hand, into the bush.
‘It’s perf up here Dan … Look, that’s the best hut … there’s six bedrooms … You get wallabies round there sometimes at night and—‘
‘Well are you going to?’
‘What?’
‘Will ya?’
‘What?’
‘Root for me.’ He put his arm round her waist.
‘When?’
‘When do you wanna?’
‘I don’t know.’
‘But will ya?’
‘Yeah.’
‘Well come on.’
‘Where?’
He pointed to the bushes.
It was broad daylight. They didn’t even have a towel. Susan thought of all the sticks prickling her bare bottom and spiders crawling up her legs …
Danny pulled her by the arm.
‘Later,’ she said.
‘Later’ was the middle of the night.
Susan’s father was back on the scene so it was a crawling out the window job.
‘Tap. Tap. Tap.’ Danny’s blonde head appeared at the bedroom window.
‘Tap. Tap.’
There were two in the bed and the little one crawled out.
She slunk over to the window and had a hell of a time climbing out without letting Danny see her underpants.
Sue had stolen the key to the hut next door from Harry. They sneaked into the pitch blackness. They felt their way into the bedroom and on to the bare matterss. They had to be quick, quiet and careful.
Everything was left just as they’d found it … clean and cold.
She climbed back through the window, duty done.
‘Where’ve you bin?’ I shot up in bed.
‘Nowhere.’ Sue crawled back into the warmth of the bed.
‘Come on. You can tell me. Where’d ja do it?’
Sue rolled over.
‘Ohhh, I tell you everything,’ I whispered to Sue’s back.
‘I did what you and Garry did, didn’t I?’
‘Where? … Just then? Tell me? Where’s Garry and Danny?’
‘On the beach. Shut up. I wanna go to sleep. I’ll tell ya tomorrow.’
14
whada we gonna do now?
AS I was turning fourteen, Brandivino went out and marijuana came in. At last, what everyone had been looking for. Something to do every Friday and Saturday night. We spent all our time buying, selling, smoking and searching for the green weed. Our parents’ phone bills went up and garden hoses got shorter.
We smoked the dope in a bong. This is a kind of peace pipe made from a milk bottle with two bits of garden hose stuck in the neck. You stuffed one hose with marijuana, lit it, and dragged furiously on the other. Garden hoses all over Sylvania started shrinking. If we didn’t bong it, we smoked it in a joint.
A joint was like a bar of gold. It was ‘in’, it was illegal and none of the nurds at school smoked it. The best thing you could say about someone was that they were ‘really out of it’.
‘Should’ve seen Cheryl at Taren Point dance. She was so whacked.’
‘Should’ve seen me! I was so out of it, I couldn’t hardly walk. I was just sittin’ there and they turned them lights on, you know them purple ones? Oh, and it just freaked me.’
‘Deadset.’
‘Yeah, deadset. Then the fog machine came on. And I roolly freaked out. Strack kept sayin’ “What’s wrong?” and shakin’ me but I couldn’t talk …’
‘Deadset?’
‘Yeah, I roolly freaked. Then Jacko come up, you know Jack? … and he says to me, “Your eyes look ratshit.”’
That was the biggest compliment.
‘No bull?’
‘No bull.’
‘Watcha Mum say when you went home?’
‘Oh, I walked in, and me eyes were roole bloodshot, and she said, “Wot’s that funny smell?” and I jest said it was incense.’
‘She believe ya?’
‘Yeah, the Stan.* Then she asked me if I wanted a piece of pizza, and I bust out laughin’ and I just couldn’t stop, and then me father said, “What’s she on?” Oh, it was so heavy man, I jest couldn’t handle it.’
Smoking dope gave us something to do with the boys. It was something to share with them. We still sat around on fences and cuddled in cupboards not talking, but at least it turned us on. It made eating, music and fucking better than before.
The gang began to grow up. Now all the boys had cars and some of the girls were at typing school. We bought better clothes, took longer to get ready, had our hair styled and got bigger, browner, broader, blonder boyfriends.
Garry started to change, too. He stopped coming down so often and sometimes forgot to ring me up. When I did see him, he was quiet and far away. I’d hold his hand but he never wanted to kiss or cuddle me. He was looking scraggy, too; I had to brush his hair. Mum didn’t like him any more and then Dave told me that he wasn’t surfing. It wasn’t until much later I realised he was scagged-out on heroin.
Wayne Wright had a car and a job. He’d even been in Tracks and won surfing competitions. I wanted someone new and he’d been cracking on to me. I sadly added Garry’s ring to my collection.
It was Friday afternoon. Double maths, Mr Berkoff was out the front waving his rod and throwing chalk.
‘The logarithms of the tangents are equivalent to the Pythagorean theory of A squared plus B squared equals C squared … What was you answer for this Deborah …Deborah?’
‘Hmm?’
‘You’re not paying attention.’
‘Um.’
‘Watch yourself, girlie.’
‘Yes, sir.’
‘If you don’t want to listen you can go outside.’
I crossed my
legs and stared at the blackboard and went on daydreaming.
It was almost Friday night. Half an hour to bell time. We were going out tonight. Wayne was picking me up at seven. I didn’t know where we were going or what we were doing … but we were going out. My underpants moistened at the idea. I looked at my watch. Twenty-five minutes to go.
‘Sue?’
‘Mmmm.’
She was doodling Danny’s name all over her pencil case.
‘Whadaya wearing tonight?’
‘I dunno.’ She looked up, worried. ‘I just haven’t got a thing.’
‘I’m wearing m’ blue bogarts.’
‘Ya new ones?’
‘Yeah.’
‘I don’t know what to do … I wore m’ Lees last week and m’ Californians, you know the ones with the double stitching, well they’re in the wash.’
‘What about ya green ones?’
‘I wore them last Friday night.’
‘Oh.’
‘Listen … Can I borrow your blue angora? … I won’t …’
‘Deborah and Susan!’ We stiffened. ‘Didn’t I tell you two last week not to sit together?’
‘Ah … No, sir.’
‘Don’t try to pull the wool over my eyes. Next time I’d like to see you here … and you there!’ He pointed to opposite sides of the room and threw a piece of chalk at us for emphasis. We ducked. It hit Mike Murphy in the eye.
‘Oh, si-ir-ir!’ He shrieked indignantly.
‘All eyes to the front.’
Ten minutes to go.
Making out I was doing my trigonometry examples, I wrote and passed a note to Sue.
‘You can wear it. Wayne is getting a deal of hash. Got any cigarettes for the bus?’ it said.
Brring! At last. Quarter past three. Sue pulled the Marlboro out of her pencil case. A flood of adrenalin shot through her. It was Friday night.
‘You’re not wearing that old thing are you?’ my mother asked me. ‘At least give it an iron.’
‘Yes, Mum.’
Wayne was coming in ten minutes. I was all ready. I’d washed my hair. Put on my mascara. Shaved my legs. Dabbed a drop of perfume in the crotch of my underpants and rubbed on Cloud Nine cream to soften the skin on my stomach.
‘Make sure that boy brings you home not a stroke over midnight.’
‘Yes, Mum.’
‘And tell him not to go over thirty miles an hour.’
Puberty Blues Page 7