“Would you like to hold her?” she asked, knowing Julia and Sam would not mind.
He hesitated for the slightest moment, then reached out. Rachael was transferred securely, content in his strong, steady hands.
“Hello, lassie,” he said to her. “What a bonny child you are.”
Emily was touched, and she thought back to all the moments he had displayed tenderness even when his heart was broken. Now that God was clearly healing those wounds, she wondered just what kind of man Evan Mackay would become. Where would the Lord send him and what purpose through him would He achieve?
Surely it will be a grand one indeed.
Though her desire to make a difference in this war was strong, her zeal for missionary service great, she would gladly lay aside any such plans if it meant being beside him, helping him fulfill his calling.
* * *
Evan could not remember when he had enjoyed himself so much. Love reigned in this home. He could see the evidence of devotion everywhere, from the tintype of the rebel major on the mantel, to the Bible on the table and the abolitionist newspaper beside it. Though he was a stranger, he felt he belonged here. He had laughed. He had bounced the little girl on his knee. He had felt the warmth of Emily’s gaze and the pleasure of her company.
When the baby grew tired, Mrs. Ward took her to the nursery. Emily followed. The men finished the last of the coffee and talked of Philadelphia.
“Beautiful city,” Mr. Ward said. “I went to school there.”
“Really? Where?”
“State Street Teacher’s college.”
Evan knew the campus well. “I attended the College of Pennsylvania.”
“Is that so?” Mr. Ward moved to the rolltop desk in the corner of the room. “I have a Philadelphia paper here. Would you care to read it?”
“I would. Thank you.”
“It is a few days old of course, but I have not touched it.” He grinned. “In fact, I have yet to even read the news of my own city.”
Evan reached for the paper. It was crisp and new. He snapped it open, only to realize his host had given him this evening’s Baltimore paper by mistake. The headline leaped out.
Stanton Orders Postponement of Further Exchanges and Paroles.
His breath caught in his throat. He showed the news to Mr. Ward. His eyes widened as he began to read aloud.
“Secretary of war, Edwin M. Stanton, ordered today the postponement of further exchanges of prisoners of war....” He quickly scanned the article. “It doesn’t say for how long.”
Indefinitely, Evan thought, for he was certain that was what the United States government had in mind. If the rebs cannot return to the fight, they will run out of men. This will bring the war to a close much sooner.
A sense of hope filled his chest until he glanced up at the major’s likeness. He couldn’t help but think of the conditions in which the prisoners would be detained. He also couldn’t help but think of the despair that would bring their loved ones.
At that moment the women returned. Their smiles immediately vanished in the somber mood of the room. Both knew something was dreadfully wrong.
“What is it?” Mrs. Ward asked her husband.
He handed the paper back to Evan and went to his wife.
Emily looked to him. “Has there been another battle?”
When Evan showed her the headline, she turned pale.
Mrs. Ward was now in tears. Her husband pulled her close. “Sweetheart, you and I both know the secretary of war does not have final say over Edward’s life.”
As Evan looked on the scene, he knew not what to feel. Waves of emotion washed over him, satisfaction, sympathy, a feeling of respect for his government for taking measures to finally end the war, yet contempt at the same time for the ruthlessness shown. Never before had his uniform felt as uncomfortable as it did tonight.
“Perhaps we should go,” Emily whispered.
“Yes...of course...”
He found her cloak on a peg in the foyer. After returning to the room, he draped it over her shoulders.
“Sam,” she whispered, “if there is anything I can do, please do not hesitate to ask....”
Mr. Ward nodded.
Turning, his wife wiped her eyes and apologized. “Thank you both for all you have done.”
The both surprised Evan, but he nodded in return, then stepped back. Emily accompanied him to the door. The silence between them was thick. He knew he should say something to her, but he didn’t know what.
They moved to the front porch. Her face was as pale as the moonlight. The moment he pulled the door behind them, her composure crumbled. Tears flooded her eyes. “Why are they doing this?” she asked.
No matter what he thought of the Union war strategy, his heart broke for her. “It will hasten the end of the fighting” was all he could think to say.
She shook her head. “It will solve nothing. The Confederacy will simply stop the exchange of your soldiers. The prisons on both sides will fill to capacity with sick, starving, desperate men.”
He wanted to assure her that all prisoners would be fed and cared for, but he knew she was right. He had seen the evidence for himself. The army could barely feed and treat the rebels they had now. What would they do with more?
He walked her toward the front gate. He could hear the frustration, the despair in her voice.
“It is all so senseless! So senseless, indeed! They come to us bloody and broken, having fought for a government who promised liberty, yet denies it to so many. And the other side claims they fight for freedom, yet they have not done so here. Joshua and Abigail would still be slaves were it not for my father!”
Though he still believed he was on the right side, that in time they would bring justice to all, he did not let that confidence cause him to make the same mistake twice. She was clutching his arm with one hand, crying into a handkerchief with the other.
Without hesitation he pulled her close, pressed her head to his chest. Everything in him wanted to comfort her, to take away her pain. “I’m sorry, lass.”
“The hatred between both sides will only continue....”
Evan held her tightly, stroked her hair. “That is exactly why you must do as you have always done. Show them differently. Show them that regardless of the color of their uniform, the color of their skin, that life has sacred worth.”
“But how?” she cried. “I cannot go to the prison camps. Neither the army nor the commission will allow it.”
“I wasn’t speaking of the camps. I meant here in Baltimore. Sign the oath. Come back to the hospital.” Come back with me.
Slowly, she lifted her chin. One of his buttons had marked her face. The faint impression of U.S. stamped her cheek. He smoothed it away with his thumb. Her lips were so close.
“Forgive me,” she said, and she stepped back.
Evan couldn’t dismiss the disappointment he felt. The mark on her cheek faded but the rest of her face was now as red as that day she’d fallen victim to the sun.
“I shouldn’t have gone on so,” she said.
Shouldn’t have said such things to me, you mean. “You can trust me, Emily.”
She drew in a ragged breath.
“Evan, I give you my word, I would never provide a Confederate man with a weapon or help him escape, but I will not turn away one who is hungry. I will not report him.”
Why must you be so stubborn? he wanted to say. But he realized if he was caught somewhere behind rebel lines, would he not wish for someone like her to take pity on him?
“I understand.”
He meant that, but whether she believed him, he couldn’t say.
Her chin quivered slightly while she stared up at him. As Evan looked into those wide blue eyes of hers, recognition dawned. He didn’t know when exactly it had happened but he knew now that it had.
He had fallen in love.
Chapter Sixteen
Emily lay awake that night for hours, the memory of those moments beneath the la
mplight replaying through her mind.
She had not meant to express her frustrations over the war, but Edward’s predicament distressed her so. Evan believed the Federal army’s decision was a wise strategy, yet he did not condemn her for her thoughts. Instead, he’d taken her in his arms. He’d said he understood.
Never before had she felt so safe, so protected. When he’d wiped away her tears, the feelings were more than she could contain. If she hadn’t stepped out of his embrace at that very moment, he would have guessed everything she was thinking.
She could not bear to have him know how she truly felt about him. She had heard his heart pounding beneath his uniform, but she was certain any emotion her presence stirred was one pertaining to Mary.
His behavior afterward only confirmed it. On the carriage ride home, he’d said very little. His forehead had been furrowed, his jaw tight. He had not seemed angry, just troubled. When they’d reached her house, he had escorted her inside, spoken briefly to her parents. They had also seen the newspaper headline. Her father had invited Evan to stay for coffee, but he’d declined.
Evan had turned to her then and politely thanked her for the evening. He’d tipped his kepi and clicked his shoes. Emily had watched him leave, knowing his heart was heavy. But where hers was filled with him and the thoughts of suffering soldiers, his was consumed by the memory of the woman he still loved.
* * *
Evan traveled back to the harbor. From the moment he had left Emily in her father’s care, he could not get her off his mind. His thoughts were churning. Part of him warned he was simply giving in to loneliness, to a memory, but Evan knew it was far more than that.
He had thought Mary would be the only love of his life but Emily’s persistent kindness, her gentleness with just a sprinkling of tenacity, had encouraged him to make peace with his past. Tonight she had given him a glimpse of what the future could be, and he liked what he saw.
Excitement mingled with anxiety. Could he even remember, let alone effectively apply the strategies of courtship? Would she respond positively even if he did?
She said she knew he was not the same man she had worked with at the hospital but he got the impression that was a matter taken more on faith than feeling. Uneasiness still lingered. He knew that because she never held his gaze for very long.
I am determined to change that.
Returning to the hospital he climbed the staircase to his room. There on his cot lay a set of orders. Stunned, he picked them up. In ten days he was to report to the main military hospital in Washington.
Evan sank to the bed and read on. The transfer came with a promotion. His superiors had noted his successes, his techniques. He was receiving recognition for a job well done.
I have been given what I wanted. I am moving on.
Only now he did not wish to go.
A conventional courtship would now be out of the question. Dare he ask permission to correspond with her while in Washington? Would she be willing to wait for his return?
The night was a long one, the following day even longer. Evan found himself praying for guidance, even hoping for a change of orders, yet none came. After his evening rounds, he borrowed a horse and went to see her. He had no idea what he would say, but she had been so upset last night that he wanted to be certain she was all right.
Her father greeted him at the door, then welcomed him in.
“Please excuse me, sir. I realize the hour is late, but I have just finished at the hospital.”
“That’s quite all right, Doctor. Is something amiss?”
He didn’t know where to start. “I...wanted to inquire of Emily. She was rather distressed by the news of the exchanges. I hoped she would be feeling better today.”
Mr. Davis nodded. “That is very kind of you. Yes. She is much improved. I’m sorry to say, though, she is not here.”
The disappointment Evan felt was unmistakable. He wondered if it showed on his face, for her father then said, “Would you care to join me in the library? Abigail just brought in some coffee.”
“Indeed, I would. Thank you.”
Upon entering the room Evan’s eyes were drawn to the portrait of Emily hanging prominently above the fireplace. He had noticed it last night. The likeness was astonishing.
Mr. Davis settled into a chair. Evan claimed one opposite him.
“I’m not certain when my daughter will return. You see, she has camped out this evening at Miss Hastings’s home.”
He searched his memory. “The captain’s sister? The lady from the funeral?”
“Yes. It seems the girls have found a way to channel their sorrow into something positive.”
Evan blinked. “How so?”
“Emily met with Reverend Henry this morning, inquiring of the Christian Commission’s involvement at Point Lookout. As Providence seems to have willed, a delegate has just returned from the camp. They are badly in need of funds and supplies, as they are overwhelmed by the latest influx of prisoners.” The man smiled proudly. “Emily immediately took it upon herself to organize a relief effort to facilitate the delegate’s quick return.”
Evan felt the corners of his own mouth lift with a smile. No doubt she would.
“She and the other young ladies canvassed the neighborhood today seeking donations of winter clothing, foodstuffs and other items.”
“Did they meet a good response?”
“Indeed. There is not a family in this neighborhood who doesn’t know of some Maryland soldier now held at the Point. The girls instructed everyone to bring their donations to the church on Sunday. The commission man is scheduled to a give a report and all offerings collected that day will benefit the work there.”
Evan marveled, “And Emily organized all of this?”
“She did. She and her friends are spending the evening knitting socks, apparently as many as they can turn out before the delegate catches the returning train.”
His eyes were once again drawn to the portrait. The woman in the pale pink gown trimmed in lace and pearls could easily spend her time in the leisure of high society. Yet she chose not to do so. She wished to comfort the broken, the destitute, to share Christ’s love.
The sudden sound of happy voices turned both men’s attention to the door. He and Mr. Davis stood as Emily and the other former nurses stepped into the room. The blush of busy excitement was on her face. Evan thought she had never looked more beautiful.
“You have returned,” Mr. Davis said. “I just finished explaining to Dr. Mackay that you were staying on with Sally tonight.”
She offered Evan a quick, albeit rather timid, smile, then looked back at her father. “We have run out of yarn. I know Mother has quite the supply in the attic. Do you think she would mind us claiming a few skeins?”
“For this cause? Of course not. Come, ladies,” he said to her friends. “Let Emily visit with the doctor for a moment. We’ll search for Mrs. Davis.”
The group exited the room. As soon as Emily turned her eyes to him, Evan lost the ability to speak. A thousand thoughts marched through his mind. The only one that he could coherently vocalize was, “I came to inquire of your health.”
She blinked. “My health?”
“Yes. After last evening, I was concerned for you.”
She smiled once more, stepped a little closer. Lilac water drifted about him. “That is kind of you,” she said.
He cleared his throat. “Your father told me your news. I must say, it is a wonderful idea.”
“Thank you, but I cannot take credit. It was you who encouraged such.”
“Me?”
“You suggested that I keep on as before. This was the best way I knew how.”
His heart was pounding and he wished more than anything that he had not been given those orders. He may not be able to remain with her, but he wanted to be part of what she was doing. He took out his billfold.
“I am unable to attend tomorrow’s service,” he said. “But I would like to contribute to your cause.”
She looked surprised when he handed her the money.
“’Tis the least I can do after all you have done for me—” He caught himself. “And for the wounded.”
The blush on her cheeks darkened, but Evan couldn’t tell if she welcomed his compliment or was unsettled by it.
“You are most generous. Perhaps your schedule will allow you to attend our service when the delegate returns to Baltimore. He will give another report then.”
“I won’t be here.”
She blinked.
“You see, I received orders for Washington.”
He watched the color drain from her face. “For the main hospital?” she asked.
“Aye.”
She tried to smile. There was a tremble to her voice. “No doubt they will fare well from your expertise.”
He noticed that she was twisting the wad of greenbacks in her hand. Evan reached forward. The moment he touched her, he saw the expression in her eyes.
That isn’t fear.
Emily quickly looked away, as if she had revealed much more than she wished. Evan just stood there, stunned.
Why didn’t I recognize it sooner?
Color once more flooded her face but she reclaimed his gaze. “I wish you well in Washington,” she whispered. “God keep you, Evan. I shall always be grateful that I met you.”
His tongue was thick and heavy. He struggled to find the words. “Emily, I’m sorry...I...”
Immediately, she pulled back. Her father and friends returned. “Please excuse me,” she said. Quickly she turned, a blur of silk and lace.
Evan watched her go, wondering how in the world had he, a member of the U.S. Army, captured a Baltimore woman’s heart? And what was he going to do about it?
* * *
Before her tears could become obvious to everyone, Emily hurried for the solitude of the kitchen. She didn’t know what was worse, her broken heart or her shame. He knew. He knew everything and he was mortified.
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