by Ashley Logan
I floated on air all the way to the Moskva-Liis, where I came crashing back to earth.
"Papa, this is a cargo ship."
"And you are cargo, my sweet. It is only to get you to Helsinki where you will meet your Producer. He is there scouting other talent."
Frowning up at the huge and dingy ship with rust trails from every porthole, I had a diva moment.
"If they love my voice so much, why do they not roll out a red carpet and have me travel in style?"
Dropping my new suitcase on the damp thoroughfare, Papa gave me a hard look.
"Perhaps they will when you get to Helsinki. If you don't get on the boat, you'll never know. As your father, I wanted to contribute to the first step of your journey, but this is all I could afford. I am doing my best for you, mu kallis. Do I not deserve more thanks than a tantrum?"
My father had not called me his darling since I was very young and it tugged on the exact heartstrings he wanted it to.
"Sorry papa. I'll take this boat to Helsinki. Thank you for booking my passage, and for brokering this contract for me. How will I find Mr. Johnson in Helsinki?"
"He'll be waiting for you. Him and his people. People like him always have people. Soon you will have people too," he said with pride. "My girls will live their dreams."
"I already have people," I replied with a small smile as I nudged his arm and looked up at him from under my lashes. "A grumpy old dream-maker, and a sister too busy to talk. I wish I could tell her where I'm going!"
"I'll get word to her, and she'll be tripping over herself to congratulate you. After all, Lisandra is your biggest fan. Alek is due into port this evening and I can't wait to hear what news he brings of your sister."
"Did you follow my instructions for setting up skype? Make sure Alek lets Lisandra know that I'll be connected, so she can be too. I miss her face."
"I will, mu kallis. I admit I am not savvy with the computing machines, but I will do my best."
"Take a course Papa. They're free in several places. I don't want to be one of those stars that doesn't talk with her people."
Picking my suitcase back up, he brushed it off. "Very well. Now come along, or your dreams will set sail without you."
Standing on tip-toe, I kissed his bearded cheek. "Thank you, papa."
Smiling sadly, he nodded.
"Are you alright?"
He nodded again. "I will miss you."
"I will miss you too, but when I make enough money I will bring us all together again. You will see. Don't make me sad at the start of my adventure."
Nodding once more in a more final way, he led the way up the gangplank.
"The seas have been rough of late. You will be safest below deck. The Captain's name is Sergei Petrova. You must address him formally and do as he says. Do you understand?"
The words evoked a strange fear in me. I had never been on the open seas and I was suddenly very wary of how small a boat must be in comparison to all that water.
"I'll do what he tells me Papa," I promised. "I do not want to be swept out to sea. I've heard of rogue waves and I would be very pleased to avoid them."
"Good girl. This way. I'm to bring you to his office and then I must say farewell. You have your passport? He will need to check it against the harbor records."
"I have it, Papa."
Stepping carefully over wet, salt-stinking ropes, I had to trot in between to keep close again.
We came to the closed door of what I thought must have been Captain Petrova's office. Papa knocked on it in a strange sequence, but I didn't have a chance to ask him why he needed to do such a thing, because the door opened and a large man eyed my father quickly before studying me.
From head to toe and back again.
His lingering gaze made my skin crawl, but I was used to such things, having experienced it nightly at the X club. I was a pretty girl. Dancing had kept my body toned, and keeping myself well-groomed earned me more money. My dark hair was long and silky, my skin was clear and healthy, and I had often been told that my pale blue-green eyes were my best feature. I'd had men lining up for private dances.
All of them viewed me the same way.
"Well hello," the man said, stepping back and gesturing for us to enter. "This is your daughter Rebane?"
"My youngest. Yes."
The man shook his head. "How did a man like you have two gorgeous girls?"
Frowning, I looked at Papa questioningly, then back to the man. "You know Lisandra, Captain Petrova?"
The man laughed. "I'm not Petrova, my girl. Name's Vesik. I work for the port. Do you have your papers?"
"Yes sir," I replied in a rush to get my passport from the pocket of my suitcase.
He compared it with the papers on his clipboard, then using the nearby table for extra support, he stamped the fresh pages of my passport, almost fully covering the very first stamp it had received when I'd gone through the earlier security gates.
The thought saddened me a little that the first stamp no longer held pride of place, but I was sure that my passport would be covered in stamps before I returned to Estonia again, and I wasn't about to get upset with Vesik when I wasn't at all sure about departure processes and it would've annoyed my father if I complained about it. I'd have been accused of another tantrum. I took a deep breath and smiled instead. Vesik was just doing his job - one that was foreign to me. I was a fast learner though, and I was just deciding I wouldn't be annoyed the next time one stamp was covered by another when the door behind me suddenly opened, making me jump.
"Ah! This must be the beautiful, about-to-be-famous Miss Rebane!" said the older gentleman as he stepped into the office and set a pile of paperwork on the desk. Handing Vesik one of the large envelopes, he patted him on the back and farewelled him before returning his friendly smile to me. "I'm Petrova, captain of this magnificent vessel."
He had a pleasant face and was being polite, so I didn't dare tell him just how un-magnificent I thought his ship was.
"My dear, you can leave your bag here and I'll have one of the hands deliver it to your cabin shortly. Your father has requested a room below deck for you, in case your first time at sea leaves you in need of somewhere to lie down. So very thoughtful, considering the seas today. But do not fear," he added when I felt the color draining from my face. "The Moskva-Liis is a sturdy vessel with an experienced crew. She can handle a little weather. Come along."
"Papa?"
He looked at his watch. "There is time, mu kallis. I will see you settle into your cabin before I go," he assured me, motioning that I should follow the captain.
We traveled through several tunnel-like corridors before the captain paused at an open door to a dark room.
"It is best you do not wander," the captain warned. "You could so easily find yourself lost. I'll have one of the crew check on you once we set out. If you'd like to try your sea legs then, he can help you find your bearings."
"Thank you," I replied with some relief, having already begun trying to memorize the way back.
Gesturing for me to enter, the captain smiled kindly. "The light is just to the side. Apologies that this is not a first-class cruise liner worthy of such talent and beauty."
Stepping inside, I felt for a light switch as the door closed behind me. Whirling around, I found it wasn't a door at all, but a set of bars.
"Papa!"
"Quiet."
This one word was spoken with such force that I swallowed the pleas I was about to unleash.
The many little things that had bothered me about this whole scenario were now stacking one on top of the other. I had been so blinded by ambition and self-importance that I'd ignored all the warning signs. Beginning with my father doing something helpful for me.
He turned to the captain and held out his hand.
Petrova reached into his breast pocket to retrieve a wadded envelope and placed it in my father's hand.
Checking inside it quickly, Papa frowned. "Where's the rest?"
&nb
sp; "This is the sum, minus what you owe."
"But she is even more beautiful!" Papa exclaimed, his face beginning to redden from the chin upward as it always did when he was angered. "And a virgin! I gave you both!"
I didn't argue that I was most definitely not a virgin.
I was speechless.
Without stars in my eyes, my brain was now connecting the dots faster than ever as I realized not only was I being sold, but that my sister was not out living her dreams at all.
We had only ever been our father's chattels.
All his connections and back street deals had backfired again, and we were being used to pay his debts.
"The first one didn't even last a year before she killed herself. A higher price would be a poor investment. These things can run in families, from what I hear. Perhaps you might find yourself ending in a similar manner - I could have Pachenko assist you, of course?"
My father's complexion became as pale as the ship's walls. He shook his head and pocketed the envelope. "No need for Pachenko."
"You're all out of daughters Rebane. Perhaps you should reconsider your current lifestyle and try lying very low. I suggest you leave now, while you still can."
Eyes wide and jaw clenched, Papa didn't even look at me before scuttling away like the rat he was.
Petrova turned back to me.
"Welcome aboard, Miss Rebane." Looking me over in appraisal, he nodded. "You are going to fetch a pretty penny indeed. Someone will be along shortly to further acquaint you with your new home."
CHAPTER FOUR
The 'tantrum' I threw would have brought shame to my entire family if I'd had any left.
The gentle roll of the ship signaled our eventual departure, but still I was a blubbering mess on the floor. I cried for my sister, but more so for myself.
Lisandra was the strongest person I knew.
If things were bad, she would always pick herself, and me, up and just keep moving forward. Nothing ever kept her down.
And she'd been broken by whatever lay ahead of me.
I should have known Papa's stories were too good to be true.
They were always too good to be true.
One of my earliest memories was of my sixth birthday. He'd surprised me with the most beautiful new shoes. When I'd turned up to school with my shiny, red leather boots I'd quickly found myself in the principal's office accused of stealing. Apparently, I had swiped them from a fellow student's doorstep the night before, proved by her name having been written in a carefully hidden spot inside.
Time and time again I would fall for his lies, because I'd loved the look on his face when I sang for him.
I'd loved him.
I was a fool.
But not stupid.
I knew what pretty girls are sold for.
At that thought, I jumped up from the floor and sought my escape. I would not let them use me and break me as they had my sister.
A quick search of the barren room left me rattling the bars on the door. The lock was secure and I turned my attention to its hinges, but the noise I'd made had drawn attention.
The man who came to stand outside the bars seemed surprised, but happy to see me. It took me a while to understand why he looked sort of familiar. He was the guy I'd seen across the dock with the handsome man that had smiled at me. The information was largely useless to me, but I had a vague hope that the handsome man might somehow swoop in and save me from what was surely a miserable fate.
Rubbing his hands together, the man outside my cage spoke to me in what I thought was maybe Russian. Not understanding a word he said, I just shook my head.
He countered with a very eager nod and produced a key.
As soon as the lock opened, I fought.
I didn't know how long we'd been at sea, but I thought that if I could just get off the ship, I would swim to safety no matter how long it took me. I would do it for myself, and for Lisandra too.
I sank my teeth into his hand as it tried to grab me. The metallic tang of his blood hit my tongue and I spat it out, lunging for the clear corridor behind him. I made it maybe two steps before my head was clanged into the wall and blackness took me.
When I awoke, I wasn't alone. There were others. More girls. Some so young.
Looking to see if I was in my underwear too, I found my beautiful new dress covered in filth and blood. My regurgitated breakfast cereal made an impressive addition to the display before I passed out again.
Awareness was intermittent as I faded in and out of some perverse beauty pageant. Around me, girls were coerced into parading like livestock. Men touched their bodies as if judging the meat on their frames, nodding and commenting, and grouping girls together.
If a girl flinched or pulled away, a gun would be thrust to her skull. Raised voices demanded things from the girls and both guns and fists hit them if they didn't comply. I didn't understand a word, but the message was clear.
As far as I could tell, they weren't including me and I was plenty fine with being overlooked.
I tried to listen to the commands, but I could no longer tell if their language was foreign to me, or if my brains had turned into spaghetti. They felt like spaghetti.
When they started taking girls in different directions, one girl tried to resist.
They pinned her down and injected her with something.
She stopped resisting.
The other girls were brought back to see the example being made of her. The man running the below deck meat market began talking in a booming voice that hurt my head. It was a warning. I recognized only one word. It was one that I had heard previously, when my father had been threatened.
Pachenko.
The thumb dragged across the man's throat indicated what the word meant. He gestured to the girl as if she were getting off easy.
And then it started.
The things they did to her were enough to scare anyone into submission. I am lucky that I blacked out when the second man joined in.
When I opened my eyes again, I was being dragged through one of the tunnel-like hallways. A looming shadow of a man followed my trailing feet through every twist and turn. The white bandage on his hand almost glowed in the dim light, and even through the painful fog in my brain I knew that it was the man I had bitten and that I was destined for punishment.
He talked.
He talked the whole time and I didn't understand a word of it, but one - Pachenko.
The word made my blood run cold. Any chance of escape was hopeless with my hands trussed behind my back.
I was going to die.
Thrown into another cabin, I knew it was just a matter of time when the screeching door was locked behind me.
A real ship door this time. Solid. No bars.
Huddling into a corner, I begged myself to focus; to find a way to escape. I surveyed my surroundings and recognized familiar looking things like a bed, a chair, and a desk. Through an open door to one side, I could see a shower drain. I was in a real ship cabin, not a cell.
And this cabin belonged to someone else.
A shirt was draped over the chair at the desk. A man's shirt.
My heart doubled its already quick pace and I began to get light-headed again. Breathing too fast, I leaned back into the corner, and as I felt the darkness coming for me again, I wondered if it would be taking me for good.
CHAPTER FIVE
My eyes snapped open as the door creaked and a large shadow fell over me.
Shutting the door, he emptied one of his pockets onto the desk, followed by his gun. He checked that closely before he set it down.
At least my death would be quick.
Shrugging out of his leather coat, he hung it over the chair and removed his black hat to run his hand over his hair before gripping the edge of the desk. The obvious tension in his broad shoulders eased as he exhaled loudly and stood tall again.
Turning towards me, he stopped mid-step, his eyes wide at the sight of me.
The handsome m
an from the dock.
So much bigger up close.
A string of what I could only guess were Russian profanities flowed from his mouth. His angered expression demanded answers of me that I couldn't give and he strode past me to the en-suite bathroom.
He quickly reappeared next to me and I shrank away from him, wishing I could use my hands - even if only to hide behind. I cursed my cowardice and gritted my teeth, forcing myself to keep him from seeing my fear.
Gesturing me closer, he showed me the cloth in his hand. I glared at it, presuming it was soaked in some chemical that would render me helpless.
Pressing further into my corner, I shook my head. Too wildly.
I squeezed my eyes shut against the pain. The room spun and I lurched forward to retch again; hitting my head on the floor as he rushed to avoid my vomit.
When I awoke, I was tucked into bed.
It took me a while to remember whose bed it was, and when I sat up too fast, I almost passed out again. My hands now free, I steadied myself with the wall and waited for my vision to clear before scanning the empty room.
"H-hello?"
Nothing.
Waiting for my heart to settle down, I studied my outfit. No longer sporting my ruined dress, I sat in my underpants and a man's undershirt. A large undershirt. The curves of my breasts were visible through the gaping armholes, prompting me to take stock of my body. I didn't feel violated beyond the tender lumps on my face and head.
I jumped when two clicks preceded the door groaning open. Pulling the blanket up to cover myself, I peered over it at him as he closed the door. His eyes stayed on mine whichever way he moved and he spoke to me in a calm, soft voice.
Did he think I could understand him?
I shook my head. Slowly this time.
Frowning, he spoke again, a question in his tone.
Looking around the room for clues about what he might be saying, I fought back the tears that wanted to flow and kept my expression blank as I gave a helpless shrug.
Frowning again, he sighed and glanced at the door, muttering something under his breath. Reaching into his breast pocket, he took out a silver flask and took a sip. From another pocket, he took a foil card of medication and snapped two tablets out.