“Sure, that’s probably a better spot than under my mattress,” Christina admitted as she took another bite of her saltine cracker.
“What are you going to do about school? Did you let them know you’re sick? They probably won’t let you keep the dorm if you’re not taking classes…” Grace finished sadly.
“I haven’t had time to let them know I’m sick. I know I can’t stay there. I shouldn’t have been there as long as I was. The doctor warned me right after Christmas that I shouldn’t go back, but I did. And I am paying for it. The stress wasn’t good for me.” Christina sighed softly and took another bite of her cracker. “But I had no other choice. The crap in the dorm is just stuff. If I lose it, I do. As long as the papers are safe I don’t care.”
“You had another choice, but you weren’t ready for it.” Grace reminded her.
“You’re right.”
“What are you going to name him?” Grace drained the last of her coffee.
A dreamy, soft smile touched Christina’s mouth. “Cain. Cain Rose Morgan.”
Grace blinked and as she realized the meaning of his middle name, she smiled. “Every wild rose…”
“Needs a place to call home.” Christina finished for her. “I felt him kick earlier.”
“Oh! How exciting!” Grace squealed. “Let me know if he does it again, I want to feel!”
“I will,” Christina promised, covering her mouth as she yawned. “I’m so tired.”
“Then sleep. I’m going to get more coffee and some fresh air. I’ll be back in a while.” Grace stood and adjusted the blankets up around Christina’s shoulders and Christina smiled gratefully.
“Thank you for being a better friend to me than I ever was to you. I love you,” she mumbled sleepily.
“I love you.”
She woke when breakfast arrived and thanked the lady who brought her cereal, toast, bacon, and eggs. The only thing she could manage to eat was half a piece of the dry toast and a few sips more of juice. The limp, lifeless bacon lying on the plate made her think of Aaliyah, and she picked up her phone to see if Addie had texted her back.
A: Patrick says shit, that’s not good. If you need us, let us know.
C: I will. Thank you.
The sun was slowly rising through the blinds and she watched the play of the light on the clouds. Her heart squeezed and tears filled her eyes as she watched the ascent into the sky. What if I have a certain amount of times left I get to see something like that? I should be ticking off items on my bucket list. You know, maybe going to Ireland and getting drunk as shit, or making love on a tropical beach. Meeting a dark eyed, swarthy, beautiful man and falling in love and us living in a shack and raising babies. Writing a novel. Painting something beautiful. Living. But instead, here I sit in a hospital bed, hooked to tubes and waiting. For what I’m not sure of yet. Maybe I’ll pull through all this and end up being just fine. But what if I don’t? What if I have one hundred sunrises left. Shouldn’t I cherish each and every one? Shouldn’t they be special? What if I only have two hundred meals left? Shouldn’t they be the most delicious meals in the world, prepared by the finest chefs, instead of choking down juice and toast because my stomach won’t let me eat more?
Christina worried about what would happen if she died. Will Cain be angry one day that I died? That I wasn’t there for him? That I risked his life with HIV? That his father wasn’t in his life? Would Grace come to hate me for putting such a burden on her? Will she hate me for what I have done and have yet to do?
Sobs shook the little bed as she wept. I don’t know the answers to everything, and maybe I never will. All I can do is make each day count. For however many more sunrises I have left. Whether that’s ten or thousands. I have to do what’s right. While I have time left to do it in. I don’t know what’s coming for me after. Is there such a thing as Heaven and Hell? If so, I know where I’m going. Or is it just over? I wonder if any of these devout folks know. What if you wasted your whole life on something that might not happen? I wonder how they’d feel about that. I just have to make my time count. And if everything turns out okay, then that’s even better.
Grace walked in the room and Christina froze, glancing up at her with wet eyes. “I-I just…” she started lamely, unable to finish her sentence.
Grace put down her coffee and crawled up beside her on the bed. “Shh.” She slipped an arm under Christina’s head and pulled her into her chest, resting her chin on the top of Christina’s head. “Just cry.”
Christina gripped Grace’s shirt and held on to her best friend for dear life as she wept. I have to make everything right.
Sometime later Christina woke to find Grace beside her in the chair again. “Hey,” she mumbled.
“Hey, sweetie, how are you feeling?”
“Crappy,” Christina admitted, itching at her arm again.
“What’s on your arm? It looks bruised, sort of.” Grace caught her arm and rubbed her thumb over a reddish purple patch.
“I dunno.” Christina shrugged, itching her neck. “I’ve been itchy since my reaction.”
“I’m gonna get the nurse, that doesn’t look right.” Grace started, rushing for the door and going to the nurse’s station.
Shit.
Vickie swept into the room with a big smile. “How’s my favorite patient?”
“Shitty,” Christina muttered, itching her other arm now.
“I asked your friend to wait outside. I figured you wanted a little privacy,” Vickie whispered.
“Thanks, I appreciate it,” Christina murmured.
“The kid’s worried about you,” Vickie confided.
Christina sighed softly and nodded. “I know that.”
Vickie pulled down the thermometer. “Let’s see where you’re at, baby cakes.”
Christina opened her mouth and Vickie stuck in the thermometer. A moment later it beeped and Vickie shook her head. “Ah, hell.”
“What is it?” Christina blurted.
“It’s one hundred one still. Let me see your arm. Did you bump it or anything?” Vickie swept her thumb along the reddish purple spot.
“Not that I can think of. I mean, I haven’t really moved from the bed. I scheduled rock climbing for tomorrow so…” Christina quipped, a tired smile playing around the edges of her mouth.
“No rock climbing for a while, missy. Well, the doc will be through on his rounds in a little while. We’ll see what he thinks. Maybe it’s nothing.” Vickie smiled reassuringly and Christina tried to smile back.
“I hope so.”
“I’ll let your friend back in.” Vickie opened the door and motioned for Grace to come back inside. “We’ll have the doctor take a look at it when he comes back through.”
“All right, thank you,” Grace replied as she stepped into the room. “That’ll be great.”
Christina hated not telling Grace the truth about everything, but old habits die hard, and she didn’t want her to worry any more than she already was. “When is your dad getting here?” Christina asked, hoping to take her mind off the purplish mark on her arm.
“I think he said his flight was coming in around ten this morning. I am going to get a cab out there and if it’s okay, I’ll bring him up to see you after lunch. Do you want to try and do the paperwork then?”
“Yes, I do. I’d like to have it done, just in case. Thanks again for all of this.” Her voice quavered slightly.
Grace sat down in the chair. “You’d do the same for me.”
Christina nodded, knowing deep down she would in a heartbeat. “I would.”
“Then stop thanking me.” Grace grinned, rolling her eyes in mock irritation.
“You better go soon. You know how traffic is at rush hour.” Christina tried to be nonchalant about pushing her out of the room, but she wanted her out before the doctor came. Grace would become suspicious if she was asked to leave the room every single time a nurse or doctor came in to talk to her.
Grace glanced at her phone and grimaced at
the time. “You’re right. It’s gonna be hell to get a cab out there. I’ll be back in a few hours. Be good.” She chuckled, waggling her finger in Christina’s direction.
“What kind of trouble can I get into in a hospital bed?” Christina asked.
“Knowing you, plenty.” Grace winked and picked up her purse. “See you later.”
“See you later, slut,” Christina quipped as Grace walked out of the door.
She busied herself by watching TV for a little while as she waited for the doctor to come through. Her nerves were stretched tight and she was to the point of sobbing again when a knock came at the door and he walked in. “Hey there, Christina. How are you feeling?”
“Still shitty.” Christina offered, her tired smile evidence of her exhaustion.
“Can I sit?” He pointed at the edge of the bed and she nodded.
“Go ahead.”
“Let me see your arm, please.”
She reached forward and watched his face as he looked at the purplish spot. “I’m going to need to do a biopsy, but I think it’s Stevens-Johnson syndrome.”
Christina started to shake and she whispered, “What are we going to do?”
“Do the biopsy first to rule out anything else. I also need to talk to you about a couple of things. First of all, I think we need to break down and put a picc line in instead of messing with these IV lines. It is a tube threaded through your vein and into a large vein in your heart. Then I think we need to start some parenteral nutrition. You are not eating and you need nutrients for both yourself and your baby. You’re steadily losing weight and that’s not good for either of you.”
“Yeah, it’s not practical to get a bikini body while pregnant, huh? Let’s do it.” Christina jumped at his suggestions. “Whatever we need to do.”
He chuckled at her poor joke. “Okay, I’ll get a room ready and we’ll do the biopsy and picc line at once. We are going to get this done today and get your medicines going this way and the parenteral nutrition started.”
“Sounds great.”
The doctor left the room and Christina picked up her phone. I may as well let everyone know what’s going on. First, Grace.
C: Doc is going to do a skin biopsy and put in something called a picc this morning. I need nutrients for the baby.
She sent the same message to Addie. Then the nurse was back in her room. “We’re just about ready. Let’s get you in there.”
Vickie unlocked the bed and pushed her out of the room and down the hall. Once in the operating room, she was helped by a nurse to transfer to another bed. “They’re going to put some medicine in your IV, and you’ll sleep for just a bit. Don’t worry, okay?”
“Okay.” Christina watched the people milling around in the room and a young man stepped up to the side of the bed.
“Hey there. I’m going to give you a little medicine to sedate you and we’ll perform the picc line insertion and biopsy then before you know it, you’ll be awake. It will feel cold going into your body and within a few minutes you’ll be asleep.” He screwed a syringe into the IV and Christina watched in fascination as the fluid flowed through her IV. He was right, it did feel cold…
She awoke in her room and found Grace sitting beside her, along with a huge man. “Grace!” she garbled out, her voice still husky.
“Hey, how are you feeling?” Grace chirped cheerily.
“Not too bad.”
“Good. Why did they do this instead of the IV?”
“Because it lasts longer,” Christina answered. “Is this your dad?”
“Yeah it is. Christina, this is my dad, Damien. Dad, this is Christina.”
Christina extended her hand and she jumped as Damien’s large warm hand engulfed her own. “I’m glad to meet you, sweetheart. I wish it was on better terms.”
“Me too.” Christina smiled sheepishly. “How long was I sitting here snoring?”
“A little while. Your nurse said you were in recovery for a bit, then you woke up and had a sip of juice, but said you wanted to sleep. She brought you back in here and said you’d wake up soon.”
“Are you sure about my Grace being your child’s guardian?” Damien interrupted, all business as he stared her down with his piercing dark eyes.
“I am,” Christina stated confidently.
“She’s just a kid like you.” Damien was obviously worried about his baby taking on something so big on her own.
“But I trust her.” Christina explained quietly. “I met a family who would take Cain in if anything happened, but Grace is the person I trust most.”
Damien leaned against the wall and crossed his arms. “I’ll help support them if anything would happen. Grace has a job with me.”
“She told me. I’m glad you two met and everything worked out.” She truly meant that she was glad. Even though she’d lied and hurt Grace by not telling her about Drake, she was truly happy she had a family that cared about her. She couldn’t ask for more for her friend or for her son.
“Me too. I never knew what I was missing not having her around, but now that she’s with me, I can’t imagine life without her in it,” the tough guy admitted, a slight tinge of pink coloring his cheeks.
Grace sat in the chair, blushing bright red. “Okay, you two, I’m in the room.”
“And you deserve to have someone say you’re awesome.” Christina chided. “So deal with it.”
“Grace says she wants to stay with you for a while. I can’t stay but for a day. I have a... ah…film to finish. I called my lawyer and had papers drawn up stating that you want Grace to be your son’s guardian. All we need is a notary present while you two sign them. It will be legal and stand up in court, if there would be any problems. But we’re both hoping you get better and that you and the baby can come out to Phoenix with us. My big house can hold us all. Hell, the more the merrier.” Damien smiled, his roughhewn face softening.
“Christina knows you direct porns,” Grace interjected matter-of-factly.
“Ah, well, that’s a relief.” Damien chuckled. “I had to be real careful what I said during the holidays. I mean, they knew, but yeah. It was awkward.”
“Yeah, Grace said she saw one being filmed. She can’t say she’s a nun anymore.” Christina laughed softly, wincing at some pain in her chest.
“Well, I like to still think she’s a good girl. I’m going to step out and call the notary I contacted here in town. She said she’d come to the hospital to witness the paperwork being signed. You read over them and make sure you’re okay with what they say.” Damien picked up a manila envelope from the table and handed it to her.
Christina shook her head. “I trust Grace. I don’t need to read them. She’ll take care of Cain. That’s all I need to know.”
Damien shrugged and placed the papers back on the table. “All right then, if that’s what you want. I’ll be back soon.”
While they waited for Damien and the notary to return, Christina avoided small talk by turning on the TV. She pretended to be very interested in the reality show, when really she couldn’t have cared less. She was waiting to hear what the results of the biopsy would be and she didn’t want questions to be asked that she couldn’t answer right now.
A snippet of news came on during a commercial break, promising an interview with Jacob’s Ladder on a show coming up later that evening. Drake’s picture of his ripped body with no shirt and a guitar flashed up on the screen. He looked amazing. Better than he had before. Maybe it was the rock star thing, but whatever it was, he was yummy, even Christina had to admit. She glanced out of the corner of her eye at Grace, who was motionless, her mouth wide and hurt shining in her dark eyes.
“You okay?” Christina whispered softly, changing the channel to something innocuous and safe.
“Yeah, sure never been better,” Grace lied smoothly, blinking quickly to hide the tears swimming in her big brown eyes. “I’m glad he’s doing his thing. He told me the first night we met he used to play with them. I’m glad they took him b
ack, and he looks so damn good on TV. Damn him, he looks good, doesn’t he?”
“I gotta admit, he does look pretty good. I still feel bad, I should’ve told you…” Christina sighed, beating herself up for her mistake.
“Nah, it’s fine. We’re both in better places. Hey, we probably wouldn’t have worked out anyway. I mean, he’s like nine years older than me. He was very experienced. I was a virgin the first time. It couldn’t have been as good for him as it was for me anyway. It’s better it ended how it did. It’s fine.” Grace reiterated firmly, as if forcing herself to believe it.
A knock came at the door and Damien stepped in with a middle-aged woman. “Are we ready to do the paperwork?” he asked.
Christina nodded and glanced at Grace. “Are you sure?” She held her breath, waiting for her to say she didn’t want to do it anymore.
“I’m sure. I’ll take care of Cain if anything happens,” Grace promised, her smile soft.
“Then let’s get this signed and I’ll notarize it for you,” the notary stated, visibly unnerved with the whole situation.
Christina didn’t bother scanning the paperwork that she signed. She trusted Grace, and she passed it to her, who signed as well. The notary stamped it, and then signed her name. “All done.”
Christina leaned back in the bed with a smile. “That was fast. Cain will be taken care of. Thank you.”
Grace bent and hugged her. “You’re welcome.”
The notary bid them all goodbye and left. Grace slipped the papers back into the envelope.
“I think Dad and I are going to grab some dinner, do you want anything?”
“No, I’ll just take my sustenance from this nutrient stuff they’re pushing into me. Food sounds shitty.” Christina grinned and waved. “You kids go have fun.”
Damien stepped up to the bed and held out a hand. “You get better, young lady, and come see us in Phoenix. You always have a home with us. I look forward to getting to know you better and I can’t wait to have the patter of little feet in the house!”
Finding Christina (Wild Rose #2) Page 12