I can’t get enough of her taste. She is cleanly shaven, so I would go down on her for hours if she’d let me.
A fifty-one-year-old woman wrote:
I enjoy it very much. I love the feeling of a rock-hard cock in my mouth, and it’s great knowing that I’m driving him to the brink time and again before I let him come deep in my throat.
A forty-seven-year-old woman wrote:
I love it when he performs oral sex on me, and he has told me that he loves to watch me perform oral sex on him, because, he says, I really enjoy it and my facial expressions show it.
A seventy-eight-year-old man wrote:
I love it both ways. It’s soooooooo intimate.
A twenty-seven-year-old woman wrote:
I enjoy doing it a lot. I feel a lot of power doing that to him, controlling how much pleasure he’ll receive and when. He doesn’t give me oral sex, though. Occasionally I’ve told him that if I do it for him he should do it for me. Fair is fair.
For this couple oral sex had become a bargaining chip. I’ll do for you if you’ll… In my opinion, that’s not what it’s all about. View oral sex as two different activities. If you enjoy fellatio (where she performs on him) and/or cunnilingus (where he performs on her), then great. Do what feels good and not what doesn’t. Don’t make it a “tit for tat” arrangement.
Quite a few respondents wrote that the male partner enjoys giving while the female doesn’t enjoy it as much.
A forty-seven-year-old man wrote:
Yes, we do have oral sex occasionally. She goes hot and cold about it. When she is in the mood to give oral to me it is absolutely fantastic. I love giving oral to her anytime.
A twenty-two-year-old man wrote:
I love to give oral sex, but she does not. She does it occasionally, but stops when the pre-come starts because, she says, she doesn’t like the taste. She has done it with me wearing a condom but even then she stops after a while. I have not yet come from oral sex. It’s a big ambition of mine and my girlfriend has promised to let me cash in at some point.
A thirty-two-year-old man wrote:
I enjoy giving her oral sex and I know she enjoys getting it. However, she doesn’t like to perform it on me and, of course, I won’t insist. I’d love it if she did but she can’t bring herself to do it. Oh well, nobody’s perfect.
A fifty-four-year-old woman wrote:
I don’t like oral sex, just can’t get used to the taste.
Let me answer the question you men are probably asking: How can I entice my lady to perform oral sex? Notice I use the word entice, not force or get her to.
There are several issues involved here, some so deeply psychological that I wouldn’t dream of attempting to deal with them. For many women, oral sex is a taboo. Many people’s religious beliefs teach them that activities that don’t result in conception are forbidden. It’s dirty, girls are told, and you’ll go to hell if you do it.
When I was in my teens I had been told by my close girlfriends that oral sex was disgusting. Maybe some of them secretly enjoyed it, but they certainly wouldn’t have admitted it, not in the late 1950s. In those years, sex before at least engagement was much less common (or maybe just less talked about). So from early on in my dating career, oral sex was a no-no. Nice guys didn’t ask for it and nice girls didn’t do it. Period.
Guys tried, of course, and that left nasty memories. I remember being in the front seat of a car and having a date insist. It began with a request, then a bargaining chip, then I was all but forced to attempt it. I remember the guy was already hot and sweaty and the smell of him in the hot car was overwhelming. When I bent over to attempt it, he pressed his hand on the back of my head and held me down. I bolted and asked him to take me home, which he did. That, both literally and figuratively, left an almost permanent bad taste in my mouth. I didn’t perform oral sex on a lover until I was over forty, and, although I enjoy it when Ed does it for me, giving still isn’t my favorite activity.
The first time I performed oral sex on a man was in the bathtub, and that’s a strong recommendation. If you want to entice your lady, try doing it in the shower, tub, or pool. That way the natural odors are at a minimum. Lots of soapy foreplay and a little guidance and you might make it.
I know that guys seem to love the smell and taste but that’s a bit embarrassing for me, too. I seldom feel like I’m “kissing sweet,” as the commercials say, so playing in the bath or shower might allow her to relax and let the guy enjoy himself, too.
There are other issues as well.
A thirty-five-year-old woman wrote:
I love what he does for me, but I’m not comfortable doing him. I don’t feel that I’m doing it right.
A sixty-six-year-old man wrote:
She doesn’t do it well and doesn’t like it.
Another problem with oral sex, at least for me, is that I want to “do it right.” Like me, many women feel that there’s some master technique for giving a man oral pleasure—one that we never learned. Therefore, we don’t “give good head” and therefore, we’ll be a sexual failure when the man finds out. Yes, guys, we actually believe that. So please, help us. Moan a lot. Tell us that it feels fantastic. Gently and in a positive way, suggest things that might make it better. “Darling, I love it just like that.” Or, “Umm, do it really slowly”—or “quickly,” or whatever. Give lots of positive feedback. No one was born knowing. Be a teacher. Help her learn exactly what you like. If you do that your student can become the best at fellatio, at least for you.
Ladies, there’s no “right way,” no secret technique that you need to learn. Just relax and do what you think might feel nice for him. You don’t have to be Linda Lovelace and deep-throat your guy. Kiss his penis. Lick him like a lollipop. Circle the head of his penis with your tongue. Play with your hands as well as your mouth. If he’s not helping with moans and hip gyrations, ask him often whether it feels good. Tease with, “Which feels better, this or that?” Then do two different things. Play with the possibilities.
A twenty-five-year-old woman wrote:
I enjoy the receiving end but the giving… Well, he always wants me to swallow and I don’t like the taste. It makes me gag. Plus after a while, my jaw begins to hurt and I can hardly move it.
A thirty-eight-year-old woman wrote:
Yes, it’s definitely part of the package, both giving and receiving. However, I do not swallow.
Guys, go easy on requests for swallowing. I’m not sure what the lure of that is, but many women just don’t want to, myself included. So, in order to have your lady relax, tell her you’ll give her plenty of warning. Then remove your penis from her mouth and never, never surprise her. If you do, she’ll be reluctant to ever do it again. If, after you two have been playing for a while, you want to ask whether she’ll allow you to come in her mouth, fine. Then abide by her answer.
A seventy-seven-year-old man wrote:
I really enjoy oral sex with my partner. I love how she tastes and how her mouth feels on me. We do not “sixty-nine,” however. I find it distracting when I’m trying to please her.
Sixty-nine, performing mutual oral sex on each other, doesn’t work for me either. I like my pleasures one at a time, so if I’m both performing and receiving, one or the other doesn’t get my full attention. Maybe it’s like that for you, so you might want to try one thing at a time for starters.
One last thing for both of you. Don’t overlook good old chocolate sauce, whipped cream, or really sticky maple syrup. It sounds silly and messy, but it works. And silly is fabulous when approaching something a bit difficult.
With all that in mind, let’s see what other folks have to say.
A forty-five-year-old woman wrote:
I absolutely love eating my partner to orgasm. I love playing with my mouth on his penis, engaging it in many ways, tickling it, sucking it, flicking or circling it with my tongue, filling my mouth with wine and swirling it around his cock. I love the power of sucking him to orgasm and then
taking it all down my throat. I have learned that many women won’t do this for their men, and I can’t imagine why not.
A twenty-six-year-old woman wrote:
We haven’t yet. When we were first married we were young and inexperienced and both thought oral sex was “yucky.” We discussed it and agreed not to do it because we were both uncomfortable with the idea. Now my feelings have changed. I am curious as to how it feels to give and to receive. I haven’t reopened the issue with my husband yet because I’m afraid of what he will say.
Don’t be afraid. Mention it to him. If he’s not interested, you’ve lost nothing. If he is, then you’ve opened the door to something you might both enjoy. Go for it!
A fifty-eight-year-old woman wrote:
I’m very oral and I love having his cock in my mouth, knowing that it drives him wild. I don’t always like to “complete” the act, preferring to have him inside me when he comes, but sometimes it’s really exciting to feel his warm come shoot into my mouth and down my throat.
A thirty-year-old man wrote:
I like to lick her cunt while she is on the phone with friends. The little moans she cannot suppress are worth it.
A thirty-two-year-old man wrote:
My wife and I enjoy oral sex all the time. My favorite thing in the world is to lick and suck her nice juicy pussy through four or five orgasms, while trying to hold on as she thrashes about wildly on the bed. The feel, look, taste, and smell of a woman’s sex is intoxicating to me. I love to slide my tongue in between the folds of her labia and savor the flavor of her arousal as I flick and caress her clit with my tongue, alternating between slow and fast movements, bringing her to the edge and then slowing down until she can’t take it anymore. Then I suck her whole pussy in my mouth and rapidly flick her clit with my tongue as I apply suction until she explodes.
My wife is an absolute master in the art of fellatio, which is definitely a plus for me. She takes great pride and care in her work as she sucks my cock. She slowly slides up and down and uses her tongue all over. She alternates between light and hard suction, and fast and slow strokes, making me writhe while she lightly fondles my balls. I wish she would swallow, but you can’t have everything.
A fifty-one-year-old man wrote:
I enjoy bringing my wife to orgasm with my tongue. I have to laugh because her body shakes violently and she cries out really loudly. I enjoy her kissing my penis but I then like her to move on top and straddle me so I can come deep within her rather than in her mouth and throat. I say this even though she is very good at “deep throat.”
A forty-eight-year-old man wrote:
I love to do oral on her, but she won’t consider doing it on me. I have trouble just getting her to touch my penis, or balls.
If I really take my time and manage to do it just right, I can make her come from oral, but usually if we do this, I just do it for a while, and then we switch to missionary sex with me fingering her clitty.
A fifty-year-old man wrote:
My wife performs on me pretty regularly, either as foreplay or just for a good time (no coming in her mouth, though). I perform it on her when she’ll let me. When I go down on her she loves it and will come if I stay there but she usually stops me and wants to finish au naturel.
A fifty-six-year-old man wrote:
Oral sex was probably one of my favorite sexual fantasies prior to meeting my current lady. She has taken our sexual relationship to such a higher plane in so many areas that although I still enjoy oral sex it is only one of many wonderful ways for us to enjoy each other!
A sixty-eight-year-old man wrote:
I remember the first time my wife and I had oral sex. I kissed her tits, and down across her navel, but she stopped me when she became aware of my apparent destination. I told her I wanted to kiss her “down there” and she asked me why. I told her I just wanted to see what it was like. She agreed but stipulated that no way was she taking me into her mouth. I said, “Fair enough,” and moved into the sixty-nine position.
Well, she liked what I did for her so much that a few seconds later, to my surprise and delight, I felt her slide her tongue around my cock. She said afterward that, contrary to her previous thoughts, when she felt the silky head of my cock in her mouth, it was the nicest thing imaginable.
On only a few occasions thereafter we have performed oral on each other, but never to orgasm for either of us. I offered to bring her to climax on a couple of occasions, but she said that it would mean I would get soaked in her juices and that grossed her out.
Here are two great letters. These two folks tell, in their own words, about their first time with oral sex.
A twenty-four-year-old man wrote:
I must write about the first time I gave oral sex to a woman. I was twenty and I went to a wedding with a date who was twenty-two. After the wedding we went to her apartment and things got heated with a lot of kissing and fondling. I unzipped her dress and freed her breasts, then began sucking on her nipples.
She got up, put her hand out, and led me upstairs to her bedroom. She then undressed and got into bed as I stood there watching. I quickly took my clothes off and joined her. After a lot of kissing and feeling her breasts, I reached down and felt her slippery wet vagina. I could smell a little odor coming from under the sheets, and this turned me on knowing it was coming from her genitals.
Although I didn’t really know what I was doing, I slid down under the covers and began licking her entire crotch area, putting my tongue inside her vagina and running it up to her clitoris. I could reach up and play with her nipples as I licked her vulva. Her vagina tasted a little salty, and it smelled very different from anything I had ever experienced. I think it was the forbidden-area smell that turned me on. I kept licking as she whispered how good it felt. I felt her nipples get real hard sticking up like miniature erections, and her body stiffened up. She was breathing really hard, and whispered that she was going to come.
I will never forget this. It was the first time I brought a woman to orgasm, and the way her body shook and the way she moaned made me more excited. After she came, she rolled a condom on my stiff penis, and then I inserted it into her very wet vagina. After only twenty seconds of in-and-out stuff I came in an explosive manner.
A twenty-three-year-old woman wrote:
The first time I gave oral sex to a man was a memorable time for me. It was also the first time for my boyfriend.
It was a very hot summer afternoon and we were both wearing shorts and T-shirts. While sitting on the couch and watching the Ricki Lake show my boyfriend and I began kissing. As I had done before, I put my hand up his pant leg, and the feel of his hard penis really turned me on. I pulled his shorts off and he pulled his T-shirt off over his head. As he sat there naked I played with his stiff penis and rubbed his testicles as I tried to get the courage to put my mouth on his erection.
We got into a pattern where I was stimulating his genitals slowly as we still watched the TV. I noticed that after a while when I pulled down on the shaft of his penis some clear fluid seeped out. For some reason I wanted to taste it so I licked him. Well, my boyfriend moaned really loud when my lips touched the head of his penis.
I remember how warm his erection felt on my lips, and how soft the skin was. Then I licked and kissed around the head while holding it by the shaft. His excitement level rose as I licked away. I then took the head of the penis into my mouth and began rubbing my tongue around it. As I stroked and sucked it I could feel his body tense up in pleasure.
I wasn’t ready to have him shoot in my mouth so, when I could feel him ready to ejaculate, I licked under the head while stroking the shaft. As I watched, semen came blasting out. We were both delighted, for different reasons.
DO YOU AND YOUR PARTNER ENGAGE IN ANAL SEX?
A thirty-three-year-old woman wrote:
I don’t enjoy anal sex and neither does my husband, but when he touches my anus during sex it really turns me on.
Anal sex and anal interc
ourse are two different things. Anal sex— touching, stroking, or licking the area around the anus—might end up with anal penetration and anal intercourse, but it doesn’t have to. There are many people of both sexes who enjoy (or might enjoy) having their anal area touched during lovemaking who wouldn’t enjoy penetration of any sort. Others might enjoy a slender toy or finger inserted but are worried that something as large as a penis would cause pain. If you want to experiment, go for it, even if it never leads to penetration. Just a touch can heighten arousal for lots of people.
Many of the folks who responded to my survey had never tried anal sex and had no interest in it. That’s fine. My motto is, If It Feels Good, Do It. The corollary is, If It Doesn’t, Don’t!
A forty-six-year-old man wrote:
No… my wife doesn’t like it.
A seventy-seven-year-old man wrote:
No, we don’t practice anal sex, even though I would like to. On several occasions when I’ve been performing oral sex on her, I’ve touched her anus and felt her draw back. It’s really not that big a deal to me so I don’t push her. Why spoil a good thing?
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