My partner recently bought a set of three dildos that I am anticipating adding to our sex life! He just got them for me and he’s hidden them away. He’s letting me get all worked up using my vivid imagination. I think I’ll tell him I’m ready to give them a try. What the hell!!!
A forty-seven-year-old man wrote:
We play with toys maybe once out of every four times we make love. My wife has two vibrators that she likes me to use on her. Also, she likes putting one against my cock while I am in her.
A thirty-two-year-old man wrote:
My wife has come to appreciate a well-used dildo. She realized that she liked coming with my penis inside her but unfortunately, she tends to require a lot of clitoral stimulation (fingers, tongue, or otherwise). Therefore it’s easier to bring her pleasure this way.
I bought our toys at an adult store. Embarrassed? Hell no. I love the thought of people thinking, Wow, he gets to use all this stuff, the lucky bastard. That was always my attitude when I was buying condoms before my wife and I were married. I’d buy a jumbo box of ribbed ones at Osco and watch the eyes of the high school gal ringing up the order. It was priceless.
A forty-eight-year-old man wrote:
We play with toys often. I had thought about it for a long time before the first time I suggested it and I didn’t quite know how to bring it up. Eventually I got a catalog and just said, “I’m game if you are.” She was certainly “game.” Now I regret all the time I wasted.
A fifty-nine-year-old man wrote:
Not very often, and only when I get the toys out, and get new batteries. I like playing because it’s something to prolong sex and a different way to get her excited.
A twenty-year-old bisexual woman wrote:
My boyfriend and I don’t own any “proper” sex toys, but we have made do with assorted household objects in the past. Hairbrush handles, an old body spray aerosol, a small jar of massage oil, a tube of vitamin tablets, have all been pressed into service as dildos.
We particularly play at times when we can’t have sex. Since I’m not on the pill or anything we resort to other methods of sexual satisfaction when I am particularly fertile.
I do have one embarrassing “toy” story, though. In my previous relationship, this one with a woman, my girlfriend and I were quite adventurous. We didn’t own any sex toys but I remember I once bought a cucumber, and at an appropriate moment asked my girlfriend to fuck me with it. She laughed heartily, and eventually said she would but only if I could ask her with a straight face. So with a barely held poker face, I said, “Please fuck me with a cucumber!” Amazingly, this turned her on, and we had some of the best sex of our lives. That was eighteen months ago now, but it’s still a vivid memory.
A thirty-three-year-old woman wrote:
I never played with toys before my current boyfriend but he is wonderfully uninhibited. He’s got me doing things I never would have before. He likes to use toys like a big dildo and two different vibrators, one electric and one with batteries. He either does things himself or he watches me play with the toys while he masturbates. Sometimes he tells me “exactly” what to do with the vibrators and that turns us both on.
A fifty-one-year-old female wrote:
My husband and I use toys every time we have sex. We have a vibrating egg that goes inside my vagina when we are doing sixty-nine or when we have anal sex. I remember when we bought it. We shopped together at an adult sex-toy store and I was mortified. He made the purchase while I pretended to be engrossed by looking at video titles. I was a bit hesitant about playing at first, and for a long time I didn’t use anything when I was alone. Now, however, if he’s away and I’m by myself and horny, I bring out the toy bag.
A forty-seven-year-old woman wrote:
I love to play with dildos, chains, ropes, blindfolds, vibrators, feathers, candles, whatever! If you want to play with toys but never have, just suggest it. If a partner says that he or she isn’t comfortable with it you have to respect that. If he or she isn’t comfortable, then it is not going to make the lovemaking enjoyable.
A thirty-six-year-old woman suggested:
It helps to introduce sex toys when you have driven your partner crazy and they are so horny they are begging for you to do anything to get them off. Then show them a new toy. For me, I was never embarrassed to go to the sex store. Why should I be? I am horny for my husband and I love games. If you are shy, order online, naked if you want.
A thirty-one-year-old man wrote:
I have tried every method I can think of to introduce toys to our lovemaking, but she is staunchly opposed to it. It makes me sad.
A twenty-five-year-old woman wrote:
Now we use toys most of the time my husband and I make love. At first they scared him, and when we bought our first dildo it remained in the store bag for several weeks. Then one evening while making love he said, “Get the bag.” I asked whether he was sure and he said, “Hurry before I change my mind.” Now he is the one reaching for the bag on his own.
A twenty-seven-year-old woman wrote:
Sadly, my husband and I have never played with toys together, but I have just gotten a toy for when I’m masturbating. I would have been embarrassed to go and pick one out, or order one I think, but a very sophisticated girlfriend of mine knew I was curious, got one, and gave it to me. I’m very grateful to her now.
A twenty-eight-year-old woman wrote:
My husband and I have a variety of toys. We use a regular vaginal vibrator during oral sex and sometimes we use a small anal one for added stimulation. I have to say that sex got ten times better after we brought toys into our sex life. We became closer and were able to open up a little more freely on what we wanted sexually.
A thirty-year-old woman wrote:
The silver bullet is great. Just rest it on your pubic bone while having intercourse. It relays the vibrations through your pussy to his cock. Yum yum.
A thirty-four-year-old woman wrote:
We have a penis-shaped vibrator but I like to use it as a dildo without the vibrations. We also have some dice that have sexual things on them so that when you toss them they instruct you to do something naughty; powders and oils that are edible; and a pair of ben wa balls.
Ladies, if you want to tell a man you want to play, just do it. Most men seem to be turned on by a woman who enjoys toys.
A forty-three-year-old woman wrote:
Although my boyfriend’s a bit shy, when we first met I made it known that I’m slightly kinky and enjoyed all kinds of games. I bought a penis whip and nipple clamps and kept them hidden away until I thought he was ready to play. He found them one night and knew that I wanted them used on me.
He was a bit hesitant at first but I told him gently exactly what I wanted. He told me later that my talking made it lots easier for him because that way he knew exactly what I expected. In the future I’d like to try soft restraints, leather gloves (for spanking my ass), soft whips that sting but don’t hurt too much, clit clips, and an anal vibrator to put in my ass while he fucks my pussy and bites my nipples.
A fifty-one-year-old woman wrote:
We used a blindfold once. It was a lot of fun but sadly I’ve never seen it again. I think it would be fun to experiment with other things. I’ve always had a fantasy of his tying me up and “having his way” with me but I don’t think he’s interested in that one.
A fifty-eight-year-old woman wrote:
We use toys a lot! We like to play with vibrators and other forms of dildo-type toys, as well as silk scarves, feathers, flavored lotions, whipped cream, etc. Anything that stimulates the senses adds to the excitement of our sex play and lovemaking. We both also love lingerie, and I enjoy dressing up in outfits that I know turn him on. I’m even thinking about buying a wig in case he wants to make love to a blonde!
In the beginning with my current partner it sort of just happened. I’ve always had my private little toy chest, and when he bought me the first of many vibrators, I knew it was time to sho
w him the other fun things I own. I’ve even made the leap to getting him some “guy” toys. So far he isn’t having as much fun with them as I do with mine, but we’re still working on it.
In the early days I shopped through the mail using advertisements I found in the back of magazines. Now I use the Internet, and occasionally go to an “adult” store. I was embarrassed at first, convinced everyone in town knew because I was sure that the postman would tell everyone that I received “plain brown wrappers.” Now it’s sort of funny to get advertisements that say SEXUALLY EXPLICIT MATERIALS on the outside of the envelope. I guess we don’t worry about those things as much anymore, but I’m still embarrassed to visit some of the “adult” stores, where I have to purchase things like split-crotch panties from a real live person.
As for approaching someone new with your love of toys, not everyone is open to this. You just sort of have to wait and see, or broach it very carefully. Thank heaven for an adventurous, enthusiastic lover!
A thirty-two-year-old bisexual man wrote:
My wife and I often include toys in our love play. We have vibrators, clitoral stimulators, anal dildos, and some restraints and blindfolds. We use them primarily as an extra stimulus during foreplay or intercourse, but sometimes my wife will tie me down and masturbate with her vibrator while I’m “forced” to watch. Her favorite vibrator is called the Techno Rabbit. It has moving beads inside a vibrating, rotating shaft with a protruding clitoral vibrator. It almost makes me obsolete, but I enjoy stroking myself as I watch her launch herself into orgasmic orbit.
We started using toys to allow ourselves the opportunity to play in new ways and in new places. The first toy we ever used was a basic bullet-shaped vibrator I got from a mail-order company. I got it for her—she was then my fiancée—so she could use it on herself in the car on long trips. She enjoyed it so much that she got me to use it on her as she went down on me. It was poorly made and didn’t last more than a couple of months, so when the time came to replace it, I talked her into going to an upscale sex shop to pick out another one.
She was very nervous, but very intrigued by all the different types of sex toys available. She was amazed at the variety and had a hard time choosing, but since she was embarrassed to be in a sex shop, she quickly picked out a more realistic-looking vibrator and made me pay for it. Let me say that not only was she embarrassed, she was also very aroused. When we got in the car, she quickly opened the box and examined her new treasure. She was so excited, she made me pull into the nearest convenience store to buy batteries and practically wore those out on the ride home.
Now we go to the adult store every couple of months and make a date out of it. She has gotten over her shyness, and eagerly and closely examines each product on the shelf. She really gets excited and never forgets to get the batteries.
A thirty-two-year-old man wrote:
My wife already had a few toys from her single days but she was embarrassed about it. One evening she made a joke about them to test the waters. I let her know really quickly that I was eager to play and we’ve been enjoying ourselves ever since.
In the future, I would like to try a hands-free sleeve by the same company that makes the Sybian, or maybe one of those multi-thousand-dollar lifelike dolls. Maybe someday.
For those who might not know, a hands-free sleeve is a cylindrical vibrator that fits over the penis and a Sybian is a very expensive vibrating dildo that women can mount for sexual pleasure.
A thirty-six-year-old man wrote:
My wife had a vibrator before we met and sometimes I use it on her or she uses it while I watch. It is nice to see her wild with lust from the little buzzer
If I were trying to bring toys into a new relationship I might ask if she had ever used any. If she said yes, then I’d ask whether she still had them. With several old girlfriends, when we were just beginning to make love after dates I brought a little vibrator with me and introduced it when the woman was really hot. Most of the women loved it, although afterward a few felt as if they had been tricked. Of course, when I agreed and said I wouldn’t use my little toy anymore, they were quick to change their minds and allow me to do it to them again… soon!
A forty-five-year-old man wrote:
My wife and I have a number of dildos, vibrators, anal probes, soft-lined wrist and ankle bracelets with rope for bondage, a blindfold, a spatula for light spanking. I also made a set of adjustable nipple clamps out of clothes pegs, based on illustrations from an Internet site.
I think we “matured” into them. I wouldn’t have thought of such a thing in the early years of our relationship but as time passed we wanted to experiment a little. I think the Internet and access to erotica that described their use inspired me considerably.
I buy my toys at a typical adult video/sex-toy novelty shop. It’s difficult to remain nervous since the woman who owns it is so helpful and matter-of-fact, you’d think you were buying a carton of eggs from her.
A forty-five-year-old man wrote:
When I wanted to try toys the first time, I told my wife that I had read that Dr. Ruth recommended it, and she agreed to give it a try, even though she was apprehensive at first. Since then we’ve played more and more. Now I don’t have any problem buying toys. I am an adult and am proud of my sexuality....
A fifty-year-old man wrote:
I bought a small four-inch vibrator a few years ago to experiment on my wife as a foreplay toy and we still use it occasionally. When she is in the mood it drives her nuts, but she fights it. I think the whole idea frightens her—maybe she thinks it’s dirty or something.
A seventy-seven-year-old man wrote:
We sometimes play with toys as part of foreplay. We have both a vibrator and a vibrating dildo. My wife is pretty subtle when she is interested (smile)! She indicates that she wants to use them by simply reaching across me to the nightstand to get one or both. She controls the vibrator on her clitoris and nipples while I use the dildo in her vagina.
A twenty-five-year-old woman wrote:
My husband doesn’t like to put his fingers into my pussy after he comes inside me. He says it’s gross so I bought a dildo to help when I haven’t come yet.
There are only two stores where I live to get stuff like that. One is gross, with dirty old men playing with themselves in the back room. I went there once and they made me feel disgusting. The other is run by a cute little old lady and it’s clean. She’s never made me feel like a pervert or embarrassed about going in there so I go there a lot. She also has sexy lingerie in plus sizes!
A thirty-year-old woman wrote:
No toys yet. My boyfriend is still in the closet about sex and that sucks! I plan to have a sex-toy party soon. He will be shy about it, but we will have lots of fun. Eventually.
A forty-six-year-old man wrote:
When my wife was having trouble getting to climax I used a vibrator on her and she still enjoys it a lot!
A thirty-one-year-old man wrote:
Long ago I developed a fetish for chastity belts. I bought one and asked my wife to play with me and at first she refused. After several months, however, she gave it a try, but it still took a while before she got comfortable with the idea.
During June 1998 she had to go out of town for a week to attend a conference. She shyly suggested that I wear the chastity belt while she was gone and I eagerly agreed. That week was a wonderful dichotomy of sexual arousal and frustration.
The night she got back I was drooling all over myself in anticipation of a night of great sex. Unfortunately for me, the flight was somewhat bumpy and she arrived feeling a bit airsick. She did not offer to end my frustration but instead suggested we get a good night’s sleep. I spent the night snuggled up next to her with my caged member throbbing for release. It was wonderful torture, just what I had in mind when I bought the thing.
The next morning she unlocked the belt and we took a long hot shower, then hit the bedroom for an all-day sexcapade. What made it so great was the feeling that s
he had accepted my fantasy and was apparently taking pleasure from sharing it with me. Unfortunately, that was the last time she was interested in that fantasy. Maybe…
A thirty-six-year-old man wrote:
The best sex I ever had was with a girl I met a long time ago. She was so open to everything I liked and wanted to try new things. We used toys and nipple clamps and, well, everything. We even watched X-rated films together. She was just so open about her sexuality.
A forty-eight-year-old man wrote:
Recently something new happened for my girlfriend and me. We bought our first vibrator and took it home to try out. My girlfriend undressed, got on the bed, and I took the vibrator and began rubbing her breasts, legs, and nipples. I watched her nipples get stiff as I massaged them with the toy.
She spread her legs real wide and I put the vibrator on her vaginal lips. Fluid was starting to flow and she reached down with her fingertips and gently pulled her outer lips open so I could see the nub of her erect clitoris. I put the vibrator against it and she moaned softly. There was juice all over her vulva as the toy hummed. She was bucking her hips as the stimulation reached its peak.
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