by Debra Cowan
Dominic Narr wouldn’t be charged with a weapons violation because the sniper rifle found at his apartment had been planted, but he had procured a gun for Raye Ballinger and he had hired someone to disable security at Rehn’s warehouse, actions that had directly contributed to murder. Collier had recommended Narr be charged as an accessory, but the excon’s new attorney was trying to cut a deal with the D.A. Regardless of the deal struck, Narr had earned a trip back to the house of many doors.
A few minutes ago Kiley’s mom and sister had helped her to the rest room so she could wash her face and brush her teeth. Finally she felt semi-human again.
She slid weakly back into the bed. Dr. Boren walked in just as Kristin finished brushing Kiley’s hair and pulling it back with a clip.
As the doctor checked her vitals and her dressings, Kiley’s thoughts were on the man she hoped would walk through the door, the man she hoped would give her a second chance. Kristin had told her that Collier hadn’t left the hospital since bringing her here.
He’d been a rock for her family, even being the one to inform her yesterday that most of her house was burned to the ground. The ache she felt over losing her home was nothing compared to the bone-deep fear that she’d done something irreparable to her and Collier.
Her close call with death had made her realize life was short, too short to do stupid things like walk away from the first man she’d cared about in years. He’d told her he trusted her not to hurt him and what had she done? Told him she didn’t want to see him again.
Dr. Boren finished her exam and moved to the foot of the bed, pulling a chart from the slot there and flipping it open to make notes.
Until today Kiley hadn’t been coherent enough to carry on her end of a conversation with anyone, let alone the conversation she needed to have with Collier. The one thought that the drugs hadn’t been able to drown was that he had said he wanted to be with her. And she’d practically drop-kicked him.
She had tried to apologize yesterday, tried to say something lucid, but her mind had been liquid with painkillers. She couldn’t keep a thought for more than two breaths, couldn’t keep her eyes open for more than a minute at a time. Today was better. She would talk to him today.
She glanced at the door for what had to be the tenth time in five minutes.
Kristin noticed and shot a look at their mom.
Dr. Boren followed Kiley’s gaze, too. “You ready to see that gorgeous hunk of man? The fire investigator who’s been guarding you? You must be living right, girl. He seems like a real keeper.”
He’d probably only stayed because he’d been there when she was shot. Out of a sense of obligation because they were partners. She wanted it to be more than that. It had to be more. “We’re just co-workers.”
The doctor laughed softly. “Let me note that on your chart. Patient is delusional.”
Kiley smiled, nervous about seeing Collier, but ready. She couldn’t let herself hope until she’d talked to him. “I love y’all,” she said to her mom and sister. “But please get out and please send him in.”
Kristin looked uncertainly at JoAnn, then said quietly, “He’s not here.”
Kiley’s stomach took a dive. For an instant she couldn’t breathe. She mumbled something to Dr. Boren as the doctor walked out of the room.
Kristin sat on the edge of the bed; their mom moved up beside Kiley.
An ache spread through her chest. “I shouldn’t be surprised he left.”
“Why?” JoAnn stroked her hair. “What happened, honey?”
“I told him I didn’t want to see him anymore.”
Her sister’s mouth fell open. “You’re worse than delusional! Why would you do that? Don’t you care about him?”
“Yes.”
“It’s obvious he cares about you, too.”
“I know.”
“Then why did you tell him to get lost!”
At the time it had seemed the right decision to make. “You know his reputation. He moves from woman to woman. Mr. Love-’em-and-leave-’em.”
“Isn’t that what you’re doing to him?” Kristin asked quietly.
“Huh? What are you talking—”
“Think about it. He walks in on his fiancée and his friend having sex. There goes his trust in women so he shifts into major rebound mode, playing the field like he’s trying to win a medal in bed hopping. Then he meets you and whoa.”
Kiley had never seen her sister look so fierce. “Take a breath. Sheesh.”
“Then there’s you. You thought David was Mr. Right. Turns out he wasn’t. Instead of bed hopping, you put up a wall. You meet Collier and bam. The difference is, he’s willing to take a chance. All you want to do is move on.”
Her sister’s rant drew Kiley up short. Was she doing exactly what she’d accused him of planning to do to her? It killed her that he’d taken her at her word and left, but why shouldn’t he? She’d thought it out. Told him their ending things seemed like the thing to do. She’d been so sure. So why did she feel so empty?
“For what it’s worth, Ki, a guy who looks at a girl the way he looks at you isn’t playing around.” Kristin shook her head. “He didn’t go home until he made sure you were going to be all right. Before that, he took care of everything. Called me and mom to give us the news, had Clay pick her up at the airport, kept us from falling apart that first day you were in ICU and nobody was sure you’d make it. I don’t think a man who does things like that is ready for anything less than permanent.”
What he’d said the night she’d been wounded played through her mind. I haven’t looked at, much less thought about another woman since I met you. That was after our one dance at Christmas, before we even started working together.
Since then he’d had plenty of opportunity to look at, think about, do whatever he wanted with other women. Kiley had seen that for herself. And yet he hadn’t gone out with anyone.
“He was here for days, Kiley. He’s got to be exhausted.” Her mom patted her shoulder. “I’m sure once he gets some rest, he’ll be back.”
Kristin’s gaze met hers. “If he isn’t, what are you going to do about it?”
“I don’t know.”
Kiley was in the hospital a week. Collier didn’t come back.
Chapter 14
On a Saturday, two weeks after being shot, Kiley stood on Collier’s front porch, her chin huddled into her coat against the brutal winter air. The cold made her recovering body ache even more. She wasn’t supposed to be here. She wasn’t supposed to drive yet, either, but she had to see him. She’d been staying with Kristin. Once her mom and sister had left to go to the store, Kiley had gingerly made her way to her car and come here.
She wasn’t sure how long her wobbly legs would hold her.
Her sister was right. Kiley had been so afraid of getting hurt that she’d walked away from the best thing to ever happen to her. She wouldn’t blame Collier if he closed the door in her face, but she had to try. She would do whatever it took—beg, crawl, cry, bribe. She’d come to his house before checking the office. The garage door was down so she didn’t know if he was here. She hoped he was.
Nerves raw, she rang the bell. When there was no answer after a few seconds, she punched it again. The lock clicked and the door opened.
And there he was. Looking gorgeous and tired and sweaty in a pair of low-slung jeans. He was shirtless, shoeless, much like the first time she’d come to his house. His eyes flared hotly, and she couldn’t tell if it was from pleasure or pain, but the way his face closed against her answered that.
“What are you doing here?”
“I need to talk to you.”
“About the case?” he asked tightly. “I wrapped everything up. I told your lieutenant to let you know.”
“No, not about the case. About…” Us. She wanted to say it, but she couldn’t. He looked so good. She hadn’t really seen him since that night, and she wanted to look at him forever. “I don’t blame you for not wanting to see me, but could you
give me just a minute?”
His face was unyielding until his eyes narrowed on her. He stepped out and saw her car, cursing. “Where’s your sister? Did you drive yourself? Get in here.”
She walked inside, soaking in the warmth as he shut the door behind her.
She turned. He stayed where he was, an awkward silence growing between them. Her teeth were chattering, but she figured that could have been due to nerves as easily as the frigid temperature. Unable to help herself, her gaze roamed over his broad chest, the thin ridges of muscle in his belly. “You working on the hallway floor?”
He nodded.
She closed her eyes briefly. She’d come here to beg, and that was what she was going to do. It would help if she didn’t already feel winded.
He finally spoke, his voice indifferent. “What’s going on? I know you’re okay. I’ve been checking.”
“Physically I’m okay. Mentally I’m a wreck.”
There was a brief flare of emotion in his eyes, then nothing. “Getting shot can take a while to get over.”
“That’s not what I’m talking about.” Slightly light-headed, she took a deep breath and tried to steady her rubbery legs. He had every right to kick her out. She’d been horrible to him. “I really hoped to see you again at the hospital.”
“You look like you’re about to fall down,” he muttered. “Go sit on the couch.”
“I’m okay.” She didn’t want there to be any more distance between them, physically or emotionally. Despite the remoteness in his eyes, she cut to the chase. “After I took that slug, I remember shooting Raye and waking up with you listening to my heartbeat. I thought I heard you say… Did I imagine it? Did you tell me you love me?”
A muscle flexed in his jaw. He looked away, said nothing.
“You did, didn’t you?”
“You were really out of it,” he said gruffly. “You’d lost a lot of blood.”
She gave a self-deprecating laugh. “I’d have to be dead to miss that.”
“You almost were,” he said fiercely, his eyes tortured. “Don’t joke about it.”
Please, oh, please let that mean she hadn’t killed all of whatever he felt for her. She moved closer, only a step, still so uncertain. “I was scared, Collier, but what really scares me is the thought that I’ve hurt you so badly you won’t give me another chance. Give us another chance.”
“Us? There is no us. I’m quoting you, Blaze.”
“I was an idiot. I panicked.” Her wound was throbbing now and her legs felt like wet string. This weakness irritated the fire out of her, but she wasn’t stopping until things were resolved. “Telling you I didn’t want to see you again was the stupidest thing I’ve ever done.”
“You can’t help the way you feel.”
“That’s right.” Why had she ever thought she could walk away from this man? “And I didn’t level with you about that.”
He gave a harsh laugh. “You sounded pretty level to me. I got the message.”
“The wrong message.”
His gaze, skeptical and hard, lasered in on her.
“I misjudged you badly. Even when I knew I was wrong about you, I was too stubborn to let go of that image. I want—need— Can you forgive me?”
Surprise flared in his eyes, yet she still sensed a deep reserve in him. “There’s nothing to forgive,” he said gruffly. “You had a good reason. My past gave you plenty of reasons.”
“After I learned what kind of man you really are, I had no reason except stubborn fear. I was wrong about you, and I hope it’s not too late to tell you that I think you’re pretty amazing. I’m sorry I acted like such a jerk that night. I didn’t want to let myself believe you could be different because…”
“Because?”
He was still listening. That was a good sign, right? She took the first step to baring her soul. “Because if you do decide to move on, it will break my heart.” Maybe me, too.
He didn’t speak, the silence dragging out for so long that Kiley felt each second like a sting to her skin. “Collier, I’m afraid I’ve ruined everything. You laid your feelings on the line and I threw them back in your face. I regret that with everything in me. I thought if I walked away first, I wouldn’t get attached, but I already was.”
“You just got out of the hospital. I don’t think now is the time to talk about this.”
“These last two weeks of being without you have been awful.” She continued, not wanting to give him a chance to stop her. “I regret everything about that night, especially that I didn’t tell you how special you made me feel when you said you trusted me. That meant so much, and then I…I told you to leave.”
She thumbed away tears she hadn’t been aware of crying, following the urging of her heart rather than her head. She’d never been so scared in her life. “I don’t want to spend the rest of my life wondering what could’ve been. It isn’t fair to ask you to suffer through all the mistrust I’ve built over the years, but I’m asking, anyway. I love you, Collier McClain. Even if you don’t feel the same way, I want you to know that. You’re the best man I’ve ever known.”
A muscle twitched in his jaw as his gaze searched hers. Long seconds passed. “Why, Blaze? Why now?”
“I could say it’s the sex,” she said with an attempt at humor, swallowing around the lump in her throat. “But it’s because I nearly died. And because I thought about what you said the other night.”
“Which was what?”
She wanted to touch him, but the guarded look on his face kept her from reaching out. Jamming her hands into her coat pockets, she clenched her fists, feeling shaky. “That you’re taking as much of a chance that I won’t hurt you as I am that you won’t move on. You never asked me to prove anything to you, yet that’s what I wanted from you. That was wrong. I know I hurt you and I am so, so sorry.”
He was quiet for a long time, his green eyes bleak. “I can’t take it again, Blaze.”
The pain was so sharp, so piercing she thought she might fall down. She was too late. He couldn’t forgive her. “I understand. I’ll go. But I want you to know that I do trust you. I never would’ve gotten involved with you if I didn’t. I couldn’t admit that to myself until my sister pointed it out, and she was right.”
Her control was slipping. She had to get out of here before she bawled like a baby. She started to move past him toward the door.
He gently snagged her elbow. “You don’t think I’m letting you walk out, do you? Without having my say?”
Tears blurred her vision. She deserved whatever he said to her. “No. Go ahead.”
His gaze settled on her face and she couldn’t decide what emotion passed through his eyes. Very carefully he curled an arm around her waist and lifted her into his arms.
Stunned, she gripped his bare shoulder for balance. “Wh-what are you doing?”
He carried her into the living room, sinking down on the couch. She wanted to hope he would forgive her, but she was afraid to. “Collier?”
“I’m making sure you stay for this part.”
“I’m staying.”
He settled her on his lap, his arms warm and strong around her. His gaze locked on her face. “I want to know how much further you want us to go.”
“Whatever you want.”
“Hmm.” His gaze settled on her lips, setting off sparks beneath her skin.
She wanted him to kiss her. Now.
“I meant everything I said the other night.”
“I know.”
He slid his free hand into her hair. “I want forever, Blaze. If you don’t, that’s gonna be a problem.”
“Forever?” Had he really said that? Was he going to forgive her? “Are you sure? After what I said, what I did?”
“Forever,” he said firmly. “When I tell you that, do you believe me?”
Staring into his eyes, she saw the truth. “Yes.”
“Good, because the only way this is gonna work is if you trust me.”
“I do.”
“I do! I love you!” Finally, finally his lips touched hers. His tenderness brought tears to her eyes. She thought about how she’d hurt him, how she’d nearly lost him. Uncaring of the sharp twinge along her incision, she put her arms around his neck and held him close.
Long moments later he lifted his head. “You better be in this for the long haul.”
“Yes, absolutely,” she said breathlessly.
He peered closely at her. “Are you okay? You’re not going to pass out on me, are you?”
“Not a chance.”
He kissed her again, then hugged her tightly to his bare chest. “When I saw you shot, I wanted you to live more than anything, even if you didn’t want me. But these last two weeks have been torture.”
“For me, too.”
“Here’s the deal.” He drew back to look at her. “Nobody leaves.”
She smiled, cupping his raspy jaw. “Nobody leaves.”
“Whatever we need to work out, we will.”
“Yes. Kiss me.”
He did, pulling away a minute later to rest his forehead against hers. “We’ve got to cool it. You’re in no condition for what I want to do to you.”
“You’re such a big talker.”
“Don’t mess with me.” He brushed a kiss across her hair, pressed her head to his shoulder. “About those toothbrushes…”
“Toothbrushes?” She let herself drop every guard she’d worked so hard to build. “What are you talking about?”
“That supply you have in your bathroom. Just how many of those do you have, anyway?”
He sounded…jealous? Collier McClain? The whole idea hit her as extremely funny and she laughed, wincing. “Don’t make me laugh. It hurts.”
“I’m serious. How many?”
She smiled, making him wait.
“Blaze,” he growled against her temple.
“One.”
“One?”
“Yeah.”
“It better be for me.”
She snuggled into him. “It is.”
“That’s how it’s gonna stay, too.”